Just a Kiss

by Kerry

September 2002, Firthness Challenge Entry

Rated PG

Author's Note: Ok ducks...this is my official entry to the challenge. I give fair warning – I think I have outdone myself with sloppiness so get your buckets ready...and expect something extremely silly next time round!

It started with a look - in my usual manner. My deliberately critical regard laid on one who by her very position should always be deemed deficient. And in that brief moment I detected no likeness to perfection. There was no symmetry in her form; her look was too lively - her air altogether too gay for my tastes.

My experienced eye that perpetually found fault had again met with considerable success. I did not look to be pleased, and as always, my motives were of the meanest sort. But such wanton hubris is forever destined to precede a fall – it is almost written in the laws of nature. And what a precipice did I find myself hurled from.

Charms and allurements I had seen, but it was not these that thwarted my deliberate contempt. Neither beauty, good breeding, nor refined manners led me to ruin. They were present - but they could not touch me. Nothing but the most basic of peculiarities proved my downfall –honesty, intelligence, and purity of heart laid me bare.

It was a struggle – she was beneath my regard– she deserved no particular attention. And yet her very being demanded it. She did not lure – she challenged. My every thought, my every idea, the very essence of my being.

I watched, I listened and then before I knew my own mind - I admired. My heart followed my head and I was trapped before I even saw the lure. And yet I resisted still; the very idea of her influencing my felicity I would not entertain. What pride does it take to presume that man can overrule that which God has ordained shall be untamed? For what defenses had I against utter bewitchment? How could I temper complete fascination?

How I loved her. Without reason, without thought, without comfort – and ultimately without care. For how she hated me; I shall never forget it. A piercing dagger through my soul, the utter fullness of my heart, in the space of a minute - rent in two by her disdain. And I had done it myself. I had created my own pyre to be burnt at. The blame fell on no other.

Her reproofs were attended, with little hope. My only consolation that they would make me a better person for another. But I knew there could be none but her. I dared not hope that we should ever meet again. I knew it could not be so – our worlds too far divided. But time and circumstance took pity on me. The fickle workings of fate allowed me opportunity – and I seized it with my heart and soul. We met by complete accident, my heart was lost anew, and then that capricious chance was taken away again just as quickly by the deception of another.

But some merciful angel took pity, and allowed her to see the goodness of my heart – too long influenced by the meanness of others. I dared not hope that I should ever be the happiest of men, the lover and the beloved. And yet I am. And that love that I harboured before is but half of what my soul contains now. The certainty of her own affections, the bestowing of her regard has filled it to overflowing.

And as she stands before me now, her fine eyes alight with mirth, her lips curved in an unaffected smile, her laughter singing in my ears – how can I not want more? To look and not touch when my heart is so full – is there a greater torture known to man? What rational expression is there for this moment but that of physical passion? Words cannot do it justice, nor could I attempt it when I would wish for entirely something else.

And then before I know my own mind my lips are against hers, and all that I have imagined becomes reality. And yet it is not. It is so far from my dreams that it is barely the same – how could it be? Reality is always far sweeter than even our richest imaginings. All those little details that our minds cannot envisage that make up the entirety of the whole - the warmth of her breath on my cheek; the smooth delicacy of her skin beneath the tips of my fingers; the scent of something sweet and undefined in her very essence. And then her touch, the delicate moisture and warmth of the lips I had so long cherished. My eyes close instinctively to savour the whole. How could I not have known these things?

And yet in a way, it felt as though I always had.

Her hands resting so lightly against my chest, more delicate than a butterflies wings. So slight, so subtle, barely discernible through the layers of my clothing - and yet the sensation as she leans against me is one I shall never forget. Her implicit reliance on my strength, the act of giving herself over to my care - more powerful, more valuable, than if she had flung her arms about me in desire. Her innocence and trust, is an entirely beguiling combination.

And suddenly all thought is lost in tender feeling. Her uncertainty, a suspended breath, and the soft pliancy of her mouth against my own. How could I not wish for more? Just the slightest of pressures, a turn of the head, a parting of my lips and it is done. The breath she is holding escapes – a soft sigh that feels like the barest caress down my spine. And my hands that until that moment held her head aloft fall slowly across her bare skin. Like the finest of silks beneath my fingers - smooth, warm, and intoxicating to the touch.

She gasps in surprise as my tongue touches her lips; my fingers cease their idle caress. I draw back, sensing hesitation, and yet reluctant to break such a perfect moment. And then, still unseeing, I feel it. Her lips brush mine so lightly the feeling is barely discernible.

My eyes open in surprise – and what a vision is before me.

She looks up - she blushes – she smiles and then turns away. And what an intensity of feeling does she create with that subtle and artless flow of movements. For at that very moment I see her innocence and virtue awakening in my embrace, before my own eyes. Like a delicate flower that opens to the dawn, her soul now shares that awareness of passion that my own has known these many months. And my heart - that vessel that supports my very lifeblood, that had beat so steadily only moments before, suddenly ceases its rhythm. And it feels as if my whole life has altered in this one moment.

In my minds eyes she is nothing short of perfection.

And it was just a kiss.

Copyright held by Kerry - 2002