Red Hot Spices

by Shazza

October 2002, Firthness Challenge Entry

Rated NC-17 - Mature audiences only. Login required.

Author's Note: Hope this is the way its done to post a story. I'm a newbie, and this is the only story I have posted on this site.. I think the rating is correct... its definitely not R.


Chapter One

“Oh no William, how are we going to get out of this?” said Lizzy Bennett, a.k.a. Secret Agent 69 of the MI5.

She was speaking to William (Fitzwilliam) Darcy, Secret Agent 008, and MI5’s best agent now that 007 James Bond had retired. They were in the clutches of the evil Dr DeBourgh, and being held captive at her secret nuclear warhead factory in Roslings. The factory was cleverly disguised as an old English country mansion.

“I thought you could remove your clothes seductively for the guard and while you are keeping him occupied, I could overpower him” replied William.

“Huh, I bet you’d like that Darcy, you perve!" Lizzy retorted.

“Well do you have another plan we could use?” asked 008. “ I was thinking that I could fake a heart attack, and when he opened the cell door, you could jump him,” said Lizzy.

“Lizzy,” William said, “he has an AK47 automatic rifle, and if you fake a heart attack, he is likely to just shoot you to put you out of your misery. No, my plan is better. You know that men can’t use their brains when they have an erection. If you stand over there and take off your clothes, he’s bound to respond, and his brain will just go out the window. Then when he comes in I will hit him with this chair. Agreed?”

“Oh all right,” said Lizzy grumbling “but it seems to me that you will do anything to get me out of my clothes!” She stood in the direct gaze of the guard and started to remove her blouse. She pulled it off her shoulders to reveal her very sexy bra. Next she slowly unzipped her skirt, and swivelled her hips seductively from side to side.

“That’s it Lizzy, smile and think of England!” said Darcy cheekily.

Lizzy then turned away from the guard and reached around to the back of her bra, quickly undoing the fastener. She turned and cupped the thin material against her breasts, bending slightly at the waist, so the guard could have a good look. Hey, she thought, I’m not too bad at this! She was now standing in her knickers. She sat down on the edge of the cell bunk and, covering her breasts with one arm, she removed the loose bra and held it up high in front of her, before dropping it to the ground. By now the guard had left his chair and was hanging off the cell bars, almost drooling. Lizzy raised her index finger and crooked it towards the guard. He took the bait, and after much fumbling, opened the cell door. He advanced towards Lizzy; his brain had indeed gone out the window. Suddenly he grabbed her and pushed her back on the bunk. Lizzy rolled away from him just as the chair William wielded came smashing down on the guards’ head.

“You took your time!” said Lizzy breathlessly.

“Sorry Lizzy, but your show was so good, and you know what I said about men not being able to use their brains when they’re hard? I didn’t count on me being one of those men! This guy certainly didn’t get the climax he was thinking of!” Lizzy quickly redressed and joined Darcy at the door. He grabbed her hand and the AK47 and together they left the cell and carefully made their way down the passageway.


Chapter Two

Darcy and Lizzy carefully peered around a corner of the passageway. The coast was clear. Only a few more rooms stood between them and escape. They passed by the library, the study, and the dining room and over the ballroom floor. No time to twirl you now Lizzy, but perhaps later we can do a horizontal mambo, Darcy thought to himself. They took a shortcut through the conservatory and silently opened the door to the grounds. No alarms went off. This is too easy, Darcy thought. Indeed it was. As they reached the gate Lizzy looked up. Standing in front of them was the evil Dr DeBourgh.

“We meet again agent 008,” she said, grinning sadistically. “And I see you have your little sidekick with you, the beautiful agent 69. I wonder how she got that number assigned to her, don’t you Darcy?”

“I was the 69th graduate from spy school. It has nothing to do with sex!” said Lizzy annoyed. “Why do I have to keep explaining that to everyone?”

William raised the AK47 and pointed it to Dr DeBourgh. “Please, call me Darcy, William Darcy,” said 008.

Dr DeBourgh snapped her fingers and six armed gorilla like guards appeared from the shadows. One of them relieved Darcy of his weapon. “Take them to the torture chamber!” she cried. The guards raised their AK47’s and three apiece; they marched Darcy and Lizzy inside. “And if she takes off her clothes again, don’t look!” ordered Dr DeBourgh to the departing guards. I wonder if she means me Darcy thought. “I’ll see you shortly Mr Darcy” Dr DeBourgh said, a wicked smile spreading on her face.


