It is with the utmost humility that I take this opportunity of welcoming you all to this humble establishment. I am dutifully and happily compelled to say also that it is nearly my dearest wish that all who grace these pages with their condescension will be so fortunate as myself, who has been so favored as to be distinguished by the patronage of the Right Honorable Lady (Eileen) Cat, whose bounty and beneficence has preferred me to this valuable position. Here it shall be my earnest endeavor to demean myself with grateful respect towards her Ladyship, and be ever ready to perform the rites and duties which are instituted by the power of her rule herein. But before I run away with my feelings on this subject, perhaps it would be advisable for me to state my views, in agreement of course with my noble patroness, in regards to my governing this institute.

As impresario I feel it my duty to promote and establish fine digestion, modest imbibing, and wholesome entertainment to be had by all within the reach of my influence; and on these grounds I humble myself that my present overtures of felicity are highly commendable, and that the circumstance of my being named as overseer will only procure your approbation.

 

 

Furthermore, I think it a right thing for every noble man in easy circumstances (like myself) to set a worthy example for all those within my reach. And I am by no means of the opinion, I assure you, that an organization of this kind, established by a creature of the highest character, for respectable people, can have any evil tendency.

It is also, I feel, my humble obligation to foster an appreciation for and understanding of all that is honorable regarding my esteemed patroness and this magnificent pond which she condescends to call her home. This will be my primary motivation, dear patrons, and I flatter myself that it will not sink me in your esteem.

Nothing remains, then, but to assure you in the most animated of language of the sincerity of my honor and diligent commitment to insuring your pleasure (and that of my noble patroness) while within these walls.

Your humble servant,
W. M. Collins

humble-servant@firthness.com