Title: Behind the Scenes
Author: Carol
Rating: G 
Summary: What might have happened behind the scenes of 
P&P. 

 

Behind the Scenes - 01

Elizabeth Bennet loved assemblies. She found nothing more 
stimulating than large gatherings of people. They gave her the 
opportunity to hone her wit, evolve her conversational skills to an 
even sharper edge as well as feed her endless thirst for 
observation and reflection. She could live for months on one 
assembly alone, for Elizabeth was a girl who was used to 
attention, not because she sort it as much as it came to her, a 
natural result of her presence. She could speak on almost any 
topic to anyone and if the topic was foreign to her, she had the 
extraordinary skill of twisting it to suit her experience. She had no 
qualms about being noticed. It was so natural to her that she 
failed to even realise that it happened because she lived in a 
world where beauty was the attribute commented on and 
intellect was the attribute neglected.

The next Meryton assembly was proving to be of even greater 
interest because of the arrival of a group of people from town 
who, it was gossiped, included single young men. For despite 
her penchant for conversation, she was quite ready to admit that 
single young men were of extra interest. And this party definitely 
had some young men. After all she was twenty and far 
outgrowing the desire to reside with her parents.

The group of people from town did indeed include single young 
men, rich young men. Mr. Bingley, the host of this town party had 
heard upon entering the neighbourhood, that it was abundant 
with pretty girls and he was fortunate soon after his arrival to be 
visited by the father of some of them. He naturally returned the 
visit as soon as was expedient as he was twenty three and his 
every waking thought was of ladies. And sport of course, but 
ladies first! He failed to see any of them however as Mr. Bennet 
kept his visit confined to the library. Mr. Bennet did inform him of 
the assembly that was to take place in a week though and that 
was sufficient for him to be glad of his choice of residence.

Besides young men the town party also included ladies of which 
Meryton assemblies already had ample. This more than average 
supply of ladies was another reason that the host of this town 
party chose to attend. He was hoping to meet as many pretty 
ladies as he could and he was assured that the majority of his 
party would be more than willing to put on their shiny clothes and 
do funny things with their hair in order to attend also. You see his 
two sisters would attend out of vanity. There was nothing better 
than entering a room wearing the most expensive dress, having 
the most refined manners and the most fortune. Of this they 
would be assured in such a small community. The younger of 
his two sisters, Caroline, had an extra inducement. She was 
forever attempting to appear outstanding to the other young 
gentleman in the party and a country assembly offered unlimited 
opportunities for her to shine, at least in her own eyes. Mr. Hurst, 
the husband of Mr. Bingley's elder sister, Louisa, would go out
of boredom. He could think of nothing worse than drinking alone 
at home.

The fifth member of Mr. Bingley's party, a Mr. Darcy, was another 
story indeed. He would go out of respect; respect for his host. 
However Mr. Bingley was hoping to induce his friend into willing 
rather than obligatory attendance, perhaps even enjoyment.

`I returned Mr. Bennet's visit this morning Darcy. You should
have come with me. There is to be an assembly next week and I 
think we should all attend. There are to be many pretty girls 
there.'

`With husband seeking mothers!'

`That is of no consequence. I am not seeking a wife and neither 
are you, that I know of,'

`Bingley, our desires or reasons are of no consequence at such 
proceedings. They will think what they will.'

`You are too suspicious man, And think of the dancing.'

`Bingley you know I hate it.'

`But you cannot spend your nights sitting around brooding.'

`I do not brood. I read.'

`What harm is there in talking with pretty girls?'

`Bingley, you astound me with your naiveté. It is impossible
for men in our position to even glance at pretty girls without their 
mothers marital machinations coming into play.'

`It would be an excellent opportunity to try out the coach at
night.'

`We can do that without attending the assembly. I came for sport 
Bingley.'

`And so did I. But a man must have some form of distraction 
Darcy.'

`Bingley, is that all you think about?'

`No more than you or any other man our age.'

`I do not spend wasteless hours thinking of ladies.'

`They are not wasteless and neither do I. But it is normal to
want female company.'

Darcy sighed. `Of course it is but one must be careful. Giving 
preference is too easy and before one knows it, one is involved 
in some form of commitment.'

`Darcy you are too wary for your own good.'

`Bingley, you and I are opposites in this area. You enjoy falling
in love. I would rather let Georgiana provide Pemberley with an 
heir than end up with a wife I loathe.'

`And so you need to fall in love, that is all. And you cannot
fall in love unless you spend time with ladies.'

`It is the act of spending time with ladies in a society such as
this that can cause problems.'

`We will never agree on this Darcy. But will you come?'

`Yes,' he replied much to Mr. Bingley's surprise.

Mr. Darcy had no desire for pleasure outside this small group. 
He was not in humour due to a very distressing incident that he 
had only recently dealt with. He detested dancing, was 
completely uncomfortable amongst strangers and had a 
deep-seated abhorrence of raucous laughing and over indulgent 
drinking which he suspected this assembly might offer. The fact 
that single ladies of reputed beauty were to be present did offer a 
hint of extra inducement however. A man is a man after all. 
However the social climate of Meryton and its neighbouring 
village of Longbourn was limited, thus creating obvious 
inadequacies in the general population. Due to his wealth and 
connections he felt assured of being singled out in some form, 
which was the last thing on earth that he ever wanted. Although 
he had reached the age of twenty-eight he had no pressing 
desire to form a permanent connection with any lady particularly 
one from the country.


Behind the Scenes – 02

The town party was fashionably late of course and met by Mr.
Phillips the resident attorney, followed closely by Sir William
Lucas, the only knight in the locale. Both men had visited
Netherfield and felt familiar enough begin introductions. Mr.
Bingley made a discreet enquiry about Mr. Bennet in the hope of
securing an introduction to his renowned daughters. However, to
no avail as Sir William informed him that Mr. Bennet had chosen
not to attend as he always found assemblies not worth his
bother. Mr. Bingley introduced his sisters and Mr. Darcy and then
proceeded with Sir William to meet his wife and daughters. Mr.
Darcy skillfully withdrew from further mingling by engaging Miss
Bingley in conversation.

Much to their delight, Mr. Bingley's sisters were immediately
noticed and they spent the first few minutes gloating silently on
the impression they made on the locals. They stood tall, with
feathers even taller, and allowed the ladies present to assess
the fashion, style and cost of their frocks. The fact that Mr. Darcy
chose to stand with them only enhanced the impression they
were sure they were making. There is after all nothing better than
being above one's company.

Upon his entrance, Elizabeth noticed Mr. Darcy, not that she
knew his name. How could she not when he was so tall and so
very handsome! Elizabeth had not seen anyone quite so noble
and attractive in many months. He had dark curly hair that had
been allowed to follow its own course. More often than not, men
of his wealth favoured enhancements of some sort. His colour
choices were dark like his complexion but they suited him well.
His clothing was expensive but not at all ostentatious. He had
wide eyes that were deeply set adding a kind of mystery to him.
His teeth she had no idea of, as he never smiled. He had two
small creases above his nose that seemed rather permanent for
a man still in his twenties. Of course, the attributes or otherwise
of the young men were discussed immediately by Elizabeth and
her elder sister Jane.

`Jane, Mr. Bingley must be the one with Sir William. Who is the
other one?' asked Elizabeth.

`Charlotte told me that she thinks his name is Darcy from
Derbyshire,' replied Jane.

`Darcy! It sounds rather like a name he would have. It suits
him.'

`Suits him? Lizzy you make me laugh. I think those are his
sisters.'

`Mr. Darcy's sisters?'

`No, Mr. Bingley's. Papa said that his sisters were at
Netherfield with him.'

`Jane, whom do you like best? Mr. Bingley looks so agreeable
but Mr. Darcy is quite handsome. He is older than Mr. Bingley. I
cannot believe that he is still unmarried.'

"Mr. Bingley is by the far the most handsome, Lizzy. I do not
really like Mr. Darcy's type. He is too dark. I prefer lighter
hair. They are both tall though.'

`And well dressed. Although I like pants better than breeches. I
think they are more modern.'

`But less formal,' replied Jane. `This is an assembly and
I still prefer men to dress for the occasion. I think their breeches
look perfect. I know you think I am old fashioned but I never like
the latest fashion.'

`Jane, I do not think you are old fashioned. I just think that it
is nice to see a young man up to date. Mr. Bingley has noticed
you already, you know. He has been watching you since he
came in.'

`Please Lizzy! You know how embarrassed I get when you do
that. I hate people staring.'

`Jane with your face, people will stare. Anyway, he is working
his way towards you so be prepared.'

`Lizzy, look at his sisters.'

`Hmmm, I have noticed. Unfortunately noticing them is exactly
what they want. They really look above their company. And so
does Mr. Darcy. Why did he not go with Mr. Bingley to be
introduced?'

`Perhaps he is shy, Lizzy.'

`Shy, Jane! You always find a reason why people do not behave
as they should. He is obviously of some wealth; he is well
connected and handsome. He has nothing to be shy about,'
replied Elizabeth. `Jane, Mr. Bingley is getting closer.'

Fortunately Mr. Bingley was quickly informed that Mrs. Bennet
and her daughters had attended and very soon he had
successfully had them pointed out to him. As a result of his
observations, he was making a polite but determined path to
them. He was still some way away but they indeed appeared to
live up to the rumours he had heard. The fairer one was indeed a
beauty. His attempt to drag Mr. Darcy across the room with him
proved futile so he was proceeding alone.

After being introduced by Mr. Phillips, an uncle of the girls, Mr.
Bingley wasted no time in securing Jane for the next set leaving
Elizabeth alone with nothing better to do than observe the
remainder of the party, beginning again, of course, with Mr.
Bingley's friend. Within a short while, she decided that Mr.
Darcy appeared rather grumpy. He seemed to make a point of
staying in the background and she wondered if there had been
some disagreement prior to their coming. Indeed, he showed
every sign of it being the last place on earth he wanted to be.
There had been such talk of this party. Yet now there was only
one person worthy of note. Mr. Bingley seemed to be the epitome
of delight. To see Jane, her eldest sister, so instantly flattered
and increasingly happy was the very thing Elizabeth needed.
Well despite a partner as charming as Mr. Bingley. Elizabeth
humphed to herself as she shrugged her shoulders. She might
not have the enjoyment of a devoted dance partner but no matter.
She would have a good time anyway.

The local ladies made it a point of circulating their opinions of
the town party by clustering in small chattering clumps. Elizabeth
had always found this mode of conversation somewhat
embarrassing in a large room. However, it was part of the nature
of such assemblies. Dancing was the apparent object,
gossiping was the entertainment. Mr. Bingley was judged the
finest of gentlemen. He talked and smiled with as many people
as he could. He danced with all the appropriate ladies and gave
Jane the honour of being singled out twice.

His sisters, overdressed and underbred, spoke mainly to each
other with a tertiary comment to anyone brave enough to
approach them. Mr. Hurst drank. The wine was not up to his
normal standard but it was wine and that was sufficient to keep
him content. Mrs. Bennet and her sister Mrs. Phillips were the
linchpins in the circle of chitchat.

`Sister, sister, are they not wonderful additions to our
society?' asked Mrs. Bennet.

`More than wonderful, sister. I have heard that there is great
fortune on both sides,' replied Mrs. Phillips.

`I knew that already, sister!' replied Mrs. Bennet, never
allowing herself to be second on receiving such information.
`Great fortune indeed! But you know I do not expect my girls to
marry only for money. It is much more important that they find
happiness. People put far too much stock in fortune.'

`Of course, sister. Happiness is by far the most important thing
for your girls. How much did you say that Mr. Darcy was worth?'

Mrs. Bennet, always considering herself the epitome of
decorum, immediately whispered in her sister's ear the amount
whispered to her by Lady Lucas. Mrs. Phillips, equally sure that
her manners were beyond criticism, gasped loudly and repeated
the amount aloud. The part of the room in which they stood all
turned as Mr. Darcy's annual income was announced. The
ladies responsible seemed oblivious to any indiscretion and
continued without a pause.

Within minutes, the amount was circulated throughout the
guests. Watching as the whisper contaminated the room, Mr.
Darcy had his every impression confirmed and after having
fulfilled his obligations by dancing with both of Mr. Bingley's
sisters, preferred his own company. The assembly was filled
with people who had nothing better to discuss than his income.
Nothing could raise them in his estimation after that. With perfect
deportment, he spent the next hour striding about the room
appraising the populace. He made no approach to any of the
ladies present except his host's sisters and spent his time as
far away from groups as he could get. In fact, he was excessively
dour.

Elizabeth was far from ignoring his demeanour. Despite the
gossip that he was better connected and had a greater fortune
than Mr. Bingley, he showed no signs of contentment in her
eyes. He stayed still only to speak a word or two to his own party
and when they were occupied, he made a point of moving
around the perimeter of the room. In Elizabeth's observation,
this was solely to avoid being spoken to by anyone else. His was
a restless soul caught in a tightly wound body.

That he had actually danced greatly surprised Elizabeth because
his dislike of dancing had been strewn about the room along
with his income. He definitely did not look like a man ready to
enjoy himself but as he only singled out Mr. Bingley's sisters,
she soon realised that here was a man who fulfilled his
obligations no matter what the circumstances. His dancing was
as faultless as his attire, which was the second surprise for
Elizabeth. If he hated it so much, when did he become so
proficient? No doubt his hatred of dancing was merely a rumour.
She also noted that his observational skills were no less than
perfect.

Elizabeth was born with a mind ready to observe the folly of
human nature and there was no better subject for such
observation than a man determined to do the same. And thus
she quietly watched his silent progress around the room where
he exuded just enough hauteur to keep strangers at bay. He
offered tertiary comment to Mrs. Long, gave acknowledgement to
the gentlemen present but apart from that, his only desire was to
maintain his mood of reflection and reserve.

Always concerned for the happiness of his party, Mr. Bingley
returned to his friend at various times throughout the evening.

`You should dance at least once, Darcy. Or at least talk to some
of the ladies. Miss Bennet's sisters are all anxious to meet you.
I think you would find Miss Elizabeth a charming dance partner.
There she is over there, talking to Miss Lucas. Near the palm.
The one with her back to us.'

`That is Elizabeth? I thought the taller one was Elizabeth. Well
at least you have some taste Bingley. That tall one is totally
lacking in manners.'

`The taller one is Lydia.'

`Remind me never to dance with her.'

`But what about the others? They are all charming.'

`And that is to be my lot, Bingley? You claim the prettiest and I
have my choice of the rest? As far as I can see the room is full of
people who are interested only in themselves. The whole
assembly is designed for nothing more than gossip about
gentlemen's incomes and which lady will claim whom.'

`Well, you will stand around brooding as I tell you so often. The
world only has so many pretty girls Darcy. Time's a wasting
man.'

`Definitely, Bingley. Or so the ladies think. When can we
leave?'

`Certainly not yet. I'm only beginning to enjoy myself and
you would help that along by showing some interest. Go on man,
ask one of the ladies to dance. One dance will not spoil your
image.'

`Bingley, I have no hesitation in saying that my image would only
be enhanced by giving consequence to any lady here present.'

`Personally I think Miss Elizabeth is the perfect choice for you.
Her manners are discreet and she has a lovely smile. I also
heard said that she is an excellent conversationalist and you
always prefer dark hair anyway.'

`You appear to be searching for reasons, Bingley. I will
entertain myself until you are ready to leave.'

For Mr. Darcy's part, his wanderings had not changed his mind.
The tone and object of this assembly was no different from any
other he had attended or heard spoken of, improve one's lot by
securing an affluent marriage. And any failure of attendees to
obey this edict was tantamount to exile. The room was full of
talkative strangers who were more interested in themselves and
their own opinions that any one else's. They were tolerably
attired, for the country. They seemed to all know one another and
had little desire to extend that acquaintance unless it was sure to
lead to the desired object. How he hated small talk and
conversation that was intended solely for affect. They laughed,
they danced and they drank. As had been promised by
household gossip at Netherfield prior to their coming, the Bennet
girls were indeed pretty. However only Jane was outstanding.
Unfortunately though, there were too many of them. They were
everywhere and as a whole made a formidable collection. To
extend any preference in their direction would indeed be a move
that required more bravery than Mr. Darcy was willing to exhibit.

 
 
Behind the Scenes – 03

From long experience, Elizabeth knew that assemblies such as
these never offered ladies enough opportunity for dance. Long
periods had to be filled with small talk and news while they
waited for a gentleman to be free to single them out. And such
was Elizabeth's lot. She sat and waited, this time alone, as her
friend Charlotte was engaged for the next set. As she sat, she
observed Mr. Bingley's obvious unease with Mr. Darcy's
behaviour. He continually looked around to see what Mr. Darcy
was up to. It was during the break in one set that Mr. Bingley
returned once again to his friend who was now standing just
within earshot of Elizabeth.

Although she knew it inappropriate, Elizabeth could not help but
attempt to hear if Mr. Bingley mentioned Jane at all. His first
words were a suggestion that Mr. Darcy should find a partner.

Despite Mr. Darcy's refusal, Mr. Bingley persisted and Elizabeth
could not help but try to listen in further. Despite knowing that it
was highly improper and extremely bad manners, the lure of
such a conversation between two gentlemen left her no option
but to concentrate on their words.

Mr. Bingley wasted no time in stating that although he found Mr.
Darcy far too fastidious, he thought certain ladies were
particularly attractive. Darcy was too astute to ignore such a plea
and satisfied his friend by stating that Jane was indeed the most
beautiful woman in the room.

Elizabeth was delighted and could hardly wait to tell Jane.
However, her ears were still tuned in and she next heard Mr.
Bingley suggest that she might be an appropriate partner for Mr.
Darcy as she was nearly as pretty as Jane.

Elizabeth did not find this comment particularly pleasing but
somewhere inside was sensible enough to know it was the
truth. Second best is never quite what anyone wants to hear and
it is especially so when heard spoken by young gentlemen.

Hearing herself mentioned as such, she made extra effort to
hear Mr. Darcy's reply. She glanced towards Mr. Darcy and this
was almost her undoing because at that exact moment he
glanced at her. Their eyes met but thankfully with no
acknowledgement from either party. Mr. Darcy turned back.

He went on to say that she was indeed pretty enough but he was
still in no mood to dance, with anyone, even if ladies were forced
to stay seated because gentlemen had chosen elsewhere.

Bingley sighed and shook his head as he walked back to Jane.
Darcy was left alone to mentally peruse his friend's comments.
Yes she was indeed pretty but not beautiful. Yes she had a lively
face and was without a partner. But that didn't mean he should
feel obliged to dance with her. As for her other attributes which
had been so generously pointed out earlier in the evening, well
smiles can be had anywhere and he seriously doubted her
ability to conduct an intelligent conversation beyond the first
round. After Mr. Bingley left he noticed that Elizabeth was quite
close. Closer than he was first aware. He had momentary
thought that she may have been listening in and she did after all
catch his eye but that thought was dismissed as quickly as it
was established. He had not spoken any louder than his friend
and he had been able to see her during the whole conversation.

Darcy then wallowed in his displeasure. He had been there two
hours and still there was nothing to keep his interest or even to
arouse it. The assembly was simply a crowd of strangers to
whom he felt no obligation. There was not even conversation to
be had as he had no desire to waste narrative with his friend's
sisters as he would hear it all on their return to Netherfield and it
was certainly not the kind of talk that demanded repetition. His
life was in a pattern of responsibility leaving little room for
pleasure. It was simply an evening of an aching back and tired
feet. After all to take a seat meant that one could be approached
so the only safe course was to keep moving.

Elizabeth, meanwhile, sat very still. She could not possibly show
any recognition of having listened in to their conversation and
she now felt a little foolish for putting herself in such a position
of apparent affront. How she maintained her composure she did
not know.

As soon as Mr. Bingley had returned to Jane's side, Elizabeth
moved from her seat and crossed the room to talk to Charlotte,
Sir William's daughter and her friend, who had just been
escorted from the floor. Mrs. Bennet and Mrs. Phillips were also
standing nearby. She immediately told them what the gentlemen
had said, putting particular emphasis on Mr. Darcy's rejection of
her. Elizabeth felt it best to ensure that she was the originator of
such information in case others had heard it also. If one was the
subject of such a slight, it was best that one brought it to the
attention of others before any random gossip began. Yes,
Elizabeth was very aware of the foibles of human nature, even
her own.

Her mother, however, was simply determined to think the worst
and had already decided Mr. Darcy's character on nothing more
than appearance. However, this additional evidence provided her
with tittle-tattle ramblings to all who would listen and even some
who preferred not to.

Mr. Darcy watched as his friend danced with all the Bennet girls
including Elizabeth. After he had escorted her from the floor, he
returned to Mr. Darcy.

`Bingley, have you had enough yet? I am really tired.'

`You would not be so tired and irksome if you moved around
more, talked and danced. Miss Elizabeth is as charming as her
sister. You are depriving yourself of good company, Darcy.'

`Good company, Bingley? You are good company. I require no
more.'

Bingley smiled. `And you are good company too Darcy. But not to
the exclusion of pretty young ladies.'

Darcy smiled in return. `Bingley, I do wish I had your spirit of
fun. I really do. You find enjoyment anywhere. I am uncomfortable
with strangers.

`And so the world will remain if you refuse to participate,
man.'

`Then the world will have to do without me. Bingley. Now can we
leave?'

`One more set.'

Darcy rolled his eyes as Mr. Bingley set off in search of another
dance partner.

The evening dragged from that point on. The principal members
of the town party did manage to avoid overhearing any pursuant
talk of themselves, or so it seemed, while the ladies in the party
continued to pass judgement on all others present but
particularly the other ladies.

`Louisa, we need have had no concerns about what we wore.
There is not one frock here that could be worn in town. Such
basic designs and mostly in voile! Voile, Louisa! Who in society
would be seen after five in voile!'

`Mrs. Bennet's sleeves are definitely silk though, Caroline.
But did you see the worn edge on the piping? And the colour is
almost lost. They obviously do not even have adequate laundry
staff. And the daughters! I definitely think it is quite forward to
have such necklines,' censured Mrs. Hurst in response to her
and her sister's scant décolletage.

`You know these country girls have only one thing on their
minds, Louisa. But I do think they should not be so obvious
about it. I am sure Mr. Darcy is blushing at such displays.'

Mr. Darcy was not blushing. Mr. Darcy rarely, if ever, blushed. Not
that he was devoid of such passion. It is just that he had learned
many years ago to avoid any situations that might elicit such a
response. Instead, he found it best to study and evaluate in
private, concealing his thoughts and leaving the general
populace no opportunity to evaluate him. He had no interest in
strangers. His life was filled with estate business and sport
leaving him little time for the niceties of social intercourse. His
fortune, connections and looks required that he was always
noticed and this, from a young age, had forced him to withdraw
into himself. He was a private boy and an even more private
man, intensely private in fact, and his only recourse from such
attention was withdrawal. One slip and he found himself
exposed and vulnerable which was a state he abhorred. He
allowed very few people to know the real man. He had been
educated to exude a certain demeanour and over the ensuing
years he had allowed it to progress, albeit unconsciously, to its
present state of haughtiness.



Behind the Scenes – 04

The days following such an assembly naturally required the local
ladies to offer extensive examination of every twist and turn of the
evening; who heard what and about whom; the frocks of course;
and most importantly, who was the most handsome in the room.

Mr. Bingley, by popular vote, was pronounced the most
handsome but there was a small contingent of females who
would have preferred to vote for Mr. Darcy. However to do so
meant a defence of his attitude and that was tantamount to
expulsion in such a group of country girls. As Elizabeth was the
woman known to have been rejected by Mr. Darcy, it was
necessary for the ladies to offer her some pity. However, the
information they had was from her own lips so she could not
expect anything less. The ladies fulfilled the obligations of all
young ladies at a dance and managed to notice everything
important.

`Lydia, did you see Miss Bingley's petticoat? It was silk I
am
sure,' said Kitty.

`I know. And it was the most handsome colour. I think that shade
would suit me fine,' replied Lydia.

`Oh nonsense Lydia. You are too fair for such a strong colour. I
think it would suit Lizzy or Kitty much better,' answered Mrs.
Bennet.

`If it would suit Lizzy and Kitty, then it would suit me
too,' replied
Mary. `My hair is the same colour as theirs.'

`Of course it is dear but you are much better in lighter
shades,'
replied Mrs. Bennet, firmly returning Mary to the background of
the conversation where she preferred her.

Although Mrs. Bennet was fiercely protective of all her
daughters'
rights to good marriages, she was not lacking in her obvious
preference for certain of her daughters over the others. She had
established a pecking order in their early years and this had
never wavered. Jane was the most beautiful and the eldest,
Lydia was the liveliest and the youngest, Lizzy was pretty as well
but too smart for her own good and far too close to her father
which unconsciously made Mrs. Bennet feel left out. Kitty was
always complaining but was pretty enough and Mary, despite her
inadequate beauty, would be accomplished at all costs.

`I thought that Mrs. Hurst's hair arrangement was
outstanding.
And her feathers!' continued Mrs. Bennet. `How I wish I had
feathers like that. I must write to Mrs. Gardiner and see if she
knows where to purchase them.'

`I prefer much simpler hairstyling,' said Jane. `Their
curls were
too tight.'

`Absolutely!' replied Elizabeth.

`I cannot imagine how I would spend that much money,' stated
Mrs. Bennet.

`What money, Mama?' asked Elizabeth.

`Why Mr. Bingley's and that Mr. Darcy's. Mr. Bingley has
five
thousand a year. Five thousand! Imagine the feathers I could buy
with that.'

`Mr. Darcy has ten thousand!' added Lydia. `But I'd
still prefer an
officer. What is money when one is stuck with such a boring
husband!'

`Lydia! I am sure that Mr. Darcy is not boring,' said Jane.

`How would you know?' asked Lydia. `He hardly spoke to a
person in the room.'

`He is Mr. Bingley's friend,' replied Jane.

`Jane, I thought Mr. Bingley's waistcoat suited him
perfectly,' said
Elizabeth.

Jane smiled. `Yes indeed, but Mr. Darcy's choice was just as
perfect. And I still prefer breeches Lizzy, even if you do not.'

Elizabeth smiled. `I think they make their legs look thin,
especially Mr. Darcy's.'

`Lizzy!' announced Jane, in a tone of admonishment.

`You noticed their legs too Jane. I know you did,' replied
Elizabeth.

`I did!' Lydia interjected. `But Denny's legs are
better.'

`Girls, I think you should keep such opinions to yourself. This
is
hardly an appropriate topic for conversation. Your father would
not approve,' admonished Mrs. Bennet in a momentary display
of manners. She then proceeded to destroy her standing by
continuing the topic. `However, I agree with Lydia. The officers
look much finer in breeches.'

`The gentlemen talk about us so why should we not talk about
them?' said Kitty. `It is only fair.'

`As long as the conversation and opinions remain in this
house,'
said Mr. Bennet on entering the room. `I would really prefer to
hear my daughters discussing the latest publications than
gentlemen's legs. It is entirely too frivolous even for you
Lydia,'
he said as he looked sternly at his youngest daughter.

The girls and Mrs. Bennet all smiled, as they knew when to take
Mr. Bennet's comments to heart and when he was teasing. He
had lived far too long with women to be surprised at anything he
heard.

`Lizzy started it!' replied Lydia.

`Enough!' said Mr. Bennet. `The physical attributes of
young men
should be the farthest thing on your minds. You should be
concentrating on what they have to say and not what they are
wearing.'

This kind of talk was not exclusive to the ladies or indeed to the
Bennet household. The gentlemen present also spent some
time reviewing the evening's events. Mr. Bingley had taken on his
usual post-assembly aspect. He smiled, grinned, hummed and
could speak of no one but Jane, his latest eternal love. Mr. Hurst
grunted a lot when asked how he found the assembly while Mr.
Darcy nodded as his friend pursued his normal attitude to a
beautiful face.

`Well?'

`Well, what Bingley?'

She is adorable, an absolute angel, isn't she?'

Darcy grinned. `She is. Along with the many that already inhabit
your definition of heaven no doubt.'

`Are you in love again, Bingley?' asked Mr. Hurst. `I
really think
that you go overboard man.'

`You must learn to appreciate the finer things in life. There is
nothing more satisfying than the smiles of a beautiful woman,'
replied Mr. Bingley with a smile at Mr. Darcy.

`I agree whole-heartedly Bingley. However, I see no point in
wasting time with ladies of no consequence. I admit, the room
held some fine examples of English beauty but that does not
mean that we, as gentlemen, should feel the need to offer them
hope. We have a responsibility man.' Mr. Darcy smiled and
shook his head at his friend.

`Offer them hope? Darcy, surely you are not suggesting that our
mere presence offers hope. I did dance with her twice but she is
a classic beauty. What man could resist!'

`Yes Bingley, we have heard your description already. However,
this marriage business is serious. It is not confined to the ton. In
a society such as this, marriage is an even greater study. The
hopes and aspirations of the country far outweigh those of town.
I suspect that we were both talked about for some time prior to
our arrival and I have no doubt that our income, connections and
estates, or lack thereof, were discussed in great and accurate
detail.'

`I do intend to purchase one day, you know.'

`I realise that Bingley but it is time you actually made a
decision.
If you think the inhabitants of this quaint county are enough for
you then purchase this place. Netherfield is pretty enough. Mind
you the country manners will wear you down.'

`I just may take up your challenge Darcy. I just may.'

`Well it could only ensure you have less time for falling love
Bingley!' teased Mr. Darcy.

`Well said, Fitzwilliam, well said,' said Mr. Hurst. `A
man has
more to do than listen to such nonsense. Leave it to the ladies.
They have nothing else to talk about. Mind you there were some
lovely girls there. But Charles you must learn to curb your ardour,
at least in the country. As Fitzwilliam said, it's a business,
man.
And business is no good without some monetary input. These
ladies have nothing to offer gentlemen like us.'

`I am going to ignore that comment, Hurst. I intend to be happy
and that is all that concerns me. Darcy, do you think the game
sufficient here at Netherfield? There have been some days when
it seems very light. I would not like to purchase an estate and
then find myself needing to restock it. I also wanted to speak to
you about the stable roof.'

Upon hearing this exchange, Miss Bingley could not help but
press her own point.

`Brother dear, are you sure that you would be happy in such a
confined location? I think the north is a far better choice.'

`Caroline, I will choose where I please. I love Pemberley as
much as you but I do not think that Darcy would want me on his
doorstep at every turn. And besides, I think the populace of
Meryton and Longbourn would more than suffice. There are
many advantages to living here.'

Darcy smiled to himself. Although Bingley seemed to be more
than considerate of her manner, he had the knack of placing
Caroline exactly where he wanted her. He handled her and she
was indeed a lady who needed handling. Darcy enjoyed some
repartee with Caroline but always with an eye to keeping a
certain distance between them. He might have been referring to
the country when he spoke of the marriage business but that did
not mean he was unaware of certain hopes within this very
circle. Yes Caroline was good entertainment for short periods.
However, he knew one thing for sure, she was one lady whom
he would never ask to dance twice in the one evening.

`Darcy, if you actually talked to some new ladies, you might find
one who interests you,' continued Mr. Bingley.

`Bingley, when or if I decide to make ladies a priority of mine,
I
have no doubt that I will find what I am looking for. The trouble is
Bingley, I am not looking,' replied Mr. Darcy.

`You do not have to look. The ladies all look at you.'

`Idle flattery will get you nowhere Bingley. I am determined to
take
my own course in this.'

During this intercourse Miss Bingley was inwardly sighing. It
seemed no matter how determined her attempts, Mr. Darcy
treated her as his friend's sister and no more. Well, as long as
she was the woman most often in his company, she was sure
she would win in the end. It was to her advantage that he was so
bored by large groups of strangers and refused to talk amongst
them.

A short while later Mr. Darcy encountered his friend alone in the
library and took up the discussion of the assembly.

`Bingley, do you remember when you came across in an
endeavour to coerce me to dance with Miss Elizabeth?'

`Vaguely, why?'

`I have been thinking ever since that it is possible that she
overheard what we said.'

`I doubt that.'

"When I turned to look at her, she was looking at us,' said
Mr.
Darcy.

`I remember now. I was facing her and she showed no sign of
overhearing. Anyway, you only said that nothing was going to
make you dance, even a pretty face. There is hardly anything
wrong with that.'

`But we did comment on her beauty.'

`True, but only to state that although she was very pretty, Jane
was indeed the most beautiful. Surely Miss Elizabeth would not
be offended by that even if she did hear it stated. Every person in
the room would agree that Jane is the most beautiful. Darcy, why
does it concern you?'

`It does not concern me as such. I was just thinking over the
evening and was left wondering. She scurried over to huddle
with friends after that and they all seemed to have great delight in
glaring at me from that moment on.'

`Darcy, I know you are sensitive but I think you are taking this
point too far. What you or either of us said was hardly worth
thinking about. You are what you are and you hate dancing. Even
pretty girls will not rid you of this fault,' said Mr. Bingley
with a
grin.

`It is not a fault, Bingley. It is just…'

`Even you cannot define why you hate it so much. You see, it is
beyond folly man. If you were inept at the practice I would
understand but you have a superb feel for the music and move
well. I think it is a Darcy trait. You dance well and Georgiana
plays well. You have it in you.'

Darcy smiled. Mr. Bingley was a loyal and honest friend, a
gentleman in the true sense of the word.

`Thank you Bingley, for once again raising my spirits. I do not
know what I would do without you friend.'

`Friends indeed, man. Now tell me again how beautiful did you
find Miss Bennet.'

Jane would have blushed to know how many times Mr. Bingley
thought of her but he may have been just as flushed if he knew
that she was doing the same of him. Jane was a lady of gentle
judgement and quiet manners and although she appeared
outwardly calm, inside she was in raptures about Mr. Bingley.
She listened with composure as he and the other gentlemen
were assessed. She spoke the truth with no embellishment and
when she heard word that Mr. Darcy had ignored Mrs. Long she
immediately came to his defence and stated that she had
definitely seen him respond.

The remainder of the ladies continued to trade their experiences
back and forth until there was little truth left of the actual event.
Instead they were left with a myriad of distorted impressions
melded into a tale. The gentlemen were determined as nothing
more than was seen or heard on one night. Mr. Darcy was
haughty with no personality and little manners. He should have
made a point of being introduced to those at the assembly and
dancing with as many ladies as possible. Mr. Bingley was the
epitome of husband material. He was charming, attentive and
rich.

Elizabeth was somewhat caught in this as well, as her
expectations for the assembly were just high enough to make
the actual event a disappointment. She had hoped to dance
more; she had hoped that the young men from town would be all
like Mr. Bingley. And despite her liveliness and joie de vivre she
was still vulnerable enough to feel extremely slighted by Mr.
Darcy's comments. In fact, her vanity was so severely bruised
that she had heard nothing except that she was not pretty
enough in his eyes. Like any lady in that situation she failed to
analyse anything past that point and the fact that he was actually
finding a reason not to dance completely escaped her.

She made a great effort to appear calm and light hearted when
the incident was referred to. Perhaps she had been unwise in
being so forthright with his comments as it appeared that no one
else had overheard them. She could have kept it all to herself
which would definitely have kept her pride in check. However, it
was done and she now had no choice but to grin and bear it.
This also left her with the added responsibility of agreeing with
every criticism put forth about Mr. Darcy. The continual derogatory
comments from the young ladies compounded each other and
indeed it became easier and easier for her to dislike him
immensely. Such vast evidence must be without doubt!

Mr. Darcy's feelings were not considered and it was assumed
that his attendance at the assembly brought with it an obligation
to dance. Intellectually, Elizabeth should have known better but
such clear thinking is impossible when surrounded by friends
willing to sympathise. She, along with all the other ladies, also
found it imprudent of him to attend such an assembly and refuse
to be introduced to most of those present. After all, a man in his
position could talk amongst strangers, surely.

Unfortunately, Mrs. Bennet was at the centre of these
deliberations. She saw and heard only that Elizabeth was
slighted by a man who should have known his obligations in
attending the assembly. All her girls were beautiful or talented in
her eyes and as such she expected all young men to pay due
homage. As Mr. Darcy had refused to obey the rules set down in
Mrs. Bennet's mind and those of her peers, he was deemed too
proud to bother with. She would not have her girls crossed under
any circumstances. Her maternal determination to have them
well married made her proud and boastful of them all and
completely oblivious to any shortcomings in them or in her way
of thinking and totally devoid of any regard for the gentlemens'
feelings.

The fact that Mr. Darcy seemed to have singled out her second
daughter for particular censure meant that he must be punished
and Elizabeth was informed that she should never dance with
him even if he asked. Elizabeth found herself caught in her own
web. She had allowed her mother to know of Mr. Darcy's
rejection and she must suffer the consequences despite the
possible cost of such a rash promise. However agreeing to
never dance with Mr. Darcy was hardly a problem when she
considered her attitude to him and the unlikelihood of his ever
asking her. He was hardly a man to change his mind.


Behind the Scenes - 05

In consequence of the newcomers' arrival in the district, Elizabeth,
Jane, their three younger sisters as well as their mother felt a duty
to pay a visit to the ladies of Netherfield. It was fortunate that
the gentlemen appeared before the ladies had left as it provided
opportunity for proper introductions, which had been lacking at the
assembly. Mr. Bingley introduced each of the Bennet girls to Mr.
Darcy and he in turn exuded faultless manners as he bowed to each one.

He had already made preliminary assessments of them all and he
envisaged that this formal meeting would merely confirm his
impressions. However he instantly sensed a vast disparity in the
girls. The elder two were by far the most refined and despite his
unexpressed longing to find fault, he could find none. The younger
three were not worthy of any thought, expressed or otherwise. Mrs.
Bennet was an entity unto herself. She was the quintessential country
mother. Deficient in experience, her mind centred on her daughters'
marital aspirations and nothing that occurred in her life would sway
her from that course.

The visit gave Jane a further chance to speak to Mr. Bingley and
Elizabeth was now without doubt that Jane was indeed infatuated. She
watched as Jane smiled within herself every time Mr. Bingley looked
at her. Elizabeth found it endearing and sweet.

Mr. Darcy assumed his usual "assembly pose" as Elizabeth liked to
think of it, silent, obtuse and very like a man who was obeying a set
of his own rules of behaviour. He was polite enough on arrival but
that was the extent of his vocabulary it seemed. Elizabeth was sure
he seemed much happier in his farewells than in his greetings.

The Netherfield ladies returned the visit and on Mr. Bingley's
insistence, they invited the two eldest Miss Bennets to dinner. When
they had departed, Mrs. Bennet went into raptures about their dress
and deportment and began planning what Jane should wear. As there was
no one at Netherfield of interest to her regarding Elizabeth, she
allowed her to do her own choosing. Of course Elizabeth was more than
relieved. She was only going as a companion for Jane and it would
give her a good chance to see how things with Mr. Bingley were
progressing.

The carriage was greeted by Mr. Bingley who helped Jane down and then
Elizabeth. The remainder of the party was assembled in the drawing
room where a small glass of wine was offered to the guests while they
awaited the call for dinner. Mr. Darcy greeted the ladies immediately
upon their entrance.

'Good evening Miss Bennet, Miss Elizabeth.'

Jane replied quietly. 'Good evening Mr. Darcy, Mr. Hurst, Mrs. Hurst,
Miss Bingley.'

'Good evening Mr. Darcy, Mr. Hurst, Mrs. Hurst, Miss Bingley,'
Elizabeth announced in a firm but uplifting tone.

The ladies in the room nodded as Mr. Bingley ushered Jane to a couch
that would seat only two. Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst were engaged
with each other in their observance of Jane, leaving Elizabeth with
Mr. Darcy or Mr. Hurst. She looked first at Mr. Hurst who nodded and
then popped a grape in his mouth while speaking to Mr. Darcy and
completely ignoring Elizabeth.

'Darcy, may I borrow your mount tomorrow? I heard Bingley say you
were on business and mine is still a little lame after yesterday.'

Mr. Darcy was well aware of Mr. Hurst's slight of Elizabeth and
promptly ignored his request and turned back to her.

'Please, Miss Bennet,' said Mr. Darcy as he indicated a chair for Elizabeth.

She accepted and he immediately took a seat some way from her without
any further word. Elizabeth politely watched as she sipped her wine,
all the while wondering what Mr. Darcy would say if he knew that she
had overheard his comment on her beauty. How that would ruin his
reserve and destroy his pride!

He smiled at her and then replied to Mr. Hurst's previous request.

'I do not lend out my mount to anyone Hurst. You know how particular
I am about my animals. Perhaps Bingley's second mount will be free.'

'I think all this fuss about animals is quite unnecessary. You are
too fastidious Darcy. I cannot abhor fastidiousness when it comes to
animals. Well except my dogs.'

Meanwhile Darcy was becoming distracted and was quietly taking in
Elizabeth. He seemed to have no qualms about looking at her although
he did look away if she caught his eye. She thought that he must have
been doing a minute comparison of her features for posterity. This is
the face of the woman not pretty enough to dance with. As soon as he
caught her eye she looked away also not wishing to converse with him
at all. He noticed of course and was resolved that his opinion of her
conversational abilities was indeed more accurate than his friend's.

Miss Bingley, always ready to be seen and heard began with a question
to Elizabeth.

'Miss Bennet, is your family all well?'

'Very much so, thank you.'

Having performed the minimum required of a hostess, Miss Bingley
turned to Mr. Darcy.

'Mr. Darcy, is there to be any sport in the morning? I cannot tell
you how I enjoyed the partridge you caught two days ago. It quite
filled my senses with that sauce prepared from your cook's recipe.
Mr. Darcy has a French chef you see, Miss Bennet andŠ'

'There is, although I may have business which will keep me away,'
replied Mr. Darcy abruptly.

Mr. Darcy was forever uncomfortable with Miss Bingley's boasting of
his estate and endeavoured to cut her off when possible. Elizabeth
watched this exchange confirming her opinion of his pride and
abruptness.

Not deterred in the slightest Miss Bingley continued.

'I cannot tell you Miss Bennet how delightful sport is at Pemberley.
Mr. Darcy keeps a number of men solely for the purpose of ensuring
adequate game. Of course I realise that your experience is limited
here in the country but trust me when I say that Pemberley has the
finest covies in all of England.'

'I always thought that Pemberley was in the country also,' retorted
Elizabeth. She smiled to herself as she noticed Mr. Darcy sigh ever
so slightly. She found she had an unconscious delight in seeing him
squirm a little.

Mr. Darcy was not squirming as such. He did react to her retort but
it was hardly in criticism. Her pertness surprised him considering
her obvious previous desire to avoid conversation, at least with him.

At dinner, Jane was seated on Mr. Bingley's right with Mr. Darcy and
Elizabeth making up that side of the table. Miss Bingley, being Mr.
Bingley's hostess, was seated at the opposite end of the table to him
with Mr. and Mrs. Hurst on her right.

As Jane was more than preoccupied with Mr. Bingley, Elizabeth was
left as the only visitor available for perusal. Miss Bingley began
with a leading question.

'Miss Bennet, are there many assemblies in Meryton?'

Sure she knew where this was going, she replied tersely, 'About four
times a year.'

'You must look forward to them Miss Bennet as the country offers very
limited society.'

Elizabeth felt trapped and for a short while she was tempted to curb
her usual manner of conversation. However, it was only a passing
thought. Elizabeth was secure enough in her abilities to continue
unabated.

