The True Measure of Love

by KaraLou

October 2002, Firthness Challenge - Winning Story

Rated PG

Author's Note: I had not intended to post a story, as I did not really have one in mind, but this little tidbit finally came to me...so here it is! It does continue from my first entry. 

Darcy stood at the window in his bedroom at Netherfield, gazing at the moon that had moved much higher into the night sky. He smiled at the recollection of how this very moon had been instrumental in prompting a kiss between himself Elizabeth. He took in a deep breath and briskly rubbed his chin with his hand. But why had she kissed him? Had she kissed him because her feelings toward him had changed and she reciprocated his feelings? Or was she now regretting that she allowed it?

He moved away from the window, pacing the floor in his room. It was close to 3:00 a.m. and he had spent the time since coming to his room either pacing the floor or staring out at the moon.

He sat down at a chair in the room and dropped his head into his hands. Could he take the chance of another proposal knowing that she could again say no and break his heart and his spirit again? The very thought caused him to feel terribly weak and vulnerable. He did not like that feeling. He had always been one who wanted to be in control, disciplined in his feelings and actions, unwavering and strong. And he had always been one who got what he wanted. He had learned a very hard lesson with Elizabeth.

He walked to the window again. The moon was just about out of sight, and Darcy had to strain his head to see it. He walked over to his bed, knowing that he best get some sleep if he wished to think clearly in the morning and be at his best. He pulled back the coverlet and crawled in. His body was aching for the benefit of sleep, but it would be a few hours more before his mind calmed down enough to allow it.

Elizabeth woke early the next morning, having had a fitful night’s sleep as well. The first thought that teased her was, Did he really kiss me? She unconsciously put her fingers to her lips and smiled. Yes, he did! It was not a dream!

She slowly pulled herself out of bed and thought ahead to what this day might bring. He was going to call. He was going to pay a visit to see her! He was not coming with Bingley to see Jane, but to see her! The very thought of it was too overpowering to comprehend, awesome to believe.

When she went downstairs, she was glad to find her aunt alone in the dining room.

“Good morning, Lizzie. How are you this morning?”

“I am fine, aunt. And yourself?”

“I could not be better.” She looked at her niece with a mixture of admiration and curiosity. Elizabeth had been behaving quite differently lately, and she had the suspicion it had something to do with Mr. Darcy. “Sit down, honey. I would like to visit with you a little before we leave.”

Elizabeth sat down and picked a muffin from a basket of freshly baked breads, while her aunt poured her a cup of tea. “I wish you could stay at least one more day, aunt.”

“I would love to, you know that. But Edmund must return today to be at his warehouse tomorrow morning.”

Elizabeth sighed.

“What is it, dear?” her aunt asked.

Elizabeth looked at her, knowing how much she wanted to tell her what happened. “Mr. Darcy has asked to pay a visit.” She said it almost nonchalantly, but watched her aunt’s expression to try and read her reaction.

“Mr. Darcy?”

“Yes.”

“And with Charles and Jane now married, does that mean you are the object of his visit?”

Elizabeth looked down and blushed, and then returned her questioning gaze. “Yes, I believe so.”

Her aunt only nodded and smiled. With much thoughtfulness into what she said, she looked to Elizabeth. “He is a good man, my dear. Do not let this one get away.”

Elizabeth dropped her head. “I almost did.”

“What do you mean?”

“Aunt, there is something that I have never told anyone but Jane. I have wanted to confide in someone, but I did not know how.”

“Lizzie, pray, what are you talking about?”

“Mr. Darcy asked me to marry him when we were in Rosings last spring, and I refused him.”

Mrs. Gardiner’s eyes shot up in amazement. “My word, Lizzie! He proposed to you?” She shook her head, trying to fathom this bit of information her niece just relayed to her. Elizabeth nodded.

“And you turned him down?”

“Yes, I am ashamed to admit it, now. Although at the time I believed myself to be quite justified.”

“And he is coming today to visit you, Lizzie. I must recant what I said about him being a good man, earlier. No, he is not a good man, he is an extraordinary man.”

Elizabeth looked at her aunt with uncertainty. “Why do you say that, aunt?”

“Because what man, when refused by a woman he loves, would consider going to her again. From what I have seen of the two of you together, he harbors no resentment toward you. In fact, I believe he is still very much in love with you.”

“That remains to be seen." She paused. "Although…”

“Yes?”

“He kissed me last night.”

She looked at her niece in surprise. “Do you love him, Elizabeth?”

“I do not know. How do I know if I love him?”

"Oh, my dear niece. That is a question that has been asked over the ages."

"How did you know?"

"That I was in love?" Mrs. Gardiner smiled. "It was his feet."

Elizabeth's eyes opened wide. "His feet?"

"Yes, of course. One evening, after he had been out hunting all day with my brother, they returned all muddy and tired. I watched as he pulled off his boots and began rubbing his feet. I thought to myself how I would like to do that for him...for the rest of our lives."