Chapter Three

Lizzy and Darcy were left alone in the torture chamber. Darcy explored the room. There were chains and manacles on the walls, an old fashioned rack, whips, handcuffs, an electric shock treatment machine behind an operating table, and other strange instruments.

“Hmm, we could have a private party in here Lizzy,’ said Darcy dryly.

“Dr DeBourgh certainly has a twisted mind” Lizzy replied. “I wonder what is in store for us?”

“Well something tells me that the Dr doesn’t just like to watch,” added Darcy.

Suddenly the door flew open and Dr DeBourgh and four henchmen strode into the chamber. Silently Dr DeBourgh motioned for two of the henchmen to act. They crossed the room and took hold of Lizzy, dragging her to the table.
They restrained her with the leather straps and attached the machine to her temples.

“Leave her alone!” yelled Darcy. The other two henchmen held Darcy by each arm.

“William! William!” cried Lizzy.

“Now Mr Darcy,” said Dr DeBourgh “you will tell me where the microfilm is of the blueprints for the new nuclear warheads, or I’m afraid agent 69 will die.”

“I’ll never tell you” Darcy said arrogantly. “We’ll see,” said the evil Dr. “Power up the shock machine!”

The henchmen did as they were bid. The machine hummed and crackled into life. Lizzy squirmed and strained against the restraints. “Mr Darcy, in a few minutes, a surge of electricity will rip through agent 69’s brain. You appear to be quite fond of her, so it will be a pity that she will be reduced to a drooling vegetable. Tell me where the microfilm is and she goes free.”

Darcy knew that this would never happen, that they would be allowed to go free. He said defiantly “you can sacrifice agent 69 if you wish, but you’ll never get the microfilm.”

“Thanks Darcy!” said a very peeved Lizzy in the background.

“Give her a small taste of what this machine can do!” replied Dr DeBourgh. With that, the henchmen twiddled the dials on the machine and the surge of electricity began. It was like a very mild electric shock, but Lizzys body responded by twisting and arching on the table. She screamed and then appeared to faint.

Darcy looked on helplessly. “Oh don’t worry Mr Darcy, that level of shock wont leave any permanent damage. Well, not yet anyway…” said DeBourgh.

No thought Darcy, I will not give in. He shook his head to indicate his stand, and the evil Dr again ordered her henchmen to apply the shock treatment to Lizzy. Once more the electricity surged through her, and her body was racked with muscle spasms. Thank god she’s fainted thought Darcy. Darcy knew that part of their job was to make their ultimate sacrifice for queen and country, if need be. But for god sake, this was Lizzy on that table.

When Darcy did not speak, Dr DeBourgh said, “increase the current!” The henchmen twiddled the dial again.


Chapter Four

“Alright you b*tch,’ said Darcy “you win. You can have the microfilm. Just leave Lizzy alone!”

Dr DeBourgh motioned for the machine to be turned off. Lizzy sighed and fluttered her eyelids. Darcy was relieved to see that she was still alive. Damn, I care for her more than I admit, he thought to himself.

“So, Mr Darcy,” said the Dr “I have kept my end of the bargain. Where is the microfilm?”

“It’s in my boxer shorts,” said Darcy.”

“Well then, lets see if you learnt anything from your colleagues show a little earlier shall we?” replied the Dr. She took a chair and sat on it in the middle of the room. “You can start anytime you are ready 008” she said “and please don’t rush on my account.”

“Well, I am not able to do anything with these gorillas holding me!’ said Darcy.

Dr DeBourgh clicked her fingers and the two henchmen let him go. They moved to stand behind Dr DeBourghs’ chair.

Darcy began by unbuttoning his shirt. He undid three buttons and then turned around and pulled his shirt tail from his trousers. He ripped the remaining buttons open and held the shirt open. He dropped it slowly down his shoulders and rubbed it seductively (he hoped) over his derriere. He quickly removed his shoes and socks, by bending fully from the waist, so his rear end stuck in the Drs face. He turned to face Dr DeBourgh, and removed the shirt, throwing it over his head. Then he slowly undid his belt and the button of his trousers.

Keeping his eyes directly on the Dr, and smiling tightly, he began to unzip his trousers. He let them fall to the ground and stood there in his boxer shorts. The ones with the picture of the little horny devil all over them. He walked towards Dr DeBourgh and straddled her knees, desperately hoping that he resembled a lap dancer he had had occasion to visit once or twice.