Mr. Darcy persisted in only short comments usually directed at Miss
Bingley. His manner was that of a combatant on alert whenever
Caroline spoke. It amused Elizabeth to see him uncomfortable although
she had trouble acknowledging that she cared how he felt at any time.
Still, such pride needed pricking.

Mrs. Hurst was happy to allow her sister to quiz Elizabeth and nod in
agreement at Caroline's comments. Mr. Hurst of course had no time for
talk while food was in front of him, his compensation for marital
boredom. His wife only spoke to him when her sister was not in
residence.

Mr. Darcy was actually much more interested in listening to
Elizabeth's comments than Miss Bingley's although he offered very
little in return. Unabated, Elizabeth was more than happy to fill in
the gaps in the conversation and managed to get a slight smile out of
Mr. Darcy with her tale of a vagrant pig. Ever ready to play with
people, she was especially satisfied with this result as the story
was a complete fabrication created entirely for effect.

After the quail and before the fish, Mr. Bingley began to realise his
obligations as host to more than Jane and with a smile of contentment
began expounding the delights of the county. The land forms, the
climate, even the variety of cows found there, were without fault. He
was sure that he would buy there. Mr. Darcy suggested that Mr.
Bingley think carefully before deciding and Elizabeth was sure she
understood exactly what he meant. The whole idea of settling in such
a place, with such ugly women, was beneath him.

Just as Mr. Darcy was storing away fond memories of Elizabeth's vocal
repertoire, she was adding to her list of reasons why he held
contempt for everyone outside his own private circle.

After dinner, when the gentlemen returned to the ladies, Mr. Darcy
was quite animated and Elizabeth was somewhat taken aback and her
resolve to find him unlikable was almost swayed. He had hardly spoken
more than a few sentences at the assembly, yet here he was bantering
with Mr. Bingley and having great fun with Miss Bingley. However, he
added to Elizabeth's list by commenting that the livestock at
Netherfield were fine but nothing compared to the north. He then
compounded it all by agreeing with Miss Bingley that a trip to town
was necessary to finalise a winter wardrobe. Yes Elizabeth was now
convinced. He was so totally absorbed by his own worth and interests
as to be ignorant of anyone or anything else.

On returning home from Netherfield, it was compulsory for Elizabeth
and Jane to compare notes on the gentlemen. Mr. Bingley had the most
perfect blue eyes that shone when he smiled. Not that he ever stopped
smiling in Jane's company but Elizabeth was not about to bring that
up. Caroline Bingley was after Mr. Darcy. Could a lady be more
obvious? And, he was playing her like a well-tuned violin or so
Elizabeth thought. He deliberately made statements to get her ire up
and she was not quite quick enough to notice. Louisa Hurst was
married to the worst kind of man. Simply revolting! Both Jane and
Elizabeth had to admit that they would feel ill at the thought of
being touched by Mr. Hurst. He even had wet lips! And his breath!
Elizabeth had the misfortune to stand too close at one point in the
evening and took great delight in feigning a swoon for Jane to show
how she wanted to react when he was near her.

Mr. Darcy was just boring. He had great potential with his looks and
money but unfortunately he was too interested in appearing full of
ennui or at the very least absorbed in some deep business worry to be
of interest. Jane's guess was that he had ladies after him all the
time and he had chosen this aloof demeanour as a habit to keep them
at bay. Elizabeth was convinced it was not an affectation for result
but an intrinsic part of the man.

'Well he need not bother here,' said Elizabeth, 'as there are no
ladies remotely interested in him.' She knew that was not entirely
true as there were three ladies in Meryton who would have put up with
endless boredom to be Mistress of Pemberley. He was far too handsome
and rich for his own good!


Behind the Scenes - 06

The Netherfield dinner was returned by Mrs. Bennet with additional
guests in the form of Miss Lucas and her sister. Mrs. Bennet was
always happy to invite Charlotte on occasions such as this as she was
quite plain and quite past her prime compared to her own daughters
who could only rise in comparison. Mariah Lucas, Charlotte's younger
sister was still not out but made a good companion for Kitty and
Lydia, the two youngest Miss Bennets. Mary, the middle child,
suffered from that position. Neither the eldest, nor the youngest and
by no means the prettiest, she attempted to be the most accomplished,
a feat that was still a work in progress.

The Netherfield party was precisely on time which was noted by Mr.
Bennet. He greeted them all at the door where Mr. Bingley introduced
the rest of his party. As Mr. Bennet ushered them into the drawing
room to meet the ladies he noticed that Mr. Darcy tended to stay
behind the main party which left little opportunity for him to be
spoken to directly. Such delightful opportunities were not to be
missed by Mr. Bennet who then made it a point of bringing Mr. Darcy
to the fore.

'Mr. Darcy, I hear that you attended our latest assembly.'

'Indeed sir.'

'And found it filled with country delights no doubt. Would you not
agree that our ladies are worthy of great praise, Mr. Darcy?' baited
Mr. Bennet.

'They are indeed delightful, sir.'

'So you no doubt found yourself with tired feet from so much dancing,
sir?' retorted Mr. Bennet in good humour to see Mr. Darcy's squirm.

Unfortunately this mode of conversation was making Elizabeth squirm
along with Mr. Darcy. She enjoyed her father's repartee when it was
well intentioned or clever but this topic could only lead to
embarrassment. Mr. Darcy was unsure of where this was leading. As
this was his first encounter with Mr. Bennet he had yet to learn the
vagaries of his humour and found this quizzing particularly awkward.

'I have always been more fond of conversation than dancing, sir.'

'Ah, so when does all this conversation take place Mr. Darcy? I was
always under the impression that young men thought the single most
important thing about dancing was the opportunity to talk to young
ladies.'

'That is true, sir.'

'No doubt you have other means at your disposal then Mr. Darcy?'

'Means, sir?'

'Yes, means of acquainting yourself with young ladies.'

Elizabeth could stand no more. She loved her father but knew that he
often used words to amuse himself at the expense of others and thus
she chose this moment to vary the topic. However she could not resist
continuing the wit.

'Papa, Mr. Darcy is visiting Mr. Bingley for sport and although you
and I find great sport in conversation I am sure that Mr. Darcy
perceives more traditional pursuits.'

Mr. Darcy smiled inside at her veiled comment. He did indeed try to
think of things to say, particularly to her, but on second thought
they always seem to move towards small talk which he abhorred. And
the suggestion that he engage her in a topic that was above small was
indeed wrought with anxiety. He was not ready to invest that much of
himself with her at this juncture. The risks were too great. That he
had even considered such a move frightened him more than he
understood.

The problem of seating was one that Mrs. Bennet had thought over for
some time. Of course Jane should be next to Mr. Bingley and he should
be on her right as she was the hostess. Mr. Darcy should be on her
left. Miss Bingley would be seated on Mr. Bennet's right. That left
Kitty next to Miss Bingley, then Mary, Mariah and finally Lydia next
to Mr. Darcy. Mrs. Hurst was on Mr. Bennet's left and next to her
husband. Charlotte was next to Mr. Hurst, then Elizabeth and finally
Jane and Mr. Bingley. There were far too many ladies without partners
but it could not be helped. Oh why could they not have had a son, or
two!

As the company entered the dining room, Mrs. Bennet took charge and
directed each person where to sit. She was not having any alterations
in her master plan. She took her seat and smiled satisfactorily as
everyone sank into his or her specified chair. Mrs. Bennet's table
was always ponderous. She had an eye for food and it was the one area
where Jane and Elizabeth were never embarrassed. It might not be from
the hands of a French chef but it would be more than ample and
delicately balanced.

As envisaged the food was superb, the company mottled and the
conversation bizarre. Elizabeth spent most of her time talking with
her father who was ever ready to pass comment. Mr. Darcy was seated
opposite her although down the table but was positioned extremely
well so that he had ample occasion to observe her. She noticed his
glance once or twice but was sufficiently removed from him to ignore
it. Charlotte was aware that every time she looked at him, he was
looking at Elizabeth. And his looks did not seem intended to judge
her harshly. She put it down solely to his boredom with Mrs. Bennet's
continual fussing over his plate and the contents thereof. He had
barely finished his last potato when she piled more on his plate.
Mrs. Bennet's aim was simply to keep him eating and thus avoid her
obligation to speak to him. His object was to appear to be chewing or
sipping as much as possible and thus avoid having to speak to her.
Despite this gastronomic game playing, he was not unaware of the
varied conversations going on around the table, particularly
Elizabeth's jousting with her father.

Despite her apparent dislike of Mr. Darcy, Elizabeth was mortified
when she heard Lydia talk only of the officers who had just arrived
in Meryton. Mariah was more than interested to hear her comments and
Mr. Darcy was unfortunately next to this rambling. She had no wish
for him to have tales of her family's lack of decorum. She had not
consciously thought why it should worry her but it did and that was
enough for the present. She would think about why later.

By now Mr. Darcy had become Elizabeth's unconscious human study.
Despite a complete lack of awareness of her thoughts, she could not
help but have a heightened interest in the way he behaved in
different circumstances. She had decided early on that he was above
his company and he was confirming her resolve at every meeting. The
only attempts at social intercourse that he displayed were when he
was within his own sphere without the degradation of conversing with
the country folk. This apparent lack of awareness did not, however,
absolve her of feeling embarrassed when her family behaved in an
unruly manner.

As Mrs. Bennet ran of out food and drink with which to ply Mr. Darcy,
she felt it her obligation to say something to allow Mr. Bingley
ample time talking to Jane. She thus began by boasting of the
delights of the neighbourhood.

'You no doubt find the society here very extensive, Mr. Darcy?'

'Indeed Madam.'

'So you have been kept busy with invitations sir?'

'Indeed Madam.'

'I do so love a good fish, don't you Mr. Darcy?'

'Indeed Madam.'

Despite her attempts to engage only Mr. Darcy, Mr. Bingley entered
the fray, all too willing to assist his friend in what he knew was an
uncomfortable situation for him.

'Darcy is a great fisherman Ma'am. His ponds are extensive.'

'Oh you have ponds at Pemberley, Mr. Darcy,' Mrs. Bennet offered in response.

'And streams Ma'am. Darcy has superb streams,' replied Mr. Bingley.

'And what good is a man without streams,' added Mr. Bennet with a
quick glance at Elizabeth.

By now Jane and the rest of the table were listening. Mr. Darcy was
feeling completely and utterly exposed as the major topic of
conversation. He spent his whole life avoiding such occurrences if at
all possible. This was not only very small talk but it was very small
talk about him.

'Pemberley is a very large estate Mama. I am sure Mr. Darcy has
grounds worthy of many activities,' said Jane.

'I am looking to purchasing one day and Pemberley is indeed the model
by which one should define an estate. Do you prefer hills or valleys,
Miss Bennet?' said Mr. Bingley, restoring the private conversation
between he and Jane.

If Elizabeth had been willing she would have sworn she saw the
slightest blush from Mr. Darcy when Pemberley's assets were
mentioned. But she was not willing to allow any such favour to him.
No, his heightened colour must have been the result of consuming so
many hot dishes in a row.

She was eager however to see how he behaved when the gentlemen
returned to the ladies as this seemed to be his most talkative time.
However he failed to live up to his Netherfield performance and
instead chose the most distant chair and assumed a look of deep
thought. He barely replied to any comment from even Caroline or Mr.
Bingley and seemed content to scrutinise all of those present but
particularly Elizabeth. She could not help but notice his focus and
assumed he was storing away her remarks for future dinner party
conversation. The country does provide endless amusement no doubt.

And Elizabeth was exactly right in her summation of his thoughts.
Rather than replicate his friend with endless daydreams of a pretty
lady, Mr. Darcy was scrutinising Elizabeth with a view to finding
fault because it had suddenly come upon him that she was exactly the
type of girl who appealed to him. Rather than let this attraction
ramble around the country unchecked, it was necessary to nip it in
the bud by evaluating in his mind the various faults in her face,
figure and intellect. Mr. Darcy was a clever man. Unfortunately that
cleverness was resting during these thoughts. Never having felt such
an attraction before he was yet to understand the helplessness
involved and the complete lack of control a man has when he is
twenty-eight, craving for female companionship and in the company of
a lady who fulfills his every desire.

By now Elizabeth was totally confused by Mr. Darcy. He spoke
sometimes and then the next time she saw him he was back to
haughtiness. Not that his haughty look ever quite went away but some
conversation did soften it somewhat.

Mr. Darcy was just as confused. He did not like this society yet he
was intrigued that it could produce such a fascinating woman as
Elizabeth Bennet. As hard as he tried, he could not deny that she was
indeed clever and astute, features not to be ignored. But she also
had a general happiness about her that was infectious. She made
people smile. Most people that he had had contact with who showed her
intelligence tended to reserve. She made it fun and it disconcerted
him to think how often her opinions came to mind. He even found
himself about to quote her one night at dinner. Fortunately he
checked himself in time.


Behind the Scenes - 07

Jane had now spent three evenings with Mr. Bingley as well as the
occasional sighting during morning outings or visits. She was
completely enraptured but reluctant to let anyone other than
Elizabeth know the depth of her feelings. Jane had had other
gentlemen pay her similar attention and until she had confirmation of
Mr. Bingley's feelings she was reticent to allow her feelings to show.

Mr. Darcy had now also spent three evenings in Elizabeth's company,
although he could hardly say the evenings were spent with her. No,
they were simply in company together. When she was absent he hardly
gave her a second thought or so he tried to tell himself. Rather, it
was exactly every second thought that was of Elizabeth. Despite his
apparent nonchalant attitude to the country and its ways, Elizabeth
was a constant source of discontent in him. His moods became slightly
deeper and his solitary wanderings on horseback and foot became more
frequent and his friend suspected that things were somewhat amiss.

'Darcy, are you out again? I thought I would challenge you to a round
of billiards,' said Mr. Bingley.

'Perhaps later, Bingley. I have a need to move.'

'Then I will join you. You spend too much time alone Darcy. I would
rather walk though.'

'Then walking it shall be. Although I cannot promise stimulating conversation.'

'Darcy, you have always been the one to choose the tone of our repartee.'

'And that is why we are such friends, Bingley. You leave me to be
myself, most of the time. Come, let us be off. The light is fading.'

They began to wander the back paths of Netherfield both lost in
thought. One had nothing more on his mind than a beautiful face and a
gentle smile and the other had nothing more on his mind other than
the desire to fill his time with activity that would leave no time
for contemplation of a beautiful face and a lively smile. At such
times, the two men showed an intimacy unseen in public places.

'Charles, have we anything planned for tomorrow evening? I thought
perhaps we would try for ducks at dusk.'

'Yes, the new regiment is stationed here. The colonel in charge,
cannot recall his name at present, is having an evening.'

'Just gentlemen?' asked Mr. Darcy.

'No, the invitation was for all of us so one can expect a lot of
Meryton will be there and hopefully Longbourne as well.'

'The society here is somewhat limited.'

'But ever delightful, man.'

'At times,' replied Mr. Darcy.

'You are very restless Fitzwilliam. Trouble?'

Mr. Darcy did not reply.

'Darcy, old man, did you hear me? Have you trouble? You are very distracted.'

'Sorry Charles, I was distracted. My mind is going in a thousand
directions at once. I don't have trouble as such. Just thinking.'

Mr. Bingley smiled. 'Fitzwilliam you are always thinking. Some new
project, no doubt.'

'Sorry?'

'Keep thinking. I will not worry you anymore.'

They wandered on, both lost again in thoughts, one continuing his
reverie and the other returning to that place that he wished to
avoid. Mr. Bingley could not wait for another evening spent with
Jane. Mr. Darcy could not wait for another evening where he might
hopefully get the opportunity to further evaluate the inadequacies of
Elizabeth. There had to be some. He was resolute that it was only a
matter of time before he had settled on them and then he felt sure
that his mind would be free to pursue other occupations. Perhaps she
would not be at this officers' evening.

After dinner, Mr. Darcy tried cards until his friends complained that
he was discarding the wrong suit. He then tried billiards but playing
alone did nothing to alter his mood. He then chose privacy in his
rooms as he attempted a new book on history, which despite its
apparent dry topic did manage to occupy his thinking for an hour or
so. He then retired for the night hoping that his walk had tired him
enough to allow uninterrupted sleep. He was not often a deep sleeper.
People of his cleverness seldom are. It is the curse of intellect to
be seldom allowed the sleep of the innocent.

The next day he spent catching up on estate business while Elizabeth
spent the morning in Meryton buying new ribbon for her hair. Although
she did not follow her younger sisters' attitude to officers, the
entrance of any new society must warrant attention. And as the
country often showed a paucity of gentlemen, the influx of so many at
one time necessarily invites special effort.

All the single ladies invited to attend the regimental evening took
some care in their dress. Even Miss Bingley could enjoy the company
of a commissioned senior officer or two and as she was assured that
she was the most prominent lady invited, she would have the
opportunity to shine in Mr. Darcy's eyes as he seemed to be more and
more immuned to her charms while at Netherfield. The previous evening
he had been positively distracted.

The evening did indeed supply an abundance of officers and a
smattering of high rank, however there were still too many Bennet
girls in Miss Bingley's eyes. Once again, they dominated the room.
Mr. Bingley managed an almost direct path to Jane despite being
waylaid by a lieutenant who was sure he went to school with him. Mr.
Darcy managed to avoid any contact, other than introductory
handshakes, by skirting the walls of the room in search of a perfect
viewing platform from which to observe Elizabeth. Not that he
consciously thought of that. It just always seemed to happen! She,
meanwhile, was busy with admirers and had not given Mr. Darcy a
second thought. Although she seemed aware of him in person, his
absence was enough to rid her mind of him most of the time.

One of the officer's wives was playing and was quite proficient and
the liveliness of her choices was enough to begin a short period of
dancing. However the evening was not intended for such activities as
its purpose was to introduce the regiment to Meryton and its
surrounds. The senior officers mingled among their guests including
those who preferred to skirt the perimeter of the room. In that
endeavour, Mr. Bennet, approached Mr. Darcy with a Colonel MacKellar
in tow.

'Mr. Darcy, sir, may I introduce you to Colonel MacKellar? His
regiment is stationed in the next county but he is here on a visit,'
stated Mr. Bennet.

'Sir,' replied Mr. Darcy with a slight bow.

'Mr. Darcy, this is Colonel MacKellar. Colonel MacKellar, Mr. Darcy
of Pemberley. He is visiting our shire with his friend Mr. Bingley.'

The gentlemen acknowledged each other before the Colonel queried Mr.
Darcy on his family.

'Sir, Mr. Bennet said you are from Derbyshire. Are you the relation
of Colonel Fitzwilliam by any chance?'

'I am indeed sir. He is my cousin. His father was my mother's
brother,' replied Mr. Darcy.

'I am delighted to meet you sir. The Colonel often speaks of you.'

With that, Mr. Bennet took his leave. There was little fun to be had
listening to two gentlemen discuss their families.

'You know Fitzwilliam sir?' asked Mr. Darcy.

'Yes, we are often posted together. Great shot. I always envy his
aim. We have many contests.'

Mr. Darcy smiled. His cousin Richard was indeed a man who enjoyed
sport and competition. In fact, he also enjoyed the company of ladies
and often compared it to sport. The colonel and Mr. Darcy talked for
a few minutes more before the colonel moved off to meet other guests.
Mr. Darcy watched as he approached Elizabeth who was in a group of
officers' wives. As she was introduced he saw that increasingly
familiar shine in her eyes as her mind darted around the words she
heard. He could not help a slight grin of pleasure just watching her.
In the next instant she glanced toward the part of the room he was in
and he stilled his face from any sign of enjoyment. To be caught in
such a state was unacceptable.

Elizabeth did not actually look at Mr. Darcy, however. She was
instead noticing Jane as Mr. Bingley leaned towards her. Their
relationship seemed to get better and better each time they were in
company and Elizabeth's hopes for her sister gained strength every
day.

A short time later, Mr. Bingley took Jane over to Mr. Darcy and the
three of them discussed the possibility of another dinner at
Netherfield. Actually Mr. Bingley and Jane discussed it while Mr.
Darcy listened. The rounds of engagements including Elizabeth were
far too frequent for his peace of mind. As they were so occupied,
Elizabeth herself approached the trio hoping to extricate her sister
to meet a young man who used to reside in Meryton and whom they knew
from childhood. Mr. Darcy, of course, was instantly aware of her
approach and, as she moved towards him, his breathing became shallow
and he found it took some effort to appear calm.

'Good evening Mr. Darcy, Mr. Bingley, Jane,' said Elizabeth. 'Excuse
me Jane, but would you be so kind as to come and meet Mr. Johnson who
used to be our friend some years back? He is just as he ever was.'

Jane bowed to the gentlemen, and Elizabeth, with a smile to Mr.
Bingley, promised to return Jane as soon as possible. The ladies
moved away, leaving both gentlemen with intriguing but silent
thoughts about who this young man was.

Mr. Darcy watched as Elizabeth walked quickly across to a dark-haired
young man in his mid-twenties who had the rank of lieutenant. After
introductions, he could see her smile and the faint sound of her
laugh echoed across the room. To others it was simply a sound. To Mr.
Darcy, it was a torment and he felt the slight twist of his stomach
as she leaned a little closer to the gentleman to hear his obviously
fascinating conversation. Mr. Bingley was watching as well but with a
heart much more aware of its feelings. He was beginning to give up
any pretense of mere admiration for Jane and was accepting that
deeper emotion of ardency.

As the conversation continued, Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley exchanged
glances and shrugs. He seemed nothing but the ladies definitely found
him something. They were both gratified when they saw him take leave
and move to another group as the ladies returned.

'As you see Mr. Bingley, I return my sister unharmed and in excellent spirits.'

'Then perhaps you can work on Mr. Darcy and raise his spirits to
excellence as well, Miss Elizabeth?'

Elizabeth smiled. 'I am sure that Mr. Darcy is content with his own
spirits, Mr. Bingley. He hardly needs my help to improve his mood.'
She glanced up at Mr. Darcy and in that instant she saw his mouth
open slightly and his lips move as if he was about to reply. She
waited but he said nothing.

'You see Mr. Bingley, not even a roomful of people can raise Mr.
Darcy's spirits. They are all alone in their reverie. Perhaps though
Mr. Darcy you might like to tell us about the décor of the room
perhaps, or the tapestries. You seem to take a great interest in wall
finishes Mr. Darcy, and fireplaces.'

He looked down into her eyes and saw the glint of humour. Whether it
was intended at him or with him he had yet to determine.

'I take particular interest in many things Miss Bennet. Some of those
interests include an attention to the interior of a home as well as
an intense interest in the exterior.'

'Ponds and streams in particular - oh and the contents thereof,' she replied.

'Indeed Madam. My ponds are a constant delight. As for the contents,
well I do enjoy a good fish. In particular I always get a good result
from superior bait. I think you would be somewhat of an expert in
fishing yourself, Miss Bennet.'

'I am sure if I put my mind to it I could devise an excellent bait
sir,' she responded. 'I will leave you to your wall finishes Mr.
Darcy. Jane, Mr. Bingley, please excuse me.'

Jane and Mr. Bingley had heard only snippets of the conversation as
their minds found it necessary to catch up on all the time lost when
Jane was with Elizabeth. Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley bowed as Elizabeth
skipped lightly across the room to her friend Charlotte. Mr. Bingley
and Jane moved off and Mr. Darcy stood alone once more, caught in a
web of words designed to entrap even the cleverest of minds. He
mulled over her words, her looks, her smiles and her movements trying
to determine what it was that captured his attention.

The evening was a short one and supper was served early. As Elizabeth
had been late in returning from her walk that afternoon she had
missed part of the light dinner sereved before leaving and was a
little hungry. She approached the supper table at the first call and
found herself moving along the dishes beside Mr. Darcy who seemed
just as hungry.

'May I hold your plate for you Miss Bennet?'

'Thank you sir but I can manage,' she replied.

At that moment she dropped her napkin. Elizabeth was somewhat
embarrassed as such womanly games were not her desire.

'Oh excuse me Mr. Darcy, that was an accident. Please do not think I
play games with gentlemen.'

At that point Mr. Darcy had not seen the napkin and looked at her
inquisitively, thinking she was apologising for her previous remarks
on his wall preferences.

'Miss Bennet, please do not think I took your words as criticism.
Whether or not they were an accident though remains to be seen.'

'I am sorry Mr. Darcy. I fail to comprehend your words. I was talking
about my napkin.' She looked down at it on the floor. 'There is no
need to be gallant Mr. Darcy. I will simply get the servant to fetch
another.'

He frowned as he looked at the napkin, annoyed that the servant had
not already dealt with it. Elizabeth saw his stern look and supposed
it was his annoyance at her carelessness.

'There is always need for a gentleman to be gallant Miss Bennet.
Please allow me to instruct the servant.' He turned to the manservant
nearby. 'Fetch Miss Bennet a clean napkin and remove this one from
the floor before the lady trips. There is no excuse for this. I will
inform your master!'

He turned back to her.

'He should not have to be told. He should have noticed that you had
dropped your napkin. Unforgivable! I must inform the Colonel of his
incompetence.'

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows in surprise at his severe judgement of
the servant. The servant then moved to order as Elizabeth watched Mr.
Darcy take control of a situation. There was no hesitancy in ordering
servants about. In fact he seemed more at ease in this function than
any she had previously seen him in. If he was this much in charge
over a napkin, his tenants must be in fear of him when they are in
error.

'It seems we are often at cross-purposes Miss Bennet. At least in
words,' continued Mr. Darcy.

'Cross purposes, sir? I really doubt that. I think we both know
exactly what we each mean when we mean it. Excuse me.'

She moved away with barely any food on her plate. She would not have
her evening spoiled by listening to Mr. Darcy's attempts at
conversation when he was obviously far happier sulking alone and
thinking up ways to exert his authority and pride by expecting too
much of his servants and no doubt his tenants as well and abusing
them if they failed. Not that Elizabeth was prone to exaggeration or
any leap to conclusions.

Elizabeth joined Charlotte and three other gentlemen and spent the
rest of the evening with very little further thought of Mr. Darcy. He
did cross her mind once or twice but every moment caused her disquiet
and a touch of anger.

Mr. Darcy spent the remainder of his evening trying in vain to reason
with his mind in the hope that his senses would dissolve into
serenity once more. Every encounter with Elizabeth caused him to
behave in a manner that was edging on lack of control. She
disconcerted him at every turn. She made him say and do things he
would have never said or done in her absence. She heightened his
reaction to everything around him, resulting in him almost creating a
scene over a neglected napkin.

He came to the country for a rest and some sport, as an escape from
the daily grind of responsibility. Yet he was suffering from
disturbed sleep, scanty appetite and an inability to concentrate. If
he were less clever he would blame the weather. However that was
impossible. The weather had shown no extremes. No, it was not the
weather or the sport or the resident company. Perhaps he was coming
down with something. He had been out late one evening without his
coat. You see the mind of man slipping gently into love is quite
unable to discern its destination or the course already undertaken.


Behind the Scenes - 08

Sir William Lucas was always ready to impress whoever was available
to impress and thus he decided a party was in order as they had the
fortune to have the addition of officers in the district. As well,
such superior guests from town would no doubt be craving the society
of a knight and his residence. The Netherfield group would surely be
in awe of his home, Lucas Lodge, as well as his many connections at
St. James'. For Lady Lucas it was a chance to show the town folk how
much bigger her home was than Mrs. Bennet's and how much more refined
her daughters were than the Miss Bennets whom she thought spent far
too much time in front of their mirrors.

Naturally a discussion of this party ensued at Netherfield with the
ladies paying particular attention to what everyone should wear. The
gentlemen completely ignored the discussion going on around them
including the hints that the men should wear breeches at any evening
event. Mr. Darcy was as fastidious about his dress as any other
aspect of his life and quite in touch with what was appropriate. He
avoided any sign of fuss or frills despite the predilection for such
in English society. He quickly got bored listening to Miss Bingley
fish for compliments on her sublime style when he actually thought
she and her sister bordered on excess.

'Miss Bingley, Mrs. Hurst, please excuse me. I have business to deal
with. I will talk to you later Charles,' he stated on his way out of
the room.

Mr. Bingley ran after him. 'Darcy? May I have a word?'

'Certainly, in the library?' replied Mr. Darcy.

'Yes. Give me a few minutes.'

Mr. Bingley disappeared and Mr. Darcy proceeded to the library where
he seated himself at the large walnut desk. He leaned back in deep
thought as he ran his finger over the dark ebony inlay on the drawer
front. It must have taken hours to hand cut that in. He began to look
carefully at the tiny cuts in the veneer, admiring the skill of the
cabinetmaker who could produce such exquisite work. His eye for
detail was evident in every aspect of his life and he was the first
to admire it in others. His mind began to wander to the topic
uppermost in his mind, Elizabeth, and he realised that the trail of
veneer was exactly the same as the ribbon in the back of her hair at
the officer's evening. He shook his head in the hope that it was
cleared of such thoughts. He really was thinking like a man of ten
years his junior.

Mr. Bingley entered a short time later and asked his friend if he
thought it was too late in the year for a picnic or at least an
outdoor meal. He had loved the experience while in Italy and hoped to
replicate it at Netherfield.

'I do think you have left your run too late, Bingley. There are so
few hours left in the day when it would be suitable to eat outside.
The days are too crisp. Did you have a particular celebration in
mind? Is it some special occasion?'

'No, I was just fishing for ideas really. I'm not such a walker as
you and the outdoors holds little possibility of society if one
doesn't walk.'

'Bingley, ever the social being!'

'Darcy, ever the recluse!'

'That is harsh, Charles. I have attended to almost every invitation
since my arrival. I thought you would be praising me.'

'And indeed I should, now that you mention it. You have been quite
ready to go out in society since your arrival. Perhaps you are
finding some particular aspect of the society very much to your
liking.'

'And perhaps not! I am your guest, Bingley, and I will behave as you
wish me to.'

'Have you ever found a lady who arouses a second glance, man?'

'Many, Charles. It is the third glance that a man must be wary of. A
lady never misses that third one.'

Mr. Bingley began to laugh and strolled off assuring Mr. Darcy he
would begin counting glances from now on.

At Longbourne, the discussion of the upcoming evening was similarly
in depth, as the ladies chose their frocks and the accessories to
suit. The younger girls had already started arguing over hair pins,
the two eldest were discussing which slippers to wear and as their
feet were of similar size Jane was considering wearing Elizabeth's
pale blue ones. Mrs. Bennet had found some feathers at the milliner's
in Meryton and was beginning to preen her hairpiece while Mary was
downstairs with her father in the sitting room, discussing with him
the choice of sheet music to take.

At Lucas Lodge, Charlotte and her mother were busy with the kitchen
hands preparing dishes to astound their guests from town. Lady Lucas
was anxious that the food look lavish and that meant careful planning
as she did not have the culinary flair of Mrs. Bennet. She did
however have the better rooms and no one would notice any deficiency
in food if the rooms were excellent. By eight o'clock, every candle
was lit, the servants had their dressing down and the first carriage
was pulling up. Within half an hour the guests were all present.

Charlotte was doing her best to be polite to the ladies of
Netherfield who had managed to find another couple of new frocks to
wear. Unfortunately they always chose almost the same colour
combinations and they would have been mortified to realise that most
of those present thought they were wearing the same ones as they had
worn to the assembly. Certainly Mrs. Bennet did and made sure that
Mrs. Philips was informed of it. Elizabeth had worn her second best
frock, a light muslin with a silk edged petticoat, in two shades of
taupe. Her hair was partially piled on her head but she had one long
tubular curl that she persisted in leaving to bounce, much to Mr.
Darcy's annoyance. It definitely interfered with his resolve.

He had arrived with Mr. Bingley and had been soon after dropped by
Mr. Bingley in favour of Jane. Mr. Bingley's sisters were employed in
their usual pursuit of the first half hour of any party, a critique
of the frocks, hair and slippers. Had these people never been to
town! And the furnishings were entirely too rural! Mr. Hurst was
nowhere to be seen. Actually he had found the library thanks to a
resourceful Mr. Phillips who knew exactly where Sir William's brandy
supply was kept. They had struck up quite a friendship at the Meryton
Assembly and were now off to do business regarding the hunting assets
of a deceased client of Mr. Phillips. Mr. Hurst was interested in
procuring the excellent shooting apparatus of the said gentleman at
the best price possible.

Mr. Darcy was thus alone. All his friends had deserted him so he was
once again drawn to the mantle with its adequate shelf for leaning
and its fire for scrutiny if it was deemed necessary for him to turn
his back to the room. Being the centrepiece, the fireplace gave him a
wide-ranging view of proceedings including a perfect aspect of
Elizabeth. As he rested his elbow and turned to her part of the room,
he caught a reflection of himself in a mirror and knew that he could
not stand there. She had caught him once already and as he was not
capable of dealing with a second round of her wit on his wall
preferences, he moved a little away but still close enough to avoid
any large groups of guests. He actually found a large wall sconce
that required his attention.

Elizabeth was standing in a small group and, as she held court, his
mind drifted and he found himself in somewhat of a spell as he
watched her. She was surrounded by officers who always buzzed around
the Bennet girls like flies. She smiled, she chattered, she glowed!
And alone he stood with the tiniest thought deep down in his
subconscious that he would give anything to be one of those officers.

Charlotte came over with her father to speak to Mr. Darcy and he was
polite and even charming albeit a little short on comment. In short,
he simply agreed with anything they said. He was definitely a
listener. Sir William soon moved away to supervise the goings on
while Charlotte chose this time to talk to her friend. She informed
Elizabeth that she and everyone else had noticed the particular
attention Mr. Bingley was showing to Jane. Elizabeth agreed and said
that Jane was excessively happy and somewhat hopeful. Charlotte was
surprised, as it appeared to her that Jane was being polite to Mr.
Bingley but hardly preferential in her attention. Elizabeth instantly
disagreed and informed Charlotte that four evenings together before
tonight was ample time for Mr. Bingley to understand Jane's feelings.
The ensuing discussion bordered on argument as Charlotte was quite
ready to identify problems in the way Jane was behaving if she
intended to capture Mr. Bingley. Elizabeth thought Charlotte's choice
of words was somewhat presumptuous and went on to point out Jane's
normal behaviour patterns.

Charlotte however was not to be dissuaded. At twenty-seven, she had
missed too many chances herself and was somewhat of an expert in her
eyes on how to make a successful marriage merger or at least how not
to. Elizabeth could not help but laugh at Charlotte's comments and
suggestions. Like one other in the room, her mind was crammed with
expectation, which is such an enjoyable state that it can blind the
view of actuality.

Mr. Darcy had of course noticed the heightened discussion between
Elizabeth and her friend and it struck him how very beautiful she was
when in disagreement. He could only surmise how that beauty might be
enhanced by accord as he had rarely seen her that way at least when
he was present.

Thus even without being consciously aware that it was happening, Mr.
Darcy had given up finding ways to dislike Elizabeth. His intellect
had at last kicked in and informed him that he had no choice in the
matter. She was delightful, pretty, infectious even. He had no desire
other than her presence. He had spent so much time over the last
weeks attempting to firm up any negatives in his opinion of her that
this awareness of heart or consciousness left him unsure what to do
next. He just knew that it had happened and the time for self
judgement was not yet at hand. His whole being was craving to be in
her midst.

As a result, he moved across the room to an area within hearing of
her conversation with Colonel Forster, the officer in charge of the
visiting regiment. He heard the end of their exchange as Elizabeth
suggested the Colonel give a ball. A ball! There was only one thing
that raised a ball above an assembly, at least in Mr. Darcy's eyes,
and that was its formality. At least it was possible to invite
whomever one wished to a ball. However a ball given by a regimental
officer was beyond thinking.

As they moved away, Mr. Darcy moved closer to Elizabeth and Charlotte
with the intention of breaking into their conversation at some point.
He had no idea what he would say and the thought of beginning some
new topic was beyond him. However he had to hear her voice and feel
her presence up close. There was just no choice in the matter. So he
stood and listened and naturally Elizabeth, with her heightened, but
never admitted, interest in him, noticed immediately. She had to
reproach him. There was just no choice in the matter. And so she
asked him directly if he admired her speech with the Colonel.

Now most men caught in such a position would be flustered. However,
Mr. Darcy had become somewhat of an expert at hiding such failures
and was prompt in informing her that she was indeed succinct but
countered that compliment with a proviso that a ball was a topic well
known to ladies. This raised Elizabeth's hackles and she immediately
took to teasing him, a field in which she was an expert. What man can
resist teasing from a woman he admires? Certainly not Mr. Darcy whose
chest swelled with the attention she was paying to him. You see even
though his intellect had kicked in, his ego had not kicked out and
thus while she tried to make fun of him and his hauteur, he only
heard innuendo and flattery.

Charlotte, meanwhile, feeling the mood very well and feeling
completely left out, decided to end it all by pressing Elizabeth to
play. This surprised Mr. Darcy as he had supposed that only the
middle daughter played. To have Elizabeth asked to perform at such a
gathering must mean that her skills were outstanding. Mr. Darcy was
now feeling more and more ensnared, as there was nothing he admired
more in a woman's repertoire than a good command of music.

Elizabeth, naturally flattered but somewhat blind to Charlotte's
reasons for asking her in the middle of a conversation with Mr.
Darcy, even though she had no desire for it to continue, agreed and
left Mr. Darcy with a wittism that seemed to him almost a surety that
she would return to their exchange after her performance.

She took to the pianoforte and as she seated herself, he could not
help but notice the fluidity of her form and the general health that
she exuded. These, added to his already saturated admiration, were
indeed worthy of note. And then she played and she sang, not with
regulation or conceit but with a flair that could only delight the
room. She was completely devoid of affectation and pretense and was
filled with the sheer enjoyment of the melody. And so she filled him.
He listened with such fervour and such attention that the notes
overflowed his heart and mind with the essence of Elizabeth.

As his soul filled with her notes, his mind began the folly of
internal dialogue, thinking carefully of what to say to her when she
returned. His mind flitted through various topics but always returned
to her performance and his appreciation of such. However he could not
quite formulate the words a man in his position should use to
compliment a lady's playing. He must not say too much but he must not
seem unaffected. The self-regulation under which he behaved demanded
a perfection of words that he could not articulate. He rarely found
himself in such a position simply because he avoided open comment at
all costs and although he hoped this proposed dialogue would take
place in relative privacy, he was not sure that it would and he could
be subjected to public scrutiny, something which he abhorred. It was
not that he loathed it as much as he found it impossible to feign
interest in people or things beyond his sphere. His very nature of
withdrawal and introversion was never permitted as a child and his
upbringing and education had been carefully planned and guided in the
vain attempt to rid him of it. The result was the mask of regulation
and reserve. His life had been filled with the necessities of class
education and he had grown up without a moment to spare for the
vagaries of strangers and their interests. It was simply beyond him
at twenty-eight to change this now intrinsic part of his being. He
only hoped her playing continued for some time to enable him to get
each phrase right. As his being was in such conflict, his face
revealed a stern and intense expression not unlike displeasure.
Indeed it could be said by an interested observer that he seemed
above his company.

As he began to realise the effect she was having on him and his need
to keep himself in check, the mood was destroyed by her replacement.
Mary took over and the room returned to its original demeanor and Mr.
Darcy was immediately reminded of the coarseness of country living.
This was compounded when the younger Bennet girls along with a
selection of Sir William's offspring joined various junior officers
in dancing to airs from the regions of Ireland and Scotland.

Mr. Darcy stood watching; his sour mood not only affected by the
dancing but also by the fact that Elizabeth had finished playing and
not returned to continue their conversation. Instead she had sped
across the room to her friend. He was thus sulking when Sir William
made his second approach for the evening with a comment on the joys
of dancing such airs. Mr. Darcy was in no mood but made an adequate
response by pointing out that such performances were not exclusive to
England or civilised cultures. As Mr. Darcy surmised, such a response
was beyond the intellect of Sir William to reply to. Sir William
immediately changed the subject to Mr. Bingley who was joining the
foray. His complimentary comparison of Mr. Bingley's dancing and Mr.
Darcy's went unheeded as Mr. Darcy made it clear that dancing was not
his preferred method of entertainment. He was then about to extricate
himself from such small talk and make his excuses, when Elizabeth
chose to walk right by them on her way to speak to her second
youngest sister, Kitty.

She approached Mr. Darcy from behind and as her presence filled the
tangent of his vision, his breathing paused for a fraction of a
second as the air she disturbed moved around him. She had returned.

Sir William had seen her approach and during this momentary pause,
and despite Mr. Darcy's seeming dislike of dancing, he jumped at this
chance to get his honoured guest on his own dance floor by grasping
Elizabeth's hand thus prohibiting her progress. He then offered her
hand to Mr. Darcy in an attempt to get them both dancing in his home.
Mr. Darcy baulked almost as much as Elizabeth. She had not returned.
She had been simply passing by and was now as incarcerated as he by
the boorish Sir William. He felt her awkwardness even more than his
own. He, at least, could have excused himself and walked away but as
a lady she was forced to endure whatever Sir William proffered.

Mr. Darcy. was not ready for such an encounter and she was certainly
never about to dance with him. She spoke first with a clear and
concise statement that she had no intention of dancing and would hope
that they understood that. He was once again lost. She had such
courage, such fortitude. She had actually made her point clear even
before any offer from him.

However scattered his thoughts, Mr. Darcy managed to form the words
required of a gentleman under such circumstances and asked her for
the next set. Seeing only his hesitation after Sir William's blatant
attempt at coercion, she stated with a smile that Mr. Darcy was
indeed always polite but that was not enough to coerce her. Despite
the unfamiliar rejection of his offer, his admiration of her took a
leap into heights previously unexplored. She had stood her ground
even under severe pressure and embarrassment. And she had done it
with such strength of purpose.

Sir William persisted but to no avail. She was determined to
recompense Mr. Darcy in any way possible for his censure at the
assembly and this was a more than satisfying method in her eyes. Mr.
Darcy, himself, recalled his words at that moment as well, and felt
with some disquiet that perhaps she had overheard him and this was
his punishment. Unfortunately she smiled as she refused him and a man
in his state would be forever blinded by a smile.

She moved away as did Sir William and Mr. Darcy was left with the
warm glow of having spoken with her. His feelings were just beginning
an intensity that he had never experienced before and he found that
being within the sound of her voice, or even more within reach of her
hand, could render him incapable of sense for some seconds. And in
these seconds he allowed himself the sheer bliss of bewitchment.

It was while Mr. Darcy was still in such a state that Miss Bingley
chose to approach him with her précis of his thoughts on the evening.
She had seen his apparent kidnapping by Sir William and the
degradation of being offered the hand of a lady not of his own
choosing in the hope of his joining in an occupation that could only
be considered bucolic. The dancing was vulgar, the company was coarse
and he could obviously not wait to depart!

As his pleasurable musings were for a time interrupted, he punished
her in no small way by allowing her to know exactly what he was
thinking and of whom he was thinking it. He had nothing of criticism
to offer and was totally captivated by Elizabeth's eyes.

As his comment on Elizabeth cut through her, Miss Bingley leapt to
absurd conclusions regarding their future together. He would marry
Elizabeth and be forever burdened with a family without tact,
discretion, education, income or connections.

