The Depth of Revelation

by Terie

September 2003, Firthness Challenge Entry

Rated G

The room was still and silent. The sun’s rays filtered through the windows causing dust particles to seem trapped in its beam. The lone occupant in the room remained unmoving in his chair, at his desk. His face appeared fixed on the floating dust particles but in reality his eyes never registered them. It was a handsome face, strong with dark curly hair, and warm brown eyes. A small smile played about the lips wanting to break into a wide grin but holding back. What were those eyes seeing in that still and silent room?

Elizabeth. At the thought of her name that small smile widened. Before him, he saw her. To be more precise, he saw her eyes. Those eyes that pull a man it to where he would gladly drown in their depths. As his mind began to contemplate her eyes, he recalled the myriad of emotions they had reflected to those around her. He also thought of all the other facets of her emotions that were yet to be revealed. He could study her eyes for a lifetime and never fathom all they contain. It seemed a daunting prospect but one he would gladly dedicate his to. As the dust particles continued their endless floating, he began to think back through all the times he encountered those eyes.

TThe assembly at Meryton, he almost missed them there. He was not himself that night. Maybe, just maybe if he had given into Charles’ pleading, things would have turned out different. As it was, the only glimpse he had was slight and he felt like they were mocking him.

TThe party at Lucas Lodge was where he began to be pulled in. Her eyes were brilliant with laughter and liveliness; causing him to want to see and know all there was of her. Her nearness was intoxicating and like a moth to a flame, he was drawn to her. He had felt himself begin to drown, when he was pulled up short by Caroline Bingley and her catty remarks. Still reeling from the effect of her eyes, he replied without even thinking, revealing more that he would have liked.

HHer stay at Netherfield was almost his undoing. Her arrival alone discomposed him. The remark he made about her eyes being brightened by the exercise was so paltry. It was like saying a star bursting in the heavens had a pleasant twinkle. Throughout her time there, her eyes widened in mockery, were tearful with concern, shuttered with embarrassment, and twinkled with joy. How was it possible for one pair of eyes to reflect so much in a few days? He knew. It was because they were hers.

BBingley’s ball was where he flirted with danger. Not content to watch her eyes sparkle and flash at a distance, and toward others, he ventured forth and asked her to dance. He told himself that once those eyes sparkled and flashed at him, he would be content and could stay on their shores. The spell would be broken. The pull would be gone. How wrong he was. When you go beyond looking to actually touching, escape is futile. Sadly, the reflections in her eyes to him were not from joy but more from censure. The more they danced, the deeper the censure. He was confused, hurt, and angry. His tongue was tied in knots. Then when it seemed to loosen up it went faster than his mind. By the end of the dance, he realized his tongue was begging her not to censure him. This situation would never do. He had to get away from the shores of her eyes, the magnetic nearness of her. He had to leave and with haste.

BBack in London, he thought he would be safe. Away from the intimate pull of her eyes he could easily turn his back and walk away from their edge. Unfortunately, without the living reality in front of him, his dreams took over. They not only took over, but they grew and went beyond the bounds of propriety. He had to exorcise her from his dreams, but how? Kent might be the answer. His Aunt, Lady Catherine, could easily exorcise anything out of anyone’s dreams. Maybe he would find release there.

KKent brought no release - only pain, searing pain. Who would have thought that out of all the places in England, she would turn up practically on his aunt’s doorstep. After months of trying to walk away, it took only one look in her eyes to find himself drowning in deep water. Those eyes glistened with Spring, with life, with joy. How could he get out? The shore was too far away. Should he resign himself and let the water pull him deeper? Should he turn his back once more and attempt to fight this pull on his very soul? His attempt at reason failed. Trying to remain aloof failed. Even the strident voice of his aunt talking of duty, family obligations, and honor failed. Nothing worked, and to make matters worse he could see his cousin being tugged into those eyes. Now, a drowning man, in the grip of jealousy tends to throw rationality out the window; not to mention imposing on the other party looks and actions that seem to favor him. This was the point where he made the biggest mistake of his life.

AAfterward, he found himself spewed out onto the shore, gasping for breath, and attempting to crawl back into his life around him. He never imagined those eyes could hold so much anger and contempt. At that moment, he realized he had never read them correctly at all.

London was a torment to him. His mind refused to focus on anything but her words and her eyes. He kept playing that scene at the parsonage over and over in his mind. It was a bittersweet torture that almost made him feel like a masochist, bleeding his heart dry. It was at this point that his self-imposed blinders were removed. He actually listened to the words she said, studying them carefully to digest their meaning. She was right in what she said. He had focused completely on himself never once considering her. He now understood. He could never claim the depth of her eyes. That had to be earned and he had done nothing in that regard. Very slowly and carefully, he again replayed the scene in his mind. He focused on her, the real Elizabeth. He heard and understood her words now. When he looked deep into her eyes, yes he saw the anger and contempt and he also saw pain and hurt. This vision was worse than his previous interpretation. The other was painful in a selfish way. This one was a knife ripping open his heart. Not only did he end with earning her disdain, he had inflicted suffering on the very one he had claimed to love.

Although some time had passed, the room remained still and silent. The man’s eyes blinked once and he repositioned himself in his chair. One would think with all the painful recollections going through his mind, his face would be reflecting that anguish but it did not. In fact, what was seen was hope and bliss. Why the change? If asked, Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy would simply say - Elizabeth. While in London, he had made the decision that change was needed. Even if he never saw her again, he would become a man worthy of her. He would be someone who could earn the right to plunge into the depths of her eyes. Then, the miracle happened.

Pemberley - he never thought his dream of her here would become a reality. As mortified as he was at the state of his appearance when they met, he had to look in her eyes. Oh bliss! No anger, no contempt. and no censure appeared. True, they were not filled with love and passion but the absence of the negative gave hope that there was room in them for the positive. He could read them now. The changes he had made within himself were enabling him to truly see what was reflecting in them. He could see life, joy, severe embarrassment, and even a glint of humor all swirling right there before him. After awhile, the swirling in her eyes ceased and peace and contentment settled within. There was no question about it. With his ability to truly see within, he plunged into their depths and let the waters close over him. Nothing short of death would remove him now. His life was completely sealed when at her departure, she turned back to give him a full view of the warmth in her eyes. The priceless gift of her allowing him to see a little deeper inside was a treasure he would hold dear.

A knock on the door broke the silence of the room. The man turned from his thoughts to sit forward at his desk. His “come in” was responded to with the opening of the door. Mrs. Reynolds stood in the doorway; a smile upon her face.

“Sir, the carriage with Miss Georgiana has just turned into the drive,” she informed him.

“Very good, Mrs. Reynolds, thank you for notifying me. I will be there shortly,” Mr. Darcy replied.

As the door pulled shut gain, he stood up and looked out the window. Yes, it will be wonderful to have Georgiana home. Her return was something he was quite excited about. He wanted her to meet Elizabeth so very much. More than that, her return provided him with another opportunity to dip into Elizabeth’s eyes. What would they reveal today?

Copyright held by Terie - 2003