“Would you care to retrieve the microfilm yourself Dr?” he asked. Dr DeBourghs eyes grew wide. She slowly dipped her hand into the opening of his boxers.

“Aaghh no Dr, that is not he microfilm you have a hold of!” said Darcy uncomfortably.

“I know that!” she snapped. Her henchmen laughed. “Silence!” she bayed. Moving her hand around in the boxers, she located a small pocket and retrieved the microfilm.

Darcy stood up and moved back to his pile of clothes. Moving slowly and deliberately, he picked up his shoes and taking careful aim threw them one by one at the heads of the henchmen guarding Dr DeBourgh. They flew through the air, spinning like a deadly boomerang, and found their target. Both guards fell to the ground. The steel capped shoes had done their job.

He threw his shirt over Dr DeBourghs’ head, temporarily startling her and blocking her vision. Then he swing around to the two other henchmen who had left Lizzys side. With a few well-placed kicks and karate moves, he knocked both of them out. He quickly grabbed the AK47’s as they spun across the floor.

Dr DeBourgh had extricated herself from Darcy’s shirt, and was running for the door. Darcy leapt over and grabbed her by the neat braids of hair curled on her head.

“Not so fast Dr” said Darcy “you’re our ticket out of here."

Keeping an AK47 pressed against her back, he led her to where Lizzy was lying on the table. He quickly undid the restraints and she attempted to stand. Darcy took her around the waist and said, “are you alright Lizzy?”

“Yes, I think so” she replied.

“Can you walk?” said Darcy as he kept one eye on Dr DeBourgh and one on the unconscious guards. “We have to get out of here. The Dr is going to show us the way, aren’t you?”

When Dr DeBourgh did not respond, Darcy prodded her with the AK47. “I said you are going to show us the way. Isn’t that right Dr?”

“Yes” she replied.

As the three of them walked out the door, Darcy looked back and said “thanks for the party, but we really must be going.”


Chapter Five

Dr DeBourgh led them to the nearest exit from the country manor. Darcy motioned her to get into the passenger seat of the Rolls Royce parked out back. Darcy got in the drivers’ seat and put on the chauffeurs hat that was on the drivers’ seat. Lizzy jumped in the back with the extra AK47 and they headed down the long drive to the gates.

When they neared the gates Darcy said “now De DeBourgh, when we get to the gates I won’t stop. You will motion for the guard to open the gates so we can drive through. If you do not, or the guard attempts to stop us, Lizzy will kill you” he said.

“Can’t I just kill her now Darcy?” enquired Lizzy. “She’s a nasty b*tch.”

Darcy did not answer, just looked in the rear vision mirror and smiled at Lizzy. She had obviously recovered from her ordeal. As they drove slowly up to the gate, Lizzy ducked down in the back seat, but still aimed the AK47 at Dr DeBourgh. Darcy slid down a little in the seat and pulled the cap down low over his eyes. The guard stepped out of the shadows and looked at the car, then signaled for the gates to be opened.

“Don’t open your mouth Dr,” said Darcy through gritted teeth. They drove on through and Darcy put his foot down.

Once they were out on the open road, Darcy stopped and motioned for the Dr to get out. Lizzy followed. He opened the trunk of the car and said “get in Dr DeBourgh.” She did so, and the trunk was shut firmly on her.

Lizzy took the passengers seat and Darcy drove on. “Lizzy, are you really alright?” he asked.

“I am now” she replied snuggling against his bare chest. “Mind you, MI5 are going to be surprised when you drive up in your horny devil boxers and nothing else” she giggled.

Darcy was all seriousness. “Lizzy, when you came close to being injured, it made me stop and think how much I feel for you. In fact it made me realise that I love you.”

“Oh William” said Lizzy softly.

“I don’t think I could bear to be without you. Will you marry me Lizzy?” said Darcy.

“Oh William, yes!” said Lizzy, and kissed him on the neck, and cheek and chest.

Darcy stopped the car and kissing Lizzy deeply, motioned for her to get into the back seat. He joined her there and began to kiss her passionately. She rubbed her hands on his bare chest and put her arms around his neck. He pushed her back on the leather seat and undid her blouse. His head went to her breasts and he kissed and caressed them through her lacy bra.

“Oh William” she sighed. Suddenly she was aware of something hard in his boxer shorts. She could not resist. “Is that some microfilm in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?” she said seductively.

“Shut up Lizzy and do your patriotic duty” said Darcy as he continued to kiss her again and again and again…

Copyright held by Shazza - 2002