As had become his habit of late, he immediately brushed her
preposterous notions aside as he did the woman herself. He was
becoming increasingly bored with Caroline's persistent snideness and
ridicule. The contrast between Elizabeth and Caroline was becoming so
great that a chasm now existed and he was not willing to cross back.

Meanwhile, his comment on Elizabeth's eyes left Miss Bingley
incredulous. She had never had such an encounter with Mr. Darcy and
she had certainly never had such competition. Thus while Miss Bingley
was left with not very pleasant thoughts of Miss Elizabeth Bennet,
Mr. Darcy was left in an enchantment of longing for her.

Miss Bingley did not bother with any further discourse with Mr. Darcy
for the rest of the evening. She was at least astute enough to spend
time working on her next sortie. He, on the other hand, had a desire
to speak to Elizabeth that was bordering on desperation. As she had
declared no desire for dancing, he at least knew that he was safe
from observing her on the floor with another man. Of course, the fact
that he had even considered such a thought quite disconcerted him for
some time.

He saw her at the opposite end of the room quite near his friend and
Miss Bennet. If he had been just a little less involved in his
feelings for Elizabeth, he might have noticed the intensity of
connection that his friend was presenting. But Elizabeth so
distracted him that any such thoughts were impossible. His despair
for her absence led him to her end of the room where he stood near
his friend but within earshot of Elizabeth. If he could not actually
speak to her, he could at least hear her. She seemed to be very much
caught up in the topic being discussed but on a whisper from
Charlotte she turned in Mr. Darcy's direction. They caught each
other's eye and she looked down for a few seconds and then seemed to
gather her thoughts enough to approach him.

'As you see Mr. Darcy, we might reside in the country but we do have
manners enough to realise when a gentleman has no choice but to offer
to dance. Never let it be said that I forced you into anything you
quite clearly abhor, sir.

Mr. Darcy managed a nervous twitch before replying. 'Miss Bennet, I
was not forced, I assure you. I would have been very happy to dance
with you.'

'Oh come now, Mr. Darcy. You and I both know that you find the
occupation distasteful. You have stated so on more than one occasion.'

'Perhaps it was not the dancing I was referring to but the company,
Miss Bennet.'

'No doubt, Mr. Darcy. No doubt! And tell me, what company would
change your opinion, sir? Derbyshire, perhaps? No it could never be
Derbyshire as that is definitely for fishing. No doubt it is only
when in town where the company must quite suit your dancing
sensibilities. It must be wonderful to have such choice Mr. Darcy.
Hertfordshire for sport, Derbyshire for fishing and town for dancing.
What a life you lead, Mr. Darcy.'

'You are hard on me, Miss Bennet. My life does not fit into such neat
bandboxes. Like yourself I occupy myself in many areas. I also dance
in many areas.'

'But who with Mr. Darcy? That is the point. I am sure that if the
present company was up to your expectations you would be as light
footed as Mr. Bingley.'

Mr. Darcy was quite at a loss how to reply. To disagree left him open
to censure. To agree was to show his dislike of the present company
and herself. Yet he had after all singled her out by offering to
dance. In this place, in this crowded place, filled with virtual
strangers, he could not allow any favour of his or preference for
Elizabeth to show. He stood frowning as he contemplated his reply.
Elizabeth saw his disdain for her and the room and sighed.

'Excuse me, Mr. Darcy. It seems that the present company leaves you
dumbfounded. I will not bother you again.'

She moved away quickly leaving him more alone than he had ever cared
to be. In fact, being alone was never something that had previously
concerned him at all. He was a man happy in his own company, desiring
little of outsiders or family for long periods. Yet her absence
brought a sudden awareness of the sheer contentment of being with
another human being. He knew that he could have talked with her for
hours, endlessly even, something he had found previously tiresome,
even with his sister. He stood and continued his frown. Things were
not going as expected. He had no desire for attraction to Elizabeth
but it had happened without his having anything to do with it. And
now he had no idea how to proceed. He had the delirious thought of
flirting but he had to put that aside quickly. He was lost in a world
he had never experienced before and he knew no way out that seemed
sensible.


Behind the Scenes - 09

The soirée at the home of Sir William had further compounded Mr.
Bingley's fixation of Jane and in the hope of furthering his cause he
suggested his sisters invite her to dinner. As it was always wise to
quiz the lady your brother was interested in while he was not
present, they agreed, as both Caroline and Louisa had more than
adequate experience in assessing his loves and taking action
accordingly. The gentlemen were dining with the officers of the
visiting regiment that night so they would have no interference.

At Longbourne, Jane was feeling similar to Mr. Bingley although not
ready or able to express it quite the same way. Instead she and
Elizabeth engaged in the wishful and yearning chatter usual to girls
since time began.

'Oh Jane, when do you expect to see Mr. Bingley again?' asked Elizabeth.

'I never expect to see him, Lizzy.'

'But you will and you do.'

'Oh yes Lizzy. I do want to see him again. I want to see him every minute.'

'Tell me Jane, How high are your expectations? Do you think that he
will make you an offer? I will not tell Mama.'

'That is quite beyond my thinking at the moment, Lizzy. I cannot be
so lucky. Oh Lizzy, can you imagine being married?'

'No I cannot!' stated Elizabeth.

'Lizzy, have you ever had a man get really close to you?'

'Jane! Has Mr. Bingley tried to hold your hand when you were not dancing?'

'No!'

'Jane, tell me the truth. Have you touched him?'

'No! But his hand brushed mine when we were talking last night after
supper and he didn't move it away. He left it there and after a
moment I moved my hand away.'

'Oh Jane!'

'Stop it Lizzy. Now I am blushing.'

'And so you should. How exciting Jane!'

'Yes and are you excited? Charlotte has told me that she has seen Mr.
Darcy watching you.'

'And Mr. Bingley watches you.'

'Mr. Bingley says he is a true friend. He always refers to him as such.'

'And Mr. Bingley could never be wrong!'

'Now you are teasing me, Lizzy.'

'No doubt but I really have no desire to know Mr. Darcy any better
than I do. He exhibits no desire to know us better.'

Elizabeth wandered on in thought.

'Are you thinking of those pants he wears, Lizzy?'

'Jane Bennet! Such silly thoughts. Would you have me like Lydia?'

'No Lizzy. But you are thinking of something to do with the gentlemen.'

'I was actually thinking what it would be like to be married. How
strange to be mistress of a house.'

'Yes it would be strange but I would like it so, Lizzy. I have a
great need for my own home.'

The ladies continued their return walk from Meryton in almost
complete silence. Jane had reached that point of promise where
daydreams blend into reality and she was spellbound by the triviality
of the first throws of love. Elizabeth had no such thoughts despite
the fact that she allowed her imagination to run wild. No gentleman
paid her any particular attention and there was no one of her
acquaintance whom she would even consider marrying. Her throws of
passion were still confined to her nights when a lady of almost
twenty-one was allowed to consider such possibilities.

The following morning, Jane received a written invitation to dinner
at Netherfield and Mrs. Bennet, ever ready to see Jane ensconced
there, made sure that she had insufficient means of returning that
night by telling her to ride over. As it was England in autumn and
the weather was always unpredictable, she seemed more than certain
that it would rain by nightfall and Jane would have to stay.

Indeed Mrs. Bennet was correct. It did rain. However as this occurred
almost as soon as Jane set off, she arrived drenched and within an
hour was sneezing and somewhat feverish. Mr. Bingley's sisters
ignored her ill health as long as possible hoping that the gentlemen
would return with the carriage. However much to their chagrin, the
gentlemen did not return until well past the ladies bedtime and they
had no choice but to ask Jane to stay the night. On his return, Mr.
Bingley was informed of Jane's infirmity and her staying and was
delighted for a few minutes until further informed that she was
indeed quite ill.

The Bennets were up early as usual and it was while they were at
breakfast that a note arrived addressed to Elizabeth and written by
Jane herself. Elizabeth immediately felt the desire in Jane's words
for her to visit immediately. She also realised the rashness of her
mother's methods of ensuring good marriages for them by making Jane
ride in such weather. She stated her desired course of action and was
informed by her mother that she could not possibly walk all the way
to Netherfield alone, a distance of some three miles. Elizabeth found
this completely ludicrous, as only the previous afternoon she had
encouraged Jane to ride that far. However Elizabeth was as strong
willed as her mother and at times quite defiant and she had her way.
To Netherfield she would go and on foot.

The Bingley household was late to rise that morning due to the
previous night's activities and they were still at breakfast when the
footman announced the arrival of Miss Elizabeth Bennet. Mr. Darcy had
never encountered her so early in his day and he found himself
checking his attire with a quick glance before she entered. She was
shown into the breakfast room where Mr. Bingley, Mr. and Mrs. Hurst,
Miss Bingley and Mr. Darcy were eating. Mr. Bingley was all concern
for Jane and expressed his delight in Elizabeth's arrival. His
sisters saw only her bad manners in arriving while they were still at
mealtime compounded by the fact that Elizabeth looked like she had
walked the whole distance and was alone. How could she leave home so
disheveled! On further remarks they discovered she had indeed walked
the whole distance without a companion and the grime and grubbiness
of her attire was the result. She also showed a distinct hue of light
tan and the exertion had even caused a tiny bead of moisture on her
top lip not to mention her flushed cheeks and ruffled hair. It was
quite sticking out from her bonnet.

All of this was noted instantly by Mr. Darcy whose heightened
awareness of the minutiae of Elizabeth was growing daily. Her hair
had the look of abandon and that was a thought he could take no
further. The light tan and even more the slight moisture above her
lip quite distracted his thinking and it was some minutes before he
noticed the mud on her gown. His upbringing had rarely put him in a
position to see a lady so exerted and the result was anything but
abhorrent. Indeed his rational mind thought the whole endeavour
beyond correct for a lady but it was extremely hard for him to
continue being rational with such splendour before him. For she was
indeed looking her best, despite the mud. He spent some time
considering how his thinking could be changed so quickly. Only a few
weeks ago, the thought of a lady so presented would have disgusted
him.

Elizabeth was ignorant of all this as her mind was filled with
concern for Jane and nothing else. She saw only a group of people
who, with the exception of Mr. Bingley, cared more for their eggs
than her sister. The fact that she had disturbed their breakfast was
nothing to her.

Miss Bingley was forced to abandon her muffin and escort Elizabeth to
see her sister. Jane was indeed ill with fever and headache but was
determined to sit and talk to Elizabeth. As soon as Miss Bingley left
them alone, Jane expressed her pleasure at seeing her sister and how
kind the ladies of Netherfield were to her. Elizabeth was less
complimentary about the ladies but resolved to do her best to like
them for Jane's sake.

After Mr. Bingley's sisters had finished their breakfast they
returned to Jane's room while the gentlemen departed for the day. It
was soon resolved by the ladies that the apothecary should be called
as Jane's fever was increasing. He came and insisted Jane return to
bed and stay there perhaps for a few days. Elizabeth was disappointed
as was Jane but she promised to return in the morning. Miss Bingley
arranged for the carriage for Elizabeth but the parting so upset Jane
that Miss Bingley had no choice but to suggest that Elizabeth stay as
well to care for her sister. At least it would absolve her of that
responsibility. Elizabeth readily accepted and the carriage went
alone to Longbourne with a note of explanation and a request for
suitable wardrobe for both Jane and Elizabeth.

On their return, the three gentlemen were informed of the
arrangements and two of them were especially pleased. Although
distressed at her illness, Mr. Bingley could not help but be a little
excited that Jane was staying in his home and Mr. Darcy's heart took
a tiny skip at word that her sister would be staying as well. Mr.
Bingley was however further distressed when informed that Jane was
too ill to leave her room.

At six-thirty, Elizabeth heard the dinner bell and, taking a few deep
breaths, descended to the join the assembly of Netherfield residents
in preparation for entrance to the dining room. Mr. Bingley escorted
his sister and hostess, Miss Bingley. They were followed by Mr. and
Mrs. Hurst and that left Mr. Darcy the honour of offering his elbow
to Elizabeth. The flow of her arm around his as she took her place
next to him created an intensity of feeling that left him
thunderstruck. He had escorted many women in such a manner but never
before had the pressure of their arm, the heat of their body and the
fluidity of their movements so affected him. He took a deep breath to
calm himself but that had the opposite effect as he inhaled the
fragrance of her, which saturated him from within.

They were seated beside each other at the table and he had the task
of remaining impervious to any further influence of her nearness.
Indeed this would be a task. She moved; she reached; she leaned. Her
legs were extremely close not to mention the fact that her foot
touched his at one point. They both withdrew from this contact
instantly and without comment and Mr. Darcy then spent the remainder
of the dinner attempting to keep his long legs as close together as
possible. With such attention to legs it was natural that their arms
were neglected and this resulted in hers accidentally brushing his
more than once. It was difficult enough to endure her proximity
without actual contact, which was excruciating.

'It seems you are far too tall Mr. Darcy. I am sorry to be crowding
you,' said Elizabeth.

How he wished to tell her what a pleasure that exact position was.
And how mortified he was to be thinking such thoughts.

'It is all my doing Miss Bennet. I am afraid that I must learn to
keep myself in check.'

'Mr. Darcy, I see no fault in your keeping yourself in check. In fact
you never fail to do so. It seems to permeate your every thought. I
am sure you would agree that I should be the one to consider a change
in behaviour.'

'I do pride myself on my behaviour Miss Bennet but please do not
think that I would ever censure yours.'

Mr. Darcy said no more, afraid that the topic would lead to some
further compliments from him on her manners. Elizabeth, meanwhile,
was incensed that he suggest that she needed censure and determined
to converse with him as little as possible through the remainder of
the meal. This left Mr. Darcy to do little but feel a heightening of
her presence without the distraction of her voice and words.

When she turned towards the head of the table, he could once again
feel the air move around her and that fragrance filled his senses
once more. He spoke little and spent a great deal of time looking
towards Miss Bingley at the bottom of the table which gave him a
wonderful chance to observe Elizabeth out of the corner of his eye.
He found himself thinking thoughts that astounded him. He was using
subterfuge for purposes that could be only labelled juvenile.
Thankfully his friend interrupted and he was able to alter his
thoughts from the mere fundamental to the more significant.

'Miss Bennet, are you sure your sister would not prefer something
special rather than just a tray?' asked Mr. Bingley.

'I do not think she is capable of eating anything at all Mr. Bingley.
But thank you for asking,' replied Elizabeth.

'Perhaps some stewed fruit?'

Elizabeth smiled gently. 'I am sure the best remedy for my sister is
rest and sleep, Mr. Bingley.'

'Then I shall send up some light reading for her to help her rest.
Darcy, what would you suggest for Miss Bennet to read?'

'Are you sure she is up to reading, Bingley? Miss Elizabeth seems to
think that she should sleep,' replied Mr. Darcy.

'Perhaps you are right. Miss Bennet, are your rooms comfortable?
Would you prefer to be closer to your sister? I am sure Caroline
would not mind swapping accommodations with you on this occasion.'

Miss Bingley's eyes widened a little. She was not about to give up
her rooms near Mr. Darcy's simply for a country girl with an over
zealous regard for her sister.

'That would probably suit both Miss Bennets, Bingley,' added Mr. Darcy.

Elizabeth saw the need to step in. 'Really there is no need. If
necessary I would prefer to sleep in Jane's room rather than next
door. My own accommodations are quite irrelevant. But thank you.'

Miss Bingley's sigh of relief was almost audible. Mr. Darcy noticed
her slight movements and frowned in disgust. She really showed
appalling manners at times. He turned to Elizabeth.

'Do you think your sister will require the doctor, Miss Bennet? I
would be only too happy to arrange for him to call.'

'Thank you Mr. Darcy but at this point I think she will manage with
the apothecary. I hope that the day's rest will help her turn the
corner to improvement.'

'You know best Miss Bennet but please be assured we are all here to
assist you,' said Mr. Darcy.

'Indeed we are,' chimed in Mr. Bingley. 'Is that not right, Caroline, Louisa?'

The sisters both nodded as they glanced at each other. They behaved
exactly as their self-appointed status allowed. They exceeded
everyone in this part of the country.

The meal continued but Mr. Bingley found Jane's illness a constant
pressure and showed genuine concern with continued questions to
Elizabeth. Mr. Darcy appeared completely occupied by Miss Bingley and
occasionally Mrs. Hurst and had almost no time to engage Elizabeth in
any further conversation. Their apparent indifference to Jane was
quite off-putting but she was happy to see evidence that her assessed
opinion of them was correct.

Elizabeth managed to endure all the courses except for the ragout,
which she declined. For the first time that evening, Mr. Hurst found
a topic that interested him and questioned her on her taste. Her
reply of preferring less varied dishes elicited a frown and a grumble
from him.

With the help of Mr. Bingley, Elizabeth made it through the meal but
was only too happy to see dessert finished. She declined coffee and
escaped to Jane's room to comfort her and ensure she had adequate
salve for the night.

As soon as she had left, the ladies took the opportunity to critique
Elizabeth taking into account her proclivity for walking whatever the
reason or season, her fashion or lack thereof and her dialogue. There
was so much to find objectionable.

Mr. Bingley pushed all this aside in favour of his concern for Jane
so Mr. Darcy was imposed upon for agreement. He indeed found her
walking all that way quite out of the ordinary but her appearance he
could not dispute. She did look flushed but that had only enhanced
the brightness of her eyes and complexion.

As this was the second time Miss Bingley had heard Mr. Darcy
compliment Elizabeth's eyes she felt an increasing unease. She had
never before been in a position of dispute with him regarding a
lady's appearance and suddenly she was feeling more than a little
jealous of a country girl with no fortune, manners or decorum. This
was something she would have to deal with immediately.

She thus went about stating the very low relations of the Bennets, in
particular the areas in which their said relatives lived. Cheapside
was indeed a part of London that they would never frequent and the
thought of having close family there was repugnant. The gentlemen
listened to all this and Mr. Bingley dismissed it immediately. He had
reached the point where Jane had no faults at all as far as he was
concerned. Mr. Darcy, however, much in need of reasons to distance
himself from Elizabeth, found it a distinct deterrent to the marital
opportunities of the Bennet girls. As he expressed that thought out
loud, a slight tinge of trepidation overtook him and he experienced a
sense of chill. He shook off the feeling and decided he must begin
wearing his heavier jacket.

Nothing could delight Miss Bingley more. She had elicited a response
from Mr. Darcy that ensured Elizabeth would forever remain that
country girl. As soon as that was settled, the ladies decided that it
was in their best interests to visit Jane again and give the
gentlemen an account of her health. It was always wise to appear
caring in front of gentlemen. They found Jane extremely tired and
left quickly and as soon as Jane had fallen asleep, Elizabeth
returned to the drawing room as well.

She found them all concentrating on cards with Miss Bingley once
again showing far too much preference for the manner in which Mr.
Darcy played. They offered to make room for her but Elizabeth
relished the opportunity to observe. On hearing her decline to play
cards, the second thing he liked so much, Mr. Hurst decided that she
was indeed a woman with individual ideas and opinions and told her
so. She was about to laugh it off when Miss Bingley chose to further
ingratiate herself in Mr. Darcy's eyes by pointing out, somewhat
snidely, the fact that Elizabeth seemed to enjoy reading to the
exclusion of all else. Elizabeth refuted this instantly.

However with such attention drawn to literary pursuits, Mr. Bingley
began complaining of his small library but offered to fetch whatever
books he might have that interested her. However much she liked Mr.
Bingley, she found this habit of his annoying. Whether he
intentionally put himself down in front of family and friends, she
did not know but if that was his desire, then the result was not
always in his favour and more often than not it merely prompted his
sister to remark on the substance of Mr. Darcy's estate.

And such was the case now as Miss Bingley chose that moment to
aggrandize the Pemberley library in comparison. Elizabeth sighed as
the game began again and she had to endure Miss Bingley's gibbering.
Mr. Darcy agreed that his library was exceptional, of course! However
he did state that it was the work of generations and he felt it was
his duty to keep it current. Paltry excuse for praising oneself! Miss
Bingley then began once again to advise her brother that he should
find an estate just like Pemberley. Elizabeth smiled to herself as
she savoured Miss Bingley's obsession with everything Darcy. His
estate, his manners, his library, not to mention his ponds, streams,
game and fish! The whole concept kept Elizabeth quietly amused which
suited her perfectly. There was little to occupy her mind at
Netherfield and without such distractions she might easily become
bored.

Mr. Bingley laughed off his sister's suggestion and Elizabeth was
delighted to hear him handle her so well. Mr. Darcy it seemed was in
agreement with Miss Bingley as he again took up the mask of silent
surveillance.

The course of this conversation and the interplay of the
participants, and non participants, was so distracting that Elizabeth
put down her book and moved nearer to the card table to scrutinize
the foibles of the players. Displaying her flair for persistence,
Miss Bingley asked Mr. Darcy how his sister, Georgiana, was and if
she had grown. Elizabeth had little knowledge of his relations so
this topic greatly interested her.

Miss Bingley was once again crushed when Mr. Darcy replied, comparing
his sister's height to Elizabeth's. His attention to such a detail
was annoying to say the least! To Elizabeth, the comparison brought
on a strange sense of well being. He had noticed her height. Odd that
it had happened and even stranger that he should use it as a
comparison. And even stranger still that she found it not unpleasant,
indeed a rarity with Mr. Darcy. Small mercies one assumes! Mr. Darcy
was just as surprised. The comparison to her height had come upon him
unconsciously and he was a man whose avoidance of impulse was at the
very least assiduous.

Elizabeth had never had such fun in her life. With the exception of
Mr. Bingley there seemed to be no end to their self-praise. Miss
Bingley continued to extol the virtues young ladies and Mr. Darcy's
sister in particular, beginning with her musical ability, and ending
with her manners. All were outstanding. Whether in a vain attempt to
halt the topic or simply being polite, Mr. Bingley agreed that it
always amazed him how thoroughly accomplished all young ladies were
and how it is the first thing mentioned when referring to them.

Elizabeth was not the least surprised that such exaggeration brought
Mr. Darcy into the conversation by his stating he knew barely any
truly talented ladies. Of course not! Despite her resolve to stay
distant, his comment left Elizabeth feeling quite inadequate and
ready to chastise him. Miss Bingley's concordance with Mr. Darcy was
just the incentive Elizabeth needed to enter the fray again.

She pounced back with a remark designed to rattle anyone but
specifically Mr. Darcy. She replied that his list of talents must be
excessive if he knew so few ladies with such accomplishments. Unable
to resist Elizabeth and thus her challenge, he replied with a
confirmation of his opinion. Miss Bingley, incapable of putting up
with more than a few words exchanged between Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy
was forced to step in and list a variety of necessary accomplishments
that she hoped Elizabeth had not attained and would find almost
impossible to attain. She was about to rest on her laurels when Mr.
Darcy himself intervened to ensure that Elizabeth was not slighted.
He added one more thing of which Elizabeth was indeed expert, reading.

Elizabeth had listened long enough to this exchange of upper class
sensibilities and Mr. Darcy's opinions and rather than hear the
compliment, she chose to only hear this addition to his list which
made it so far fetched that she had no choice but to castigate them
all with her astonishment. She was sure this would finish the subject
but Mr. Darcy was undaunted. Aware of her own games, he told her that
she was being severe on her sex. She denied that vehemently which
naturally brought Miss Bingley, with the help of her sister, into the
fray once more. They had to support Mr. Darcy.

By now, Mr. Darcy was feeling the heat of battle. He was too warm in
his jacket, he was leaning forward towards Elizabeth rather than
sitting upright and he had run his hand through his hair more than
once while thinking of a reply to her. He even felt the dismay of
moisture on his brow. The whole thing was leaving him outside his
realm of behaviour. Yet despite his effort, the lady herself seemed
to have the infinite ability to withstand the onslaught of Miss
Bingley and needed little buoying from him.

Mr. Hurst, with no interest in the topic or concern for civility, had
had enough of frivolity and nonsensical talk and called the party
back to the game. Elizabeth chose this as time for her second escape
of the evening and hurried back to Jane.

After she left, Mr. Darcy straightened himself before sitting once
more. He felt quite disturbed and it had to stop. He would take
definite action to avoid a repeat of this. Why did he feel the need
to defend and support Elizabeth every time Miss Bingley began her
assault? The lady in question seemed to suffer little yet he had the
overwhelming need to protect her. As he was firming up his resolve to
allow her to fight her own battles, Elizabeth was once again the
topic of conversation as Miss Bingley chose to air further grievances
about her use of feminine ploys to seek attention. Mr. Darcy, was too
clever to fall for such blatant innuendo and told her he was fully
aware when he was being deliberately charmed by a lady and also just
what her reasons for such charm might be. Whether or not she
understood his real meaning he was not sure and, to his surprise, he
cared little.

Not half an hour later, Elizabeth returned to the drawing room and
Mr. Darcy immediately noticed her distress and made a slight move
towards her as she entered.

'Excuse me, Mr. Bingley. I fear Jane is a little worse and I am quite
concerned. Would it be possible to call for the doctor in the morning
if she is not improved?'

'Miss BenŠ..' Mr. Darcy got no further before Mr. Bingley spoke.

'She is no better! I will send for the doctor directly. We should not
wait until morning,' said Mr. Bingley.

'No please, Mr. Bingley. She is only a little worse. I think it best
to wait until morning to see if there is any further deterioration. I
simply wanted you to be aware that there is no improvement.'

'Please Miss Bennet, take a seat. I will send for some tea,' replied
Mr. Bingley.

'Thank you sir but I should return to my sister.'

'I am sure the servant will call if she needs you, Miss Bennet. And
tea will calm you. You will need something to get you through the
night,' said Mr. Darcy.

'Darcy's right, Miss Bennet. You must look after yourself. Perhaps
Caroline could take your place while you have tea or even a little
light supper.'

Elizabeth declined all offers and insisted on returning to Jane
immediately. Miss Bingley could not have been more grateful for such
diligence. She had no desire to spend part of her evening in a room
filled with germs while Elizabeth Bennet enjoyed the company of Mr.
Darcy.

Mr. Bingley rushed off to instruct the housekeeper on the necessities
for both Jane and Elizabeth while Mr. Darcy retired to his room as
soon as he heard his friend's sisters begin a disagreement about what
duet to play. It seems that their concern for Jane was momentary.
Elizabeth heard the playing begin soon after her departure and
triumphed in her ability to evaluate the absurd and discount the
ridiculous. Unfortunately Mr. Bingley's sisters with the help of his
friend fitted exactly into these criteria and no doubt this
performance was on Mr. Darcy's request.

The latter part of the evening was spent by each member of
Netherfield in different ways. Jane slept fitfully. Elizabeth dozed
on and off while supervising the care of her sister, Mr. Bingley lay
awake with worry, Miss Bingley slept like a log and Mrs. Hurst read
for a while until her husband was asleep after listening to endless
grumbles from him about Elizabeth's unsophisticated palate.

Although Mr. Darcy had retired from company early he found his room
quite empty and cold and he could hear the comings and goings of
servants into Jane's room. As the door opened and closed he twice
heard the faint sound of Elizabeth's voice and it seemed necessary to
listen for it continually throughout the night. He tried a book and a
brandy but his reading was continually distracted by random thoughts
of the evening.

He had little or no experience with ladies on this level. He had
certainly never had the desire to defend and support a lady's opinion
other than his sister's. He had always been admired and sought after
but never quite so charmed. No lady had ever challenged anything he
said or did and no lady had ever showed such forthrightness in
pointing out his faults in such a delightful way. She must care about
him if she was so determined to tease him. Isn't that what young
ladies did? Yet she was not of Miss Bingley's ilk. Her methods were
not obsequious. They were simply her. With a sparkle in her eye and a
mind to match, she defied his very being and caused him to rethink
almost everything he held dear. He thought more about her opinions
than any other human being in his life and he spent another restless
night in the futile attempt to understand her.

And like any single man of twenty-eight, his contemplations became
fantasies and no effort was great enough to clarify his mind and rid
him of the excess of focussing on the prurient.


Behind the Scenes - 10

The night was no more restful for Elizabeth than Mr. Darcy but her
concerns were soley for Jane who fortunately appeared to show some
improvement by early morning. Elizabeth declined a doctor but did
request that her mother be sent for to more properly assess the
situation.

Mrs. Bennet, with Kitty and Lydia in tow, arrived just after
breakfast and was more than happy with Jane's progress. However she
refused to submit to Jane's request to be carried home and at the
same time managed to seconder the support of the apothecary who
succumbed to the mother's more than ample fretting. Indeed Jane must
remain where she was and for some days still.

Mrs. Bennet returned to the breakfast parlour after her visit with
Jane and gave Mr. Bingley an amplified version of Jane's illness.
Elizabeth was uncomfortable with her mother's exaggerations but had
no recourse other than to listen. Mrs. Bennet's verbosity was always
at its peak in the morning and she soon managed to twist the topic
from Jane's infirmity to her beauty followed closely by inflated
praise of Netherfield. Hoping to have Mr. Bingley softened by concern
for Jane she then proceeded to fish for information about his future
movements.

Although Mr. Bingley was very enamoured with Jane he was less so with
her mother and simply cast aside her gratuitous commentary on his
home by stating that he was unsure of his travels and that he was
prone to instantaneous change.

In a vain attempt to lift the level of topic, Elizabeth told Mr.
Bingley that his self-assessment was exactly as she had judged
herself. That surprised him and for a time he felt it a weakness
until she assured him that being read so easily was not a detriment
and it showed no less or more of good character than someone whose
moods were perhaps more obscure. Mr. Darcy heard her innuendo and
felt somewhat gratified that she found his character as good as his
friend's. It gave him an all round sense of well being to think that
she had spent time analysing his personality.

Hearing all this indepth discussion confused Mrs. Bennet and, as she
had always found Elizabeth's outspokenness a great liability, she
told her point blank to remember where she was, treating her as no
more than a child.

Mr. Darcy was mortified to hear Elizabeth's mother embarrass her in
front of others. He was sure that no one in the room misunderstood
Elizabeth's words and that they were far from insulting. Mr. Bingley
was just as aware of the slight to Elizabeth and chose to ignore Mrs.
Bennet by continuing his conversation with Elizabeth, saving her and
every one else in the room from further discomfort, at least for the
time being. He told her of his astonishment at her penchant for
character study and surmised it must be an amusing occupation. She
readily agreed and confirmed that it was indeed interesting but the
best studies were the more intricate characters.

Mr. Darcy had been listening intently, knowing that this was a topic
he could comment on with some authority. He chose a pause in
conversation to note that the country must provide little opportunity
for such studies.

Elizabeth understood his meaning and was happy to reply that the
people themselves changed so much that it was a continuing source of
study. However the topic had now progressed beyond the intellect of
Mrs. Bennet who heard only what she wished to hear and she jumped on
his words with the fervour of a mother cat, completely misconstruing
his point.

The room paused, somewhat puzzled as to her reasoning and after a
rather long gaze of bewilderment, Mr. Darcy turned away to the window
and found himself staring out as Mrs. Bennet continued rambling. She
turned to Mr. Bingley for support, and completely befuddled about
what she meant, he stated that the country was certainly interesting.
Having what she thought was support, she turned the topic back to Mr.
Darcy's remarks by reminding the room of what she supposed he had
intended.

It was once again Elizabeth's turn to be mortified and she felt it
prudent to explain exactly what Mr. Darcy had meant. However, Mrs.
Bennet's mind was made up. Like her daughter, she saw little to like
in Mr. Darcy. However, unlike her daughter, she saw little need to
hide that fact. Indeed the country was not confined and they had many
friends and acquaintances. In fact they dined with more than two
dozen families, at least!

Despite his liberal attitudes and affability, even Mr. Bingley found
it hard not to react to the absurdity of such comments. He felt for
Elizabeth almost as much as Mr. Darcy. His sisters however felt no
such pain and Miss Bingley made a point of looking directly at Mr.
Darcy with a knowing look of scorn for Mrs Bennet. Mr. Darcy cringed
but he could find no way to extricate Elizabeth from her family
without showing far too much preference. He thus remained silent and
it was up to Elizabeth to attempt to move the mood of the room to
something more comfortable for all. She asked her mother if she had
seen Charlotte since her absence.

Mrs. Bennet's triumph at the last topic buoyed her on as she told
Elizabeth that she had seen Charlotte with Sir William and that he
was the epitome of good breeding leaving no room for dispute about
her feelings for Mr. Darcy. Elizabeth was now in the depths of
humiliation and attempted to confine her mother's mind to Charlotte.
That only brought on more pain as Mrs. Bennet managed to compare the
inadequacies of Charlotte's countenance with the advantages of Jane's
and even further managed to let Mr. Bingley know that Jane had had
previous suitors who were so in love as to write her sonnets.

Mr. Darcy stood amazed at how a seemingly simple woman could manage
to turn every topic back to her desired aim. Indeed her methods of
word manipulation were so peculiar that he found himself a tiny bit
in reluctant awe. He could only imagine what she could have done if
her education had been regulated.

Elizabeth had to put a stop to this and finished her mother's
participation by stating that the sonnets were no doubt the final
straw in all love affairs. Mr. Darcy raised his eyebrows unable to
resist challenging such a bizarre comment. Elizabeth, always in need
of the last word, particularly with Mr. Darcy, informed him that a
good sonnet would only improve on a love well entrenched. Anything
less and poetry would finish it for good. He smiled in defeat.

As the room watched their game and his subsequent smile, it went
quiet and it was Elizabeth who was first aware of the silence. Mr.
Darcy noticed it too and, with so many witnesses, he knew it was
impolitic to engage in any more such repartee with Elizabeth.

Before the lady herself could think of anything to say to avoid her
mother speaking again, Mrs. Bennet filled the void with more
gratuities to Mr. Bingley. His acceptance was beyond reproach and he
even managed to coerce Miss Bingley into a similar tone. Anything to
be rid of the woman! However there was still more before Mrs. Bennet
and her two youngest daughters took their leave, as Lydia remembered
an earlier promise of a ball and secured a confirmation.

It was over. Her mother and sisters had left and Elizabeth could
escape once more to Jane's room and leave Mr. Bingley's sisters and
Mr. Darcy to verbally dismantle her family. Elizabeth was wrong
however. Although Mr. Darcy felt that her mother and sisters were
worthy of comment he would not be drawn in anyway to comment on
Elizabeth. He had unknowingly joined the rank of his friend and found
the conduct of a Miss Bennet was without fault in his eyes. She had
stood up to her mother in a moment of extreme embarrassment and
showed her strength and breeding. Miss Bingley even tried reminding
Mr. Darcy of his predilection for Elizabeth's eyes and appearance but
nothing could raise his interest. He remained steadfast in his belief
of Elizabeth's qualities and began a very gradual tightening in his
chest when he thought how close he was to abusing Miss Bingley for
her behaviour and open humiliation of Elizabeth. In fact she was no
better than Mrs. Bennet and if she kept this up much longer he would
tell her so.

It was some time later that morning before Elizabeth braved the
drawing room. She found it empty and dismissing the servant she
proceeded to pour herself some tea. Jane was asleep and her colour
was good and it was bliss to be alone. She settled herself in a chair
near a slightly open window and was enjoying the sound of winter's
approach when her musings were broken by the sound of boots striding
across the vestibule. Mr. Darcy entered the room without pause and
was pouring tea for himself before he noticed Elizabeth. Her slight
cough brought his attention.

'Miss Bennet! Excuse me, I did not know you were here. Would you
rather be alone?'

'I would rather be at home, actually, Mr. Darcy. However I see a
gradual improvement in my sister so it should not be too long.'

He took a seat opposite her.

'I am happy that she is recovering so well. You are truly devoted to
her Miss Bennet.'

'What sister would not be, Mr. Darcy. I hardly think I deserve praise
for that. You would do the same for your sister.'

'Absolutely. She is much younger than I and thus I fill some of the
void left by the death of my father.'

'I cannot imagine losing my father.'

'I have seen your closeness. Much closer than to your mother, I think.'

'In some ways. Mama is kind though Mr. Darcy. Her intentions are not
vicious. I apologise if my family offends you.'

'I am not offended Miss Bennet. We are all endowed with relatives
whose behaviour can at times leave us uneasy. I often think it is a
family's right to cause us discomfort.'

'Mr. Darcy, I think you have a point. Perhaps when you have your own
family you can continue the virtue.'

'Miss Bennet, you tease me. So you do not think the doctor is needed
for your sister?'

'No, I think if she continues thus we will both be home in a day or
two. And when do you return home Mr. Darcy? You must miss your estate
and your sister.'

'I do indeed. Georgiana is in town at the moment though. She is
undertaking some studies with two new masters.'

'What does she study, Mr. Darcy? Dancing?'

He smiled to himself. 'Music, her passion, and also she is learning
Italian as she hopes to coerce me into taking her to Italy next year.'

'I hear that Italians love to dance, Mr. Darcy.'

'Indeed, Miss Bennet. Are you an authority on the dancing habits of
different cultures, perhaps?'

'Only what I know from extensive reading, Mr. Darcy.'

'Touché! Miss Bennet.'

'Never let it be said that I sit on the fence, Mr. Darcy.'

And never let it be said that I withdrew from a parry, Miss Bennet.'

'Are you comparing sabres with ladies, Mr. Darcy? Hardly a fair
exchange. We can have no success over the challenge of a good sword.'

'Success is very much according to one's talents Miss Bennet. I pride
myself on my abilities and value their achievement.'

'Success is also dependent on the opponent Mr. Darcy. It is only
valued when it comes at the expense of the foe. I have always found
that victory is sour if one cares about his adversary. I am glad that
you find success so easy, Mr. Darcy.'

Before he could facilitate a reply, she stood, requiring him to do the same.

'I really must return to Jane, Mr. Darcy. Good day.'

She bowed and as he did the same she spun out of the room. He watched
her go with relief. Private conversations were taking on the tenure
of campaigns and he had the strange feeling of defeat after each
encounter. His concern was not so much in losing but in the
previously unknown sensation that he enjoyed the loss.

Elizabeth returned to her sister and finding her asleep, she took to
her book. However this latest encounter with Mr. Darcy had left her
with thoughts on him. He was extremely arrogant. To actually praise
his own success was appallingly haughty. He seemed to have little
family and few friends and no society beyond his friend. Strange in a
man with so many connections. Still he was at least worthy of decent
conversation when his mind allowed itself to wander from himself.

Mr. Darcy removed to the library. The distraction of Elizabeth was
consuming his life and responsibility must be first and foremost. He
rifled through the papers sent by his steward and found himself
musing as to the worth of such endeavours without purpose. He had
previously never entertained the idea of choice in his life. Every
word spoken to him as a child and every regulation of his education
was for one aim, the management of the Darcy estate in its entirety.
He knew no other life until now. Elizabeth was awakening in him an
awareness of pleasures and pursuits beyond the financial.

A man such as Mr. Darcy would be the first to admit that his thinking
of Elizabeth was not entirely for public perusal but there was an
underlying theme of contentment when he was in her company, a feeling
of satisfaction, in fact. He neglected to delve further into why this
was so as he still resided on the plateau of self-gratification and
had failed to see the subtle change in his behaviour from admirer to
defender.

The residents of Netherfield spent the remainder of the day in
personal endeavours. Mr. Darcy managed to deal with his business
correspondence and settle his accounts. Elizabeth found Jane so
improved as to be able to eat a little dinner that Elizabeth shared
with her in her room. After seeing Jane settled, she joined the
others in the drawing room.

Mr. Hurst had been unable to gain support for cards and so each was
involved in individual tasks. Elizabeth was sewing. Mr. Darcy was at
the desk writing a letter and Miss Bingley found it essential to be
part of that exercise by continually questioning him about its
content and praising him on his legibility. She needed to know the
recipient and finding out it was Miss Darcy, she further interrupted
his writing by offering personal comments that she hoped he would
include. She kept it up until she had worn out Mr. Darcy's patience
and so turned herself to a comparison of her brother's writing style.
Mr. Bingley heard her comment on his rapidity of pen and resulting
untidiness and excused it by humbly explaining his need to get his
thoughts down on paper.

Elizabeth was ready to believe him when Mr. Darcy challenged him with
the idea that perhaps he was using this modesty as self-praise.
Elizabeth was a little disconcerted, as this very thought had gone
through her mind the previous day. However the joyful camaraderie
between the two gentlemen intrigued Elizabeth as previously she had
only seen them as sporting partners. This jousting was the sign of a
much deeper attachment. Mr. Darcy enforced his theory with evidence
from the morning visit of her mother and the stature of the
friendship that would affect the possibility of Mr. Bingley's hasty
decisions.

Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth then began a collision of intellects as they
maneuvered their way around Mr. Bingley's self analysis with the
nuance of words and the significance of phrasing. Although not of
their standard, Mr. Bingley was not deficient and managed to insert
his own interpretation into their discussion. However his mistake was
bringing in the more private side of his friend's personality by
descriptions of Mr. Darcy when he was out of sorts or lost for
occupation.

This description of Mr. Darcy was tinged with exaggeration but it
still struck home with the gentleman and when his friend laughed,
Elizabeth felt an uncommon anxiety for Mr. Darcy. Despite her seeming
disinterest in getting to know him, she was well aware when he was
displeased or even worse, when he was feeling exposed. Her
disagreement with him was never designed to embarrass him and so she
did not participate in Mr. Bingley's frivolity.

On hearing nothing from her, Mr. Darcy glanced at Elizabeth and
although it was a mere fraction of a moment it brought to him a depth
of feeling he had never experienced. He had now to add sensitivity to
her attributes. He fought off a blush of feeling at her display of
loyalty to him.

Mr. Darcy ended the moment by joking with his friend about his hatred
of arguments and his ploys to finish them. Mr. Bingley agreed as long
as Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth would cease theirs now. They caught each
other's eye, suddenly aware of their joint behaviour. It was a
momentary union of minds that left one of them a tad unsettled and
the other giddy with the intensity of the juncture. Feeling less than
her partner, Elizabeth conceded and allowed Mr. Darcy to finish his
letter.

As each returned to their previous occupation they were both aware of
Mr. Bingley's words. They had taken over the topic, developed it to
the level of disagreement and revelled in the cleverness of their
intellectual game playing. For Mr. Darcy, this was not new but to
Elizabeth it was extremely annoying. She had no desire to enjoy even
an argument with such a man.

The evening entertainment progressed to the pianoforte where Miss
Bingley played for some time. Elizabeth employed herself by browsing
through the music and it was during her perusal that she became aware
that Mr. Darcy was watching her with an intensity that caused some
unease. She sought solace in continuation of her pursuit while
considering his reasons for observing her so closely. Surely he would
not persist if he found her so disagreeable but she saw no indication
of any favouritism. After much consideration she decided that, in his
eyes, she was simply the person in the room with the most faults to
evaluate. Once she had established that, she was able to relax. Any
other reasons that lurked in the recesses of her mind were left to
languish as she was far from ready to concede any more than he was an
excellent combatant.

However, her repose was short lived. Mrs. Hurst sang some Italian
songs followed by Miss Bingley playing a Scottish air. Both of these
brought to their minds the afternoon's conversation and before she
had time to collect herself he suggested that she might like to
dance. She was caught. She had always been the one challenging him
and now she felt the disquiet of being in his previous position. She
hesitated and then decided her best attack was to explain the choices
available to her for reply and censure him for attempting to trap her.