Elizabeth smiled. "Only you could have a story like that, dearest aunt. If only it could always be that simple."

“My dear, when the time comes, you shall know!”

Elizabeth laughed. “I hope so!"

Later that afternoon, after the Gardiners had left, Elizabeth sat in the drawing room intently working on some needlework, while her mother sat back and closed her eyes, content as a cat that had just caught a bird, knowing that her eldest daughter had married well. Mary and Kitty were in there as well. Lydia’s absence was duly noticed, and Elizabeth wondered if she would ever be able to accept the marriage between her and Wickham.

Hill came to the door and stepped in. “Mr. Darcy,” she announced.

Elizabeth looked up startled. Although she was expecting him, just the pronouncement of his name caused her much consternation.

“Why, Mr. Darcy, what a surprise this is!" Mrs. Bennet exclaimed."To what do we owe this visit, sir. You certainly cannot be seeking out Charles."

Elizabeth shuddered at her mother's question.

Darcy held up admirably and answered most civilly. “No, ma'am. In fact I saw them off this morning when they left."

“Oh how wonderful a man he is for our dear Jane! Was is not the most perfect wedding?"

Darcy smiled. "It was very nice."

Elizabeth quickly interrupted. "Mr. Darcy, would you care for something to eat or drink?"

"No, thank you, Miss Bennet." He looked over at her and smiled, wishing, hoping, there would be an opportunity to talk with her alone.

Mrs. Bennet did not seem to notice any change in topic of the conversation and continued. "Just think of it, Jane married! And to think that Lizzie could have been married by now, as well!"

Elizabeth's eyes shot toward her mother. Oh, no! she thought.

Darcy looked at her with surprise. "Excuse me?" Surely she did not tell her mother about his proposal!

"Oh, I am sorry, Mr. Darcy. You are probably unaware that last fall..."

"Mamma, I am sure Mr. Darcy is not interested."

He turned to see a very distressed Elizabeth. "Last fall? I think I am very interested."

Elizabeth's eyebrows pinched. She held her breath as her mother most disgracefully continued.

"Why it was Mr. Collins! He had come all the way from Hunsford to meet our daughters, and he chose Lizzie. He asked for her hand, but she would not have him!"

Darcy smiled. By now Elizabeth was quite humiliated, and wanted to stop this at all costs.

"Mamma, please..."

Darcy put up his hand. "I cannot imagine why," he said to Mrs. Bennet.

"That is exactly what I thought! There was nothing wrong with him. But our Lizzie tends to be so stubborn sometimes! The notions she gets in her mind!"

Elizabeth folded her arms in front of her and felt as if she could just drop off the face of the earth at any time and she would be happy.

"Stubborn, is she?" he asked. "I would wager that she will most likely break many a man's heart by turning down their proposals. She is particular, as well?"

Mrs. Bennet was so entranced by her conversation with Mr. Darcy, and so pleased that he agreed with her, that she did not consider Elizabeth's fretful state. Not that it mattered, she rarely did anyways.

"Yes," droned Mrs. Bennet slowly. "I daresay she will still be single at 35 and wonder whatever happened!"

"Mamma, please! This is not something you should be talking to Mr. Darcy about!"

"Any why not?" Mrs. Bennet seemed annoyed that Elizabeth was trying to break up her conversation. "Mr. Darcy and I are getting along quite well."

Yes, at my expense! she retorted to herself.

Every time she turned to look at Darcy, he was glued to her mother, refusing to look upon her. A look of complete intrigue was on his face. It was all an act, she was sure, to pull information from her mother that she was being so willing to divulge!

When Elizabeth thought she could take no more, her father walked in with a grand smile written across his face, holding a letter. When he saw Darcy was visiting with his wife and daughter he quickly pocketed the letter.

"Darcy, how are you today?"

Darcy stood, reached over and shook his hand. "I am well, sir. And yourself?"

"Good. If I had known you were here, I would have come in sooner." He looked at everyone in front of him and assessed that things were not going well for Elizabeth. A look of distress was written all over her face, and he was sure it was due to his wife.

But the fact that Darcy was visiting on his own accord perplexed him. Perhaps he was leaving Hertfordshire and taking leave. But there was something about his manner. It was not formal at all as he would have expected. And the way he was seated, it looked as if he was enjoying his conversation with Mrs. Bennet. Then there was that letter he just received from Collins. Could it have some basis of truth to it? He thought he would put it to the test.

"Lizzie, you look as though you could use some fresh air. It is a lovely day today, and we are surely not going to have many more like this before the cold sets in. Perhaps Mr. Darcy would like to take a walk around the grounds."

"I do not think..."

"I would love that, sir. Thank you for suggesting it!" Darcy interrupted.

She eyed her father with much skepticism, but had to admit it was a better suggestion that just sitting there being embarrassed by her mother.

