Laboratory of Love: Physics

by Lissa

December 2002, Firthness Challenge Entry

Rated NC-17 - Mature audiences only. Login required.

“William,” Elizabeth cooed in her beloved’s ear one morning. He rolled over to face her and wrapped his arms around her petite frame.

“Yes my sweet?”

“We haven’t set a date.” His groggy brain did not compute.

“For what?” Elizabeth rolled her eyes and flashed her ring.

“Remember when you asked me to marry you? It’s been over a month, and we haven’t even talked about a date.”

“Oh yes, of course. How’s tomorrow? We could do like all romantic couples do and run off to Gretna Green.”

“William, we’re already in Scotland, we don’t need to run off there. Anyway, Gretna Green is a hole, and I don’t want to get married there, and this isn’t the nineteenth century.”

“Alright, Las Vegas. It will take us a bit longer to get there, but I don’t mind if you don’t.”

“Very funny. Come on then, let’s be serious. When do you want to get married? Shall we wait until the academic year is over?”

“Anytime is fine with me, my love. I just want to marry you. The details are inconsequential.” Elizabeth snorted.

“Not once my mother gets involved. I’d be surprised if we got away with anything less than a procession down the Royal Mile ending in a grand ceremony at St. Giles with the Archbishop of Canterbury officiating.”

“But darling, the Archbishop of Canterbury is Anglican, and St. Giles is Presbyterian.”

“You think my mother cares for such trifles?” she asked in a voice imitating her mother’s high-pitched whine. “She knows I want to marry in Scotland, but she wants the Church of England involved, so we would obviously combine the best of both worlds. Really William, you are terribly dull to suggest anything else.”

“You are joking, aren’t you?” he asked nervously.

“Perhaps a little, but my mother will want an extravagant affair. I am marrying into one of the best and wealthiest families in Scotland, after all. We must show off,” she replied sarcastically. William began to look frantic.

“Can’t we just run off? I beg you.” Elizabeth patted his hand.

“Not to worry darling. I’ll convince her to keep it small. But I will need to tell her when it is.”

“The sooner the better: less time for planning. How does the 28th of June sound? It’s only a month away, the term will be over, and I can take my holiday for our honeymoon.” Elizabeth’s eyes filled with tears of happiness; she had not expected to be so overwhelmed by emotion at his merely setting a date, but knowing exactly when she would be completely his filled her with a joy she had never felt.

“I love you William. It would be my pleasure to marry you on the 28th of June.” He kissed her hand.

“The pleasure is mine.”

“What do you mean 28 June? That isn’t nearly enough time to plan a wedding! Why, it’s barely enough time to invite the guests!”

“Mother, we want a small, intimate wedding. We’ll probably have it at William’s parish church. Only our families and close friends will be invited. End of discussion.”

“Can we at least have a nice reception? I can see if Middleton Hall is available.”

“Are you serious? Middleton is far too expensive.”

“Royal Scots Club?”

“No.”

“Well, does it have to be in Edinburgh? Wedderburn Castle is only an hour away, and it is just perfect for small weddings. The ballroom is delightful.”

“Mother, have you been listening to me at all? Small, inexpensive, low-key. We would be perfectly content to have the reception at William’s flat if it came down to it.” Mrs. Bennet looked appalled.

“You will do no such thing! You just leave the reception to me Lizzy. I just need a price range.” Elizabeth sighed and gave in.

“Alright. But no more than £500 including everything. Is that clear?” Mrs. Bennet waved her off.

“Yes, yes, I understand. Now let’s talk about your dress…”

It was the 27th of June, and William and Elizabeth were spending their last day together as an unmarried couple. Tonight was the rehearsal, and they had gathered with all the wedding party in the country cottage near Dumfries that William’s family owned and had let them use for the ceremony and reception. The registrar talked them through their actions and duties during the ceremony, and they rehearsed their vows. Mrs. Bennet practiced crying, while Mr. Bennet practiced not crying. After several tiresome run-throughs, the registrar bid them a goodnight, leaving the portfolio of required paperwork, including the Marriage Schedule, in the room where the ceremony would be held. William and Elizabeth, who were staying at the cottage, retired to their room, while everyone else drove back to the city for the night.

“Ugh!” Elizabeth complained, throwing herself on the bed. “That was so tedious! I’m beginning to wish that we had run off.” William’s ears perked up.

“There’s still time,” he replied.

“You can’t be serious! After all the trouble we’ve gone to in planning?”

“You mean that your mother has gone to in planning,” he corrected.

“True. But we can’t just disappoint our guests. All our friends and family are coming, the band has already been hired for the reception, and all the food and drinks are here.”