Her ploy failed as his reply was so chivalrous as to confuse her
completely. It not only stunned her but most of the room as well. She
left the room and retired for the night feeling relieved to be out of
his company. He disconcerted her more than she was willing to admit.
She did not like him and had no intention of beginning any change.
She had been sure that her list of his faults was great enough to
ensure continual dislike but apparently it was time to look for more.

He, on the other hand, retired much later, after a letter to his
cousin, a round of solitary billiards and a visit to the stables to
feel the warmth and devotion of a beloved animal. He was a man at
odds with himself and never before had he been so grateful for a
world where one's family and connections could inhibit the whims of a
man's infatuation.


Behind the Scenes - 11

The next day brought even more improvement in Jane although the
progress was very slow. She had really been quite ill and it would
take some time to regain her strength. However, her change for the
better allowed Elizabeth more time to herself and that naturally
meant more time with the other residents including Mr. Darcy.
Elizabeth was not sure that was a good thing as she found it tiring
to always been on guard for an assault from Miss Bingley and scrutiny
from Mr. Darcy.

Unable to be absent from Jane for too long she took to the garden for
her daily exercise. Much to her chagrin, Mrs. Hurst was also walking
and naturally they went on together.

'I am so glad that your sister is improving, Miss Bennet. It seems so
long since she arrived.'

'I am sure it does, Mrs. Hurst. But please be sure that we will both
be gone from here as soon as possible. We have no wish to overstay.'

'Oh Miss Bennet, please do not feel you are intruding. None of this
could be helped. Are you dining with us tonight, Miss Bennet, or
would you prefer a tray with your sister? I am sure she would enjoy
your company.'

'I am hoping my sister may be able to come downstairs later this evening.'

'How delightful. I must tell Caroline. She has been so distressed by
all this illness. I am sure she will be as delighted as I to have
your sister's company. But take care, Miss Bennet, I think you may be
well advised to keep your sister company in her room to avoid drafts.'

Elizabeth looked across the lemon grove and smiled. Yes, she was
feeling a kinship to Mr. Bingley's sisters. She was just as anxious
to be out of their company as they were to be rid of hers.

As they continued their stroll they came across Mr. Darcy and Miss
Bingley also occupied in walking. Elizabeth took one look at him and
decided that he was in a sour mood as usual. He greeted her with
sufficient courtesy but seemed reluctant to look at her.

Mr. Darcy, himself, was embarrassed. He had just spent at least half
an hour being subjected to Miss Bingley's ministrations on his
welfare. He had been lectured on what his life might be like with
Elizabeth and despite Miss Bingley's dire predictions, he found it
put him in mind of many aspects that he could get very fond of very
quickly. He had an inner laugh when he thought what Miss Bingley
would think if she knew where her chatter took him and felt uneasy
that Elizabeth knew exactly what he had been thinking.

The coincidence of both walks naturally suggested a joining and Mrs.
Hurst soon attached herself to Mr. Darcy's free arm while Miss
Bingley held tightly to her half of his appendages. The path in the
garden was narrow and allowed only three abreast and Mr. Darcy at
once suggested that they change direction to allow Elizabeth a part
in their ramblings. She declined however. She was in no mood to
listen to haughty sisters and a disagreeable man indulge in further
ruminations on their own attributes and the failings of others.

Dinner that evening brought a change in partners with Miss Bingley
hurriedly grabbing Mr. Darcy's arm to enter the dining room. Mr.
Bingley was more than happy to escort Elizabeth and, although they
entered apart, she found herself seated next to Mr. Darcy again.
While Elizabeth thought nothing of this, Mr. Darcy was once again
forced to deal with his feelings for her. He was quite able to see
reason with himself while she was only residing in the house but
sharing an evening meal was approaching an intimacy that threatened
any rational thoughts he might have during the day. Once again the
fragrance of her surrounded him. It was like a cloud he could not
escape. Every movement brought it afresh and it became the
encapsulation of her person. Elizabeth herself was feeling rather
tired of the whole thing. She was wearing a dress she had worn on the
first night and Miss Bingley had reminded her as such. She was tired
of the pretence of fondness displayed by Mr. Bingley's sister to Jane
and she was exhausted from the continual pressure of performance.

Elizabeth was thus much quieter than Mr. Darcy had seen her and he
wondered if he had offended her this afternoon by not insisting that
she be included in the walk. He decided that the topic should be
dealt with.

'Miss Bennet, I once again apologise for neglecting you in our walk
this afternoon. I had no intention of forcing you elsewhere.'

'Mr. Darcy, you must know by now that I very much enjoy solitary
walks. In fact when I am at home, I try for one almost every day when
the weather permits. It is my singular indulgence to ramble the
fields with only myself for company. Trust me when I say, that I did
not miss you at all.'

She raised her eyebrows just enough to enchant him which forced him
into an intense interest in the roast ham in front of him. After the
servant had served each of them, Mr. Darcy offered Elizabeth the
Cumberland sauce. She was about to pick up the sauce ladle when Miss
Bingley sneezed. The sound was so loud and so surprising that Mr.
Darcy's hand tilted and brushed the ladle. The table all turned to
Miss Bingley who was as shocked as they were at her display,
especially in the absence of a handkerchief. She coughed lightly
before speaking.

'I must say Charles, I think the house is becoming filled with germs.
I am sure we will all be quite ill before we know it.'

Mr. Darcy as well as Mr. Bingley felt for Elizabeth as this comment
was obviously aimed at her sister. Mr. Darcy was first to speak.

'I am sure Miss Bennet's illness has been confined to her room. If
anyone should be concerned with catching it, it is Miss Elizabeth.
She has had the misfortune to be confined with her sister for two
days now.'

'I do not find it a misfortune to spend time with my sister, Mr. Darcy.'

'I meant no such thing, Miss Bennet. I was only referring to the
confinement and the possibility of your catching your sister's
illness as opposed to Miss Bingley.'

'Indeed, Darcy, indeed. You have no need to worry Caroline,' added Mr. Bingley.

As the topic was now dealt with, Elizabeth glanced at her sleeve and
noticed it was stained with sauce. As she examined it, she glanced at
Mr. Darcy's wrist and saw that his cuff was similarly marked.

'Mr. Darcy it seems we are both guilty of carelessness. Our sleeves
are both stained.'

He looked at her wrist and then his own and smiled. 'Perhaps we can
blame the sauce, Miss Bennet. One can never be too careful with
sauce. Please let me wipe it for you.'

'Really there is no need, Mr. Darcy. What is done is done. I will
have it laundered when I return home.' She grimaced as she looked at
the stain and thought of the expected comments from Miss Bingley on
her carelessness.

'It was really my fault, Miss Bennet. If you will excuse me I would
like to change my shirt.'

'I think it was Caroline's fault, actually,' added Mr. Bingley. 'You
sneeze so loudly Caroline, that it would shock anyone. Please Miss
Bennet allow me to have your frock laundered in the morning. Or if
you wish to change now, I will have it done immediately.'

'Oh all this fuss is unnecessary. It is only a small spot and if you
can put up with it then so can I. I am not so fastidious as others.'

The table all glanced towards Mr. Darcy who understood her meaning
very well. 'I accept your demonishment, Miss Bennet, and will
endeavour to improve my sauce skills before our next dinner. If you
will excuse me.'

He stood to leave and Mr. Bingley laughed. 'Ah Darcy, you see what
the ladies do to us. We have always to improve our skills to keep
them happy. I am sure we can all live with a stain on your sleeve,
man. Please sit and allow us to finish this course at least.'

'As you wish, Bingley.'

Mr. Darcy seated himself again and after dabbing at his own sleeve,
he picked up his knife and fork and everyone began to eat. There was
little conversation during the meat course or the fish and it was not
until dessert was carried in that the table became lively again.
There was a choice of sweet temptations to choose from and both
Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy were feeling exactly in the mood for such
indulgence. He chose the bread and butter pudding while Elizabeth
chose the fruit compote which required the addition of a cream sauce.
As she picked up the small sauce jug, Mr. Darcy looked at it and then
at her with a feigned look of trepidation.

'Be not afraid Mr. Darcy. I have the sauce well under control.'

'Practice does make perfect, Miss Bennet, and I am well aware of your
experience in sauce. You seem more than capable of controlling its
flow.'

He felt quite content with his wit and was surprised that she did not
reply. Elizabeth, meanwhile, feeling more than sure of his
admonishment of her outspokenness, was determined to remain silent.
This whole sojourn at Netherfield was becoming increasingly difficult.

Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth did not speak again during the remainder of
the meal. She seemed completely engaged and more than comfortable
with adding comment to other discussions going on while he spent the
time considering why she was so quiet.

Jane was well enough to come downstairs after dinner and Elizabeth
had her settled by the fire by the time the gentlemen joined them.
Mr. Bingley was delighted but felt it necessary to improve her
position to avoid drafts. Everyone then began their usual evening
pursuits with Miss Bingley opening with a remark to her brother about
the upcoming ball. Knowing Mr. Darcy's dislike for such events she
chose to concur with his previously stated opinion. Her brother,
however, was not to be dissuaded. He was going to give a ball and if
his friend did want to participate then he could retire for the
night. Elizabeth smiled to herself when she heard this. Mr. Bingley
sometimes seemed to expect Mr. Darcy's approval on so many things but
every now and then he stood his ground despite his friend.

That dealt with, Miss Bingley began a second sortie on the peace of
the evening by indulging her proclivity with Mr. Darcy's evening
pursuits. She tried every artifice she knew to distract him from his
reading, but to no avail and in a rash and undoubtedly mistaken last
attempt, she turned to Elizabeth and asked her to take a turn about
the room with her. Elizabeth was surprised but was willing for
anything to relieve the boredom.

At any movement of Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy had no choice but to respond
but having the additional interest of it being at Miss Bingley's
request meant it was mandatory. Miss Bingley's motive had worked. She
had his attention and thus she asked him to join them. He declined
but in a manner that could only be considered outright flattery. He
commented on the splendor of the ladies' figures. In fact it was the
most open comment on his partiality for Elizabeth that he had ever
uttered to her and it quite threw off his usual clarity of mind. The
misfortune of having the obvious inclusion of Miss Bingley was
unavoidable but facilitated his ability to utter such words.

At his comment, Miss Bingley feigned demureness and jokingly
pretended she had no idea what he meant. Elizabeth was very sure what
he meant and suggested they laugh at him. Miss Bingley was slowly
sinking out of her depth but attempted one last grasp for shore by
suggesting it was impossible to laugh at such a flawless man. That
was enough for Elizabeth who turned the joke on Miss Bingley and Mr.
Darcy by suggesting that her comments were exaggeration and that Mr.
Darcy could not possibly be without flaw. Miss Bingley made one more
attempt to praise him before Elizabeth stated her amusement at such
silliness.

Mr. Darcy was now fully involved in Elizabeth's words and person to
the almost total exclusion of the rest of the room. He said that he
thought anyone could be rendered ridiculous by laughter. Elizabeth
also felt the mood but was at the point of exasperation and she told
him outright that he was perhaps lacking in the ability to laugh at
himself. He sensed the underlying change from mere frivolity to
serious analysis and informed her straight back that he hoped he had
that ability but strived to maintain a sense of respect and dignity
at all times.

It was exactly at these times in Elizabeth's life when her flow of
words went unheeded and she allowed her wit and intellect to flaunt
themselves unchecked. She swooped on him with a pronouncement of the
two things she suggested that he try the hardest to control, his
conceit and his arrogance.

To say that he was taken aback was an understatement. In all his
life, only his father had ever questioned his behaviour and manners
in open conversation. He looked at her, partly angry, partly
embarrassed, but even more in defiance and stated that they were
weaknesses but when exercised correctly were appropriate for a proper
gentleman.

Miss Bingley, hoping to end any further interaction, called their
attention to closure but Elizabeth was unable to leave the subject in
his hands and thus rankled him further by agreeing far too happily
with his perfection. He could stand none of this and made sure she
understood that he knew he was not without fault but that his faults
were perhaps in disposition rather than in behaviour. He assured her
of his staunch judgement of others and his implacable resolve.

As he spoke he looked at her with challenge in his eyes and she saw
threat. She countered that with a quiet acquiescence in his opinion
and seeing her slight self-satisfaction, he suggested that everyone
has some defect. This was too tempting to be left alone and she felt
no timidity about stating his inability to like anyone.

He smiled but not in defeat. Instead he disconcerted her by stating
her fault of deliberately looking for deficiencies in others. He had
won and she knew it.

Mr. Darcy, however, had no feeling of victory. He had reached that
point where the game was the most important and he knew at that
moment that she had won, in a sense, because she was right. The
victory was definitely less because of his feelings for her. He had
begun this game with no point of reference and now he was left with a
sense that he was no longer in control. All he knew at that moment is
that he never wanted their game to end.

Miss Bingley broke the air with a request for music and was more than
happy when her sister volunteered to play.

Elizabeth, meanwhile, did not like the feeling he left her with. He
upset her by his continual barbs and examinations into her thinking.
She had no wish at all to indulge his desire to find fault yet she
felt obliged to retort every time he spoke to her. She was tired of
the game. It was an impossible situation that she wished to be rid
of. She just wanted it to end.

Very soon after Mrs. Hurst's second piece, Jane asked to be assisted
to her room as she was feeling quite tired. Elizabeth was elated to
have reason to leave the room. Another night of argument with Mr.
Darcy had left her exhausted, more so for feeling that she had lost
this particular one, or at the very least drawn it with him. He did
not speak directly to her again until she was retiring. At that
point, as Mr. Bingley helped Jane to the staircase, Mr. Darcy stood
and bowed to Elizabeth.

'Good evening, Miss Bennet. I hope your sister settles well tonight.'

'I am sure she will, Mr. Darcy. This little bit of exercise will have
done her good.'

'I am glad, Miss Bennet. Perhaps on the morrow, she will feel strong
enough to engage in a little longer time downstairs. We would all
enjoy her company.'

'Thank you, Mr. Darcy. I will tell her so.'

'Please do, Miss Bennet. There is nothing more enjoyable than the
stimulation of new conversation and opinions.'

Elizabeth smiled at his innuendo. 'I know that we bring great delight
to all, Mr. Darcy.'

He smiled back, catching her eyes directly. Reluctant to begin
another battle of wills, she raised the back of her hand to her brow
and sighed as if tired. As she did so, the candlelight reflected on
the skin on the inside of her wrist and for the first time in his
life, he felt the stunning sensation of wanting to touch her right on
that spot. He felt his thumb move involuntarily as if already sensing
the softness of her skin.

Just as quickly she moved her hand to her side.

'I think I have a strange effect on you, Mr. Darcy. You seem quite
stuck for words rather often when you are in my company and yet at
other times you seem verbose with verbs. Perhaps I had better return
to Jane quickly so that you can return to the company of others. Good
evening, sir.'

She moved quickly out of his sight and he returned to his book. The
remaining ladies retired about an hour later and after the gentlemen
had examined his latest hunting purchase, Mr. Hurst retired leaving
the two friends alone.

'Bingley, did you ever get that picnic of yours organised?'

'No, you were right once again, it is too late in the year. Darcy, do
you mind me saying that your evening frays with Miss Elizabeth can
get tiring. Why do you insist on baiting her as you do?'

'I would willingly take the blame if it was justified but she is more
than capable of stirring up my senses first.'

'Senses, yes. They are amazingly attractive women, man.'

'Indeed they are, Bingley.'

'Tis a shame that you and Miss Elizabeth do not get on better. You
must tire of the constant battle. Personally it is the last thing I
would want in a lady.'

'Indeed, Bingley, indeed. Perhaps it is not so much battle as discussion.'

'Come on, man. What man could put up with such opinions? I prefer a
quieter disposition. She is nothing like her sister.'

'Not at all, Charles, not at all. Perhaps that is a good thing.'

'Not to my way of thinking. A man wants peace, Darcy, not friction. I
have to say that I will not be sorry when you two are separated and
she is at Longbourne again. Perhaps you, even more than me.'

'I am sure of it, Charles. I will be very happy when she is not our
daily companion. Good night.'

'Good night, Darcy.'

Mr. Bingley walked quickly to his room leaving Mr. Darcy alone.

At what point in a man's life his thinking changes from youthful
abandon to one of marriage and children is hard to determine but Mr.
Darcy had reached it. His thoughts were just as often of home and
family as they were of sport and exercise. He actually could see
himself as a father and the image impressed him far more than that of
brother. The remainder of his thoughts centred on the possible career
of husband, a far cry from the shallow pursuits of youth. In fact
these thoughts were so new that he had failed to see the
transformation from the mere physical to the sublime. He had thus
begun the gradual separation inevitable in all lives. He was leaving
behind the emotional self-absorption of youth and embracing the
gratification of caring for another more than oneself. He at last
realised the jeopardy in which he had been placed by the constant
companionship of Elizabeth. And he finally realised that his sense of
chill had nothing to do with the weather or the weight of his jacket.


Behind the Scenes - 12

The following morning, Elizabeth was with her sister early, more to
secure a definite date to return home than to care for the patient.
They agreed that it was time to go and Elizabeth hastily penned a
note to Longbourne requesting transport. The immediacy of this
request upset Mrs. Bennet's plans completely and she declined them
the use of the carriage in a return note suggesting that they stay
the weekend and return on Tuesday. On reading this, Elizabeth urged
Jane to request Mr. Bingley's favour of transport. Jane succumbed and
after much discussion with him, it was decided that one more day was
required for her recovery before departure.

This was welcome news to Elizabeth and a mixed blessing for Mr.
Bingley and Jane. Her health was paramount but the company of each
other was to be lost. However to Mr. Darcy it was also excellent
news. He had spent a good part of the night perusing his feelings and
his motives and had decided that Elizabeth occupied far too much of
his time and thought and that Miss Bingley's continual reproaches
regarding his favour indicated that he had overstepped the mark. He
had an overwhelming need to feel in control of his life and that was
increasingly impossible with Elizbeth in residence. In this endeavour
he chose to be joyous that she was leaving. Of course this choice was
such that it took some determination to maintain throughout a whole
twenty-four hours.

He thus set about his Saturday with endeavours designed to assist his
resolve. He began with a purpose to avoid conversation with her. It
was during these times that he felt his most vulnerable and was sure
that she was aware of his increasing attraction. His choice to remain
silent, however, did nothing but bring on a sullenness that he was
loathe to abandon. In fact a bad mood was exactly what he needed. He
managed to survive a late breakfast in Elizabeth's company with no
more than a marginally polite greeting and he followed that with a
long ride over ground previously unexplored by him. This left his
body feeling as tired as his resolve but some hours had been disposed
of and that was a good thing.

As he descended for lunch he heard Elizabeth in Jane's room and was
hoping that they were sharing a meal there. However he had only just
entered the breakfast room where lunch was to be served when he felt
her entrance behind him. He gave a slight sigh as he realised his
awareness of her presence even without actual sight and his earnest
desire to rid himself of any preference for her was faltering.
However Mr. Bingley and his sisters soon followed and he was never
happier to have such distractions.

'Bingley, what have you planned for this afternoon? I was thinking we
should visit that new stable your steward mentioned. The animals are
supposed to be superior.'

'I am sorry Darcy but Miss Bennet is coming downstairs this afternoon
and I feel I should keep her company along with Caroline. It would be
impolite of me to abandon her after such an illness.'

Mr. Darcy only nodded. He felt obliged to join his friend in the
courtesy to Jane but that would mean the addition of Elizabeth and
the temptation to show her partiality. However he was a man of
strength and purpose and he was sure he was capable of self-restraint
for one afternoon.

'I should be happy to join you, Charles. We have been deprived of
Miss Bennet's company for too long.'

Elizabeth heard this with some surprise. She had never expected Mr.
Darcy to want the company of her sister by choice. No doubt, he
wanted the opportunity to further his list of amusements at her
expense. It was all too much to continually be the object of Miss
Bingley's satire and Mr. Darcy's censure. However Jane came first and
she would not leave her alone to the folly of these ridiculous
people. She thus concluded her lunch in haste and returned to Jane to
prepare her for the afternoon downstairs.

The west sitting room was chosen as it afforded the ideal climate for
Jane. The sun was getting lower each day and the long windows
captured as much warmth as was available in November. Elizabeth
handed over the care of Jane to Mr. Bingley as soon as they entered
the room. He was determined to fuss and bother with her situation as
long as she was in his company. He was totally absorbed in her
presence.

Mr. Darcy arrived soon afterwards and seeing Jane so occupied he only
stood long enough to offer her his best wishes for a continuing
recovery before taking a seat at the desk, which was too near
Elizabeth for his own good, but distant enough to pretend he was
fooling himself. He did not address her and in that she was relieved.
She was able to pursue her reading and needlework at leisure without
the constant threat of verbal attack. He spent some time composing a
letter to his sister until he realised it was full of repetition,
which was no doubt the result of his fatigue after the morning ride.
He folded the page into four and then continued to refold it again
and again without apparent thought.

Elizabeth noticed his distraction from his correspondence and
imagined that estate business occupied his thoughts. He suddenly
stood and walked to the window and spent at least fifteen minutes
examining the last fall of autumn leaves some of which were the exact
colour of one of Elizabeth's bonnets. He was about to excuse himself
when Mr. Bingley's sisters returned from a long trip to Meryton where
they had managed to find several things to purchase. They bustled in
with servants loaded with parcels and proceeded to unwrap and display
their goods. Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth were both quite uninterested, in
their different ways, but both managed to endure the chatter of the
ladies as they discussed the comparison to London shops.

As soon as was practical, Mr. Darcy escaped, with the paltry excuse
of checking on his horse. Miss Bingley was most put out while Mrs.
Hurst went in pursuit of her husband who always managed to avoid
shopping post mortems. Elizabeth was about to join in the
conversation with her sister and Mr. Bingley, when he announced that
Jane wanted to try a few minutes outside while the sun had some
warmth. Elizabeth agreed and smiled as Mr. Bingley escorted her out
the door. Some minutes later Mr. Darcy returned and Miss Bingley was
busy talking to him when the servant entered with a request from her
sister to attend her in her rooms. She glanced at Elizabeth and then
back at Mr. Darcy who raised his eyebrows at her obvious reluctance
to leave. Having no choice, she followed the servant, leaving Mr.
Darcy and Elizabeth alone. Despite his resolve, he found it extremely
difficult to think clearly in such a situation.

Although he felt he was in some danger of allowing his feelings to
show, he was too attached to these feelings to deny himself the joy
of her presence.

Thus, despite the jeopardy in which he was placing himself, he took
up his book and sat within polite distance and perfect view of her
and began to read. She glanced up but seeing his concentration she
also was silent. And so they read together and Mr. Darcy once more
felt the contentment of her company while she felt the strangeness of
his staying without any conversation. She read the words on her page
slowly and with definition in an attempt to become part of the
passages rather than dwell on his behaviour. He read the same words
again and again, fearing to look at her and even more fearful that
she would speak and he would be forced to respond.

Thus each sat in his or her own private torture. She, determined to
outsit him no matter how long he stayed and he, resolving nothing
other than an overwhelming desire to always be thus with her.

Preparation and dressing for dinner was a welcome relief to them both
as it gave them the excuse to escape the tenacity of each other. She
hurried to her room so that she was ready early and could assist
Jane. Mr. Darcy took a little more care than was usual even for him.
He gave no thought to why; he just desired to look his best.

The two ladies entered the drawing room last and found everyone
seated with a small glass of wine. Mr. Bingley immediately offered
them the same and then assisted Jane to a chair. Elizabeth took a
seat near the entrance and quite near Mr. Hurst. He acknowledged her
before sitting again and turning to Mr. Darcy to finish their
discussion. Elizabeth sipped her wine and attempted to hide her
dislike of Mr. Darcy, after watching him speak to Jane but barely
managing a bow to herself. When the servant announced dinner,
Elizabeth delayed standing until Miss Bingley had secured Mr. Darcy's
arm and was determined to walk in alone. However Mr. Darcy saw the
discourtesy to Elizabeth and offered to accompany both ladies.

With the addition of Jane, Elizabeth found herself seated opposite
Mr. Darcy and this made for a more pleasant evening. She had no
recourse to speak to him and he certainly seemed to have no desire to
speak to her. There was an exchange of glances when the gravy was
being served but that only reminded her of his fastidiousness and his
pride. And he was indeed feeling proud. He had managed to survive the
whole day with barely a word to Elizabeth and had now only a few
hours to manage before her departure. On return to the drawing room
he took up cards with Mr. Hurst and despite losing every hand, felt
very much in charge of himself once again.

He managed a very polite adieu as he retired, making sure that he was
first to leave the room. He was sure he was almost asleep when he
heard Elizabeth's quiet knock on Jane's door and her subsequent good
night. The thought that he was actually listening for it quite
escaped him.

The following morning, after Sunday service, the ladies of Longbourne
took their leave. For Jane, there were fragile embraces from the
ladies of Netherfield, while for Elizabeth there were slightly less
than adequate words of farewell. Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst had no
more feeling for Elizabeth than she had for them and as has happened
since time began, all ladies were aware of this despite not a single
cross word being spoken between them.

The gentlemen were both feeling the loss of the ladies as well as
separate pleasures in their departure. Jane was well again and for
this Mr. Bingley must be grateful. Elizabeth was to be out of his
sight, his hearing, his smell and for this Mr. Darcy must be just as
grateful. His life could now continue as it should be, with estate
business and sport the driving forces of his existence.

Elizabeth and Jane were not welcomed by their mother, whose marital
machinations had been usurped for now. Mr. Bennet, however, was
indeed happy to have his dear Elizabeth back home. He missed her
spirit more than he knew. She hoped to resort to her usual habits of
home, with a daily walk, sisterly gossip, various handcrafts and
music. She had left Netherfield with a varied view of town society.
Mr. Bingley was sheer delight yet his sisters could only be
considered obnoxious. Mr. Hurst was exactly as he seemed on first
acquaintance, self absorbed and disinterested. Mr. Darcy was proud,
haughty, conceited and never opened his mouth other than to criticise.

Mr. Darcy managed to fill his afternoon with business, even though it
was Sunday. He wrote numerous notes to his steward, settled three
accounts and sent a drawing of a secretaire he wanted made for his
sister. After nearly four hours of concentration, he retired to his
rooms to dine alone. He suddenly found he had little appetite, which
was no doubt the result of such strenuous thought on a day of rest.
He hoped for a quiet evening but his mood would not allow it. He
paced, he read, he sat and he drank but nothing could rid him of a
strange sense of emptiness.


Behind the Scenes - 13

The next morning, before even Elizabeth could return to her routine,
Mr. Bennet announced the arrival of a distant, and previously unseen,
cousin by the name of Mr. Collins. The said gentleman had sent a
long-winded letter stating his visit along with an extensive resume
of his life and current position, that of clergy to a great estate.
Mr. Collins was the closest living male relative of Mr. Bennet and as
such was the object of the entailment of Longbourne.

He arrived that very day and was no less or more than his letter
indicated. He was long-winded, boastful of his own accomplishments as
he saw them, and forever apologetic about the entailment but
unwilling to let the subject drop. All this caused much distress for
Mrs. Bennet who, despite her nerves, was convinced she would outlive
her husband and be cast aside from her home.

Mr. Collins was the sort of person who encompassed all those present
and the whole family had no choice but to listen to his monologue.
Dinner that evening was no less abhorrent as he laid out the minute
details of his sponsor's life and worth. Lady Catherine de Bourgh was
her name and in Elizabeth's mind she must be as pompous as he if she
was able to tolerate his behaviour. They heard extensive details of
her home, her daughter, her manner and her regard for him. He made
ridiculous comments meant to favour the ladies and despite their
obvious mirth at such stupidity, he appeared oblivious to any
ridicule of himself.

The family as a whole was more than happy when Mr. Collins retired
for the night but it was with trepidation that the young ladies of
the household faced the breakfast table. Mr. Collins, it seemed, had
come, on command from his patroness, to gain a wife. Not one of the
Bennet girls was safe but he saw no problem with beginning at the
eldest and working his way down. Thus he decided on Jane but Mrs.
Bennet had no hesitation in overstating Jane's attachment to Mr.
Bingley. To have one daughter so close to marriage, at least in her
eyes, was admirable. However to have the opportunity to begin work on
a second daughter was tantamount to overwhelming.

Being a man of simple pleasures and even simpler understanding, Mr.
Collins moved on quickly and within minutes, Elizabeth was his
choice. She was mortified but knowing her superiority to his in
thinking and reasoning, she felt little concern other than possible
embarrassment at his behaviour in front of other friends. The girls
all managed to avoid him most of the morning but he attached himself
to them on their walk to Meryton. The walk had been designed to
absolve them of his presence but nothing would dissuade him from
accompanying them, even a very brisk pace.

Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley had experienced less variation in their
occupations since the ladies had departed and after a whole day of
each other's company they were both more than willing to find
righteous excuses to ride to Longbourne to enquire after them. Mr.
Bingley had just cause for such a visit but Mr. Darcy had decided
that his reason was just as valid. He enjoyed Miss Bennet's company
and was just as interested in her welfare.

The ladies, with Mr. Collins, arrived in the town at the same time as
some of the officers of the regiment were taking in the sights. Their
attention was drawn to Mr. Denny, an acquaintance of Lydia's, who was
in the company of a handsome man never seen before. Naturally the
ladies had to know more and were soon introduced to Mr. Wickham who
had just joined the regiment and was awaiting his uniform. And just
as naturally, Mr. Wickham was attracted to the Bennet girls and
particularly the older two. He was a man of considerable charm and
intelligence and naturally that brought a feeling of enjoyment to the
ladies. He happily entertained them for some minutes until they all
heard the sound of horses. It was quickly noticed the riders to be
Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy. Mr. Bingley was all joy at seeing Jane and
immediately enquired after her health and announced that they had
been on their way to Longbourne for just such a purpose.

Mr. Darcy had noticed Elizabeth from some distance and felt he had to
acknowledge her and was sure that such partiality would not be seen
to be overly preferential. He halted his progress in front of the
ladies who were still talking to an officer and another gentleman
whose back was to him. He agreed with Mr. Bingley's comment and was
just raising his hat in courtesy to the ladies when the newly arrived
gentleman turned to face him.

Elizabeth was quite pleased to be seen talking to such a charming
gentleman when encountered by Mr. Darcy but her pleasure was soon
replaced by intrigue as she saw the instant change in both gentlemen
as their eyes met. Mr. Darcy froze and his face turned white with
anger while Mr. Wickham seemed flushed with what Elizabeth saw as
discomfort at Mr. Darcy's manner. Mr. Darcy then barely managed an
acknowledgement of herself and the ladies before turning his horse on
down the road. Mr. Bingley found himself quickly uttering his
good-byes and attempting to catch up with his friend. Mr. Wickham,
however, recovered quickly and resumed his conversation with hardly a
falter. All the ladies, other than Elizabeth, had missed the brief
exchange of moods between Mr. Darcy and Mr. Wickham and therefore
moved on to more inviting topics such as a dinner at their Aunt
Philips the following evening. They invited the officers along,
including Mr. Wickham, but he showed more manners than most by saying
he would not attend without an invitation.

Elizabeth was very impressed. Mr. Wickham had shown himself to be a
sensitive, intelligent man with no pretense or purpose to his manner.
It was obvious that he knew Mr. Darcy but it was also obvious that he
found him as haughty as she did. She felt an instant kinsmanship with
him. The ladies proceeded to their aunt's home and she all too
readily agreed to include the officers in her party for the next
evening.

The gentlemen of Netherfield had continued their ride, now without
purpose. They could hardly call at Longbourne after meeting the
ladies in town. Mr. Bingley was disturbed by Mr. Darcy's sudden
change of mood.

'Darcy, what is the matter? Surely we could have taken a little more
time with the ladies. You were almost rude, man, riding off like
that.'

'I had no desire to stay in Meryton, Bingley. Do you know how long
the regiment is staying?'

'No idea! And why had you no desire to stay in Meryton? You really
are most unforgiving Darcy. It is a small village but the ladies more
than make up for it.'

'My urge to leave had nothing to do with the ladies, Bingley. I had
no desire to be in the company of the gentleman they were talking to.'

'The clergyman?'

'No, the other one. The gentleman with Denny. He is man of no worth, Bingley.'

'You know him? Where from, man?'

'I know him very well, Charles, and I advise you to keep your sisters
well away from him. He is not a man to be trusted under any
circumstances.'

'May I ask what circumstances, Fitzwilliam?'

'I am really not at ease discussing the circumstances or anything
else about him. All I can say is that he served my family very ill.'

'Can you tell me his name?'

'Wickham!'

'And that is all you have to offer?'

'It is! I cannot disclose my reasons, Charles, but I ask for your
trust in me when I say that he is no good!'

'Without question, Fitzwilliam, without question. Should the ladies
of Longbourne be warned as well?'

'I hardly know, Charles. Surely they would not be in danger from such a man.'

'Why would my sisters be in more danger than the Bennet family, Fitzwilliam?'

'Well you may ask, Charles. Suffice to say, Wickham's only interest
lies in fortune. In all my dealings with him, that is the only thing
he thinks of. I think we both agree that the ladies of Longbourne are
safe from him.'

'Indeed, Fitzwilliam, indeed. I cannot abide a fellow who spends his
time chasing a fortune. Abominable!'

'Once again, we agree, Charles. Although the eligibility of a lady
can often be determined by such.'

'Nonsense! Happiness is not dependent on pounds.'

'But Bingley, there is more to marriage than the frivolity of
happiness. One must have a partner who suits in every respect
including background, position, breeding.'

'To be sure, Darcy, but who is to determine these? A variation in
any, is no reason to dismiss them.'

'It is expectation that rules us, Bingley. Expectation from our
family, our peers, our own selves. We cannot escape that.'

'Any expectation we have ourselves is easily overcome as it is
self-inflicted. Life does not succeed simply because all the rules
are obeyed, especially rules that are as transient as background. We
must all be open to change, Darcy.'

'I find change very difficult, Charles, you know that.'

'Yes I do. But I know that you are a man of passion, Darcy. You feel
much more deeply than most of us. I have seen you in those times and
I am in awe of you. I think it is extraordinary to feel so deeply. I
cannot do it myself. I take my life as it comes.'

'And enjoy every minute of it. I am in awe of you, Bingley.'

Their affectionate smile at each other brought on a round of laughter
that caused their horses to balk slightly.

'I think the beasts are restless, Bingley. Shall we?'

'Indeed!'

They increased their pace through a gentle canter to a fast gallop
and no further mention was made of Mr. Wickham or any other part of
their conversation. They were such friends that certain things are
left as they are, never mentioned again but never forgotten.

On the return journey to Longbourne, Elizabeth felt obliged to tell
Jane of the interchange between Mr. Darcy and Mr. Wickham. She
related how rude Mr. Darcy was to Mr. Wickham and Jane agreed that
his riding on like that was lacking in politeness. She did however
wonder if there was more to it than it appeared but Elizabeth was not
ready to find any other reasons than those already set in her mind
about Mr. Darcy. The ladies all returned to Longbourne full of news
of the new gentleman in town while Mr. Collins was full of praise for
Mrs. Phillips.

Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley rode on for another hour leisurely taking
in the ambience of the country in autumn. They returned to
Netherfield in time for tea and just in time to avoid the light
drizzle that had begun to fall. On entering the drawing room, Mr.
Bingley spoke to his sisters.

'Caroline, Louisa, there is a new gentleman in town who has been
acquainted with Darcy and it seems he is of no good character. Mr.
Darcy specifically asked me to warn you about him, didn't you, Darcy?'

'I did indeed, Charles. I do not wish to offer details, albeit to say
he is not worthy of any association. You must take my word on this.'

With that, Mr. Darcy left the room and the Bingleys were left to
consider Mr. Darcy's words which definitely showed no compromise for
Mr. Wickham. However, knowing the pride that Mr. Darcy held on
respect and character, they did not doubt his opinion at all.

The ladies of Longbourne, however, had become more and more intrigued
by this gentleman after hearing some gossip about his taking a
commission of lieutenant in the regiment. Dinner that evening was
full of further possibilities, which soon had him raised in
expectation far beyond what their meagre knowledge should permit.

The following day was spent by Elizabeth in her morning walk, luckily
without the companionship of Mr. Collins, and the afternoon was spent
in deciding what to wear to dinner at her aunt's that evening. After
all, a new gentleman, who was charming to all, was worthy of special
attention.

Mr. Darcy spent the morning concluding further estate business
followed by a superb round of billiards with Mr. Bingley. It was Mr.
Bingley's game and Mr. Darcy was extremely pleased to win two of the
six games they played. He felt this success was a sure sign that his
life was returning to normal. The gentlemen dined alone that evening
as the ladies of Netherfield were inclined to spend the evening in
their respective rooms discussing the possible guest list for Mr.
Bingley's proposed ball.

The ladies of Longbourne were accompanied by Mr. Collins to their
aunt's home for dinner and games. Mr. Collins proved to be less and
less desirable as a companion, if that is possible. He insinuated his
way into every aspect of their lives with no concern for privacy. On
arrival at their aunt's, Elizabeth quickly observed that Mr. Wickham
was present and just as quickly hoped that she would find an occasion
to delve into his knowledge of Mr. Darcy before the evening came to a
close. Having little support or care from her sisters about Mr.
Darcy, she revelled in the thought of having someone with whom to
discuss him although she knew that she could not bring up the topic
herself.

As he approached, she realised that her initial opinion of his looks
and manner had been uppermost in her mind since their meeting and
that they were indeed enhanced by this second meeting. Every woman in
the room was charmed by his style and Elizabeth was more than proud
to find herself his preferred companion. After all, when a lady of
renowned intellect and beauty is rejected by the most eligible man in
town then it is necessary to ensure that the event is quickly
forgotten. And what better way to forget than to have another
handsome gentleman pay due attention. Thus Elizabeth was ready and
willing to give Mr. Wickham a level of trust and attention that would
have surprised even her if she had been thinking clearly. All she
knew was what any lady of almost twenty-one knows and that is the
desire to be admired openly by a handsome gentleman.

Mr. Wickham fell into easy conversation just as he had on first
acquaintance and it was only a short time before he enquired how long
Mr. Darcy had been at Netherfield. Being so anxious to establish Mr.
Darcy as a topic of conversation, Elizabeth failed to see the
impropriety in Mr. Wickham's initial enquiries or even more why he
had singled her out for these questions.

Mr. Wickham had lived in a world where favour was given and just as
easily withdrawn. He had been raised in a world endowed with
privilege yet had always remained on the fringe of such advantage. It
had been offered and accepted but was never rightfully his. He was an
intelligent little boy and he had learned very early in life that one
could gain greater return by behaviour designed to please. And thus
he lived his life, seeking gain without effort. He had seen the look
of defiance in Elizabeth's eyes as she looked at Mr. Darcy and he
knew instantly that she had been hurt by him and that she was the
perfect person to ally himself with in a town perhaps already too
influenced by Mr. Darcy. His joy at seeing her welcoming smile was
all he needed.

Mr. Wickham thus continued his comment on Mr. Darcy's behaviour. He
informed her of his association with his family, and seeing her
acceptance of his tale, he confided in her that Mr. Darcy had failed
to fulfill the desires of his own father in relation to himself.
Despite his initial rejection of her as a dance partner, Elizabeth
had failed to find anyone willing to support her opinion of Mr. Darcy
and to suddenly find such a charming and handsome man with a similar
view was so inviting as to be impossible to resist. He simply must be
right!

Mr. Darcy was definitely unlikable but she needed stronger evidence
to ensure her thinking was correct. She was thus eager to listen to
Mr. Wickham's tales with more than casual interest and indeed with
great enthusiasm. Her evidence was secure. Mr. Darcy was not only
everything unworthy that she had previously established but even more
so with the added evidence of Mr. Wickham. She enquired about Miss
Darcy, hoping that she was as proud as her brother. Mr. Wickham was
only too happy to fulfill Elizabeth's expectations on that respect as
well. Even when she pointed out that not everyone found Mr. Darcy
arrogant, he conferred with her that Mr. Darcy was cunning in his
choice of words and motives and most people were fooled by him. On
hearing the name of her cousin mentioned, he further informed her
that Mr. Collins' benefactor was actually the aunt of Mr. Darcy. On
hearing the added news that her daughter, Anne, was engaged to Mr.
Darcy, made for an excellent night for Elizabeth. She had
confirmation that her character assessment had not failed and she had
gained the attention of a man as charming and handsome as Mr. Bingley.

However, after listening to his version of their association,
Elizabeth felt that Mr. Wickham might feel uncomfortable being in the
vicinity of Mr. Darcy. Mr. Wickham proved to be worthy of further
praise by his stating that the strength of his own character
prevented him being intimidated by the likes of Mr. Darcy. More and
more, Elizabeth felt justified in her thinking of Mr. Darcy and more
and more, Mr. Wickham began to feel at ease.

Elizabeth returned home that evening with a feeling that could almost
be called gloating. She had lived a life that allowed little
variation in company or opinions and although she was blessed with a
superior intellect enhanced by extensive reading, she still resided
in a world of limited social resource. Her knowledge of things
outside this society were almost unknown to her and although she was
fully justified in her pride of her astute character assessments, her
decisions were based on a level of naiveté that was to be expected in
such an environment. She had never experienced real pain in her life,
or real sadness, and she resided in a protected world where her
intellect had reined supreme. She had no reason to ever question her
own judgement and thus she chose to ignore what was outside her realm
of experience. Above all, Elizabeth was loved and a woman so blessed
by the surroundings of such a family has no cause to think otherwise
of the world.

She had encountered Mr. Darcy at a vulnerable time in her life when
her social thinking and those of her family almost all related to
marriage. Elizabeth had fallen for the expectations of any young
woman faced with such a rich and handsome young man. She saw him as a
potential husband. However, his censure of her so early on, without
any prior knowledge, not even an introduction, had caused her so much
mortification that she had quickly decided that he would never be
interested in her and thus she must never be interested in him. And
in that endeavour she had built up her prejudice. Now with Mr.
Wickham's additions she was sure she would have no cause to question
her thinking of Mr. Darcy ever again. He would be forever the last
man in the world whom she could ever be prevailed on to marry.


Behind the Scenes - 14

Elizabeth wasted no time in relaying all of Mr. Wickham's story to
Jane. Jane, however, with a more forgiving mind and a desire for
goodness in all, chose to take the line of least resistance and
presume that the obligation had been misconstrued by Mr. Darcy or
that Mr. Wickham had somehow misunderstood the favour promised by Mr.
Darcy's father. Elizabeth, on the other hand, would have none of it.
She was determined that her judgements of both men were without equal
and that left no question but that Mr. Darcy had willfully cast aside
his obligations to Mr. Wickham.

Jane pointed out that if such a story was true or even part of it
true, then it would sully the character of Mr. Darcy to such an
extent that she doubted Mr. Bingley would be his friend. Of course,
Elizabeth had all those objections well in hand by pointing out that
Mr. Darcy would no doubt not disclose such events to his friend. The
topic was thereafter cast aside as the ladies were never to reach an
agreement on such a subject while one of them was so very determined
to find fault with one of the gentlemen.

Meanwhile the gentlemen in question continued on their business with
little conversation but much thought being given to the ladies of
Longbourne.

'Darcy, the date is set, next Tuesday.'

'The date for what, Bingley?'