Darcy stood up. "Shall we go, then?"

Elizabeth blushed at the direct way he looked at her, and her father smiled. He patted the letter in his pocket. For the first time in his life, perhaps Mr. Collins knew what he was talking about!

They went outside, and indeed, it was a fine day! "Shall we walk to Oakham Mount?" asked Elizabeth.

"You lead the way. I shall follow wherever you want to go." He smiled warmly at her, and Elizabeth could not help but wonder if he meant that in the long term or just the immediacy.

They walked in silence for a while, and finally Elizabeth spoke. "Please forgive me mother, Mr. Darcy. I believe that sometimes she is just not aware of the impropriety of the things that she says."

"But she can be quite interesting."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes as she turned away. She knew what he was thinking and was dreading his bringing it up.

"So Mr. Collins proposed to you?"

Elizabeth took in a sharp breath. "Yes, sir, he did. A few days after the Netherfield ball. You and the Bingleys had left for London."

"And you turned him down." This time it was more of a statement than a question.

"He is a fool, Mr. Darcy. Even for the sake of marrying well for my family, I would turn down a dozen fools such as him!"

Their eyes met, and she felt the import of her statement upon him. "I did not mean, sir, that you..."

Darcy put up his hand to her lips to stop her. "I was a fool, Elizabeth. A fool in love, a fool in my attitude and a food in my actions." His fingers remained lightly pressing her lips and slowly they moved around so he cupped her chin.

"Your mother, it seems, wished for you to marry him."

"And if it were not for my father, I may have been forced to. Fortunately he recognized how wrong it would be."

Darcy smiled and said very softly, "If they had forced you to marry him, I would have come upon my aunt's at Rosings and found you to be Mrs. Collins instead of your friend Charlotte."

"Yes," Elizabeth nervously concured. His fingers lifting her chin ever so slightly so she had no choice but to look him deep in the eyes.

"I struggled with finding you there, Elizabeth. But I would have struggled more with finding you there as Mrs. Collins."

"You struggled with finding me there?"

I had spent four months trying to purge you from my mind. I stayed away from Netherfield and kept Bingley away so I would have an easier time dealing with the what I considered at the time to be a very unwise infatuation."

She could not help but feel a sense of disappointment. "Infatuation?"

"That is what I tried to convince myself...until I saw you at Rosings. I struggled with finding you there because it was then that I realized I had fallen in love with you. Deeply in love."

Elizabeth suddenly found difficult to breathe. For months she had wondered what he thought of her after her refusal. To think that he possibly still loved her was difficult to fathom.

He moved his hand up from her chin and gently stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. She responded by closing her eyes and was quite surprised by his lips suddenly upon hers. He had intended to kiss her lightly, but when her arms went around him, he pulled her closer, not wanting to let her go.

His kiss rendered her senseless and it was then she realized she had no desire to ever kiss another man. The thought of him bestowing his kisses on some other woman some day caused a great pang to surge through her, and she realized that she was indeed in love with this man.

When they finally pulled away from each other, Darcy kept his face inches from hers. As he spoke, he interspersed his words with kisses to her nose, her cheek, her eyebrow, and her eyes. "Elizabeth,...do I... have any reason... to hope... that you might... consent... to a proposal this time?"

Elizabeth took a while to answer, in reality because she was trying to compose herself. Finally she was able to say, "I believe that there is a possibility ...if I may see your feet."

Darcy suddenly pulled away. "What?"

"May I see your feet?"

"If that is what it takes," he walked over to a rock, and sat down, removing his boot, and then his stockings. Elizabeth could not help but smile at this man who was so willing to do anything to secure her hand.

When he had removed his boots and stockings, she walked over and looked at the very meticulously manicured pair of feet. She sat down on a rock opposite him and picked one up of his feet, cradling it her lap, and rubbing in. Darcy closed his eyes. "I do not know what you are doing, Miss Bennet, but may I say that I am enjoying this more than I should."

Elizabeth returned his gaze with a brightness in her eyes. "All right, sir. You may ask."

"Excuse me?"

"Was there not something you wanted to ask me?"

Darcy looked at her and his heart burst. "I do need my foot back, if you want me to get down on one knee."

Elizabeth released his foot and he got down on one knee. "Elizabeth, my only true love, would you do me the honor, and make me the happiest of men, and be my wife?"

Elizabeth looked into the depth of his eyes and replied, "It would make me the happiest of women to become your wife, Fitzwilliam. I do accept."

The words which Darcy had longed to hear for so long but never believed he would, catapulted him to a feeling of joy that he had never before experienced. He pulled Elizabeth to her feet and held her in an embrace. This man, who had always been so stiff, so formal and so distant, held his betrothed to himself as his eyes filled with tears of gratefulness and joy. He was now the happiest of men. Barefoot, but happy.

Copyright held by KaraLou - 2002