“There can still be a reception… but we don’t need to be there.” She looked at him skeptically. “No, really, this could work. We’ll run off tonight and leave a note saying that we’ve eloped and for everyone to celebrate by having the reception without us.” William was beginning to get excited now. Elizabeth just rolled her eyes.

“You’ve obviously had a long day William. Just come to bed. You’ll feel calmer in the morning.” William pouted, but crawled onto the bed with her, cuddling up behind her and nuzzling her neck.

“Cruel woman,” he muttered as his hand took possession of her breast. “I’ll show you what happens when you cross me.” Elizabeth began to moan softly as his hands ran over her body, pulling off the nightgown she had just put on. The light touch of his fingertips on her thighs made her long for more.

“William,” she breathed, turning around and forcing him to lie on his back. He only had shorts on, and those were removed easily enough. William, however, was not content to lie back and let her do the work. He rolled her over easily and took charge of the situation.

“Tell me what you want Elizabeth,” he growled, hovering just out of her reach. She reached for him, trying to pull him inside her.

“I want you. Please,” she gasped. He teased her by placing his tip against her.

“Say we can run off together, tonight. We can be in Gretna Green in half an hour.”

“But William,” she protested.

“Ah ah,” he cut her off. “Say we’ll leave tonight, or no Wee William for you!” She giggled.

“There’s nothing wee about that, William,” she said suggestively as she stroked “Wee William”. He slapped her hand away and began pulling back. She grabbed his wrist. “William!” she whined. “Are you withholding sex unless I agree to elope?”

“Aye,” he replied, arms crossed across his chest. Her eyes swept across his body, lust overcoming her as she took in his naked form. It occurred to her just how persuasive William could be when sex was involved; not that she wouldn’t have accepted his marriage proposal if it hadn’t occurred mid-coitus, but he certainly had made it much more difficult for her to resist him.

“Oh alright!” she said impulsively, pulling his body towards her. “We’ll elope!” William grinned impishly.

“Thank you love,” he responded, entering her at last.

As Elizabeth caught her breath afterwards, William began to dress. She admired him approvingly when a thought crossed her mind.

“William, we can’t get married in Gretna Green. We don’t have the paperwork for it.” William grinned.

“Actually, we do. The registrar left it here when he left. We can take it all with us to Gretna, and I’m sure that with ready cash they could fulfill our needs.” Elizabeth shook her head, all protests gone; she was actually starting to get excited by the idea of eloping, even though Gretna Green was something of a dodgy locale. She reconciled herself to the idea by convincing herself that she would be just like a romantic heroine in all those silly novels, despite the fact that William didn’t have the requisite long hair and open shirt billowing in the wind to reveal rippling muscles.

Once the bags were packed, William telephoned the registrar to inform him of their plans and attempt to get his permission to change the location of their wedding. Fortunately, the man was a friend of the family and laughingly agreed to speak to the registrar in Gretna to get the wedding through for the next day first thing in the morning. After also calling a hotel in Gretna to arrange for rooms for that night and the next, William wrote the note that would be left on the table for their guests to find.

Dear friends and family,
We thank you for coming to our wedding. However, we decided that eloping would be far more fun; by the time you read this, we will probably be married. Please celebrate for us by enjoying the reception as planned. We hope to welcome all of you into our home upon our return from our honeymoon.
Cheers, William and Elizabeth Darcy

“Lizzyyyy!” Mrs. Bennet’s voice screeched in the main room of the cottage. “I can’t believe that girl is still asleep! She needs to get up and start preparing! Lizzy!” In a huff, she started up the stairs.

“Fanny, are you sure you should just go up there? You never know what they could be doing,” Mr. Bennet teased, not entirely sure he wasn’t speaking the truth.

“Oh nonsense, what could they be doing that I couldn’t see?” Mr. Bennet rolled his eyes and let his wife do as she pleased. He turned his attention to the room where the ceremony was to take place later that day; then he saw the envelope. “Lizzy! Where is that girl?” he could hear Fanny calling out. Suddenly, Mr. Bennet had a very good idea of what that envelope contained. He had just finished reading William’s note when Mrs. Bennet returned.

“Did you find Lizzy, my dear?” Mrs. Bennet threw her arms in the air dramatically.

“Thomas, I just don’t understand it! They’re nowhere to be found! Do you think they went out for breakfast or something?” Mr. Bennet threw her an amused glance and held out the note. As she perused it, her face grew redder and redder, until at last she collapsed onto a nearby chair and began fanning herself. “What is the meaning of this? How could she do this to me? Oh Thomas, what are we going to do now?”