'The ball, man, the ball. I am to presume you will be able to sleep
through the music?' teased Mr. Bingley.

'I can honestly say that there is only one thing worse than a ball
and that is attempting sleep during it. You are no friend, Bingley.
You know I must attend,' replied Mr. Darcy with a smirk on his face.

'You definitely protest too much, man. I know you desire the company
of the ladies. You have not been yourself since their departure. Is
it possible that you miss your evening skirmishes with Miss
Elizabeth?'

'It is not possible, Bingley. I miss the peace we both had before we
knew them.'

'I have never known such a man. You take such pleasure in wild
statement designed to be untrue.'

'And that is the most ridiculous statement you have made today,
Bingley. Only today, mind you.'

The gentlemen continued on their walk, in the hope of spotting a
badger or two. Their dogs were in fine form with noses pressed to the
breeze and one paw often lifted in alert. But if there were badgers
to be had, then the gentlemen of Netherfield failed to find them, as
they were both distracted by thoughts of how fine a lady can look at
a ball.

The ladies, meanwhile, having received their invitations in person
were totally absorbed by looking their best at the ball. Balls were
not frequent in such a small country society and the event was to be
quite the occasion. Lydia demanded a new frock but was denied as her
father felt the household contained sufficient ball dresses for her
to choose from. Kitty was busy in the attempt to have the neckline of
her choice slightly lowered. It had been worn once by Jane but Kitty
had yet to have the fullness of Jane's figure and felt that a lower
neckline would compensate. Mary was determined to wear her best frock
but was denied by her mother who felt that the occasion demanded
something better. In that aim she was having a previously worn dress
of Elizabeth's remade. Jane was to have a new frock made, as was
Elizabeth. Neither of them had had anything new for at least three
months and Mrs. Bennet felt the ball was to be a turning point in
Jane's life and perhaps Elizabeth's also, now that she had Mr.
Wickham and Mr. Collins in her sights.

Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst would have preferred the ball be delayed
a week, enabling them to visit town for new fittings. However, Mr.
Bingley was determined to have it next Tuesday and that meant they
were forced to each wear a gown that had been seen before in town.
Hopefully no one from there would be present although Miss Bingley
felt Mr. Darcy was sure to notice. Mr. Bingley was to wear his black
jacket and new stockings and was more than content to spend the
weekend dreaming of Jane.

Mr. Darcy was in a strange frame of mind. He had informed his friend
of Mr. Wickham's reputation and had no further recourse as far as he
was concerned, without disclosing a chapter in his family's life that
was far to raw to discuss. He had seen Mr. Wickham talking to
Elizabeth and knowing the man's charms, he had been uneasy ever
since. However, he knew that Elizabeth was far from silly and was
endowed with ability to see right through the likes of such a man.
Yes, he should have no worry. If there was one woman in the world who
could stand up to Mr. Wickham it was Elizabeth. The feelings that
followed such thoughts, brought him right back to those days late
last week when he was in her constant company and he felt his chest
tighten once again at the pleasure. He must put this aside and go on
as normal. His mood had not brightened when she left and he had spent
some days feeling morose. However the news of the ball had raised his
spirits and he was forced to deny that the reason was the forthcoming
company of Elizabeth. No, it must not be so. The reason for his
improved mood must be that sufficient time had passed since he had
been in her company and he was becoming indifferent. However, he
spoke to his man for some time about his attire for the ball and it
was decided that all black with the addition of a new silk tie from
London would be perfect. He also had new black slippers in the
softest calfskin, which would complete his wardrobe.

The weekend dragged for all the residents of Longbourne and
Netherfield. It began to rain on Thursday night and continued
non-stop all through the next four days leaving no opportunity for
outdoor exercise or variance in activities. Mr. Darcy found that
there was only so much reading a man could do without discussion of
the subject with another interested party while Elizabeth found that
the company of her family was not adequate to keep her mind from
wishing for more stimulating conversations. Her father spent his time
alone in his library for most of the day and her short times with him
had become insufficient for her as she had got older. She was thus
left with the lurking presence of Mr. Collins who spoke so much and
so often that it was impossible to think.

Sunday service was a relief for both parties as it obligated them to
make the effort to go outside. The Netherfield party travelled by
carriage but the Longbourne party, living much closer, chose to walk
and avoid numerous trips in their small equipage. The mud was
sufficient for the ladies to have to clean up somewhat on arrival and
Elizabeth was just rubbing her boots on a large stone when the
Netherfield carriage pulled up. Mr. Darcy descended first, followed
by Mr. Bingley. Both gentlemen noticed Elizabeth and Jane instantly
and were distracted at the sight of them. Miss Bingley was thus
neglected in her descent and feigned a slight slip in order to
attract their attention. Mr. Bingley obliged but Mr. Darcy remained
watching Elizabeth. She turned as her boots were cleaned and caught
his eye with a look of defiance. Not able to relax in her presence,
he returned her look with only the slightest hint of humour. In fact
it was so slight as to appear as a smirk of disdain and Elizabeth
turned in a huff and entered the vestibule.

The service was as normal but the proceedings afterwards left
Elizabeth mortified as Mr. Collins chose to disseminate the sermon
phrase by phrase in a tone so loud as to be heard by all. Mr. Darcy
stood with his head bowed, avoiding any glance at Elizabeth and she
took a similar stance as far away from Mr. Collins as was acceptable.
However her fortunes were further damaged by Mr. Collins calling to
her and taking her arm for the return walk to Longbourne.

The remainder of Sunday and Monday were spent in no further outings
and it was with relief that Tuesday arrived and a lady could justify
spending hours on end worrying about her frock and accessories.
Elizabeth thus retreated to her room and was sure the day would fly.
However it was necessary to attend lunch and it was there that Mr.
Collins singled her out for the first two dances. She had no choice
but to accept but it completely ruined her mood, as she was sure that
Mr. Wickham would have secured her for those dances. However she was
not one to brood and this unfortunate incident at least meant that
the rest of the evening might be free of Mr. Collins.

Elizabeth began her bath quite early in the afternoon, determined
that her attire and grooming would be without fault. She had her
frock steamed, her slippers brushed and had chosen fine silk ribbons
for her hair. She had even gone to the extravagance of face papers to
enhance the bloom on her cheeks.

Mr. Darcy began his bath later in the afternoon and chose the time
after that for repose and relaxation. His man had his clothes laid
out and was finishing the gloss on his dancing slippers. The new silk
tie was draped over his dressing room chair and as his fingers
brushed over it, he immediately thought of Elizabeth. His mind
fluctuated through his choices for the evening. He could ignore her.
Yes, he could. However, he was far too intelligent for such thoughts
to linger more than momentarily. No he could not ignore her. If she
was in the room then he must be close. His nature was one that
allowed such intense feelings to over-ride any semblance of
intellect. He knew he had no choice but to be in her presence all
night.

He removed his robe and began to dress as his man returned with his
dance slippers. He carefully donned each article of dress with a
slow, almost deliberate, attention to the most minute of details. In
fact he took so much time that music could be heard before he was
finished. He dismissed his man and stood observing himself in the
mirror. There was no look of feeling, nothing to be seen behind his
expression. Yes, this was exactly how he wanted to appear tonight. He
took a deep breath and left the room, slowly descending the stairs as
a familiar chill ran through him.
 
 
Behind the Scenes - 15

The orchestra was playing softly as the guests arrived. Mr. Bingley,
along with his sisters, was patiently receiving each new entry while
secretly watching for the Longbourne party. Mr. Bingley was only
hoping to see Jane while his sisters were only hoping that they
outshone the local beauties. He had offered his carriage to Mr.
Bennet who happily accepted and Jane and Elizabeth made sure they
took up one whole seat so that Kitty and Lydia were forced to squash
up with Mr. Collins. Mary chose the company of her parents in the
family carriage.

Mr. Darcy descended after the first guests had arrived, having no
desire to be caught in any receiving line or introductions. He
wandered to one of his usual haunts, making sure that his view of the
ballroom entrance was unheeded. His entrance into the ballroom
brought with it the familiar feeling of helplessness. He was once
again performing to a ritual that revolved around Elizabeth.

Despite his care, he need not have worried about missing Elizabeth's
arrival, as her entrance caused some stir. She was wearing a pale
cream frock in pure silk, the kind of cream that was brushed with the
suggestion of her frequent blushes. Her underskirt must have been
made of just as fine a fabric, as the skirt appeared almost
transparent and it had a soft patina that shimmered in the
candlelight and outlined the shape of her legs as she walked. Her
hair was partly piled on her head with random curls intertwined with
fine ribbon in the same colour as her frock. Her slippers were also
cream like her gloves. Her dark eyes shone from her face, enchanting
any they rested on.

As she moved across the room, he became aware of the attention she
drew and it was with some determination that he refrained from
approaching her. A man in love cannot be said to be rational when it
comes to a description of his chosen lady but he had the distinct
feeling that she had dressed this way for him. She was incredibly
beautiful and his breathing pattern was once again altered simply by
looking at her. It was just not possible to breathe and envelope her
at the same time.

Elizabeth, meanwhile, had her mind set on the regiment and her eyes
flicked quickly over every uniform she saw, searching for Mr.
Wickham. She walked through the crowd accompanied by her sisters and
as she found him increasingly difficult to locate, she had a fleeting
thought that he had been denied an invitation, thanks to Mr. Darcy.
That thought was just passing when they were approached by Mr. Denny.
Lydia then asked him where Mr. Wickham was and they were informed
that he was unable to attend due to pressing business in town.
Elizabeth's disappointment was extreme but she was willing to accept
it until Mr. Denny added a possible reason for the pressing business.
Perhaps he wished to avoid a certain gentleman in the room. That was
enough for Elizabeth who turned the point around to her way of
thinking. He had been too intimidated to attend thanks to Mr. Darcy's
improper behaviour to him.

This kind of thinking is not abnormal in a lady so filled with
expectation. After all, one must have someone to blame and Mr. Darcy
seemed the perfect subject for such conjecture. He was unpleasant,
obtuse and unlikable so to him must go the responsibility for any
displeasure she was feeling. She approached Charlotte and found it
necessary to relay all her problems of the evening so far. Mr.
Wickham had not come because of Mr. Darcy. Mr. Darcy had ruined her
night and despite Charlotte's endeavours to point out her prejudice,
Elizabeth was determined that any display of fondness or even
politeness to Mr. Darcy would be censure to Mr. Wickham.

She was in the process of searching the room for Mr. Darcy, for no
other reason than to give him a look of knowing, when the first dance
was announced and she was subjected to Mr. Collins' offer to escort
her to the floor. She had thought the absence of Mr. Wickham as the
worst thing that could happen to her but this was far worse. Mr.
Collins pranced like a spider, injured the toes of three ladies and
even lost his place in two moves down the floor. He remained solemn
throughout, openly apologising for his mistakes and drawing continual
attention to them both. This was mortification beyond hope and
Elizabeth rapidly found that the best thing of the evening might be
the end of her two obligatory dances with her cousin.

Of course this whole encounter was noticed by Mr. Darcy and indeed
most of the room. Elizabeth's appearance this night was so
outstanding that her dances were observed with interest by all. She
was indeed the lady most marked for attention and the first set had
barely ended when she was approached by an officer for the next. This
was delightful as she was able to bring up the subject of Mr. Wickham
and enjoy hearing more opinions on his charm and affability.

During this first hour, Mr. Darcy tried, without success, to ignore
her movements about the room. No matter how hard he concentrated, her
image was embedded in his psyche and without any direct observation
he was aware of every place she went. Never since his father's death
had he felt himself so absorbed by another human being. He had tried
every method he knew but she was never out of his thoughts. She
resided there as if his mind was created to think of her.

Her association with other gentlemen brought additional angst and he
found her regimental escort less than favourable. It did allow him
the opportunity to candidly watch her but the feelings in his chest
as her arms wound in and around her partner, made for a rise in
temperature and a flush to his cheeks. In fact he was quite
uncomfortable. As usual in such circumstances, he began to pace the
room, slowly moving down the line as Elizabeth did. His reward was
not only looking at her but above all the chatter he was able to
discern the lilt of her laughter and the amber of her voice.

By the end of this second set he knew that his resolve was gone. He
could no longer endure the agony of watching her with other men. He
had to ask her to dance for no other reason than to make up to her
for his previous rejection. Despite her flirtatious ways with him, he
was sure that she had overheard him that evening at the assembly and
it lingered in his subconscious that he owed her some form of
unspoken apology. Yes, he would ask her to dance and then it would
all be over. He could rest easy that he had done his duty,

He watched as the officer left her side and ran through his brain the
words he would use. Deep in thought, he did not notice the approach
of his friend.

'Darcy, what a wonderful ball. How fine the ladies look tonight!'

Mr. Darcy continued to stare at his friend with no reply.

'Darcy, are you well?'

'My apologies, Bingley. I was distracted. You were saying?'

'The ladies, man, the ladies. I have never seen such a fine
collection. Surely you will dance tonight.'

'Aaaah, I might Bingley, I might. IŠ'

'Come on man, let yourself go a little. What harm is there in a
little female company? Especially when there are such diversions to
be had.'

'Oh Bingley, please tell me that you are not in love again?' Mr. Darcy smiled.

'Forever and always, man. It is impossible to remain immuned to such
beauty. I must be off. I have the next set to secure.'

As Mr. Darcy watched his friend weave across the room, his mind
returned to its favoured course. Yes he would ask Elizabeth to dance.
He turned to her side of the room and strode through the crowd.

She had hurried back to Charlotte after the second set and was just
enjoying a sip of punch when she was suddenly confronted with the
presence of Mr. Darcy. He moved quickly in front of her, bowed and
after a short pause in which he seemed out of breath, he blurted out
an application for her hand for the next two dances. He spoke so
quickly that he had no remembrance of his words to her. All he knew
was the never-ending wait for her reply. In fact, her response came
instantaneously. Elizabeth was so taken aback by such an approach
that her reply was automatic. She would be delighted. He bowed once
again and was gone.

He walked quickly away not knowing or caring what direction he
headed. He had just done what he had vowed never to do. He had openly
given her his favour over every lady in the room. He felt a little
lost and it was at times like this, after an encounter with
Elizabeth, that he missed his mother the most. She had died when he
was barely less than a child leaving him devoid of the female
companionship and influence that he had enjoyed. He loved his father
but as the only son, he had been especially close to his mother. He
had just been understanding and appreciating the bond he had with her
when she died and he felt the void of her removal from his life. He
had gone to school soon after and his life from then on was absent of
ladies in any way, shape or form. They were talked about continuously
amongst the boys but he had grown without any of the skills learned
naturally in life at home in a family.

As she watched him move away, Elizabeth also realised that she had
done exactly the opposite of what she intended that evening. She had
given favour to Mr. Darcy. There was no other way to look at it. He
had ruined her evening yet here she was agreeing to dance with him.
She had vowed to avoid him as he always brought out the worst of her
moods. She would willingly have foregone all dancing just to avoid
such a union.

She turned to Charlotte and expressed her frustration. However
Charlotte had quite a different impression of Mr. Darcy and told
Elizabeth that she was sure he was charming. Elizabeth laughed and
told her friend that she hoped not as that would be the last straw.
He had to be as unpleasant as always or her night was over. Actually
she felt it was over already. First Mr. Collins and now Mr. Darcy.

Some minutes later, she saw him approaching and Charlotte, the
ever-sensible friend, warned her to be reasonable. Elizabeth was
finding that state almost impossible until she saw the expression on
his face. There was something gentle about it and his approach was as
gallant as any lady could hope for. He offered her his arm with a
tender smile that she found impossible to censure.

They took their place at the head of the dance and it was then that
Elizabeth noticed the respect and attention given to her with such a
partner. It was well known that Mr. Darcy did not dance other than
with his own party. Yet here he was giving vast favour to one of
their beauties. Elizabeth found it difficult to be indifferent to
such a position. She glanced quickly at him but all she saw was a
look of self-absorption. No doubt he was so used to such attention,
that he seemed unaware that any special notice was being given them.
However, she felt it and despite her desire to treat the dance as
punishment, she could not help but feel some pleasure in her position
in front of her friends and family.

Mr. Darcy, in fact, was steeling himself for this very cherished
encounter with Elizabeth. He was well aware of the preference he was
allowing himself to show her in front of his friends and her family.
He now had her sole attention for half an hour. He could think no
further than the intimacy of touching her hand, having his arms
around her and feeling her movements near his own body. You see, his
apparent dislike of dancing was not formed because of the exposure to
scrutiny. He had always remembered his mother telling him of dancing
with his father and the feeling it had left with her. He had watched
them dance as a small child and he had grown with that impression
embedded in his soul. Dancing was an act of special connection
between two people and he savoured this moment as such.

The dance began without a word spoken between them. For Mr. Darcy,
the closeness of Elizabeth was so overpowering that he was not aware
of the silence. The touch of her hand, the whisper of her breath as
she moved around him and the scent of her, moved through his being
and he absorbed it all like a man who had been deprived of life.
Elizabeth, meanwhile, went through the motions of the dance for a
minute or two, quite content with the silence, until she realised
that he seemed to be enjoying it. This was more than she could bear.
Thus with renewed determination to ruin his night the way she thought
he had ruined hers, she spoke to him about the dance, feeling sure
that having to reply and dance at the same time would add to his
discomfort. However he seemed to show no such anxiety and offered a
brief agreement, then was silent again.

This annoyed Elizabeth, so pushing forth, she confronted him with the
need to take his turn at conversation and offered him a choice of
subjects. Her words brought nothing but delight. Here was the
Elizabeth that he had craved for since her departure from
Netherfield. He smiled warmly at her and conceded to her request,
offering to speak on whatever subject she required of him. It seemed
that nothing she did could upset him so rather than involve herself
in any more talk she informed him that his reply was adequate and was
silent.

Mr. Darcy, however, now able to express himself with some degree of
ease, turned the discomfort back on her by asking if talking during a
dance was something that required some regulation in her eyes. Upset
at his quizzing she stated that it was probably better that way as it
afforded the parties involved the opportunity to say as much or as
little as they liked. Once again she refused to elaborate, as it
seemed he was only too happy to chat with her and she did not want
him to be happy about anything.

They continued to swirl around each other as they moved down the set,
each crossing the path of others without any outside awareness. It
seems that a gentlemen so bewitched and a lady so determined have no
time for the trivialities of a ballroom. They, each in their own way,
were completely absorbed by the other.

Thinking over her words, he immediately felt her reference to his
reserve and her talkativeness and asked her if this opinion was for
her own benefit or his. Elizabeth was now becoming very irritated and
curtly told him that it was probably for both of them as they no
doubt both preferred to save their comments until designed for the
best effect. He smiled within, sure that she was teasing him on his
reticence, and chose a subtle form of flattery in his reply by saying
that this was not true of her but undoubtedly was what she thought of
him. She instantly brushed his comment aside with a terse reply and
they continued dancing in silence.

For Elizabeth it was welcome relief. To dance with a man responsible
for the hardship of such a charming man as Mr. Wickham was punishment
enough without having to feign some form of polite conversation. Why
she had begun to speak at all was beyond her. For Mr. Darcy, it was a
time of recovery, of composure. His feelings for her became so strong
during any repartée that the silences brought time for him to renew
his resolve. They thus continued for some minutes until the nearness
of her overcame him again and he had no choice but to involve himself
with her.

Searching for a subject, he asked her if she and her sisters walked
to Meryton very often. As he said it, he realised how very silly a
question it was. Of course she walked often to Meryton. He knew that.
Asking such a thing would only remind them both of their last
encounter there with Mr. Wickham. And he was right. Elizabeth jumped
at her chance to bring him up by stating that they had the fortune to
meet a new acquaintance on their last walk. She watched carefully for
his response and was gloating in her triumph as she saw his colour
change and his demeanour return to its favoured reserve.

She had every intention of continuing but on further observing his
reaction she felt her own need not to hurt him further. Why, she did
not know. He looked at her with a countenance that left her no choice
but to remain silent and all she felt was her own weakness at being
unable to go on. His ability to make her feel so weak brought renewed
anger at him and she seethed in her silence.

Mr. Darcy took a little time to recover from her comment but in time
he composed a reply that he hoped would warn her of the failure of
Wickham to maintain the friendships that he seemed able to quickly
initiate. It was a subtle reply with a hint of warning. However,
Elizabeth was not blessed with such a subtlety and turned his reply
back on himself by saying that he was responsible for the lack of
friendship between himself and Mr. Wickham.

Not taking his eyes off her, Mr. Darcy remained silent, while trying
to retain his look of indifference. He could not continue on such a
subject with her without disclosing things within his family that he
hoped would forever remain secret. As he thought rapidly for a change
of subject, Sir William Lucas interrupted their flow by walking up to
them and expressing his praise at Mr. Darcy's performance on the
dance floor.

The encounter caught Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth when both were too
occupied by each other to comprehend what Sir William had said. In
fact he was well into his next compliment before either of them took
notice.

He added that Elizabeth was no less a dancer and he hoped they would
all be favoured with future exhibitions once Miss Bennet and his
friend were more formally committed to each other. He then excused
himself by suggesting that Elizabeth's beauty was something he should
not keep Mr. Darcy from enjoying.

They were at first embarrassed by Sir William's over exaggerations
until the reference to Mr. Bingley and Jane. Elizabeth had a slight
blush but Mr. Darcy turned to them in the set and immediately saw
what everyone else already knew, or so it seemed. Mr. Bingley was
completely enraptured with Miss Bennet. He frowned as he realised
that his own distractions had completely absorbed him and he had
failed to see how far Mr. Bingley's fondness of Jane had progressed.
Elizabeth followed his look and saw the ease they felt with each
other. She returned her gaze to Mr. Darcy and immediately sensed his
concern and as she studied him she began to feel uneasy.

They automatically joined hands again as the music and movements
caught their attention and Mr. Darcy was first to recover his
thoughts. He turned back to her with an apology about forgetting
their topic before the interruption. She knew him well enough to know
what had brought on such forgetfulness and having no desire to
continue any topic with him, she promptly told him that there were
probably not two people less likely to find something enjoyable to
talk about.

He did love her so when she exaggerated and with a smile he offered
to talk of reading. Now this was a subject very close to her heart
and she dared not involve herself with Mr. Darcy in such a topic.
Instead she told him that as their tastes were so different they
could have nothing to discuss. He was too quick for her, however, and
suggested that the very differences they shared were enough to make
for stimulating discussion. Almost caught in her own web, Elizabeth
then resorted to a very female ploy of diversion by offering a
light-hearted comment on her inability to concentrate in such
surroundings.

Once again he was enraptured. As hard as he tried, he could not find
fault with her. She twisted and turned her words in such a way as to
delight him with every syllable. He was in the throes of further
admiration when she suddenly turned the subject once again and asked
him if he took care to ensure that his ill opinions of others were
correct before expressing them. On this point, Mr. Darcy was definite
and informed her as such.

It seemed no matter what she said, he had a reasonable answer and it
was quite beyond her to argue further with him. She was exasperated.
No man in her life had ever frustrated her so much. He seemed
impervious to her innuendo. In that vain she pointed out the
possibility of bias in his judgements. He then knew what her aim was.
She was trying to turn the subject back to his opinion of Mr.
Wickham. What had he said to her?

He had the opportunity for short contemplation, as they were swept
apart in the dance. Though their apparent immersion with each other
seemed to leave no time to absorb the rhythm of the music, they
managed to project the image of a perfect couple, weaving, joining,
parting and blending with superb timing and finesse. This point was
noticed by a number of interested guests but completely neglected by
the parties themselves. They had no other thought but each other.

His careful reply relied on his hope that her knowledge of his good
character would ensure belief. He stated that it was his most fervent
desire to be impartial at all times. For Elizabeth, who was battling
with her opinion of him, this was insufficient and she pressed the
point by stating her wish that such definite opinions should be
painstakingly measured.

This was not going as he expected. She seemed a little angry with
him, irritated. She puzzled him and he asked her what this
questioning was all about. Very few people confronted him the way she
did and very few people confronted her the way Mr. Darcy did and it
was at these times that she felt her tendency to bluntness. As the
words left her mouth, she saw his reticence and realised that she was
bordering on rudeness and in her usual pattern, she quickly altered
her tone by lightly suggesting that her questions was just to get to
know him better.

He immediately felt great relief. His only desire was to take
pleasure in her company and to have the opportunity to speak with her
in the limited privacy that a dance allowed. Half an hour seemed such
a short time but to a man so bewitched, every second was to be
valued. The fact that she wanted to know him better was thrilling and
he expressed his hope that she was successful in her discernment.
Elizabeth was unable to allow him such latitude and was forced to
acknowledge that her thoughts on him changed from day to day.

Mr. Darcy was too entrapped to feel anything but delight in her
openness and expressed his understanding of her predicament. Indeed
she was no doubt aware of many varying opinions about his character.
Having said that he began to realise that he had not been at his best
during their dance, with the references to Mr. Wickham keeping him
distracted. Seeing the set was nearing its end and unwilling to leave
her with a bad impression, he requested that she leave her judgement
of him for another time. Reluctant and undesirous of spending more
time with him, she said that this was perhaps her last chance. The
chill in her tone brought him to a similar mood and he expressed his
hope that he would not deprive her of further study.

That said, they proceeded up the dance again, each deep in thought
and unable to risk the hint of speech. They had broached subjects
that neither of them had any desire to continue. Elizabeth felt the
unease of discussing such topics with a man she was loathe to admire
while Mr. Darcy felt the intimacy of allowing her to question his
character. They were both caught in the opposing ends of a
relationship neither wished to progress beyond this moment but
mystified at the stimulation gained by their exchange. The music
ceased and they both spun to face each other for the last time. Their
eyes met once again and each felt that the parting was necessary.

For Elizabeth, it was time to compose herself. She had expressed
opinions that she never dreamed herself capable of expressing to a
gentleman, let alone in a ballroom. He had definitely discomposed her
and on recall she felt the sting that her words must have caused.
Despite her unwillingness to like Mr. Darcy, she had no desire to
cause him pain. She simply wanted justice for Mr. Wickham.

For Mr. Darcy, it was time for solitude. His feelings for Elizabeth
had reached a point where it was increasingly impossible to keep them
to himself and he felt the overwhelming need to be alone. He had to
rationalise his thoughts and desires and come to terms with his
emotions. Her moods, her frowns and her words were just as intense as
his feelings and he knew that she must feel similarly to him. Any
other motive for her words was beyond his infatuated comprehension.

They thus parted, each with relief, their fingers slipping apart
leaving them both with a clear sense of separation and cooling of
hands. He bowed to her with the passion of a man who had reached the
time for decision. She curtsied with a sense of undesired liberation
and watched as he strode from the room.


Behind the Scenes - 16

Elizabeth stood alone as he disappeared through the crowd of guests.
She was not happy with the dance or her performance with Mr. Darcy.
She had allowed her emotions to interfere with her thinking and the
result left her less than content.

Mr. Darcy strode straight out of the ballroom and took the stairs two
at a time to the upper level and the retreat of his bedroom. He
needed time to think without the distraction of Elizabeth. He moved
to the fireplace and stood with his arm leaning on the mantle, his
breathing slowly returning to a normal pattern. He knew that he could
not continue in this manner. He had to resolve to court her formally
or he had to walk away. To be continually in her company without
further progression of their relationship was beyond him. His mind
flashed with vignettes of his family's reaction to his choice of
Elizabeth as his bride and the results were anything but acceptance.
It was at times like these that he felt the arrogance of his class
and despised the regulation that was expected and presumed. He was
deep in thought when his man gently knocked on the door.

'Sir, did you require my services?'

'No, thank you. I would rather be alone.'

'Certainly sir. However, may I point out that supper is about to be
served, sir.'

'Thank you. I will be down shortly.'

He continued his reverie for a few minutes more without any definite
conclusions on how to proceed. He knew only one thing, that the
temptation to ask Elizabeth to dance again was almost too much to
ignore. He straightened his jacket and walked slowly out of the room.

Deciding to brush aside all thoughts of Mr. Darcy, Elizabeth was
about to approach a group of friends when she was somewhat accosted
by Miss Bingley. She moved in front of Elizabeth, virtually blocking
her way and Elizabeth managed a terse acknowledgement that was enough
for Miss Bingley to begin. To Elizabeth's surprise, she brought up
the topic of Mr. Wickham by pointing out his connection with Mr.
Darcy's family and the position of employee that his father had held.
Elizabeth could not help but hide an inner smile, as none of this was
news to her. Mr. Wickham had never attempted to be above his company
as others might in this room. His honesty about such things was what
made Elizabeth so charmed by him. He had no pretensions at all.

Miss Bingley had apparently been talking to Jane and had decided to
ensure that Elizabeth had a warning similar to that issued by her
brother to her and her sister. Of course Elizabeth was never in any
mind to take particular interest in anything Miss Bingley thought and
so made short measure of her advice by suggesting that perhaps it was
Mr. Wickham's somewhat lowly position in society that brought on this
gossip about his behaviour. Miss Bingley was rightly offended and in
no mood to persuade Elizabeth otherwise. She walked away leaving
Elizabeth to think what she might.

Elizabeth was seething and determined to think that Miss Bingley's
comments were on instruction from Mr. Darcy. As she was thus engaged,
Mr. Darcy entered the ballroom again and immediately sought refuge
away from the dancing. As he excused himself through the crowd, he
came upon his friend.

'Bingley, you look lost.'

'Lost indeed, Darcy. Have you seen Miss Bennet?'

'No I have not. Have you any particular reason to seek her out, Bingley?'

'Darcy, she is an angel. In fact she is my angel. I have never been
so entranced by a lady before. However I must say that your
performance with Miss Elizabeth was outstanding, man. Quite the
exhibition. The whole room is talking. Fine women, Darcy, fine women.
I must be off in search of Miss Bennet.'

Mr. Bingley hurried off, his neck craned in search of Jane. Mr. Darcy
stood watching him and the words of Sir William ran through his mind.
How had all this happened right under his eyes? Of course Bingley was
in love with Miss Bennet. Everything he had done or said over the
last few weeks revolved around her. Yet he had never seen any
preference from her towards Mr. Bingley. She seemed always the same
with no improvement in her mood when he was present or any preference
shown for his words. He was thus engaged in his own thoughts when he
noticed Elizabeth approach Jane in a most animated manner.

Indeed Elizabeth had sought out her sister, as she was anxious to
hear what news of Mr. Wickham she had. On enquiry from Mr. Bingley,
Jane assured Elizabeth that he also felt that Mr. Wickham was unfit
company for any lady and had done his friend a great wrong. Elizabeth
endeavoured to find out Mr. Bingley's evidence but Jane informed her
that up until that day in Meryton, Mr. Bingley had never set eyes on
Mr. Wickham and most of his information was from his friend. Of
course, that was all Elizabeth needed to indulge her preferred
dislike of Mr. Darcy. She was now sure that Mr. Bingley had been
given a biased record of their dealings and even Jane's assurance
that the bequest from Mr. Darcy's father had been conditional, was
not enough to dissuade her from her desire to think ill of Mr. Darcy.

As there was nothing further Jane could say to change her sister's
mind, she changed the subject to Mr. Bingley and told her how
important he was becoming in her life. Mr. Darcy had continued to
watch their discussion and was gratified to see Elizabeth's mood
change to one of pleasure. He was admiring her smile when he saw Mr.
Bingley approach them and Elizabeth took her leave. He continued to
watch Miss Bennet with his friend and once again saw no particular
partiality from her. As a keen observer of the human condition, he
examined the fine points of her person and saw no additional
animation in her face and indeed no movement of hers that would show
preference. Having spent some time with her sister and seeing and
hearing her delight in teasing and exchanging comments with him, he
would have expected something similar from Miss Bennet. But none was
to be had. She seemed exactly the same as when she was talking to
Elizabeth.

He had been thus distracted and had not noticed Elizabeth join her
friend Miss Lucas. Elizabeth was about to embark on another tirade on
his behaviour when the ladies were approached by Mr. Collins. He
informed Elizabeth that he had just found out that Mr. Darcy was
present and that he was the nephew of his employer Lady Catherine de
Bourgh. After hearing so much of this formidable woman, Elizabeth was
in doubt that she would be related to Mr. Darcy and she was smiling
within when she heard Mr. Collins' decision to introduce himself to
Mr. Darcy. Despite Elizabeth's penchant for avoiding class
distinctions, she was mortified to think that Mr. Collins would do
the same. Mr. Darcy was the superior personage and had the right to
begin introductions. She could only imagine what he would think when
this very worst relative of hers made such an approach. Mr. Collins
was indeed the last person on earth that she would want Mr. Darcy to
know was her relation. She almost begged Mr. Collins not to move his
way but to no avail. He was determined to inform Mr. Darcy on the
condition of his aunt and also of his connection to her.

He moved off just as Mr. Darcy found Elizabeth in the crowd. He was
indulging himself when he was suddenly confronted with Mr. Collins.
He knew he was Elizabeth's cousin from Mr. Bingley but he had no
desire to have any acquaintance with him. Mr. Collins approached Mr.
Darcy like a man on attack. He bowed low and immediately began a
diatribe of detail regarding Lady Catherine and his association with
her. Elizabeth watched Mr. Darcy's astonishment at such an approach
and she cringed as he listened to Mr. Collins' outburst. Mr. Collins
continued to prattle for some minutes and it was with relief when
Elizabeth saw him pause for breath. Mr. Darcy took this as his
opportunity to end the connection by offering a tertiary reply. Mr.
Collins was unable to discern any displeasure in Mr. Darcy and began
again. This time Elizabeth saw Mr. Darcy's mood change to slight
annoyance and finally some degree of anger and finally saw him bow
and move away. Mr. Collins, however, saw nothing of this and returned
to Elizabeth full of praise for his benefactor's nephew. It was now
Elizabeth's turn to feel worse than at any time during the ball. She
had to find something to keep her mind off Mr. Darcy and fortunately
a glance at her sister and Mr. Bingley did just that. She smiled to
herself as she saw Jane's pleasure at his company and her partiality
for him.

Thus both Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth observed the couple and both saw
what they wanted to see while both would have been only too happy to
ensure each other that they were being impartial.

The supper bell had rung at least ten minutes previously and they
both found themselves taking seats opposite and within sight of each
other. For Mr. Darcy, this was blessed punishment. For Elizabeth it
was simply penance. Mrs. Bennet was seated one place away from
Elizabeth and it was soon clear that she too had been watching Mr.
Bingley with her eldest daughter. She had a partially willing
listener in Lady Lucas who although heartily sick of hearing her
friend rant on about her daughters was only too anxious to hear any
gossip. Mrs. Bennet began with exclamations of pleasure at the
connection of Jane and Mr. Bingley and continued with determination
about the future it would mean for them all. She was sure that Jane's
superior marriage would signify opportunities for her other
daughters' futures and how gratified she was to have contentment at
her age, knowing that they would all have secure expectations.

Could Elizabeth's evening have gone worse? She took any and every
opportunity to curb her mother's opinions and volume but to no avail.
They were heard by anyone within some yards of her position. The
mention of her and her sisters' further opportunities of course
brought her eyes back to Mr. Darcy but no look of bad temper or
disgust from him could make her feel worse than her mother's
behaviour.

In a vain attempt to quell Mrs. Bennet's tirade, Elizabeth indicated
Mr. Darcy's situation at the supper table but that only brought him
to her mother's attention. She pointed out to Elizabeth that Mr.
Darcy's favour was something she had never desired. Nothing Elizabeth
said or did could alter her mother's tone and she sat blushing and
ashamed at the performance of her relatives. Mr. Darcy, however, had
soon tired of listening to Mrs. Bennet's verbosity and instead moved
his attention back to Elizabeth. She also noted the time he spent
looking at her and despite her wish to avoid any contact with him she
could not avoid the intensity of his scrutiny.

Mr. Darcy was indeed scrutinising Elizabeth in an endeavour to
formulate in his own mind how such a mother could produce a daughter
who was such a picture of perfection. Elizabeth showed no loudness in
her voice, no lack of discretion in her manner of expression and
certainly no desire to show favour simply for reward. As he attempted
analysis of his thoughts, his expression became somewhat grave and
Elizabeth quietly watched the slight crease form on his forehead, a
sure sign that his mood was deteriorating and as it deepened, then so
did hers.

She was more than grateful to hear her mother finish her comments
even though it was with the mortification of hearing her bestowing
somewhat of sympathy to Lady Lucas for not being so fortunate and
unlikely to ever be so. The topic ended, she began to feel a little
better and managed on two occasions to observe Mr. Darcy without
humiliation. His expression had lightened and she hoped he saw her
mother as no more ambitious in her marital endeavours than any other
women with five daughters and an entailed estate. Elizabeth had just
managed to eat a little fruit before the end of supper and was about
to sip her wine when singing was suggested.

Without a seconds hesitation, Mary made her way to the pianoforte and
set up her music. Once again Elizabeth's mood reverted to one of
shame. Mary seemed totally unaware that her musical talent was scant
and her vocal range meagre. She began to warble out the words with an
affected air, which only drew attention to her inadequacies.
Elizabeth could not help but glance back at Mr. Darcy whose
countenance had taken on a grave hauteur. She looked to Jane for
support but saw her totally absorbed by Mr. Bingley's attention. By
now, Mary had finished her first offering and was about to embark on
a second and Elizabeth had only her father to seek for support. He
saw her expression and moved immediately to stop Mary. However his
tone and words were almost as mortifying as Mary's singing as he
brought the attention of the whole room to her by pointing out the
need for other ladies to perform. Despite her wish to see Mary cease,
she did feel the pain of her sister as she crept away from the
instrument. It seemed that her whole family was making a point of
unfortunate display this night.

On Mary's withdrawal, other members of the party were sought to
perform and Mr. Collins, unable to resist drawing any possible
attention to himself, told all who would listen that he would have
been glad to entertain them if he had the talent. Such innocuous,
senseless statements added to the list Elizabeth was mentally making
of her family's ridiculousness. She could not help notice the
reaction of Miss Bingley and her sister to such performances and also
noted their glance of knowing directed towards Mr. Darcy.

Moreover, Mr. Collins persisted in standing by Elizabeth through the
remainder of the evening and it seemed nothing she did would cause
him to move. She was therefore extremely grateful to Charlotte who
was more than willing to occupy him as much as possible.

Mr. Darcy also remained close to Elizabeth throughout the remainder
of the evening. Although he did not approve of her family's
performance, he could feel sympathy for Elizabeth as she maintained
her demeanour with great courage. He had often endured his aunt's
less than satisfactory manners in public places and he so much wanted
to indulge himself by offering her compassion. However, words failed
him so he had no choice but to stand near her, hoping that his
presence was enough to ensure his support of her. Elizabeth was in no
mood to feel anything but pain and saw his silence as disapproval of
herself and her relations. The snide smiles from Miss Bingley and
Mrs. Hurst added to her blushes.

As soon as was appropriate, Elizabeth began moves to depart, pressing
her mother to call for the carriage. However Mrs. Bennet was not
about to allow such frivolity. Indeed they must be last to leave.
Jane was no help as every minute with Mr. Bingley was delight. Thus
the Longbourne party stayed and stayed as each guest politely made
his or her farewells. Lydia and Kitty were bored once the officers
had departed and Lydia kept everyone's attention on herself by
exclaiming her tiredness. During this whole time, Mr. Collins was
pronouncing his satisfaction in the evening by over-exaggeration and
profuse comments on everything from the guest list to the choice of
room decoration. Mr. Bennet was too happy enjoying the interaction of
the respective parties to be of any help to Elizabeth and she stood
alone with the silence of Mr. Darcy permeating her every thought.

When there was no other person left but her family, Mrs. Bennet at
last had no excuses left and rose to leave but not before issuing Mr.
Bingley with an open invitation to dinner any time he wished. The
pretension of such an invitation was further enhanced by her failure
to include his friend. However, Mr. Bingley was as gracious as ever
by stating that he would be glad to attend upon his return from
London where he had some business to pursue over the next few days.

It seemed forever before Elizabeth was safely in the carriage and
moving away from Netherfield. On their return to the house she had,
however, the further mortification of hearing her mother confess her
satisfaction in having two daughters close to marriage. She was sure
that Mr. Collins would offer for Elizabeth and although she would
never admit it, Mrs. Bennet would be happy to see Elizabeth go. She
occupied far too much time of Mr. Bennet's and was too outspoken for
her own good.

Elizabeth hurried to her room, more than thankful for the solitude
and peace. She prepared for bed with haste but sleep avoided her as
her mind constantly flashed the sight of Mr. Darcy standing in
silence near her. At this point she wished never to leave her room
again.

At Netherfield, Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst had retired immediately
on the departure of the Bennets. Miss Bingley was particularly
satisfied with the evening after seeing the silence of Mr. Darcy and
his stern countenance. Mr. Hurst declined a brandy with the younger
men and instead opted for bed and a new book he had received from
London.

Left alone, Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy moved to the library where,
after a brief discussion, they ordered tea. They both settled in
chairs near the fire, sipping quietly and absorbed by their own
thoughts. After some minutes, Mr. Bingley returned his cup to the
tray and spoke.

'I think it went extremely well. I am most pleased.'

'Would you be otherwise? It was, after all, your own ball, Bingley.'

'Ah, but the expectation of such an event can often lead to disappointment.'

'True, but not in you Bingley. That point belongs entirely to me.'

Mr. Bingley chuckled at his friend's knowledge of his character and his own.

'I wish I could delay this trip to town.'

'Have you business here, Bingley?'

'Business? I suppose there are some who would consider it such.'

'Are you referring to anything in particular, Bingley?'

No doubt, Darcy, no doubt. However the time spent in town will be
ideal, I suspect. I will have the opportunity to formulate my plan.'

'Are you at liberty to disclose this plan to me?'

'Not at this point, Fitzwilliam. Soon. Now, tell me, did you enjoy
yourself? I cannot express the joy I felt when I saw you take the
floor with Miss Elizabeth. I hope you have resolved your differences.'

'I do not think Miss Elizabeth and I will ever resolve all our
differences. If we did so we would have nothing to discuss.'

'And nothing to argue over. You must allow a lady the latitude to
disagree with you without attempting to prove your point. You cannot
always be right, man, especially with a lady.'

'And that is where our differences lie, Charles. I have never sought
compliancy in a companion.'

'What do you seek? Define your desires in a companion or a wife.'

'We are in a reflective mood, Bingley. All right, I will indulge you.
I seek beauty but not perfection. It is far too over-rated. I seek
intellect without arrogance. I seek liveliness and opinions without
rudeness. I seek to be surprised and delighted and continually
astounded. I seek to feel.'

'Huh, you seek a lot, my friend. However, you feel more than most
already. Do you really desire to feel more than endowed to you at
birth? I have never met a man with more passion.'

'Passion suppressed is worthless.'

'And passion unchained is pain. It is not possible to always gain
happiness,' replied Mr. Bingley.

'And I would not have it so. To feel real happiness it is necessary
to feel real pain. I seek both. I have no fear of extremes where the
good outweighs the bad.'

'And I have only the desire for contentment. I am sure my life will
always disappoint you, Fitzwilliam.'

'Never, my friend. I envy you more than you know. You shall have
perfect contentment. I will see to it. For me, it is just not
possible and so I must seek other ways to find bliss.'

'And that is what we all seek, bliss.'

'Such a simple word. Such a goal unattainable.'

'And so I seek my bed. The closest thing to bliss at this moment.
Good night, Fitzwilliam. Do not spend too much time thinking of her.'

Mr. Bingley walked quietly out of the room leaving Mr. Darcy gently
nodding his head in acknowledgement of his friend's astuteness. As
the servant closed the door, Mr. Darcy looked about the room seeing
nothing, feeling everything.

'And that is not possible, my friend. She will always have that place
in my thoughtsŠin my soul, Goodnight Elizabeth.'
 
 
Behind the Scenes - 17

The following day brought an early breakfast and it was barely 7.30
am when Mr. Bingley asked for a word in private with his friend. They
retired to the library where Mr. Bingley got straight to the point.

'Darcy, I am off to London within the hour. However I mean to return
within three days. I have a favour to ask of you while I am absent.'

'Of course Bingley.'

'It is about Miss Bennet. I am sure that this will not come as a
great sacrifice to you but would you enable a visit to Longbourne?'

'On what purpose?'

'I am sure this will come as no surprise but I am in love with her,
Darcy. And upon my return I mean to make her an offer.'

Mr. Darcy was a little surprised but not as much as he would have
been, had this conversation taken place two days ago. After the
prompting from Sir William, he had taken the time for keen
observation of his friend and Miss Bennet and he knew that Mr.
Bingley was speaking the truth about his affections. However, Miss
Bennet's were another matter indeed. He trod carefully over his next
words.

'Charles, is Miss Bennet aware of your intentions?'

'An offer is hardly something one discusses beforehand, Darcy.'

'What I meant was'Šhe hesitatedŠ.'is she aware of your feelings for her?'

'These are rather private questions, man. What do you mean by such inquiries?'

'Only to ascertain the depth of connection. You have, after all,
professed your love for other ladies on previous occasions. I mean no
intrusion.'

'I have no hesitation in saying that my feelings for Miss Bennet
outweigh any previous feelings that I may have felt or expressed to
you previously. Now will you visit Longbourne while I am absent and
give my regards to Miss Bennet?'

'If the opportunity arises, I will indeed.'

'Thank you. Now I must be off. I will see you within three days. Take
care, Darcy.'

'Good-bye Charles. Safe journey.'

Mr. Bingley walked quickly from the room leaving Mr. Darcy alone to
contemplate this latest development. Indeed he had seen no preference
for his friend by Miss Bennet. She was unquestionably serene and
demure with all acquaintances and no different at any time when with
his friend. He was still reviewing scenes in his mind when Miss
Bingley entered.

'Mr. Darcy, there you are. We must speak.'

'A review of the evening, no doubt.'

'Not specifically, Mr. Darcy. I wish to speak to you about Miss
Bennet and my brother. It has come to my notice that he is
particularly attached to Miss Bennet and I wish to have your
assistance in securing a separation.'

'What do you mean?'

'He means to make her an offer. And I am sure you are aware that Miss
Bennet is far from the ideal companion for my brother. I admit, that
amongst the Bennet ladies, she is the far superior but that does not
signify her suitability for our family. She has no connections, no
funds and no estate. It will not do.'

'While I disagree with some of your reasons, I do agree that Miss
Bennet is perhaps not the most suitable partner for Charles.'

'And what other reasons could there be?'

'Although I am sure he finds himself in love with her, she shows no
such similar feelings for him. At least none that I have observed.'

Miss Bingley had seen the slight wince from Mr. Darcy when she
compared the Bennet ladies and immediately changed her approach to
side with him. She knew more of Miss Bennet's feelings than Mr. Darcy
was privy to but if her object could be achieved by using his
reasons, then so be it.

'Of course, you are right, Mr. Darcy. I was reluctant to bring up
such personal business. But I agree completely. What are we to do? We
cannot allow Charles to be hurt or embarrassed by making an offer to
a lady unwilling to accept him.'

'I can see little that we can do.'

'As his sister and a lady, I feel it is not my place to interfere.
However you are his dearest friend and amongst gentlemen I am sure it
is possible to discuss such subjects.'

'Charles and I are very close and have had discussions of a private
nature but a man's choice of wife must be entirely his alone.'

'But Mr. Darcy, Charles is such an affectionate fellow. He sees
little but kindness and affability in all. He is blind to the
different ways of ladies. Surely as his friend you could point them
out to him.'

Mr. Darcy was reluctant to side with Miss Bingley on anything and
particularly anything to do with the Bennets. However he did feel for
his friend and was aware that he was easily influenced by kindness
and more so when combined with beauty. Miss Bennet was indeed the
kind of wife that his friend should secure but he also knew that
without a return of affection, his friend would not find happiness.

'I see your point, Miss Bingley. However this is awkward. He has left
for London and will not return for three days and immediately upon
his return he means to declare himself.'

'Then I think we should follow him to London and deal with the matter
immediately.'

For Mr. Darcy, such justification for leaving was exactly what he
required. He had slept little and upon hearing his friend's
declaration of love for Miss Bennet, he had been fighting back the
vision of himself making a similar statement to Elizabeth. In fact
his mind was so confused that he leapt at Miss Bingley's suggestion.
Yes, he would leave the neighbourhood and clear his mind. In the
process he would assist his friend. It was perfect.

'I agree. I think we should follow this morning.'

Miss Bingley hid a secret smile. It had been all too easy. She had
managed to separate both her brother and Mr. Darcy from the influence
of the Bennet ladies in the course of a few words. She could not wait
to inform Mrs. Hurst. She settled final plans with Mr. Darcy about
departure and left him ordering the carriage while she proceeded to
organise the packing. By the time she reached her sister's rooms, she
was positively gloating.

Meanwhile Mr. Darcy was suffering from a sudden feeling of loss. The
realisation of not seeing Elizabeth, at least for some time, made his
stomach lurch a little and his chest burn. When the physical
sensations reached his mind, he knew that he had no choice. He had to
go while he had reason. To remain was to invite dangers much greater
than he envisaged for his friend, for while Mr. Bingley could perhaps
successfully secure a wife such as Miss Bennet, for him it was
impossible. His responsibilities and family were such that he had no
choice but to put them first. He could not allow emotions to overtake
duty.

Meanwhile the inhabitants of Longbourne were in commotion. Elizabeth
had been woken early after a restless night by strange mutterings
coming from the garden. She looked out to see Mr. Collins wandering
in circles obviously practising some speech. She watched for a few
minutes and then realised what he was saying. She hurriedly dressed,
hoping to be off on a long walk before the family rose. However, her
mother was up just as early and before she knew it Elizabeth was
alone with Mr. Collins as he made a declaration to her. He spared
nothing in his choice of words except affection. He included reasons
why she should be grateful for his offer and topped it off with his
obligation to secure a wife of any sort. Elizabeth was at first
amused by such a silly suggestion as a union with Mr. Collins but
soon insult took over mirth and she found herself affronted by his
logic.

In the end she was forced to border on rudeness to dissuade him and
make her escape. However her mother was ready for all outcomes and
tried every method she could to force Elizabeth to accept him.
Finally Mrs. Bennet used her last bastion of defence by applying to
her husband for support. Mr. Bennet, however, was in no mood for such
frivolity. He had had enough of Mr. Collins to last a lifetime and
would in no way allow his favourite daughter to be tied to such
absurdness for the rest of her life. He allowed Elizabeth to retreat
and Mrs. Bennet to spend the rest of the day wailing her displeasure.

Through all this, Charlotte arrived and rather than withdraw and
leave the family to sort itself out, she saw an opportunity. She had
never been a girl with passion or intense sentiment. Life was a
business to Miss Lucas and she felt that her friend's refusal could
be the catalyst for a plan of her own. She had seen Mr. Collins'
absurdity but at the same time this very thing was what made her
format so perfect. His inability to attract Elizabeth was the exact
thing that made him ideal for herself. She was not beautiful, she was
not rich but she was astute. Although she lived in a large family it
was not one endowed with emotion. Life was matter of fact, and that
was what she desired in a marriage partner. She wanted no extremes
and no passion. In fact she had rarely felt passion for anything. She
just wanted security and the person with whom that came was of little
consequence. She saw any marriage of hers as a series of duties to be
performed in return for the contentment of being her own mistress.
And so it was within half an hour, that Miss Lucas was offering
sympathy to Mr. Collins.

Jane and Elizabeth escaped the furor by walking to Meryton and
happening upon some officers, including Mr. Wickham. The fact that he
had been absent from the ball had to be addressed and he informed
Elizabeth that he had been unwilling to confront the man who had
caused such pain to him. These were exactly the words that Elizabeth
needed to hear and any motives other than Mr. Wickham's complete
honesty were lost as she shored up her already biased opinion of Mr.
Darcy. She would allow nothing to soften her thinking because to do
so would be to admit that his rejection of her at the Assembly was of
great consequence. Mr. Wickham made sure to pay Elizabeth particular
attention, which ensured belief in his reasons. He and the other
officers accompanied the ladies on their return where they were happy
to introduce their parents. Mrs. Bennet was delighted with Mr.
Wickham, who wasted no time in flattering her on her home and family.
Mr. Bennet was a little more like his daughter should have been and
saw a man of persuasive words and enticing manners who knew exactly
how to keep a lady's attention.

While the officers were still at Longbourne, Jane was handed a letter
delivered from Netherfield. She knew immediately that it was not from
Mr. Bingley but seeing Miss Bingley's hand, she naturally expected it
to be an invitation of some sort.

Miss Bingley and her sister had wasted no time, it seems, in devising
a plan to begin the separation of their brother from Miss Bennet.
They carefully worded a note to her that showed a casual and
lighthearted association much restrained from previous communication.
The note was brief and to the point. They were following Mr. Bingley
to town and might not return.

Jane read the note with increasing distress. She had been so sure of
Mr. Bingley's affections that this reference to the probability of
their not returning stunned her. During this time, Elizabeth had been
attending to Mr. Wickham but had not been unaware of her sister's
discomfort and as soon as the officers left, Jane and Elizabeth
retreated upstairs where Jane read parts of the note to her sister.
Elizabeth immediately felt the pain her sister was feeling but
attempted to twist the disregard in Miss Bingley's words and offer
hope. Surely Miss Bingley was only stating her own opinions. Nothing
so frivolous as following him to London would change his affection
for her Jane.

Jane, however, found the sentence that gave her the most pain. It was
a reference to Miss Darcy and the desire of all the family to see her
again. Miss Bingley had added a further sting by stating Miss Darcy's
attributes. In all her words there was the underlying theme of
commitment to her from her brother. Elizabeth was furious but
continued to settle Jane with a favourable interpretation of each
sentence while trying hard to gently point out that they would never
measure up to Miss Bingley's idea of an ideal connection. However
Jane assured her that no matter what the Bingley family thought of
her, she would accept an offer from Mr. Bingley. Elizabeth smiled at
her sister's resolve. She showed serenity and compliance to most but
underneath there was a strength of character that belied her outer
appearance. After a long period necessary by any ladies with such a
note, it was resolved to keep the fine details to themselves and only
inform the rest of the family that the residents of Netherfield had
been required to visit London.

At Netherfield, the initial preparations were completed and the
ladies and Mr. Hurst settled in the carriage with Mr. Darcy. Any
extra baggage could follow. As they set off, Miss Bingley and her
sister were in great spirits, happy to rid themselves of the
neighbourhood and its inhabitants. Mr. Darcy, however, was unable to
listen to their chattering without determination. He twisted around
to face out of the carriage, his mind in a turmoil of emotions that
he had never before had to deal with. The gradual separation of
himself from Elizabeth was such that he found his eye straining to
see landmarks that were near her home or places that he had seen her.
He could see the tip of the church bell tower for some half an hour
and the sight of it alone brought her closer in his mind. Mrs. Hurst
asked him to close the curtain in an attempt to keep the carriage
warmer but Mr. Darcy did not hear her. The chill of the glass against
his cheek was welcome as it matched the gloom in his chest. He only
hoped that the bustle of London in winter would be enough to warm him
once again.


Behind the Scenes - 18

Elizabeth felt some relief that Mr. Darcy had departed whereas Jane
was feeling the chill of the day as her mind travelled the distance
to London with Mr. Bingley. Only last night at the ball, he had
mentioned seeing her in a few days, yet now he was gone and she had
no thought other than that her family's behaviour had changed his
mind. As is usual with a lady so distressed, she attempted to dismiss
him by thoughts of his not being worthy of her if such was the case.
However, as is also usual with a lady so distressed, he was back in
her favour within minutes and she was left with nothing but sadness.
There was talk of their dinner invitation at Lucas Lodge but Jane
hoped to find an excuse not to attend. Hearing the social chatter of
her friends and family would only increase her depression.

Elizabeth, however, had spent a much better day. She had declined an
horrendous proposal, hopefully seen the last of Mr. Darcy and any
thought of his rejection of her, been flattered by the attention of
Mr. Wickham and seen her friend Charlotte assist her by keeping Mr.
Collins busy. If only she could see Jane smile, the day could not go
better. Elizabeth was of equally mixed feelings about Mr. Bingley. To
her, it showed nothing but weakness to leave in such a manner and
despite her wish that he make Jane happy, she also hid a secret
thought that he was unworthy of such devotion.

It was later that day that Mr. Darcy's carriage came to a halt
outside Mr. Bingley's townhouse in Grosvenor Street. To say that Mr.
Bingley was surprised to see his sisters and friend walk in the door
was an understatement. He had only arrived some two hours prior to
them and the reason for their joining him had to be addressed
immediately and it had been resolved to take it one step at a time.
In that vain, Miss Bingley informed him that they all realised they
had things to do in town and it was much better to accomplish these
tasks while her brother was also there. Mr. Darcy found this a
reasonable way to handle the situation thus far but knew that there
was only a short time available for them to deter Mr. Bingley's
return to Netherfield.

In Hertfordshire, Mr. Collins was due to leave on Saturday and there
was no one at Longbourne showing any sign of remorse at his
departure. He had simply worn out his welcome. However, this short
time meant expert timing on Miss Lucas' part if her scheme was to
succeed. She found, however, that she had great skill on such
occasions and it was within two days, Friday morning to be exact,
that she had secured an offer from him, which she had accepted. Her
parents were ever grateful to see her go, as a daughter of
twenty-seven without beauty or connections was a burden for all. It
was joy all round at Lucas Lodge and Charlotte felt great relief
except for the burden of telling her friend. She did this with a
careful explanation of her feelings on marriage and after Elizabeth's
boundless shock that her friend would, in essence, sell herself for
security, the friends began a new relationship. For Charlotte, it was
seeing Elizabeth as too passionate for her own good. For Elizabeth,
despite her disappointment in her friend, it was to see the harshness
of her situation in a society that left her no choice but to perhaps
follow in her friend's footsteps. In fact, the action of her friend
brought a rift of opinion between them that Elizabeth felt too great
to breach.

Mr. Collins duly left Longbourne but with expectations of a hasty
return for his marriage and the Bennets were left wondering what the
last two months had been about. Nothing had come of them except
heartache and disappointment. In such a mood, can anyone be surprised
that Mr. Wickham seemed like a breath of fresh air to everyone. He
smiled, flattered, charmed and ingratiated himself into the lives of
all those feeling a little put out by the residents of Netherfield,
particularly Elizabeth.

In London, things were going much more smoothly. Mr. Darcy had
quickly departed Mr. Bingley's residence and returned to his own town
house, a short distance away. He had been overjoyed to see his sister
but disturbed to see her spirits were as subdued as ever. He had
hoped their reunion would be under better circumstances but his
overwhelming thoughts were of leaving Elizabeth and how to explain
himself to Mr. Bingley. He attempted conversation with Georgiana as
soon as he had washed and changed but she was no more forthcoming
about her feelings than before his departure for Netherfield. He had
great guilt about his tenure there as he had promised his sister that
it would be a short visit. Instead it had become a life-changing
event as he was in a void of restrained emotions and lost
opportunities. He and Georgiana had a quiet dinner and he promised to
spend the following day with her around London.

Sleep was not to be his partner this night. He hoped the comfort of
his own home and bedroom would bring a return of his normal pattern
even though that was well short of what most would consider a good
night's rest. However it was not to be. His thoughts had changed
little since Netherfield. His passion for Elizabeth was only enhanced
by the distance he had set between them and that, intermingled with
decisions about his friend, meant that he lay awake most of the night.

By morning he had decided on the only way to approach his friend
about Miss Bennet. He was not a man to use subterfuge and felt only a
direct approach would suffice. And so it was on Saturday morning that
he entered Mr. Bingley's home with a desire to speak privately to
him. During the previous two days, Miss Bingley and her sister had
been busy with not so subtle suggestions that Miss Bennet was not for
their brother but they had no way of knowing how successful they had
been. The arrival of Mr. Darcy was met with some tension as they all
felt that their future somewhat depended on the outcome.

Having spent some days determining his approach, Mr. Darcy had
decided to put forth Miss Bingley's case of behaviour of the Bennet
family rather than broach the delicate subject of Miss Bennet's
apparent indifference.

Mr. Darcy watched as the servant closed the door of the library
behind them and walked slowly to the coffee tray to pour himself a
cup.

'Coffee again, Darcy? You have things on your mind? You only take a
second cup when you are in for a busy day.'

'Indeed, Charles, indeed. The matter I wish to discuss with you is of
some delicacy and I seek your indulgence as I broach a subject that
is of extreme importance to both of us.'

'My god man! You have decided to make her an offer!'

Mr. Darcy raised his head and closed his eyes. 'You are always
inclined to leaps of faith, my friend. No, this is a matter
concerning you.'

'Go on.'

'It is regarding your return to Netherfield, actually. I was hoping
you could delay it.'

'You know the reason for my hasty return, Darcy. There could be no
better reason for me to stay here.'

'BingleyŠCharles. I must be blunt. I am concerned about your proposed
offer to Miss Bennet. In fact I am very concerned.'

'About what, man?'

'Her connections, Charles, or the lack thereof.'

'Nonsense! Darcy, you know that such things are of little consequence to me.'

'Charles, I must be direct. It is more than her lack of connections.
A man in your position must also consider theŠthe standards of
behaviour of her family in society.'

'Miss Bennet has never behaved in any way unsuitable for society.'

'But her family, Charles. One cannot dismiss her family so easily.
They have no estate, no income and little education. Her father, I
admit, is a gentleman, although prone to influence from his wife in
certain behaviours. But her mother, Charles! Her mother and her
mother's family are totally lacking in civility and manners. In
attaching yourself to Miss Bennet, you are also adding the family and
all it entails. Would you have such relations, Charles? Would you
suffer such impropriety in your life? I think not.'

'Darcy, I am not immune to theŠhow shall I put thisŠlack of decorum
of her family. How could anyone ignore it? But I assure you that I
have spent some time considering all that you say and I find it is
insignificant in comparison to my feelings for Miss Bennet.'

Mr. Darcy knew by the determination in Mr. Bingley's voice and manner
that such a tack would not persuade him. He had no choice but to
proceed.

'There is something else which I was reluctant to begin with. That is
Miss Bennet herself. I feel you may be assuming too much.'

'Darcy, say no more. You will not convince me that I do not love her.'

'It is not your feelings of which I am speaking. It is Miss Bennet's.'

'Darcy, do you know something you have not disclosed to me? Has Miss
Elizabeth confided in you?'

'Certainly not, Charles. Miss Elizabeth and I see such things from
very different perspectives. What I am about to say is solely from my
observations and I cannot allow you to proceed without hearing them.'

'Fitzwilliam, I am always happy to hear your opinions but on this
matter, I see nothing that you can offer that I am not already aware
of.'

'On the contrary, Charles. I think you will benefit from an outside
observer such as myself.'

'Your mood is not of impending joy.'

'Perhaps not, Charles. But the dearest thing to me is our friendship.
I would never embark on such a subject if I did not feel that it
would assist you in your endeavours. You know my propensity for
honesty, sometimes to my own distress. Be assured that my next words
are said in the truest friendship two men can have.'

'I would never question your motives, man. Get on with it.'

'I do not think that Miss Bennet is attached to you in any way likely
to ensure her acceptance of your offer.'

'What do you mean? Is there another?'

'That, my friend, would be too simple. No there is no other. However
from my observation, she shows no particular regard for you over
other friends and acquaintances with whom I have seen her.'

'So you are telling me that she does not love me.'

'I am telling you that from my own study, you could be left disappointed.'

'So you think she will refuse my offer?'

'Of that I am unsure. What concerns me is your happiness. If she does
accept your offer and she does not feel the depth of affection that I
think you desire in a wife, will you be happy?'

Mr. Bingley's mood had begun to sink as his friend proceeded. To have
one's expectations shattered in such a way is pain indeed.

'Not every marriage begins with deep affection on both sides,
Fitzwilliam. However, many end that way.'

'Charles, we have disagreed on many things but never on our desires
for mutual affection with lifetime partners. I accept that you
require an evenness of temper that is not important to me, but I
cannot accept that you would forego the bliss of reciprocal devotion.'

'You really believe this. I can see it in your eyes.'

'Yes, Charles, I really believe that Miss Bennet is not in love with
you. It is that simple and that complicated. I would not have you
spend your life making her so. I know enough of you to feel that such
endeavours would destroy your spirit.'

'But her serenity, her kindness, cannot be faulted. She has shown me
time and time again, her willingness to be in my company.'

'As she has with your sisters, Miss Lucas, even me at times. I see
your hope and I would that it was not me who might possibly destroy
it. But I must be truthful in all things to you, dear friend.'

'This is like a stake in my heart, Fitzwilliam. I cannot so readily accept it.'

'I understand. Perhaps you should enquire of your sisters, even Hurst.'

'If it was anyone but you, Darcy, I would dismiss this as absurd. I
cannot think.'

'Then simply consider. Take time. Do not rush into a situation that
has no way out. As a gentleman you cannot withdraw an offer made to
such a lady if later you find you were mistaken. All I am asking of
you, is that you spend more time absent from her company. Compare
what you know of her with other ladies of your acquaintance and I am
sure you will find her as impartial as they. She is beautiful, she is
serene and she is gentle but she shows no commitment of love to you.'

'You think that time is all I need? I cannot fall out of love so quickly.'

'And who would have you so! I ask only that you reflect on your time
at Netherfield, specifically your time with Miss Bennet. Agreement,
tranquility and peace are not love, my friend. They are part of her
character but not necessarily indicative of conjugal affection.
Despite our resistance to mention it, the acts of marriage are
important to both of us and those acts are meaningless without a
union of feeling.'

'There is your passion speaking again.'

'Yes. I do not deny it. But passion is in each of us, just expressed
in different ways. Yours is hidden in laughter and pleasure while
mine is hiddenŠ'

'Behind your eyes.'

'Can you forgive me for telling you of my thoughts?'

'I can never fault you for honesty, Fitzwilliam. However, the pain
this brings to me is something I have yet to deal with.'

'Will you stay a little longer in town? Will you give yourself the
time needed to resolve this?'

'I cannot answer such questions at this moment. This news has
shattered my dreams. Whatever I decide must be done with some
solitude. Can you leave me, Darcy, please?'

'Certainly. Do you require your man?'

'No, I require nothing. I must be alone. Can I call on you later?'

'With pleasure, Charles. I will see myself out. Good-bye dear friend.
Take care.'

Mr. Darcy walked over to his friend and placed his hands on his
shoulders. Mr. Bingley caught his eye and Mr. Darcy saw the pain he
had inflicted on his friend. They stood eye to eye for some seconds
before the moment was broken by Mr. Bingley sinking to a chair. Mr.
Darcy quietly let himself out of the room and the house, choosing to
walk home allowing the frost to bite at his cheeks. Would that they
had never entered Hertfordshire.


Behind the Scenes - 19

Elizabeth and Jane had such differing opinions of the reasons for his
departure that they found the topic impossible to touch and so rather
than wonder, Jane had replied to Miss Bingley's note in the hope that
a reply would finalise the matter of Mr. Bingley's return, one way or
another. Meanwhile they spent their time talking of the impending
marriage of Mr. Collins and Miss Lucas and while Jane was able to see
the reasons why she accepted him, Elizabeth was forever upset.

Miss Bingley received Jane's note early on Saturday and knowing that
Mr. Darcy was dealing with her brother, she felt it her obligation to
deal with Miss Bennet. She held back her reply until she had spoken
with Mr. Darcy, hoping that he succeeded in preventing her brother's
return to Netherfield.

Elizabeth had spent many hours contemplating Mr. Bingley's actions
and had she known how correct her judgement was, she would have been
quite pleased. She could come up with nothing other than his friend's
influence in an endeavour to prevent a match with her sister.
Elizabeth had no doubts that Mr. Bingley loved Jane but being privy
to their friendship while at Netherfield, she saw only that he
trusted Mr. Darcy's opinion in all things and would do anything to
please him. She kept these thoughts to herself but even silence could
not prevent her seeing Jane's mood become deeper.

Mrs. Bennet, having no knowledge of Miss Bingley's note, had expected
to see Mr. Bingley arrive any day and as her daughters were unwilling
to supply her with further information, she continued to complain
about his absence.

For Jane this was additional pain and discomfort. To have her love's
name spoken every few minutes and with nothing but criticism was
torture and she explained to Elizabeth what extremes it gave her.
Although Elizabeth felt deeply for Jane, she could feel no sympathy
for Mr. Bingley and was happy to point out to Jane how little she
thought of the world since the happenings of the last few months.
Everything she had hoped or wished had disappeared with the pride and
opinions of those who considered themselves above reproach simply by
their choice of parents.

Nothing Jane could say would dissuade Elizabeth from such thoughts
and she continued to feel the influence of the residents of
Netherfield. Her father was of less help by using tease and mirth to
cover his feelings. He took delight in suggesting that it was now
Elizabeth's turn to feel some pain and she should pursue an officer
or two in order to attain such attention.

Elizabeth had been spending time with officers in fact. Upon Mr.
Darcy's removal from Netherfield, Mr. Wickham had suddenly felt free
to move around the neighbourhood as well as express himself when and
if he wished and on any topic. Within the space of three days, the
residents of Meryton had tales of woe to discuss regarding Mr.
Darcy's treatment of him. As Mr. Darcy had never taken the time to
prove otherwise, they were happy to have such topics brought to their
attention. Jane, however, was very reluctant to think so ill of Mr.
Darcy, always citing his friendship with Mr. Bingley as criterion for
his goodness. It does a lady no good to think ill of her lover's
friend because that might bring on thoughts of mistreatment by the
lover himself. However she stood almost alone in such thoughts. There
is nothing better in a small society than the gossip of a rich man,
especially when there was nothing else to think about.

In town, Mr. Bingley had spent most of Saturday alone in his library.
He had much to consider and he was not ready to face anyone before he
had resolved some thoughts in his mind. Indeed he had no ill thoughts
of Miss Bennet. She had been gracious and charming always. However, a
man in love is in such a state, with emotions so keen, that little
things can be twisted and he began to see what Mr. Darcy had pointed
out. Jane was cordial to all comers and ever enchanting to many.
Still he swayed back and forth, remembering the subtle look in her
eyes that only he could have seen and her desire to talk quietly with
him and him alone. Surely he could not add slyness to her nature. No,
she had not sought to catch him. He was sure of that. But then Mr.
Darcy had not said that either. He had simply stated what he felt. He
could not fault his friend for honesty even in relation to Miss
Bennet.

He thus sat until just after three when he decided to call on Mr.
Darcy to discuss this further. He considered asking his sisters for
advice but women were not the best judges of their own sex, in his
opinion, and there was no one else who would be honest with him other
than his friend.

For Mr. Darcy, it was a day of painful realisation. He had taken
steps to protect his friend and he hoped that his motives were only
that. He had tried hard not to allow his desire to separate himself
from Elizabeth, to cloud his judgement, but how impartial can a man
in love be. Like his friend, his emotions were so peaked and his
sensitivity so extreme that it was hard to think objectively on
anything. He had nibbled at lunch and was quietly attempting to read
in his rooms when his man announced that Mr. Bingley had come to
call. It was with a heavy heart that he descended the stairs to greet
his friend.

Mr. Bingley was drawn. His eyes were red and his cheeks pale despite
the chill outside. They took to the library where Mr. Darcy poured
them both a brandy.

'I think you need this Charles.'

'You know what I need, Fitzwilliam.'

'Have you made any decisions?'

'No! It cannot be that simple. I have spent some hours going over
your words and now I need to clarify some things with you. Although I
have no wish to burden you further, there is no other with whom these
things can be spoken. And if I might add, Darcy, you did bring this
on yourself.'

'It is not for you to spare my feelings in this matter, Charles. I
know what pain my words caused you. Go on.'

'First, I think nothing of her family's lack of society and manners.
I would never be persuaded to abandon my feelings for Miss Bennet
simply because of society. As I stated earlier, it is nonsense.'

'It may appear to be nonsense but it cannot be avoided, Charles. You
have a long life to live and you cannot abandon propriety so easily.'

'That is where our background differs so much, Fitzwilliam. I have
not spent my life being made to think only of responsibility. My
upbringing was more moderate. I will not be altered in this, I assure
you.'

'I must respect your wishes.'

'However, the matter that brings me the greatest pain is your opinion
of Miss Bennet herself. I cannot dismiss your thoughts so easily as
you have always had excellent judgement in such matters. I know that
you have assisted me at least once in a situation not dissimilar.'

'I think more than once, my friend. But please, go on.'

'I love her, Darcy. I really love her. This is not some fancy of
mine, a flirtation, if you will. From early in our acquaintance she
was everything that I ever dreamed of in a ladyŠa wife. I can think
of nothing but a life with her.'

'So you think my judgement wrong?'

'Were it that easy! No, my friend, I think your judgement is
excellent, as I have already pointed out. But your words have not
changed my feelings for Miss Bennet. However they have forced me to
evaluate more of hers. I thinkŠno, I know that she cares for me. In
fact I can say for certain that she cares for me above all others.'

'But is that enough for you, Charles? That was always my point.'

'And that is what I have been considering all day. Although I wish
that it were impossible for you to be right, I have begun to doubt
her. This is great pain, Darcy.'

'I am sure that it is. To leave the woman you love is beyond torture.'

'Your words express as much pain for yourself as me, Fitzwilliam. Regrets?'

'I am not one for regrets, Charles. You know that. What is done is
done. One cannot live on what might have been when realistically, it
never was. I do not dwell on dreams.'

'You just put on your mask. Unfortunately I have no such disguise. I
hurt for the world to see.'

'I should not have spoken such, Charles.'

'If not you, then who is there to protect me from my whims and
fancies. I am not forsaking her, Fitzwilliam. But I am going to take
a little time away from Hertfordshire to assess my feelings and hers.
If my sisters hear from her then I shall return. That will be my
signal. I am sure she will write to them if her feelings are true.'

'I agree.'

Both men sat in silence for some minutes, contemplating their fate.
The months in the country had done no more for them than for the
ladies involved. Yet all were changed forever. At last Mr. Darcy
spoke.

'It seems we will have time to fill, Charles. Shall we lunch at the
club tomorrow?'

'Perhaps. I need time, Darcy. Perhaps Monday.'

'Monday it is then.'

Mr. Bingley stood to leave and Mr. Darcy moved towards him extending his hand.

'Charles.'

They clasped hands with an intimacy of deep friendship while Mr.
Darcy looked closely at his friend.

'I am sorry, Charles. I am so very sorry.'

Mr. Bingley left.

For some minutes Mr. Darcy stood still, his arm still slightly
inclined to where Mr. Bingley had been standing. To cause such pain
to his friend, even if the result was to prevent greater pain, was
something he wished never to have begun. But his values and his
conscience prevented any other course. He thought of the sadness in
his own soul and how his chest was wrenched with feeling as he
thought of Elizabeth. He walked back to his rooms and taking up his
book, he wiped his thumbs down the corner of his eyes before he found
himself able to discern the words.

It was after church the next morning that Miss Bingley confronted Mr.
Darcy with news of his discussions with her brother and she was
delighted to see him nod when she asked of his success. He found no
joy in such information and seeing her mood lift did nothing to
ensure any change. Within an hour of arriving home, Miss Bingley had
penned a reply to Jane, informing her of their decision not to return
to Netherfield at least for the season and perhaps never again.

Jane received Miss Bingley's reply and it took some courage and time
before she could relay her feelings to her sister. Miss Bingley had
not spared any opportunity to inflict hurt and Jane felt every twist
of Miss Bingley's sharpened nib. And added to this, Mrs. Bennet
whined, grumbled and spoke ill of Mr. Bingley constantly. All of this
pushed Jane into a deep depression, which Elizabeth felt profoundly.
It was some time before they had a chance to themselves and it was
then that Jane expressed her satisfaction that her natural mood of
calm had probably kept her own feelings for Mr. Bingley discreet and
saved the family from disappointment.

Elizabeth thought Jane far too good to take the blame for all this
and told her sister this. When Jane asked her not to judge Mr.
Bingley harshly, Elizabeth found it impossible. Despite Jane pointing
out that men often inferred things that were not there, Elizabeth
felt it the duty of men to be more suspect in such dealings. However,
Elizabeth assured her that she did not solely blame Mr. Bingley and
told Jane of her belief that he had been unduly influenced by his
sisters and his friend.

Through all this renewed pain, they soon suffered the return of Mr.
Collins and his daily jaunts to Lucas Lodge. Fortunately they had
only a week to endure his company and once again they were relieved
to see him go. He had spent little time at Longbourne but any he had,
was spent in professions of love for Miss Lucas that left the ladies
all feeling somewhat amused. For Elizabeth, however, it was a
continual reminder of the silliness of Mr. Collins and the sacrifice
her friend was making.

Two days after Mr. Collins left, Longbourne was graced with a visit
from Mrs. Bennet's brother and his wife, Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner.
Without doubt these were Jane and Elizabeth's favourite relations.
They lived in London and had always taken the time to engage both the
girls in the adventure of living in town. Although Mr. Gardiner was
in trade, they had a sense of style and manner, which was without
fault.

As soon as Mrs. Gardiner had distributed presents to her nieces, she
sat back to listen to the goings-on over the last few months and
within a short time heard news of Mr. Bingley and the hopes the
family had had for Jane. She quizzed Elizabeth in private and heard
the pain and disappointment Jane was feeling and immediately
suggested that Jane should return with them to London. Elizabeth
thought this an excellent idea in two ways. First, it removed her
sister from the constant grumbling of her mother and second, it might
possibly allow the connection of Mr. Bingley and Jane while in town.
The week of the Gardiner's stay was filled with social occasions that
managed to fill some of the void left by the desertion of Mr.
Bingley. There were parties, dinners and officers to fill the minds
of many ladies. Jane, however, did not improve with society and her
depression was evident to all.

Mrs. Gardiner had the opportunity of meeting Mr. Wickham and within
minutes a union of interest had occurred. It seems Mrs. Gardiner was
raised in a small village quite close to Pemberley, the Darcy estate,
although she had never actually visited. She was not really
acquainted with the family other than to know that Mr. Darcy's father
was considered a man of honour. When the tale of his son's misdeeds
to Mr. Wickham were related to her, she thought back over her
impression of him as a boy but could only vaguely remember the
village thinking he was a surly and unfriendly child.

It was only a short time after her arrival that Mrs. Gardiner also
noticed Mr. Wickham's attentions to Elizabeth and her seeming
enjoyment of his company. She had no cause for discomfort about this
other than a feeling that he was not all he seemed. On top of that
there was his obvious lack of fortune of any kind, which for a lady
in Elizabeth's position was a problem indeed. Their relationship was
so close, that Mrs. Gardiner felt it her obligation to speak to
Elizabeth about Mr. Wickham. Hearing her aunt's words surprised
Elizabeth as she was only twenty and although eminently sensible for
her age, she had indulged in the gentle art of mild flirtation and
been influenced by flattery. Mr. Wickham's singling out of her had
given her some pleasure and she had allowed that to go to her head a
little. It was always satisfying to be special in any way but
particularly in such a confined society.

However, she took her aunt's words or warning to heart and assured
her that she was not so flattered as to feel herself in love with Mr.
Wickham and she would take care to ensure that such an event did not
take place. Instead of turning her from Mr. Wickham, the conversation
only made Elizabeth more angry with Mr. Darcy as she felt him
responsible for the choices she was forced to make. Without his
interference, Mr. Wickham would have been an ideal partner for her
but as it stood, she could not expect any advance in her relationship
with him. She thus decided to just enjoy herself by attending any
parties to which she was invited, dance with anyone who asked her and
try very hard during her daily walks to rid her mind of that dreadful
Mr. Darcy.


Behind the Scenes - 20

In Grosvenor Street, Miss Bingley's plans were going well. She had
succeeded in separating her brother from Miss Bennet and Mr. Darcy
from her sister. Now she moved to the next stage in her plan and was
making a concerted effort to attach her brother to Miss Darcy. She
had decided it would suit all round and would only bring herself into
more constant contact with Mr. Darcy and she could not allow another
occurrence like Hertfordshire to get in the way of her aspirations.
She had received a letter from Jane in response to her own but
thankfully it had been delivered while her brother was out and she
had managed to ensure he knew nothing of it. She also took the step
of not telling Mr. Darcy about Jane's letter. She wasn't quite sure
why except that he seemed to exude very little satisfaction in his
role in separating her brother from Miss Bennet and the less said
about it the better.

Meanwhile, Mr. Darcy, whether from guilt or pleasure, was keeping Mr.
Bingley extremely busy during the day. That left Miss Bingley only
the nights to ensure were filled with society worthy of her
impressions of her own importance and her brother's.

After a lunch and two dinners in one week, Mr. Darcy realised the
thoughts running through Miss Bingley's mind regarding his sister and
to say he was concerned was an understatement. His sister was in a
delicate state due to his own lack of care the previous summer and he
was not ready for her connection to anyone, particularly his friend,
whom he knew to be in a state of depression himself.

Indeed Mr. Bingley was not himself. However only his close friend
would have known as Mr. Bingley was blessed with a spirit for life
that was hard to suppress and even though his heart longed for Jane,
his smile was never far from view. Mr. Darcy was well aware of the
effect his words had had on his friend and each day brought further
reflection on his motives. In such a position it is always necessary
to justify one's actions and so he did, day after day, by the simple
statement to himself that Miss Bennet did not love his friend. He
made no concession for difference in temper or manner. He had lived
in a world where women went after what they wanted and Miss Bennet's
behaviour was so distant from any ladies of his society that he found
it impossible to think she was in any way enamoured.

Of course thoughts of Miss Bennet naturally led to thoughts of
Elizabeth and in her he saw a lady much different from her sister.
Her eyes lit up when he made a comment to her and her responses were
provocative to say the least. Yes, Elizabeth was a lady who expressed
her feelings openly. He felt great pain at leaving her but great
relief to have escaped the danger she presented. She showed every
sign of interest. She retorted to his every word, was determined to
call him on anything that passed her mind and had obviously spent
many a long hour assessing his character. He often wondered what she
was thinking now that he had left and although he had the hope that
her regret was just as deep as his he knew that she was sensible
enough to know that his position in society prevented any union.

At Longbourne, Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner accompanied by Jane had barely
left for London, when they were blessed once more with a visit from
Mr. Collins but this time it was only for a night before he took up
residence in Lucas Lodge in preparation for his wedding. Elizabeth
had little time for Charlotte during her courtship but rather than
feel regret, she felt some relief as it would be difficult to see her
friend in such a position. Days passed quickly and it was soon time
for Charlotte to say her good-byes. She listened as Charlotte spoke
of the wedding and their travel plans back to Kent and realised that
she really hoped that Charlotte could find contentment in her
choices. Charlotte showed some reticence about leaving her friends
and family and was determined to ensure that she kept up
correspondence with Elizabeth. She also knew that finances would not
permit her to return to Hertfordshire very often and so asked
Elizabeth to accompany her father and sister when they visited in
March. Elizabeth could not refuse, of course, and although the
prospect of residing in Mr. Collins' home was somewhat repugnant, she
hoped by then that Charlotte would have moulded him into someone she
could tolerate.

The wedding took place and Elizabeth watched her friend leave to
begin her new life. She knew in her heart that their relationship was
changed forever and hoped that their first twenty years was enough to
secure it from now on. To Elizabeth the world was changing and it did
not leave her with a feeling of security.

Immediately upon arrival in London, Jane had written to Elizabeth and
informed her that she was to visit Miss Bingley on the following day.
For Jane this was excitement indeed and she dressed carefully in the
hope of seeing Mr. Bingley.

Miss Bingley was sitting with her sister when her man announced the
arrival of a visitor and offered Miss Bingley Miss Bennet's card. To
say she was astonished was an understatement. She told him to escort
Miss Bennet to the rear sitting room, a place her brother never
visited. As soon as that was done she made enquiries about her
brother's location and was informed that he was to be absent all
morning. She was relieved but it was by then only one half hour
before noon so she knew she had to handle Miss Bennet quite quickly.
After a quick consultation, the Bingley sisters went to greet their
guest.

'Miss Bennet, how delightful. And pray, what brings you to London?'

'I hope my visit is not inconvenient but I only found out yesterday
that my aunt was to visit in this part of town. I am staying with her
in Cheapside.'

'Oh that aunt, of course,' replied Miss Bingley.

'Are they your only relations in town?' asked Mrs. Hurst.

'Yes they are. Mr. Gardiner is my mother's brother. I think I
mentioned them when visiting Netherfield.'

'Oh you might have. Such details quite escape my mind. We are so
happy to see you Miss Bennet. However we must make our excuses. We
have a luncheon appointment and must leave before noon. Can we call
you a carriage?'

Jane immediately felt their rudeness Her only hope was that Miss
Bingley was indeed in a hurry and that her return visit would be
longer and more intimate. She had no choice but to leave immediately
and as her aunt was not due to pick her up for at least half an hour
she walked to the nearby park and sat alone with the servant until
she saw the carriage. She was in a miserable mood when her aunt
arrived and nothing that she could say would raise Jane's spirits.

It was a short time past noon when Mr. Bingley returned in company
with Mr. Darcy and at their arrival, Miss Bingley and her sister
exchanged glances, both showing relief at the timing. Upon enquiry
they discovered that the gentlemen were not to join them for lunch
but were intending an afternoon in the library on business and they
moved there almost immediately after greeting the ladies.

'So Charles, what is it that you wanted to show me?'

'Not show you, as much as discuss with you, Darcy. I have the lease
on Netherfield.'

'Hmmm.'

'And I cannot return, at least not yet.' His mind seemed to drift
off, leaving Mr. Darcy to ponder once more on his actions.

'You were saying Charles?'

'I think we should take a trip to Scotland.'

'You have business in Scotland?'

'Ah, no, I thought we could try for game.'

'Bingley, what are you talking about?'

'A trip.'

'Obviously, but why Scotland? It is winter. I can think of nothing
more abhorrent than travelling to Scotland in winter.'

'I feel the need to be moving, Darcy.'

'Charles, I understand your need to be occupied but if you merely
accept all the invitations I saw in the drawing room, your time will
be fully taken up.'

'I am sure they are just invitations for Caroline.'

'And I am sure they are not.'

'Do you intend to accept all of your invitations, including the ball
at St. James'?'

Darcy pondered that question for some minutes before replying.

'I really have no choice. I cannot spend my time away from society
when Georgiana is about to enter it. I would have her come out this
season but she wishes some more time. Still I must do my duty.'