“First of all Fanny, this is Lizzy’s wedding, so I hardly see how this is an affront to you. As for what we’re going to do… well, it looks like Lizzy and William want us to celebrate their elopement, and that is precisely what we’ll do.” Mrs. Bennet was too appalled to speak, and Mr. Bennet took the opportunity to call the registrar, discovering that he knew all about the scheme. Satisfied that no real harm had been done, he did his best to calm his wife down. “Now my dear, since Lizzy is not here, you’ll have to play the hostess, and we can’t have you hysterical when the guests arrive.”

If there was one thing Mrs. Bennet took seriously, it was hosting; little held as much importance to her as the comfort of her guests. Mr. Bennet’s words snapped her back into reality, and she temporarily forgot the affront to herself in order to get things ready.

“I suppose you’re right. If Lizzy insists on being rude, I must make up for it to her guests. Selfish girl! Well, we must go to it then.” A flurry of activity ensued, and when the guests arrived, Mrs. Bennet welcomed them graciously while Mr. Bennet explained the situation. Everyone took it in stride, and looked forward to following Lizzy and William’s request to enjoy the food, drinks, and music in celebration of their union. The band had just begun setting up when Mr. Bennet had a most devious idea. After conferring with the Darcys, he clapped his hands loudly to make an announcement.

“Excuse me! Can I have everyone’s attention please! The Darcys and I have a proposal for you…”

“YEEEEES!!” Elizabeth cried out for the fourth time that day. Since returning from the ceremony, the new Mr. and Mrs. Drs. Darcy had spent their non-traditional wedding “night” strenuously researching the discovery that marital sex was stunningly different from pre-marital sex. As scientists, they knew that results cannot be trusted if they cannot be duplicated; as very good scientists, they decided to repeat the experiment twice more after that, just to be sure. It was conclusive: Mr. and Mrs. Darcy had way better sex than William Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet, much to their infinite joy.

“I wonder how your mother reacted to our absence,” William mused once his heart rate had returned to normal.

“Why don’t we go find out?” Elizabeth replied mischievously. “Everyone is probably just arriving.”

“But we have this room for tonight, and I was hoping to make good use of it,” he whined.

“I’d say we’ve made good use of it already!” Elizabeth retorted.

“Is that a complaint?”

“Of course not darling… but I don’t see why we need to stay here still. We’ve got the cottage, and besides, it might be fun to show up now and see how everybody reacts. Come on, I went along with what you wanted.”

“Yes, but I used much more persuasive methods than whining,” he astutely pointed out. Elizabeth raised an eyebrow suggestively. “Oh no, turnabout is not fair play Lizzy!” She ignored him and rose from the bed. Truth be told, William was ready to give in just watching her; she sauntered to the foot of the bed, looking at him with a predatory eye. When she climbed onto the bed and crawled like a tigress up his legs, he knew he was a lost man. By the time she wrapped her lips around “Wee William”, not-so-wee William was crying out his consent to her request… as soon as she was done with what she was doing, of course.

About half an hour later, William and Elizabeth checked out of their honeymoon suite, leaving a large tip for the poor chambermaid who would have to clean up after them. The short drive back from Gretna Green increased their anticipation of the reaction they expected. They pulled into the drive, giggling conspiratorially. Sneaking up to the door, they counted to three and threw the door open.

“Surprise!” they yelled… to an empty house. William checked his watch; the party should have been in full swing by now.

“What’s going on?” Lizzy asked, hurt by what appeared to be a blatant disregard of their wishes that their guests enjoy the reception. “Where is everybody?” She began poking around the rooms, half-expecting that everyone was hiding and just waiting to jump out to surprise them. Not that they knew they would be coming… “How could they do this to us? We specifically asked them to stay here and celebrate!”

“Well love, we did elope the night before our wedding; perhaps they were upset,” William suggested calmly. As Elizabeth continued to search the room, ranting and raving, he noticed what looked to be the note he wrote sitting on the table. Did they never see this? he wondered. When he picked it up, however, he realized that this was something else. Upon recognizing Mr. Bennet’s handwriting, a knowing grin crept onto his face.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. (Drs.) Darcy,
Congratulations on your wedding. Needless to say, we were quite surprised with the discovery of your elopement. Poor Mrs. Bennet quite nearly exploded. In the end, we decided to celebrate without you, as you asked; however, we found the cottage too small a venue for our carousing. I hope you don’t mind, but we took all the food, guests, and entertainment back to Edinburgh to be enjoyed in the more spacious Darcy mansion (at which point, Lizzy, your mother says “Congratulations on marrying so richly!”). Not to worry, we shall still thoroughly enjoy all the delights Mrs. Bennet so meticulously planned for this occasion. Our best wishes to you both,
Thomas Bennet, et. al.

Copyright held by Lissa - 2002