'There will be dancing and good company.'

'You see, Bingley, your spirits are up again already. You are looking
forward to a ball,' replied Mr. Darcy. 'Now how about billiards as
you seem to really have no business to discuss.'

'You do need the practice, man. You have yet to beat me convincingly.
However, my spirits are not raised because of a ball. In fact they
are not raised at all. There has been no word from Miss Bennet,
Darcy.'

Mr. Darcy immediately felt relief, as much for himself as for his
friend. He wanted no further temptation from Hertfordshire and
correspondence from there would force him to re-evaluate his actions.

'No comment, man?' asked Mr. Bingley.

'No comment. What can I say that I have not already spoken to you in
detail. I wish it were not so.'

'You sound almost exactly as I feel inside when you say that, Darcy.
Perhaps we should return to Netherfield.'

'For what purpose, Charles, for what purpose. Miss Bennet has not
written to your sisters so she obviously feels no need to continue
the relationship.'

'Perhaps she feels it is not her place to write to them. I should ask
Caroline to write to her. Yes, perfect. And a reply will indicate how
she feels about my returning. Do you want word of the rest of the
family, Darcy? I could ask Caroline to mention them specifically.'

'Charles, you do not have to do any bidding for me. I have told you
before. I have left Hertfordshire and anything there that might have
held my interest.'

'I have never known a man so expert at hiding his feelings. I often
wonder what brought you to that point, Darcy.'

'I often wonder myself, Charles. It is a mystery to many, no doubt.
Now about that billiard game. I am feeling a little cold and a game
would warm me up.'

'There seems to be something sad in the fact that two men of wealth
and reasonable good looks should be warmed by a game of billiards,'
replied Mr. Bingley.

Mr. Darcy chuckled as he followed his friend to the billiard room.

As the weeks passed in Hertfordshire, Elizabeth was feeling the
confinement of winter. The country held few activities during the
colder months and although Elizabeth enjoyed playing the pianoforte,
she had little opportunity, as it was Mary's domain most days. She
patiently waited for news from her sister and when it did arrive and
seemed long she hoped it was filled with good news.

However, the letter was the saddest Elizabeth had ever received. Jane
recounted her visit to Miss Bingley and her subsequent rudeness and
then continued on with an account of the return visit. They waited
some days before arriving and when they did they were condescending
and showed no preference for continuing the relationship. Jane was
devastated. It was the confirmation that she had hoped would never
come. There was no mention of Mr. Bingley wishing to see her yet he
must know she was in town after her visit to his home. Very rarely
did Elizabeth hear Jane express such emotion as she did in that
letter and it brought to her such a determined dislike of all the
residents of Netherfield that she found it hard to restrain herself.

Jane's letter was followed by one from her aunt expressing sadness
for Jane but also reminding Elizabeth of her promise to be on guard
with Mr. Wickham. This made Elizabeth smile because his apparent
preference for her had lasted only a short time after her aunt's
departure. It seemed that his attention was now with another lady of
more considerable income. Elizabeth felt no great emotion one way or
another about his change. She saved all her intense feeling for
others who could cause such pain to her sister. She was always ready
to express her talent for character study in others but failed to see
that her indifference to Mr. Wickham's change of partiality
contrasted vastly with her intense dislike of Mr. Darcy. In one she
felt nothing lost, in another she felt a passionate feeling of
absence in her life. She had no one to argue with, to find too proud
and too reserved. In other words, she unconsciously missed the
challenge of Mr. Darcy in her life.

In London, it was the evening of the ball at St. James' and both the
gentlemen had just entered the room. There were immediately noticed
by all the single ladies present as they were indeed good looking and
together accounted for a considerable amount of fortune. Mr. Bingley,
although in deep depression about losing Jane, was not a man to spend
time in contemplation and within a short time had secured several
dances for himself. There was one lady in particular, Miss Favish,
whose hair was the exact colour of Jane's and who he could not resist
requesting the first set with.

He watched his friend withdraw to the side of the room, determined to
offer no hope to any lady present. The ladies, in fact, were quite
frustrated with Mr. Darcy. It seems no matter how hard they tried
they could not win his attention for more than a few minutes. It was
while he was daydreaming, that Mr. Darcy noticed a new lady enter the
room. She was the wife of an old school friend of his but until now
he had never met her. His friend, Mr. Humphrey, came over and
introduced her to his friend. Her name was Maryanne and within
minutes Mr. Darcy was lost again in his feelings for Elizabeth. This
lovely lady was bright, intuitive and smart and watching the
affection she shared with her husband brought a wave of pain up
through his chest.

Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley left the ball filled with emotions brought
on by society with ladies. Rather than feel revived by the
experience, they were both drawn back to previous and much happier
times. Upon arrival home, Mr. Darcy stayed for a late supper with his
friend, as sleep was impossible at this point. They were together in
the drawing room as Mr. Bingley poured the brandy.

'Well, that is over.,' stated Mr. Darcy firmly.

'Hmmm, and we are none the worse. You did not dance, Darcy.'

'Bingley, I always continue to wonder at your surprise at my not dancing.'

'But you do not dislike it, I know that.'

'No, in the right instance, I do not dislike it. It is just that I
find it an occupation that should be savoured.'

'As the only time I have seen you dance in the last six months, with
anyone other than my sisters, was at Netherfield and with Miss
Elizabeth, I am to assume that you savoured that particular
occurrence.'

'You may assume anything you like, Bingley. It is no up to me to
dictate your assumptions.

'Or to contradict them, it seems.'

A long night at a ball requires the guests to need a short period of
privacy on their return home and Mr. Darcy took this opportunity for
his escape.

'You must excuse me, Bingley. I will return in a short while.'

Mr. Darcy left the drawing room and was walking towards the
staircase, when he overheard Miss Bingley talking to her sister in
the library.

'Šand at least we knew she would never turn up there. I am sure she
would have returned to Hertfordshire by now.'

Mr. Darcy immediately walked to the door.

'I am sorry to admit overhearing you, Miss Bingley, but to whom were
you referring?'

'Referring, sir?'

'Yes, regarding her return to Hertfordshire.'

Miss Bingley rose and closed the door behind Mr. Darcy.

'Jane Bennet has been in town and we were just discussing theŠ.'

'Miss Bennet has been in London? And you did not tell me or your brother?'

'Mr. Darcy, you must be aware that my brother is far from regretting
her loss and it seemed it would bring him unnecessary pain to mention
her visit.'

'You assume a lot, madam. When did she visit?'

'Oh it was weeks ago now. She was only in town for a short while. It
was purely a visit of courtesy. She did not even mention my brother.'

'And you are sure she has left?'

'I assume she has as she has not made any contact for some time. And
we have not seen her in society.'

'You and I both know that the possibility of seeing her in society
such as ours is almost impossible. Tell me, do you feel she was
regretting our departure from Netherfield? Surely the topic arose in
conversation.'

'It did not. She called and was here for no more than ten minutes.
She had some engagement. It was without doubt a call of politeness
and nothing more. I think it inadvisable to tell my brother of it as
it will only cause him greater pain.'

'You may be right. I wish I had been informed of this earlier. Excuse me.'

Mr. Darcy completed his ablutions and returned to the drawing room
where his friend was waiting.

'Darcy, I hope my remark on your dancing has not upset you.'

'No, Bingley. I have other things on my mind. Tell me, my friend, do
you feel some improvement in the weeks since our conversation?'

'I suppose I do. I think of her only ten times an hour instead of
twenty. Heh, time and absence does heal a heart somewhat. I will
recover. However I am still bewildered about her feelings for me. I
had no doubt that she was as in love with me as I was with her. What
I am left with is doubt in my own emotions. I have deceived myself
and I cannot let that happen again.'

'Self-deception is a great asset sometimes. How long it can last is
for each man to decide.'

'Indeed, Darcy, indeed.'

'Charles, how long are you in town? You mentioned a trip to see your aunt.'

'Hmmm, Aunt Lucy in Derbyshire. Why don't you come with me?'

'I am sufficiently occupied with my own aunt and Fitzwilliam will be
in town next week. You have yet to meet him.'

'We are always travelling in opposite directions. Perhaps next year.
Are you for Kent?'

'In two weeks. Our annual visit, obligatory,' replied Mr. Darcy.

Do you wish to stay here tonight? I'll call my man.'

'No, Charles. I need my own bed. Goodnight.'

Mr. Bingley walked his friend to the carriage and Mr. Darcy retreated
willingly into its darkness. He needed some time to indulge in his
own self-deception and rid himself of the reminders that the evening
brought.


Behind the Scenes - 21

Mr. Bingley did in fact ask his sister to write to Miss Bennet.
However she wrote the direction quite inexpertly and then, because of
her frantic round of social engagements, failed to get it to the post
for some weeks. In fact by the time she found the letter in her
reticule she decided it was so out of date that it would be rude to
send.

Thus Mr. Bingley left for Derbyshire with a resolution in his mind
that his friend had been right. There had been no contact with or
from Miss Bennet in three months and that surely was enough time to
settle things. His disappointment was severe but as he had the
wonderful ability to occupy his physical being with pleasurable
activities and avoid the depths of solitude that enhance such
feelings, he managed to move on with his life. He did not forget
Jane. In fact every woman he saw he compared to her but a man
convinced that his lady does not care for him, finds it easier to
withdraw.

Mr. Darcy, on the other hand, had no such fate. He had seen and felt
Elizabeth's regard for him and so leaving her behind was a much more
difficult task. In fact it had yet to be achieved. He could not smile
just because things around him were good and he could not distract
his mind by physical challenges. He was forever cursed with the mind
of the clever and there was no latitude for forgetfulness.

After two more weeks of Miss Bingley's machinations between her
brother and Miss Darcy, it was a relief for both gentlemen when Mr.
Bingley set off to visit his aunt. She was in fact his only living
relative of the past generation and he felt a great obligation to
ensure her welfare. Miss Bingley and the Hursts soon followed him as
the weather was changing slightly and they could not bare the odours
of summer in town.

Only two days after Mr. Bingley left, Colonel Richard Fitzwilliam,
Mr. Darcy's cousin arrived at his doorstep. The Colonel was a man of
spirit and adventure, not considered handsome but blessed with a
wonderful feel of exuberance. His connection to Mr. Darcy was also
friend as they shared many common interests. He was also joint
guardian with Mr. Darcy of his sister which meant they had shared
much heartache over her previous problems.

Miss Darcy was a little relieved herself to see the Bingleys
disappear from town as although she was occupied with her studies, in
particular her penchant for Italian, she found their continual
invitations upsetting. She had spent most of autumn working hard and
avoiding social outings as much as possible and although she was a
little upset at her brother's long stay at Netherfield, it did give
her time for contemplation and solitude. She was an extremely shy
girl whose already limited social ease was now almost destroyed by
her mistaken trust in a family friend. The arrival of the Colonel
meant she was surrounded by the two people she loved most in the
world.

Mr. Darcy was concerned for Georgiana. She was more withdrawn than
ever and although he accepted similar traits in himself, it was
painful for him to see it replicated or more in his sister. After
spending time in Hertfordshire surrounded by ladies of different
temperaments he felt the isolation in which his sister resided. She
had few friends of her own age to chatter with and those that she did
have were already looking towards marriage. Miss Darcy filled her
life with music and study rather than enjoy what should be the
happiest and most obligation-free time of her life.

Upon the arrival of the Colonel, plans were instantly made to fill
every spare minute she had as he was not a man to allow her to
meditate on past mistakes of which he and Mr. Darcy felt equal blame.
Thus dinner the first night was a whirl of talk.

'Tell me Georgiana, what has your brother been dragging you to while
I've been away. No doubt, night after night of boring dinners.'

'Absolutely not, cousin. My brother has spent a great deal of time
with me. We have visited the cabinetmaker where he ordered even more
glorious things for my sitting room at Pemberley. He also took me to
the milliner one afternoon.'

'Good god, Darcy, you must be ill. You at a milliner! What is the
world coming to!'

'I assure you, Fitzwilliam, that I am well acquainted with the needs
of a lady.'

'And when did this happen? Last time we were together, your interest
in anything female began and ended with your new mare.'

'You tease him far too much, cousin. My brother has changed a little
over the last few months. I suppose I am to blame for that.'

'Nonsense, dear,' replied Mr. Darcy. 'You are not to blame for
anything. We should not have left you alone for such a long time. It
will not happen again.'

'Absolutely! Darcy and I intend to make you our first object from now on.'

'Oh please do not dwell on me. I cannot abide you both hovering over
me. I know that I have withdrawn somewhat but I just need some time.
I promise that next season I will be ready to engage in more
activities.'

'Next season will be time for you to come out. You know Lady
Catherine has plans afoot,' replied Mr. Darcy.

'Please brother, do not remind me. I wish she would concentrate on
Anne and leave me alone.'

'Ah, but remember she is determined that Anne marry your brother
here. So having that settled you are the only lady left for her to
concern herself with.'

'I assure you that I will never marry my cousin Anne. Neither she nor
I have any interest in her mother's plans and nothing she says or
does will change that.'

'Well if that is settled, what would you like to do tomorrow,
Georgiana? I am at your disposal all day.'

'I have my Italian lesson in the morning.'

'Yes and what is this sudden preference for Italian?'

'I am hoping my brother will take me to Italy next year.'

'Darcy? Off on a tour, man?'

'That has already been accomplished as you know. This would be to
show my sister the joys of the continent. However I will not promise
a trip until we hear what comes of the French.'

'True. We have another regiment leaving next month,' replied Colonel
Fitzwilliam.

'Is the loss great?'

'Great enough. To lose one's fellow soldiers is always a sadness.
Now, cousin, after Italian what shall we do?'

He smiled at Miss Darcy who responded similarly.

'I am so happy to see you smile so, cousin. It is over, you know. We
will not allow him near you ever again.'

'I know that. Perhaps we could go to the museum. I have heard there
is a new portrait exhibition.'

'Then the museum it is. Darcy, I hope you will join us.'

'I will indeed.'

Dinner was concluded with amusing tales by the Colonel of the awful
food served up in the officers' mess when a new cook was installed
and it was past ten when Georgiana made her excuses and retired. The
two gentlemen moved to the library for discussions that were best
kept between themselves. The Colonel began immediately.

'So you tell me you saw him while you were in Hertfordshire.'

'Yes, he appeared quite suddenly, after joining the regiment settled
there for the winter.'

'And what was his reaction to seeing you?'

'He withdrew from any social occasions that would have brought us
together. However his tongue is still as loose as ever. His tales of
woe have been spread far and wide.'

'And did you counter them?'

'No, I ignored anything to do with him or his tales. It was
impossible for me to counter him without disclosing details. I did
however mention his inability to be trusted to one person I met
there.'

'One person? Obviously a lady or you would not be so obtuse. What
brought you to warn her of him?'

'She seemed somewhat flattered by his admiration. But I am sure it
was short lived. The lady in question is definitely not easily led.'

'And is that why you returned to London so soon? To rid yourself of
his company?'

'Ah no. That was to assist my friend Bingley in a matter of the heart.'

'Darcy! You assisting in matters of the heart. Georgiana was right,
you have changed.'

'It was actually to assist him to heal his heart. The match was not suitable.'

'On what grounds?'

'A number. First there were consequence and connections or her lack
thereof and secondly, and perhaps more importantly when it comes to
my friend, there was the matter of her feelings, or lack thereof. I
was not convinced of her commitment.'

'That is a grand task to undertake man. Did you state such to Bingley?'

'Yes, and I am glad to say he listened and took my advice in good
faith. I care greatly for his well-being and it gives me immense
satisfaction to have resolved the matter so well.'

'I must be careful to whom I lose my heart when you are around, my
friend. You seem expert in such dealings.'

'Only careful, Richard. We cannot allow our friends to be hurt.'

'And we cannot allow ourselves to interfere beyond what is required
of good friendship.'

'It was in this regard that I spoke to him.'

'Then good for you. Now tell me, when have we to be for Kent?'

'Lady Catherine expects us by Easter.'

'Perfect. I will have time to spend with Georgiana as well as catch
up on a few acquaintances I have in London.'

'Ladies, no doubt.'

'Ladies, indeed, Darcy. What is London in spring without ladies!'

At Longbourne, Elizabeth had managed to survive the dark months of
the year and was settling her plans to visit Charlotte. She had the
fortune of travelling with Sir William and Mariah, Charlotte's
younger sister, but as the trip was so long, they would spend a night
in London, which would enable Elizabeth to see Jane and assess her
well-being.

Leaving Longbourne did not give her much pain except for the loss of
her father's company. He would miss her and thus she would feel his
loss on her travels. The thought of spending time with Mr. Collins
was an added bore but hopefully she could manage long walks alone and
long talks with her friend. Thus she bade her adieus including those
to Mr. Wickham who found delight in relating to her every detail of
Lady Catherine de Bourgh and the remainder of the Darcy family. He
filled her with his version of Miss Darcy's temperament which was
almost as severe as her brother's, a delightful tidbit that Mr. Darcy
was actually engaged to Miss de Bourgh and a quite hilarious account
of Lady Catherine's pedantry.

He was such pleasing company that Elizabeth could not help but smile
at his description, knowing full well it was exactly as she would
have seen it. In all her time with him, he had shown himself to be
the epitome of charm and good manners and those, together with his
handsomeness, blinded her to any lack of discretion he might portray.
She left feeling sure that she could meet no man more delightful.

Thus she set off with Sir William and Mariah and within half an hour
was bored with their conversation, as unfortunately she had known Sir
William too long to find any pleasure from his silly remarks. Luckily
the first part of the trip was short and due to an early start,
Elizabeth was with Jane by noon. She immediately saw that Jane was
not so distressed as she imagined and seemed to have resumed some
health after her disappointment. The Gardiner children were at first
shy of their cousin but it only took a few minutes for them to begin
the antics of all children who have visitors to show off in front of.

Like all young ladies in their early twenties, Jane and Elizabeth
shopped, laughed, and talked their way through the afternoon and
spent at least an hour discussing what to wear to the theatre that
night. To enjoy such an outing was rare and in town it was
exceedingly special, if for no other reason that to see what the
other ladies were wearing and who might attend that they knew from
gossip. When it came to seating, Elizabeth made sure she was next to
her aunt so that she could make discreet enquiries about Jane. She
was upset to hear that although Jane seemed in good spirits it was a
continual struggle for her to appear so and she actually spent most
of her time in solitude. Of course this immediately put Elizabeth in
a mood of frustration with everything Bingley and especially Darcy.
She was determined to think that without Mr. Darcy's interference,
Mr. Bingley would have stayed. She still felt Mr. Bingley's weakness
in all of this but not everyone was strong at withstanding such an
onslaught.

Mrs. Gardiner then returned the quizzing with a request for details
on Mr. Wickham and his new interest, a Miss King who had inherited
some fortune. Elizabeth seemed quite content with the thought that he
might choose fortune over love. In fact she found no blame in him at
all for such a mercenary decision. It was a strange fact indeed that
she should blame Mr. Darcy for influencing his friend to do exactly
the same. Whether Elizabeth unconsciously felt that the rich had less
obligation in their choices is something we will never know. All that
can be said is that Mr. Wickham could do as he wished while Mr.
Bingley should do as she wished.

Mrs. Gardiner, who had the distance to be impartial, noted that Mr.
Wickham showed no preference for Miss King until the time of her
inheritance. They then began a small dispute regarding such behaviour
and although Elizabeth then conceded that he could be considered
mercenary, she also wished it known that she thought Miss King
foolish. Mrs. Gardiner would not let her off that easily and stated
her opinion that she at least wanted to think well of Mr. Wickham
especially as he came from Derbyshire. That of course gave Elizabeth
the chance to express her dislike of any gentlemen from Derbyshire
and indeed some of their close friends. In fact she expressed her
happiness at the opportunity to spend some time in the company of a
man impossible to like and too stupid to think about. Her aunt
laughed at her irritation with life but managed to lift her spirits
with an invitation to a rather long tour of The Lakes during summer.
Elizabeth's excitement was extreme. She needed the distraction of
travel to rid herself of her mood. She was sick of all men and had no
desire to like any of them.

Elizabeth had really never been anywhere without her family. Her
longest trips had been to town with her aunt and usually Jane but
this trip to see Charlotte was hers alone. She felt renewed freedom
to think and act as she pleased and with her summer planned as well,
she left London ready to enjoy herself. Seeing Charlotte so happy to
see her was the final reward. She even endured the minute description
of the parsonage by Mr. Collins and noted with relief that Charlotte
seemed deaf to any comments that might embarrass her. He followed his
narrative on the interior of the house with a tour and extensive
oration on his garden, its various species including detail into
cultivation of each, and ending the whole thing with a pause to enjoy
the view of Rosings Park, the home of Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

After satisfactory praise at the view, the ladies escaped back to the
house leaving Sir William to endure the further tour by his son in
law. There Charlotte showed her friend the house as she saw it and
Elizabeth found it smaller than she expected but well set up and very
much cared for. At dinner, Mr. Collins managed to keep the subject
completely on his benefactor and impress upon his guests the honour
they were to receive from her. By retirement, Elizabeth had decided
on her occupations for the visit and was happy to know that she could
find extensive walking paths to explore and quite extensive time
alone with her friend while her husband was involved in parish
business and his garden.

The next day, just after noon, Elizabeth was preparing to begin her
first walk when she was summoned by Mariah to come downstairs
immediately. She rushed down thinking something was wrong only to
find that a carriage was stationary at the gate with Mr. Collins and
Charlotte greeting the occupants. Looking out Elizabeth saw two
ladies and Mariah informed her they were Miss de Bourgh and her
companion. Mariah was surprised that Miss de Bourgh was so fragile
looking but Elizabeth only saw and thought of one person when she saw
her, Mr. Darcy. The thought of such a sickly lady being the betrothed
of the man she was determined to hate brought such delight that she
expressed her thoughts openly. Both Mariah and Sir William looked at
her with a little puzzlement, as they had no idea of what she spoke.
However, she took great delight in gloating on this topic for the
rest of the day and was not distracted from it by the news that they
were all invited to dinner at Rosings the following evening.

After enduring the fuss of Mr. Collins regarding the time, their mode
of dress, their deportment and the way to address her, the visitors
were confronted with Lady Catherine. Elizabeth found her exactly as
described by Mr. Wickham and managed to find a resemblance to Mr.
Darcy, despite her desire not to think of him. Her daughter was even
less appealing than on first sight and appeared quite unwell. She
spoke little, enjoyed nothing and spent the evening being fussed over
by her companion and ignored by her mother. After the obligatory
admiration of the view, they were served a grand meal of which
Elizabeth could find no fault. After retiring to the drawing room,
however, Elizabeth found herself the subject of conversation as Lady
Catherine interrogated her on all her family's details. Elizabeth,
being Elizabeth, had no qualms in direct answers and additional
offerings of information that suited her. She did however balk at
stating her age until her hostess made it a point of requiring an
answer. The dinner was repeated a number of times and the evenings
generally ended in cards which were always terminated abruptly by
Lady Catherine and a little earlier if she was losing.

Sir William left after a week and the pattern of her stay changed
little and Elizabeth found it very pleasing. Although she had to
endure the command of Lady Catherine in all aspects of life including
the weather, she found the twice-weekly dinners to be just sufficient
change in routine to be diverting. Apart from that, she was free to
enjoy the company of her friend and discover her favourite walk
around Rosings Park. It was along a quiet grove that seemed to be of
no interest to anyone else and was beyond range of Lady Catherine's
observation. She found she needed the time to herself for another
reason. She had been informed by Lady Catherine at the second dinner,
that her nephew would be visiting over Easter. When Elizabeth
expressed her knowledge of Mr. Darcy, in fact her frequency in
company with him, the lady was most put out. He was a great favourite
of his aunt and Elizabeth found herself a little uneasy at the
thought of encountering him again especially as it was their first
association since the residents of Netherfield had left. She was
determined to discover how much he had influenced his friend in that
regard and as a result she chose to be not entirely upset at his
impending arrival. In fact, she resolved to also find amusement
watching his interaction with the very dull Miss de Bourgh. Yes it
would be quite diverting.

Thus she spent the first two weeks of her stay, content with
occupations, happy spending time with her friend and unexpectedly
interested with the impending visit of Mr. Darcy.

As for the gentleman himself, he was left with no time to himself
with his cousin in town. There were lunches at the club, shopping
with Georgiana, dinners with friends and various evenings where
ladies were present. However, despite the varied company that the
Colonel seemed to find, Mr. Darcy's mood did not alter. He had only
left Elizabeth barely three months and he had discovered during that
time that the danger he had envisaged by staying in Hertfordshire was
far greater than he could have imagined as it had only lessened to
the extent that he could now spend at least one hour without thoughts
of her. Indeed, the distraction of Kent would be welcome.

 
Behind the Scenes - 22

The day that Mr. Darcy was due to arrive began to loom large in
Elizabeth's life and it was not only due to own her feelings of
discomfort and dislike. She had the additional response of Lady
Catherine who made him the topic of every single conversation as well
as Mr. Collins' recital of his benefactor's comments as well as his
own. The actual day of Mr. Darcy's arrival, Mr. Collins spent the
morning on watch for the carriage. He made sure that the ladies knew
immediately of its arrival by scurrying back to the parsonage with
details of everything from the luggage to the footmen. Of course he
gave the visitor no time to settle in or choose the time for greeting
by being an early morning arrival the next day. Nothing Charlotte
could say would deter him from this.

Mr. Collins was shown into the breakfast room where Lady Catherine
was enjoying the company of not only Mr. Darcy but his cousin as
well. Mr. Collins was introduced to Colonel Fitzwilliam who
immediately found the rector as supercilious as his cousin had
described him. After the formal introductions and extensive bowing on
Mr. Collins' part, he began to fill them in on his change of
circumstances.

'Mr. Darcy, sir, I am in no doubt that Lady Catherine has informed
you of my marriage since you left Hertfordshire.'

'She has indeed, sir,' said Mr. Darcy returning to his coffee.

'Mrs. Collins is anxious to meet you again, sir. We would be
honoured, greatly honoured indeed, if you would condescend to pay us
a visit at Hunsford Cottage.'

'I am sure we will find the time during our stay, sir.'

'We are at the moment blessed with the addition of guests from
Hertfordshire who will no doubt add to your pleasure in calling on
us.'

'My aunt did mention that your wife's family was visiting.'

'And alsoŠ.' Before he could finish Lady Catherine interrupted him
with a wave of her hand.

'Miss Bennet.'

'Miss Bennet?' repeated Mr. Darcy. Turning to Mr. Collins he said, 'I
was not aware Miss Bennet was at Hunsford.'

'As a dear friend of my wife, I felt it desirous that she spend some
time with her.'

Mr. Darcy instantly went from a faint feeling of guilt where Jane was
concerned to one of deep emotion. The only dear friend that Mrs.
Collins had was Elizabeth.

'You mean Miss Elizabeth Bennet.'

'Yes,' replied Lady Catherine. 'Miss Elizabeth Bennet, quite
outspoken young woman. Nothing like her friend.'

Mr. Darcy's chest began to pound and he felt warm in his jacket
despite the remaining frost.

'I look forward to renewing our acquaintance, sir,' he replied in a
voice as steady as he could manage.

His cousin looked across at him, aware of his unease. A quick glance
at Lady Catherine ensured that she was quite unhappy about his cousin
being acquainted with Miss Bennet. Unable to resist knowing more, the
Colonel immediately came up with a plan.

'Darcy, why don't we return with Mr. Collins and visit the ladies
now? What better way to walk off this marvelous breakfast. Shall we
be off?'

Lady Catherine was not at all pleased and endeavoured to find a
reason why they should not walk out. However the Colonel was
determined, Mr. Collins was delighted and Mr. Darcy felt compelled.

Charlotte had been tidying in her husband's room when she saw the
gentlemen approach and ran to Elizabeth, praising her with the
compliment of such an early visit from Mr. Darcy. Elizabeth had
barely time to deny such favours when the door opened and he was in
front of her.

'Colonel Fitzwilliam and Mr. Darcy, may I present my wife, Mrs.
Collins. My dear, may I introduce Colonel Fitzwilliam, the younger
son of Lord Matlock, and cousin to Mr. Darcy,' said Mr. Collins to
his wife. 'Mr. Darcy, may I present my wife, Mrs. Collins.'

The Colonel bowed and offered his greeting to Mrs. Collins but had
his eyes on the two other ladies in the room.

'Colonel and Mr. Darcy, may I present Miss Lucas, younger sister of
my dear wife, and Miss Elizabeth Bennet. Mariah, Miss Bennet, may I
introduce Colonel Fitzwilliam, the younger son of Lord Matlock, and
cousin to Mr. Darcy,' repeated Mr. Collins. 'But of course you
already know the ladies, Mr. Darcy. You must accept my apologies for
introducing them again but no doubt you will overlook my ineptitude
in favour of my manners and accept my apology.'

Colonel Fitzwilliam looked in amazement as Mr. Collins rambled on. A
quick glance at his cousin showed that it had gone unnoticed. He
seemed lost in thought.

The Colonel immediately turned to Elizabeth and offered a very
gentlemanly-like bow, followed by a less formal one to Miss Lucas.
Mr. Darcy turned to her without any noticeable change of expression
but as he took a deep breath of courage, her scent filled his lungs
and drifted through his body and mind and in that instant he knew
that he was no further from forgetting her than he was three months
ago. A far too familiar chill ran through him. In fact the wave of
emotion was greater than he had ever felt before and he frowned at
the intensity of feeling she brought to him. She saw his stern
expression as he bowed without a word to her and she returned his
bow, similarly silent. He immediately moved away, unable to look her
in the eyes.

'Miss Bennet, what pleasure it is to meet you. It seems that our
visit is timely as you and Darcy are already acquainted, I hear,'
said the Colonel.

'We are indeed, Colonel.'

They both looked across at Mr. Darcy who felt the need to speak but
chose Mrs. Collins as the safer option.

'This is a very fine house, Mrs. Collins. You have indeed improved
it. And Mr. Collins I see you have been working hard on the garden.
Very fine indeed,' said Mr. Darcy.

Before Mr. Collins could formulate a long enough reply, Mr. Darcy sat
and looked down, obviously not willing to engage in any further talk.
The Colonel and Elizabeth looked back at each other and continued.

'Do you reside in this district, Colonel?'

'Oh no, our family is from Derbyshire, about 40 miles from Pemberley,
Darcy's estate.'

'And do you come here often, Colonel?' asked Elizabeth.

'At least once a year with Darcy. Lady Catherine enjoys having her
nephews at her beck and call. And we do enjoy Kent. The riding and
hunt is superb. Have you had time to explore much of Rosings Park?'

'A little. I would not like to intrude on Lady Catherine's
hospitality too much.'

'Be not afraid, Miss Bennet, she is rarely out of doors,' said the
Colonel smiling.

Elizabeth found him extremely pleasing and easy to talk to and was
particularly animated in her replies. During this Mr. Darcy sat and
listened, trying desperately to ward off the feeling of danger that
enveloped him. His time in Elizabeth's company in Hertfordshire had
caused him increasing discomfort but this second encounter brought a
fear within him that he felt almost impossible to control even at
this first meeting. He had to speak to her or the others would think
it strange. Yet to engage her in conversation meant he had to look in
her eyes and yet retain his composure. He had never known such
turmoil in his life. He suddenly stood and walked towards her taking
Elizabeth as much by surprise as himself.

'Miss Bennet, may I enquire after your family? Are they all well?'

'Indeed they are sir, thank you.'

She waited for a reply but none was forthcoming and seeing his
reserve building again she felt it was time to begin her campaign.
She began by stating that Jane had been in town for three months and
enquiring if he had seen her, knowing full well that he had not.

His chest pounded and his temperature rose a little more as he heard
her words. It had begun. Her first words to him were a challenge. His
reserve slipped a little as he formulated a reply. He had no wish to
lie to her but to explain the details of his knowledge of Jane's
whereabouts was not for this time or place, if at all. He decided a
simple reply was best.

'I am sorry to say that I have not had that pleasure of meeting your
sister in London.'

He was relieved. He had not lied.

She smiled that smile she gave when she had caused him some
discomfort but he could feel nothing but an overwhelming feeling of
emotion for her. He bowed and moved once again to the chair in the
corner.

'It seems my cousin is telling me it's time to leave. Good day Miss
Bennet. I look forward to meeting you often during our stay. Good
morning, Mr. Collins, Mrs. Collins, Miss Lucas.'

Mr. Darcy stood as Mr. Collins was about to begin the farewells. He
bowed to Mrs. Collins and Miss Lucas, acknowledged Mr. Collins and
turned to Elizabeth and looked intently at her. Was it possible that
she had grown more beautiful in three months? She had certainly
changed slightly. He realised that some seconds had passed and he
took his bow and moved to the door without a word. Elizabeth bowed to
the gentlemen and they left quietly with Mr. Collins following them
up the path with extended farewells.

As soon as the gentlemen had left the confines of the parsonage
grounds and thus rid themselves of its owner, the Colonel began.

'Darcy, what delight to have such a charming lady in our company.'

'Miss Lucas is indeed a sweet girl.'

'Indeed, Darcy,' laughed the Colonel. 'And now let us move to the
subject in question, Miss Bennet. What can you tell me of her?'

'Tell you? I met her in Hertfordshire.'

'And that is all you have to say. She is quite lovely. I am sure you
noticed that.'

'Does the idea of a lady of beauty residing in a neighbourhood such
as Hertfordshire, surprise you, Fitzwilliam?' said Mr. Darcy, hoping
to make the subject less specific.

'The thing I like best about you Darcy, is that you never change. You
refuse to show emotion for anything other than your family and your
horses. One day your passion for other things may become apparent to
more than your close acquaintances.'

'I should hope not. What are your feelings on a ride this morning?'

'Excellent. A perfect beginning to our visit. Along with Miss Bennet,
that is.' The Colonel cast a sideways glance at Mr. Darcy who managed
to keep his stern expression right through the intense feelings that
were pulsing through him.

At Hunsford, the ladies were all gossiping about the gentlemen. Mr.
Darcy they all knew but the Colonel was as charming a man as they
could ever meet. Miss Lucas was quite smitten and was relieved that
there was someone other than the stern Mr. Darcy to be in company
with. Charlotte was observing Elizabeth, whom she found was quite
reflective and less talkative than usual.

'Elizabeth, the visit of the gentlemen has lowered your mood.'

'Not really, Charlotte. I was just thinking over Mr. Darcy's comment
about Jane.'

'Why so?'

'Oh, justŠit's nothing really.'

'Did you expect him to have seen Jane?'

'No, I did not. IŠThe Colonel is indeed charming and so interesting.'

'He seemed very pleased to talk with you, Elizabeth. But Mr. Darcy
continued to watch you as usual.'

'I am sure that was only accidental as he reflected on his aunt's
estate, Charlotte.'

'Oh Lizzy, you are silly sometimes,' laughed Charlotte.

The ladies ended the topic there and proceeded to their work that
occupied them until lunch.

The following morning, the gentlemen were at church with their aunt
and their cousin Anne and Elizabeth noted that Mr. Darcy showed no
preference for Miss de Bourgh, neither offering to take her arm in or
out of church. The sermon was long-winded and impossible to
concentrate on as Mr. Collins felt it his due to expand his lecture
because of such esteemed parishioners in the congregation. This left
Mr. Darcy too much time without occupation and he felt his mind
wandering to Elizabeth. She was wearing a new bonnet, or perhaps an
old one he had not seen before. It was light tan but had a lovely
blue silk ribbon tie that enhanced the colour of her hair and eyes.
He could hear her voice when the hymns began and he was swept back to
those few times when she had sung before and the overpowering
sensation it had given him.

For Elizabeth, it was also a time of reflection. She stood farther
behind the family and was able to observe Mr. Darcy without problem.
The Colonel was next to him and although he was tall, Mr. Darcy was
just a little taller. The Colonel was not handsome but in company
other than Mr. Darcy could have been considered fair. Unfortunately
Mr. Darcy's countenance and figure caused Elizabeth to compare the
two and that annoyed her. She did not want to find Mr. Darcy more
handsome than his cousin. A man so reserved should not have the
advantage of beauty. When the hymns began she heard Mr. Darcy's voice
amongst the singers and it surprised her to find it melodic and deep
with a resonance that brought depth to the collective voices. She had
never noticed his voice during hymns at Meryton. He had no doubt
inherited his sister's feel for music, she mused. Of course he had
danced well with a good feel for the rhythm. She was thus mind
wandering when the music ended and it was time to leave. As the
family moved down the aisle, Mr. Darcy glanced at her with a look far
from stern. She was about to smile when she thought better of it and
instead quickly looked away leaving him to wonder what he had done
this time and then supposing it was just embarrassment. By the time
Elizabeth had left the church, the family had departed for Rosings
and she walked home with Charlotte and Mariah.

The ritual dinner invitations ceased once the gentlemen arrived at
Rosings. Elizabeth noted to herself that they were obviously not
wanted with such esteemed company in residence but Mr. Collins chose
to take the view that Lady Catherine found it hard to entertain so
many at one time. During the week following, the Colonel dropped by
the parsonage three times and he seemed to enjoy a mid-morning visit
when the ladies were almost always present. He drank tea, chatted
about their work and the weather and always managed to find an
amusing tale to relate. They could not have found a more charming
visitor.

During these visits, Mr. Darcy found himself in a deep and sour mood.
The Colonel had begun by asking him to accompany him but on two
consecutive refusals, he began to accept that Mr. Darcy was content
with his own company. However, Mr. Darcy was not at all happy in his
own company and he spent the time imagining the Colonel's visits and
what was being said. He pictured Elizabeth smiling and laughing at
his cousin and it gave him great distress to think of her enjoying
herself so much without him. His desire to be in her presence was
becoming more and more difficult to resist yet he knew that even the
nearness of her was destroying his resolve. To be within sight or
sound of her would ruin any chance he had at self-control. Each time
the Colonel returned he gathered snippets of information about
Elizabeth to add to his store of delights. He survived that first
week but the following Sunday was Easter and upon discussion the
night before it was resolved to ask the residents of Hunsford to
visit Rosings after dinner that evening. That gave Mr. Darcy all day
to prepare to face Elizabeth.

He began with a late afternoon bath following his ride. He had
glimpsed Elizabeth in the park at one point and he had felt extremely
proud of his ability to ride in the opposite direction. He dressed
with more care than usual, urging his man to take extra time with his
wardrobe. Of course it was Easter and thus meticulous dressing was
required. By six, he was downstairs and enjoying a drink with his
cousin who seemed quite uplifted at the thought of the visitors.

Elizabeth too, took time to choose her gown. She wished so much for a
wider choice but in the end had to resort to one that she had worn at
Netherfield. She wished it was not so as she was sure that Mr. Darcy
remembered such detail as he had stated his meticulous nature.
However it did flatter her and she did have new slippers to wear. She
had her hair done in a softer style than usual with a few more curls
down her neck and she had a lovely pin that she had been given by her
aunt which she used to keep the rest in place.

When they entered the drawing room, the gentlemen had already joined
the ladies where they hoped to have time with the new arrivals.
However, Lady Catherine seemed to treat her guests as slight
intruders and was resolved to occupy her nephews as much as possible.
Mr. Darcy in particular was her favourite and Elizabeth noted that he
seemed polite but not interested in her conversation. As for his
cousin Anne, Elizabeth did begin to wonder what this supposed
engagement was all about. There was absolutely no preference from
either party, no particular attention or even any exchange at all.
Miss de Bourgh simply existed in the room with no other purpose than
to be fussed over by her companion.

Colonel Fitzwilliam took no time at all to find Elizabeth a seat and
ensure that he was her closest companion. She was delighted as there
was no one else in the room she was willing to talk with. Mr. Darcy
sat alone in a single chair spending much of the time looking at his
shoes and listening intently to every word exchanged between his
cousin and Elizabeth. He found their conversation so enthralling that
he failed to acknowledge a comment from his aunt who also turned to
the other two. She enquired what they were talking about and when she
found it was music she decided to offer her opinion and interfere to
avoid Elizabeth having so much attention from her nephew.

Lady Catherine rambled on about her sublime taste in all things
musical and then asked Mr. Darcy how his sister's studies were going.

'Georgiana's proficiency improves every day, Lady Catherine. She is
studious and often attends extra lessons when she feels the need. She
is a faultless student and a loving sister,' replied Mr. Darcy.

Of course Lady Catherine was happy to hear that but as she was always
determined to own any topic, she enquired if Miss Darcy practised
enough. Mr. Darcy quickly informed her that she spent a great deal of
time every day in practice. That gave Lady Catherine the chance to
criticise Elizabeth as she had no doubt that she could never practise
as long or as well as a member of her own family and she suggested
that Elizabeth use the pianoforte in the back of the house to improve
her playing.

Mr. Darcy was mortified. He had always noticed his aunt's cutting
remarks but never had they affected him as much as now. He looked
down at his shoes again to hide his embarrassment and there he
continued until coffee was served and he was forced to stand. He
moved near to Elizabeth and was about to offer to bring her a cup
when his cousin stood and offered the same. Mr. Darcy had no choice
but to return to his seat and listen to his cousin request Elizabeth
to play for them.

He watched as the Colonel accompanied her to the pianoforte and
helped her get seated. He then took a chair quite by her leaving Mr.
Darcy angry with his cousin for engaging her, and himself for not
speaking to her during the evening. She began to play and once again
her style and her movements enveloped him as her music filled his
soul, and ignoring his aunt's continual chatter at him, he stood and
walked directly to the instrument and stood with a clear view of
Elizabeth. During his short walk he had not taken his eyes off her
and when he paused, he could not remember even moving. She had
absorbed him that much.

Elizabeth, despite her constant determination to ignore him, was
forever aware of his movements and to ensure he was not comfortable
she challenged him about his stance stating that his observation of
her was not frightening. He smiled to himself. The challenge was
always there, tempting him to retort. But this time he left the
challenge alone and simply told her that he knew full well that she
was not frightened of him but only took delight in saying things that
were the opposite of what was expected.

Even Elizabeth could not find fault with that. He had caught her out
and she laughed at herself and him. However he could never be left
with a win but before she went on she warned him of retaliation. He
knew he was enjoying himself too much but was unable to move away. He
stood firm in his resolve and told her he was ready to take whatever
she had in store for him.

The Colonel was not blind to the apparent enjoyment both were getting
from their exchange and decided that as he had rarely seen his cousin
in such a mood, he wished it to continue. Mr. Darcy was too absorbed
with Elizabeth to even notice the observation of his cousin and
instead listened as she castigated him for his lack of dancing at the
Meryton Assembly. He, of course, had to make excuses and suggested
that he knew no other to ask. As he finished he could see her
formulating a reply which she promptly did by teasing him about not
choosing to be introduced. Elizabeth would have been happy to leave
it there as she was not comfortable engaging Mr. Darcy in any more
repartee and she asked the Colonel what she should play next.

However, Mr. Darcy was not ready to have this delightful moment end
and admitted his fault in not requesting introductions by stating his
reticence with strangers. Once again, he had put her on the back
foot. When one is determined to find fault it becomes quite difficult
if that person admits to fault in the first place. She had to
continue and felt she needed reinforcements. Thus she requested the
Colonel's opinion of why a man of Mr. Darcy's background and standing
should find it difficult to associate with people outside his sphere.

The Colonel was so enjoying all this that he decided to side with
Elizabeth and suggest that his cousin simply did not care enough to
bother. Mr. Darcy was a little offended. He was not a man who enjoyed
his own folly and to have his close relative and friend point out
such faults was hurtful. He responded by stating that as much as he
tried, he had never felt easy in such company and in new places.
Elizabeth still sure that his public reticence and reserve was part
of his pride, chose to point out that he should not make excuses and
used her musical ability as an example stating that her proficiency
was determined by her lack of practice and not her lack of skill.

He smiled warmly at her, filled with her intelligence, her wit and
her charm. The comparison she used had warmed him because she had
related something of herself to something within him. And with such
thoughts, he agreed with her completely, telling her that he could
find no fault in anything of her. In fact, he thought them both very
similar in their public performances.

Elizabeth was uneasy. She had spent some minutes finding fault with
him yet he had complimented her by stating that she really had no
faults in his eyes. This was not as she had planned it and once again
she felt the impulsiveness of her wit. His final comment was
unnerving indeed. She had no desire to be similar to him in any way
and even less desire to be understood so well by a man so impossible
to like.

At that moment, Lady Catherine began to speak to them again and it
was with some relief to Elizabeth. She resided in a society where her
only intellectual challenge was her father and even he had been
outgrown by his daughter. She relished her position and yet here was
a man who continually challenged everything she said and in a manner
that made it difficult to counter. For Mr. Darcy, it was also welcome
relief to hear his aunt addressing the whole party. He felt the keen
observation of his cousin and the depths to which he and Elizabeth
had examined with each other. He could not continue and stay safe.
She began to play again and both gentlemen encouraged her playing
until it was time to leave.

After the farewells, Mr. Darcy retired to his room, once again
feeling lost in a sea of sensation that left little room for rational
thought. Never had he desired a woman as much as he desired Elizabeth
that night. She had changed over the months from a girl willing to
have fun with wit and words into a woman worthy of the highest
praise. He always knew that she was beautiful but to see and feel the
woman within was overwhelming and he began to feel the futility of
his resolve. There was a more mature tone to her words, a rationale
that went beyond intended folly. She had grown and become even more
alluring. He spent some time considering what could have brought on
this change but he found his mind was not capable of such cogent
deliberation. It was simply and utterly consumed by just her and such
thoughts naturally drove his body into a state of overwhelming
frustration. Any such lapses in control of either his mind or body
had always been brief but finding Elizabeth had changed that and he
found his night was once again entirely taken up by simply wanting
her.


Behind the Scenes - 23

It is not difficult to imagine the kind of night that Mr. Darcy
endured. He knew that he could no longer spend his time running from
his feelings. He had lived long enough in the world to know that a
desire such as he felt for Elizabeth was rare indeed and it brought
with it a reflection on the unions of love he had known throughout
his twenty eight years as well as a contemplation of a similar fate
for himself. Surprising to most outsiders, he had rarely missed the
state of marriage. In his youth, he had sought the company of young
ladies as any young man does but he had never actually thought of
marrying one of them. He was always influenced by the duty of rank
and it had been the only truly important thing in his life. He had
never felt the freedom to pursue the vagaries of youthful abandon. He
had never permitted himself to even appear youthful. Elizabeth Bennet
had changed that and now he was forever tied by the bond of loving
another more than oneself.

From the moment that this realisation came to him, he was faced with
a series of decisions. The first was whether or not to pursue the
desire he felt for her. If he chose to ignore it then he was led down
the path of disappointment and loneliness, as he knew that he would
forever be forced to compare all women to Elizabeth. Even saying
farewell to her last night gave him a taste of the emptiness he felt
in her absence. This of course led to the much more dangerous path of
loving her. To do so was to give of himself as he had never given
before but it was not this that frightened him. It was the
consequences of such a love that caused him anguish. To love her was
to abandon all he had been taught of obligation, responsibility and
rank and although he had no doubt that his love was worth their loss,
the alteration to his life-long beliefs was frightening.

Fitzwilliam Darcy was a sensible man though, not prone to instant
decisions like his friend, and as such he knew that such dilemmas are
not solved overnight. Thus he chose the path of least resistance. He
chose to fulfill his desire to be in her company as much as possible
and hope that such a path would lead him to the right decision. And
so, with determination, he set off immediately after breakfast to
visit Hunsford.

Elizabeth had also spent a rather disturbing night. She had never
seen Mr. Darcy in such a mood. He showed an understanding of her that
was at the very least unsettling and at the most awkward. A lady does
not like to be so easily read. Her determination of his interference
in Jane's welfare had not disappeared though as she was sure from his
reply on the first day of his visit that he knew more than he
disclosed. Thus she chose to think that his new mood was purely a
device meant to disarm her and distract her from more serious matters.

The following morning as she wrote to Jane, she was still
contemplating the evening when there was a ring at the door. She was
alone, as her friend and her sister were shopping in the village. The
servant opened the door and in walked Mr. Darcy. She looked past him
expecting his cousin as well but he was alone. To say who was the
most surprised at finding themselves alone with the other is hard to
determine but the visit definitely began with a degree of discomfort
and embarrassment. He apologised for intruding and she was awkward at
being unaccompanied.

What brought extra surprise to Elizabeth though was that he stayed
and she felt an obligation to speak.

'I hope all your family at Rosings are well this morning, Mr. Darcy.'

'They are indeed, thank you.'

He offered nothing more and knowing how long he could go without
speaking, she knew that she must take over and no topic was closer to
her heart than her sister. As such she formulated a comment that made
him aware that she thought their departure from Netherfield was hasty
while enquiring after the health of his friends. Once again he
replied with a few words and was silent. She would not allow him the
pleasure of silence so immediately enquired about Mr. Bingley's
return to Netherfield. That brought an extended remark from Mr. Darcy
who made it clear that as far as he knew such an occurrence was
unlikely. Elizabeth had then had enough of the topic and Mr. Darcy
and resolved to remain silent.

Having no option but to leave or begin to speak, he chose the latter
and began with compliments on the parsonage and the detail taken by
his aunt in preparing it. Elizabeth agreed, with the addition that
Mr. Collins was the one person who would show due gratitude. Mr.
Darcy saw his opportunity and praised Charlotte as a wife, feeling
pleased that he had managed to bring up the subject of marriage
without becoming personal. He waited to see her response hoping to
uncover some of Elizabeth's opinions on marriage and she quickly
responded with a further compliment of her friend although admitting
it was a good match for both.

Mr. Darcy saw an opportunity to further bring her out by bringing up
the distance from Kent to Hertfordshire. Elizabeth felt the distance
too great and he had no choice but to suggest that it could be
travelled quite quickly. She then realised that he felt distance from
home an advantage to a lady's choice of marriage partner and
disagreed. He knew he had to be careful with the words he chose next
and so withdrew slightly by stating his understanding of a desire to
be close to one's family. Elizabeth found the conversation quite odd
up until now but seeing the half smile that he gave as he spoke of
Longbourn, she assumed that he thought she had been referring to Jane
and Netherfield rather than her own feelings. Feeling caught out, she
blushed and as he saw the colour rise through her face to light her
eyes, his heart leapt.

She rushed to answer; attempting to make him understand that she only
meant that distance is relative to fortune. Nothing she said could
have pleased him more and he leaned towards her with words of
understanding and a rather strange comment that she had obviously
never felt such strong attachment to her home and family. Elizabeth
frowned slightly, unsure of his meaning, and in that moment he knew
he must retreat and in an effort to remove the depth of mood, he
picked up a newspaper on the table and began to browse through it
while changing the subject to her opinion of Kent. They had barely
time to share more than an extra sentence or two before Charlotte and
her sister returned from the village. To say that they were surprised
to find Mr. Darcy visiting with Elizabeth is certainly true but
Charlotte saw more than politeness as she watched them together. As
the perfect gentleman he apologised for his mistake and intrusion and
left within a few minutes.

As soon as the door was shut, Charlotte looked closely at Elizabeth
and told her she had no doubt about the reason for his visit. He must
be enamoured with Elizabeth. However Elizabeth remembered only his
reluctance to speak and after telling her friend of that, perhaps
with some over-emphasis, they both agreed that the visit was out of
boredom. At least Elizabeth came to that conclusion while Charlotte
wavered between her first opinion and the less valued one.

The next day Elizabeth was out walking in her favourite grove when
she heard footsteps on the gravel behind her. She slowed a little
having never encountered another person in that area and within some
seconds Mr. Darcy reached her. She looked up in surprise and
annoyance.

'Mr. Darcy!'

'Miss Bennet.' He bowed and she responded. 'I hope I am not intruding
on your walk.'

'Ah, not at all, although I was about to turn for home.'

'At such an early hour? I am sure you will find the northern end of
the grove to your liking.'

Elizabeth was unsure what to do. She did want to continue but not
with Mr. Darcy.

'I think I shall return as I have been out for some time. Excuse me.'

She turned and found that he had also turned, fully intending to walk with her.

'I would be happy to accompany you back to the parsonage, Miss Bennet.'

She was annoyed and had no way to rid herself of him so she resolved
to remain as quiet as possible. That did not deter him however and he
continued by her side and eventually she decided his penance was
better served by talking.

'I enjoy walking here alone. It is quite my favourite spot. I
expected that you and the Colonel would be occupied with Lady
Catherine during your stay. She is very devoted to both of you.'

'She enjoys the company of her family. She and Miss de Bourgh have
few visitors.'

'And why is that, sir?'

'Lady Catherine enjoys a limited society. I think one reason is the
health of Miss de Bourgh. She is a fragile being.'

'Indeed it does seem so. Has she a particular illness or is it her
nature to be prone to general ill health?'

'General ill health I feel.'

He offered no further comment and on they walked for some minutes.

'You enjoy excellent health, it seems,' he stated suddenly.

'I think walking and exercise are what keep me from illness.'

'I think you are right. I enjoy the outdoors myself. Although
Derbyshire in winter offers limited outdoor activities. I do try to
keep busy though. I imagine the weather there would be a great
contrast to you after the mildness of Hertfordshire.'

'I suppose it might,' offered Elizabeth, bored with the weather and his estate.

Neither presented any new topic and while one was happy not to
bother, the other was occupied with the simple companionship that a
walk in the woods can provide. Upon reaching the parsonage, Elizabeth
bade a quick farewell and disappeared inside, not making any offer
for him to join her.

Upon her return, Charlotte immediately enquired on her walk.

'Lizzy, was that Mr. Darcy I saw at the gate?'

'Yes.'

'Did you not ask him in?'

'No Charlotte. I have had enough of Mr. Darcy.'

'Was he walking with you?'

'I encountered him only on my return,' said Elizabeth, leaving out
any further detail, as she had no desire to supply her friend with
any more evidence of attachment.

Charlotte and Elizabeth then proceeded to lunch and the afternoon and
evening were spent at work as both houses dined separately.

The following day was raining and Elizabeth was confined to indoors.
However, Colonel Fitzwilliam and Mr. Darcy arrived just after half
past two with a request from Lady Catherine that the Hunsford party
joins them for dinner. She would send her carriage. They were all
quite pleased as it brought longed-for escape from each other's
company. Although Elizabeth and Charlotte did enjoy each other, the
half-hourly interruptions by Mr. Collins had proved impossible. Miss
Lucas, meanwhile, was content to record in her journal and listen to
the older ladies gossip.

The carriage arrived at six and promptly dropped its guests at
precisely a quarter past six giving them time to adjust their
clothing and hair before Lady Catherine's prompt dinner bell at half
past six. Elizabeth had not dined at Rosings since the arrival of the
gentlemen and was quite looking forward to watching them deal with
their aunt over a meal. They both seemed amply able to escape at
other times but a dinner table brought its own confinements.

The whole party gathered in the drawing room just in time for the
bell and Lady Catherine insisted on the Colonel escorting her to the
table. She instructed Mr. Darcy to escort Miss de Bourgh leaving Mr.
and Mrs. Collins to themselves and the single ladies to follow. The
seating was pre-arranged as Lady Catherine left nothing to chance.
She took her seat at the head of the table with a nephew on each
side. She placed Miss Bennet next Mr. Darcy as that might ensure she
had little to talk about. The Colonel was seated next to Mrs. Collins
followed by her husband. Miss de Bourgh took the other end of the
table and Miss Lucas was seated next to Elizabeth. Elizabeth noted
that Miss de Bourgh's companion was not allowed the privilege of
eating with the family.

As the servants entered with the soup, Mr. Darcy leaned a little away
from Elizabeth allowing her to be served. She immediately turned to
him.

'I am sure your sleeves are safe, Mr. Darcy.'

He smiled at her. 'I have no doubt of it, Miss Bennet. The sauce will
be served later.'

They exchanged a small smile of connection before she looked back to
her bowl. The Colonel happened to notice the continued look of Mr.
Darcy as his eyes lovingly perused Elizabeth and as Mr. Darcy turned
back to his soup he caught his cousin's eye in a look of knowing.

After all the guests were served, Lady Catherine picked up her spoon
giving signal to her party to begin also. It was a light broth that
took little time to consume and only Lady Catherine managed to sip
and talk at the same time. The next course was a simple roast, her
ladyship's favourite, accompanied by ragout of green vegetables and
onions. As the servant brought the vegetables, Mr. Darcy leaned
towards Elizabeth.

'Miss Bennet, I am sure Lady Catherine will excuse you. I know that
you have no taste for a ragout.'

'You have a remarkable memory, Mr. Darcy. However, as a guest I think
that is important to eat what is served. I would not wish to offend
Lady Catherine.'

'My dear nephew, please speak up. How can we hear you if you whisper
so?' interrupted Lady Catherine.

Not wishing to embarrass Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy began with a question
that was sure to keep his aunt occupied for some minutes.

'Madam, I am interested to know your opinion of the lambs this
spring. Do you think that the sheep are doing their duty?'

His turn of phrase amused Elizabeth and even more so when she caught
a glimpse of mischief between him and his cousin. She glanced across
at the Colonel and with a quick raise of her eyebrows, indicated that
she was enjoying the joke as well. The Colonel smiled back and Mr.
Darcy felt the pangs of jealousy seeing his cousin enjoy the charms
of Elizabeth. The mood silenced him during most of the main course as
they listened to Lady Catherine's opinion of sheep husbandry.

The dessert was a steamed pudding with a fine custard served
separately. Of course as Elizabeth picked up the custard bowl, she
could not help but glance at Mr. Darcy with a look of torment, almost
suggesting that she might drop it. He understood immediately and
frowned in mock dismay. Unfortunately Elizabeth found every severe
look from Mr. Darcy to be one of criticism and she turned back to the
custard with a sigh. He in turn went back to his dessert with a
feeling of union with her.

The Colonel had observed all of this and knowing his cousin much
better than Elizabeth and being much more willing to understand him,
he knew immediately that his cousin was infatuated with Miss Bennet.
There was no doubt about it. He had never behaved with a woman in
such a way. This evening was to be interesting indeed.

After dessert the ladies retired to the drawing room while the three
gentlemen were left at the table. Mr. Collins found himself
out-classed and out-thought within a matter of minutes and chose to
excuse himself leaving the Colonel to question his cousin in private.

'Lovely evening, Darcy.'

'Indeed, it is always a fine meal at Lady Catherine's.'

'And fine company. I cannot fault Miss Bennet.'

'Few can, I am sure.'

'You in particular it seems.' The Colonel leaned forward waiting for
Mr. Darcy's reply.

'What can you mean, Fitz?'

'Oh come now, Darcy. You have not taken your eyes off her all evening.'

Mr. Darcy turned away while replying, afraid that his cousin might
see his heightened colour. 'She is a beautiful woman. What man would
not look at her?'

'What is her background? What family is she from?' asked the Colonel.

'Her father is a gentleman but there is little or no fortune.'

'Tis a pity. Still a man is permitted to enjoy the company of a lady.'

'What do you mean?'

'Simply that I intend to enjoy the company of Miss Bennet during our
stay in Kent. Have you some objection, cousin?' baited the Colonel.

'I am sure Miss Bennet came to Kent to spend time with her friend and
to enjoy some time away from her family.'

'Are you warning me away, Darcy?'

'Warning you? Whatever do you mean?'

'That perhaps you feel there is some prior claim on Miss Bennet. She
is striking and I am sure that many a gentleman has his eye on her.
No doubt she has a long line of suitors.'

That old familiar chill ran through Mr. Darcy.

'I have not seen attention from any particular gentleman being
bestowed on her. I am sure you are exaggerating.'

'I am sure I am not. I have not met a lady in the last six months who
measures up to Miss Bennet. Trust me Darcy, she will be married
before the year is out.'

'Shall we join the ladies, Fitzwilliam?' said Mr. Darcy immediately.
He had no wish to continue this discussion and every wish to be in
Elizabeth's company again.

'As you wish. Shall we ask her to play? I do admire her figure at the
pianoforte.'

The Colonel walked out ahead of his cousin while Mr. Darcy seethed at
his final comment. He knew Elizabeth was worthy of such praise but to
hear it from another gentleman was worrying. He had begun to take an
emotional claim on Elizabeth and it was unbearable to think that
other gentlemen might consider her as a wife.

Upon their entrance to the drawing room, they both chose to take
seats as near Elizabeth as was possible. The Colonel was full of
admiration for her but he was also gentleman enough to see his
cousin's prior claim but also knowing his cousin as he did, he felt
that some interference on his part might improve the situation.

'Miss Bennet, would you play for us tonight?'

'I think Lady Catherine may prefer cards. She did mention her desire
for a game.'

'I am sure we would all be happy to hear you play before cards, Miss
Bennet,' said Mr. Darcy.

'Thank you, sir, but I think I will defer to your aunt.'

'I rarely hear you defer to anyone Miss Bennet. I thought my aunt had
found her match,' Mr. Darcy replied with a smile.

'You seem to be a great favourite, sir. Do you always do as she asks?'

'If it suits me. I am my own man, Miss Bennet.'

'Indeed, Mr. Darcy. However we all eventually meet our match.'

The corners of his mouth rose as she finished and his eyes softened
as they looked into hers.

'Indeed, madam. We do all eventually meet our match.'

Elizabeth was too puzzled by his smirk to bother speaking to him
anymore and chose to turn slightly toward the Colonel who had been
listening intently.

'And do you take care of your aunt's requests, Colonel?'

'I have not Darcy's determination. I prefer to lead a peaceful life.'

'Is that a yes, sir?'

'It is a sometimes. And you Miss Bennet, have you a relation who
demands such attentions?'

'My family is not so formidable as yours, Colonel.'

'Then you excel yourself in handling us all as you do, Miss Bennet.
One would think you were a seasoned campaigner. You seem to handle my
cousin with great panache.'

They both turned to Mr. Darcy to gauge his reaction and found him
looking grave.

'Darcy, is there a problem?' asked his cousin.

'Certainly not. Although your choice of words could be found somewhat
ambiguous. I have never felt handled by Miss Bennet.'

'Then I shall have to try harder, Mr. Darcy,' replied Elizabeth, her
eyes full of challenge.

'A threat, perhaps?' he replied with defiance.

'Definitely. I have never been known to withdraw.'

'I think you are repeating my words now, Miss Bennet. Are we back to fencing?'

'He is an excellent swordsman, Miss Bennet,' added the Colonel.

'He has informed me of such, Colonel Fitzwilliam. However there are
other ways to win a battle.'

'And to the victor comes the spoils, or in this case, perhaps the
loser really would be the winner.' The Colonel raised his brows to
his cousin who glared back.

'And now my cousin is proving he is better away from the battlefield.
A lost battle is lost forever,' replied Mr. Darcy.

'Oh but what rewards can be found on retreat,' answered the Colonel.

Mr. Darcy continued a determined glare at his cousin, willing him to
cease such talk. Meanwhile Elizabeth was enjoying herself very much.
There was nothing better than a battle of words and she found great
delight in seeing the Colonel take up her usual position against Mr.
Darcy.

'You seem to know more about retreat than you are revealing, sir,'
stated Elizabeth.

'I am not a man who enjoys competition the way my cousin here does.
Darcy is always competing, sometimes even with himself. However these
last two weeks seem to have him especially at odds. Have you noticed
a change in him since Hertfordshire, Miss Bennet?'

'I have not. Mr. Darcy is always a man with little time for small
talk and much time for thought. Whether or not his thoughts are in
conflict is not for me to decide.'

'But perhaps for us both to speculate upon, madam.'

Elizabeth could feel the unease with which Mr. Darcy was enduring
this tone and felt it imprudent and impolite to continue.

'I think a man such as Mr. Darcy has ample opportunity to do his own
speculating, Colonel Fitzwilliam.'

The Colonel smiled at them both and moved away, aware that his cousin
would prefer some time alone with Elizabeth.

'It seems I have driven off your cousin, Mr. Darcy. I hope you do not
feel it necessary to stay with me.'

'Necessary, Miss Bennet? I am not here because I find it necessary, I
assure you.'

'How long do you stay in Kent, Mr. Darcy,' said Elizabeth, quickly
changing the subject.

'I have not made definite plans as yet. Perhaps I might stay longer
than usual. You are here for some time I think.'

'We have been in Kent for over four weeks. Miss Lucas and I will be
leaving later next week. I will be pleased to see my family again.
And your sister, Mr. Darcy, is she in London still?'

'She is. She was to be travelling back to Pemberley with me next week
but my plans may prevent that.'

'Oh so you have further business in town. Or perhaps you are simply
in need of some fencing practice,' she said impudently.

'Without doubt, Miss Bennet,' he chuckled in reply. 'However I have
not finalised things here and until I do, I cannot make plans for the
future.'

He was so overcome with his own words that he had no choice but to
look slightly away from her to recover himself. On looking back, he
found her frowning at her hands that were placed neatly in her lap.

'Have you some worry Miss Bennet? Perhaps it is something I can
assist you with.'

'I very much doubt that, Mr. Darcy. This is something that has been
concerning me for some time. Please excuse me.'

She rose so quickly that he hardly had time to stand for her. He
bowed and she moved quietly to the other side of the room to take a
seat near her friend. Charlotte had noticed her quick movements and
enquired if she and Mr. Darcy had some disagreement. Elizabeth simply
shook her head. She had no wish to discuss Mr. Darcy with anyone. She
was fed up with his attempt at amiable after-dinner repartee that
always ended in her frustration. She was much happier when they
disagreed completely as it made it easier to dislike him. She decided
to make every effort to stay away from him for the rest of his time
in Kent and continue with her opinion of his arrogant interference as
that way she would have no need to rethink her attitude to him.

Elizabeth ended her evening thinking what good company she found in
Colonel Fitzwilliam. She hardly thought of Mr. Darcy unless it was to
contrast his behaviour with his cousin's. Unfortunately for the
gentleman, he was almost constantly seen in the company of affable,
friendly and talkative men when he was around Elizabeth and their
outgoing personalities dominated her person and her thinking. He slid
into the recess of her mind just as he did in person with others. She
had rarely bothered to understand him and with the added tales from
Mr. Wickham, she saw no need to begin. He was simply the man in the
background who seemed always in some kind of dark mood. Her
disposition was such that his attempts at charm were disregarded. She
did notice he was handsome but that was superficial to Elizabeth. And
despite her clever mind, she had failed to realise the thrill she
felt when they talked. She was yet to discover that charm wanes with
tide but intelligence and passion are life-long.

The evening finished as many others. The carriage was called; the
Hunsford party departed and the gentlemen retired after Lady
Catherine and Miss de Bourgh were safely in their rooms. Mr. Darcy
was now beyond any hope of sensible rest. In fact he was so exhausted
that he felt he might never rest again. His mind was awash with
Elizabeth in every form imaginable and vignettes of his future life
with her flashed before his eyes continually, with the nights
bringing extra detail. Oh it would be much simpler to marry for
fortune. That way he could do the business required of marriage and
leave his heart untouched. But it was too late for that. His heart
was not untouched. It was held in the gentle persuasion of a fine
mind inside a body blessed with an irresistible lightness and form
and framed by a face of unique splendour.


Behind the Scenes - 24

The following day brought a visit from both gentleman and as usual
the Colonel did all the talking and Mr. Darcy all the thinking. Not
that it concerned the ladies at all. They were quite content to be
amused and charmed while they worked. The Colonel sipped coffee, ate
cake, admired their work and filled the house with laughter and
proved the most excellent of guests. Mr. Darcy sipped coffee, ate
cake and admired Elizabeth. Any tales he thought to relate sounded
quite uninteresting next to those of an officer so he remained as he
always was, a young man so reserved that the only impression he left
was that of haughtiness and pride.

Thus began a pattern of visits over the next few days by both the
Colonel and Mr. Darcy that collectively could be considered simply to
fill in time although one could wonder at why such good friends
needed the addition of ladies to make up their leisure. Of course
they also called alone, which caused even greater interest. The
Colonel was as affable as any man could be and no doubt he enjoyed
the variety that Hunsford offered but a keen observer must note that
Mr. Darcy's solitary visits had more meaning as he was not a man who
ever seemed to feel the need to fill in time let alone spend it
visiting with ladies. He arrived at various times, always
unannounced, and proceeded to sit usually in silence for long periods
simply listening to the ladies. Elizabeth refused to engage him in
conversation and had reached such a point of exasperation with him
that she even refused to challenge him. She simply tried to ignore
his presence and in doing so, his only recourse was obligatory
responses and nothing more. He felt for her as much as for himself.
Such acute feelings must be even harder for a lady to contain.

During their joint visits, the Colonel seemed to take delight in
teasing his cousin about his silences that gave Charlotte to think
that his behaviour was being influenced by something overwhelming and
her first thought was Elizabeth. However Mr. Darcy had perfected the
art of reserve and indifference to such a degree that as fast as such
thoughts came to her mind, they just as quickly disappeared. Yet
something always brought her back to the same thought. He must care
for her friend. She only wished for more evidence to find it fact.

Elizabeth found this speculation less than appealing. She was sure
that Mr. Darcy's attentions, what little there was of them, were
nothing more than common courtesies brought on by the demands of his
aunt. Although in her more rational moments she did wonder why Lady
Catherine would want him to be so courteous to her. One thing
Elizabeth did resolve to do was not to discuss Mr. Darcy with
Charlotte. She would put anything to do with him out of her mind.

For Mr. Darcy it was a testing time. He knew that he wanted her and
had little doubt that the feelings were reciprocated. Thus he chose
for a while to ignore the ramifications of such a love. Until he had
determined his own reaction to having her, he was not ready to deal
with the reaction from his family. The public obstacles of such a
connection could only be rationalised once he had resolved the
private ones. He first had to discover himself with Elizabeth. He had
to allow his mind to become accustomed to wanting her, having her, to
enjoy the sensation that she could be his. Then he could decide what
step to take next. Not that there was much decision to be made. He
had tried abstinence, he had tried indifference, but nothing could
pull him away from loving her. Thus as the days and nights passed,
Mr. Darcy indulged himself. He allowed himself to feel his love for
Elizabeth, not only in the privacy of his rooms but at all times. He
smiled to himself as he thought of her, he consumed the delights that
her constant company must bring and he pandered to his whims of fancy
regarding nights with her.

On the Tuesday following Easter, the weather had improved enough for
Elizabeth to take a walk, timed she hoped to avoid the persistent
calling of Mr. Darcy. With luck she would miss him entirely. She was
well into her favourite grove and beginning to pick at the dandelions
popping up everywhere, when she caught a glimpse of a grey coat and
black hat and within a minute was face to face with the man she had
sort to avoid. He bowed politely.

'Miss Bennet, good morning.'

'Mr. Darcy, how surprising to see you here. I expected to be alone.'
Elizabeth was upset that he had appeared in her favourite grove after
she had told him that she enjoyed walking here alone.

'Like you I am happy to be outside.'

'I thought you preferred riding, Mr. Darcy.'

'Riding is a favourite occupation of mine but walking cannot be
discounted as an excellent form of exercise. It also enables
conversation which riding does not.'

'But riding also allows for long silences.'

'I think you are teasing me again, Miss Bennet. I realise that I
could not be called talkative on all occasions.'

'Indeed, Mr. Darcy. I did not mean to criticise.'

'I fully understand your meaning, Miss Bennet. Shall we continue?'

She looked further down the grove and thought that it would be best
to continue for a few minutes and then turn for home thus allowing
him to keep going without her.

'Certainly, although I am beginning to tire a little.'

'We could rest if you would prefer it.'

'No I would rather walk, thank you, Mr. Darcy.'

'I see you have been picking the dandelions. It is quite
extraordinary the way they grow anywhere. I do not think there is a
place in England where I have not seen them.'

Elizabeth had not been listening to Mr. Darcy but was concentrating
on reasons why he had decided to walk with her. She looked up as he
finished.

'I'm sorry, Mr. Darcy. I did not hear you.'

'It was nothing.'

'Oh.'

They proceeded down the grove, walking together with just enough
space between them to allow the warmth of an arm or the touch of a
sleeve to interfere with each of their thoughts. Elizabeth moved
slightly to the right of the path but Mr. Darcy moved with her, no
doubt in case she slipped as it was particularly damp after the rain.
His movements had actually been unconscious. He just had no desire to
be further from her.

Elizabeth found she had walked much longer than she intended with Mr.
Darcy and immediately stopped.

'I really must return, sir. Thank you for your company.'

'Thank you for allowing me to walk with you, Miss Bennet. However I
must see you home.'

She turned and he turned with her, beginning the slight climb back up
the path. The ground was indeed slimy and as they both looked down,
he suggested they deviate to the grass at the side of the path.

'Please Miss Bennet, I think this will save your boots. Please allow me.'

He offered her his arm to avoid her slipping on the wet grass and she
felt it would be rude and dangerous to reject it. She slipped her arm
through his and once again he was lost in innumerable feelings. In
his months of reverie on Elizabeth, he had often envisaged such walks
although at Pemberley rather than Kent. The grass was indeed very
slippery and she tightened her grasp on him that caused him to place
his left hand over her left on his arm, to secure her. The move did
not surprise her as it was a normal and gentlemanly thing to do.
However for him it was akin to dancing with her and he found it
impossible to speak.

They continued up the slope to the top of the small rise and then
were back in the sunshine where the path had dried out.

'I thank you for your assistance Mr. Darcy. Next time I will be sure
to only walk when the path is dry. This is indeed a very favourite
place for me as it seems to be mine alone. It is so delightful to
have a special place to oneself.'

She felt that was definite enough to make him understand that she
preferred to walk alone. Perhaps this second meeting had been an
accident and he did not expect her out so soon after rain. He
listened to every word she spoke, joyous in the fact that she told
him of her special place. They continued to walk in silence both
thinking what they thought and both minds going in completely
opposite directions. Within ten minutes they had reached the gate to
the parsonage and Elizabeth excused herself and ran in alone. Mr.
Darcy bowed and proceeded back to Rosings Park.

He managed to avoid lunch with his family, choosing instead the
solitude of his room. There was business to attend to and feelings to
be dealt with. The papers from his steward took longer than expected
and it was tea time before he finished. His mood was mellow and he
enjoyed the tea and bread with his aunt. His cousin appeared a few
minutes late with a look from Lady Catherine and when he suggested
that he was about to walk out, she insisted it was still too early in
the year for late afternoon walks. They must be saved for June. They
were thus both forced to endure half an hour of Lady Catherine's
lectures on sunshine, walking, breathing, clothing, and of course
weather. She asked Mr. Darcy how he found her estate, hoping for
praise. Instead he had some things that he thought needed attention
and offered to take care of them. As much as she loved her nephew she
was not about to allow him to take any control of her estate.
However, the information was enough to send her off in search of her
steward leaving the gentlemen alone.

'I did not see you this morning, Darcy. Out riding early?'

'No, I was walking early. I felt in need of some exercise after all the rain.'

'Which is exactly why I was about to walk out myself. I was hoping
that Miss Bennet might accompany me.'

'She has probably finished her walking for today.'

'So that is where you were this morning.'

'What do you mean?'

'Walking with Miss Bennet. I can think of no better exercise. She is
absolutely delightful company. Darcy, can I make a suggestion?'

'You may make any suggestion you like.'

'That you endeavour to speak more to Miss Bennet if you intend to court her.'

'That is more presumption than suggestion. What on earth would make
you think that I would court her? Impossible!'

'Darcy, we have grown up together. We are like brothers. You love her.'

'Am I that obvious?'

'Without doubt. I have never known you to be in love before. Even
with your reserve you would never be this withdrawn after knowing a
lady as long as you have known Miss Bennet. It took a small leap from
there to see the way you look at her. This is not an infatuation, I
think.'

'No indeed, it is not.'

'And how does the lady feel?'

'That is yet to be determined.'

'She must be sure of your feelings by now.'

'I assume she has some idea. We have never spoken of such things though.'

'I envy you. I would wish I could marry as I desire.'

'There are none of us who can marry as we desire. There are
obligations, connections to consider.'

'Yes there are. But they can be overcome with fortune.'

'They are heightened by fortune. It is difficult.'

'Am I to assume that we are not leaving tomorrow as proposed? You are
not ready to leave.'

'No I am not ready to leave. Do you mind if we delay until Saturday?'

'I have no reason to leave. Saturday it is then. Can you decide your
course of action in three days?'

'I have no idea, Fitzwilliam. Would you excuse me? I must dress for dinner.'

'Of course. She will be here.'

'I know.'

Mr. Darcy strode from the room and took the stairs two at a time. He
entered his room and leaned on the door to close it. A bath, yes a
bath and time to think.

Dinner was at precisely the same time it was every night at Rosings
Park and as usual the whole party was assembled in time. The
partnerships of entry were also the same with Elizabeth and Miss
Lucas entering last. The seating arrangements were not altered either
as it suited her ladyship quite well. So once again, Mr. Darcy had
the torment and pleasure of sitting next to Elizabeth.

She took her chair and as he sat his arm brushed lightly against hers.

'Excuse me, Miss Bennet.'

'I always do, sir,' she replied with just a hint of smirk.

He smiled to himself as he took his seat. 'I very much enjoyed the
walk this morning, Miss Bennet.'

'I am glad. I do enjoy the pleasure myself as you know but I usually
opt for solitude.' She raised her eyebrows at him hoping that she was
enforcing her comments of earlier in the day.

'As do I. But there are increased pleasures in shared adventures.'

'I hardly consider walking an adventure, Mr. Darcy.'

'I am sure you can make adventure of most things,' he retorted.

She looked straight at him and saw the challenge in his eyes.

'Adventure is not always competition, sir.'

'I did not suggest that it was. However both have the element of
surprise, at least with a worthy companion.'

'The voice of experience, perhaps?' she replied.

'No doubt, Miss Bennet,' he answered with a slow smile.

'And how goes your tour to Italy, Mr. Darcy?'

'Italy! Darcy are you going to Italy? I will not stand for it. The
continent is too dangerous,' interrupted Lady Catherine.

'Are you going to Italy, Darcy?' asked the Colonel as the whole table
looked toward Mr. Darcy.

'Georgiana would like me to accompany her there. It would assist her
studies in language and music.'

'I must say that it would be extraordinary. Have you been to Italy,
Miss Bennet?' asked the Colonel.

'No indeed, sir. I fear that my circumstances are not sufficient to
allow such tours. I have yet to see all of England.'

'I have no doubt that your circumstances will be sufficient some day,
Miss Bennet,' replied the Colonel while staring at his cousin.

Mr. Darcy felt colour rising to his face and picked up his water
glass. Sipping slowly he returned his cousin's look over the rim.
Elizabeth had watched the Colonel's glance and felt a little
uncomfortable as he seemed to be inferring something to Mr. Darcy.
Perhaps the Colonel's visits had been to see her. As Charlotte looked
across at her she saw Elizabeth's light blush that was mirrored by
Mr. Darcy's more intense one. She gave a puzzled frown. Mr. Darcy
recovered first.

'Would you like more wine, Miss Bennet?'

'No thank you, Mr. Darcy. It seems I am warm enough.' As she spoke
her eyes lifted to his and despite her dislike of him, she could not
help but respond in kind to his gentle look.

'I hope your trip goes well, Mr. Darcy. But I suggest you stay well
away from ball rooms.'

He grinned impulsively. 'I promise to only attend balls if I am
assured of the right dance partner.'

This time it was Elizabeth's turn to grin and as she looked about the
table, she noticed that their conversation was being listened to by
all.

'I wish you would stop talking and eat, Darcy. I do not like to
linger between courses and we have all finished our soup, except you
and Miss Bennet. Let the girl eat!' demanded Lady Catherine. 'She
will never learn the ways of society if you talk to her all the time.'

Mr. Darcy was once again embarrassed by his aunt's condescending
manner to Elizabeth but knew that silence was his best counter to
her. He and Elizabeth finished their soup in silence while Lady
Catherine watched intently. The second course was fish along with a
haunch of mutton and a rich rabbit stew. The servants took some time
to offer the various choices to the guests and it was almost ten
minutes before the plates were loaded.

'Aunt, may I say that the food is excellent,' stated the Colonel.

'Indeed it is, Lady Catherine,' began Mr. Collins. 'My dear wife and
I have rarely dined in such exalted company and with so many fine
dishes. I must compliment you on your choice of flavours. I think a
rabbitŠ'

'I cannot abide rabbit,' interrupted Lady Catherine. 'However my
nephew Fitzwilliam adores it and I cannot refuse these gentlemen a
thing. Of course Darcy prefers plainer food or some of those French
dishes. I cannot abide the French. You will find nothing to eat in
Italy, Darcy. I cannot abide their food either. You must take your
own cook. I hope you have your own cook, Fitzwilliam.'

As Lady Catherine began to question her other nephew, Mr. Darcy felt
free to continue talking with Elizabeth.

'Do you like to travel, Miss Bennet?'

'I do indeed, sir. I think travel is the greatest education.'

'Then I hope one day you will have the opportunity to see more of the world.'

'I hope you are right, Mr. Darcy, although I feel it may be impossible.'

'I think you are not a lady who finds very much impossible. You have
a determination that is seldom daunted.'

'And now I think you are searching for a polite way to tell me I am
stubborn, sir. That is a point on which we must agree. I seldom
surrender even when I am obviously on the losing side.'

'I have yet to see you on the losing side, Miss Bennet.'

'Then never choose me as your partner at whist, sir,' she replied smiling.

'I cannot abide whist,' he responded quickly, glancing at her momentarily.

Lady Catherine then began to engage the whole table in a variety of
subjects each of which she was expert in and each of which she
preferred no comment from her visitors. The guests all obeyed the
rules of Rosings to Lady Catherine's satisfaction until it was time
for the ladies to leave the table. In this Lady Catherine chose to
break with tradition.

'Darcy, Fitzwilliam, you may accompany us to the drawing room. I have
need of your company and you can have nothing to say to one another
after spending your days together.'

She stood and began the procession from the room with some slight
alteration. Mr. Darcy delayed moving to Lady Catherine's side by
deliberately dropping his napkin and bending to retrieve it. That
simple move left the Colonel first to offer his arm to his aunt and
Mr. Darcy in just the right place to offer his to Elizabeth. They
thus entered the drawing room and Mr. Darcy was able to secure a
suitable seat beside him for Elizabeth. His plan to continue in some
privacy with her was foiled though by Miss de Bourgh choosing to
retire which left the Colonel to sit on the other side of Elizabeth.
Of course she turned slightly towards him from that moment, leaving
Mr. Darcy to ponder her profile and wish that he was blessed with the
same ease of manner that endowed his cousin.

'And when do you leave Kent, Miss Bennet?' asked the Colonel.

'We have just over a week before our departure. Although I have very
much enjoyed the stay I will be happy to return to my family.'

'And tell me, what has been your favourite part of Kent?'

'I can hardly say. My stay has been confined to Hunsford and Rosings.
However I find the grove on the south side my favourite walking spot.'

'Ah, the south side. I think that is one of Darcy's favourites as
well. I have seen him riding there. Darcy, have you ever encountered
Miss Bennet on your rides in the south grove?'

'I think I glimpsed Miss Bennet once,' replied Mr. Darcy, hating the
way his cousin was enjoying himself.

'Then you should stop on your next glimpse, Darcy. I'm sure even you
can find something to talk about on a walk with a lady.'

At this Elizabeth felt compelled to speak.

'I have no doubt that Mr. Darcy would prefer to continue his ride
than stop and I have no need for company during my walks. I enjoy the
solitude.'

'I have never been fond of time alone. I enjoy company at all costs.'

'As do I, sir, but not always when walking.' She smiled up at the Colonel.

She continued in talk with the Colonel for some time until Lady
Catherine requested she play. Elizabeth kindly took to the instrument
inviting the Colonel to turn pages for her. He sat by her and happily
kept to his task with small comments that seemed to delight her. Lady
Catherine continued to hold court over the top of Elizabeth's playing
and Mr. Darcy was once again forced to endure a night of assorted
feelings from jealousy to embarrassment. The carriage was called at
exactly half past ten and the Hunsford party departed quickly with no
time for any special farewells.

The following day Elizabeth was once again on her favourite path and
this time secure that she would spend the time alone. However, Mr.
Darcy once again appeared out of nowhere and this time she was angry.
What could a lady say to make herself clear! She was thus in a bad
mood before they even acknowledged each other.

'Good morning, Miss Bennet.'

'Good morning, Mr. Darcy. I am surprised to see you once again.'

'How could I resist such a beautiful day?'

'How indeed, sir.' Her tone was abrupt and she was resolved to be
silent from then on, turning immediately to return to the parsonage.
He naturally turned with her.

After some minutes, he began again.

'You seem to be very happy here in Hunsford, Miss Bennet.'

'It has been a pleasure to see Charlotte again.'

'And you definitely deem great pleasure from your solitary walks.'

'I try to, Mr. Darcy. However they do not occur as often as I would like.'

'Then perhaps you need a greater estate on which to ramble.'

Elizabeth sighed, expecting to hear another round of praise for
Pemberley. However he did not take that thought further.

'I noticed you admiring Lady Catherine's instrument in the drawing
room. Do you consider it above the one in the rear sitting room?
Personally I think the drawing room too large for perfect sound.'

'I have never seen the rear sitting room, sir, and certainly not the
instrument there.'

'Oh, I was unaware you were so unfamiliar with Rosings. I am sure
that next time you visit you will be well acquainted with the house.'

Elizabeth was puzzled as she saw no reason why she would become more
familiar with the house unless she was staying there.

'I doubt that I would be a guest of Lady Catherine's sir.'

He did not reply as he was too close to disclosing himself. He chose
instead to walk quietly until they were near Hunsford. Elizabeth
could only think that he meant something in regard to his cousin when
he referred to Rosings. There was no other conclusion she was willing
to make. Seeing the gate to home was a blessed relief as his
disjointed conversation was worse than his silences. She once again
hurried inside with a quick farewell.

That night the residents of each house dined within. Thursday dawned
a glorious day and Elizabeth enjoyed a rather later breakfast than
usual and began her walk somewhat later as a result. She avoided the
grove in the hope of avoiding Mr. Darcy but instead found herself on
the same path as Colonel Fitzwilliam.

She had been going over a letter from Jane as she wandered and was
surprised at hearing the Colonel's voice.

'Miss Bennet.'

She looked up and they began an easy conversation on walking and
Rosings Park. She enquired if they were to leave on Saturday as they
had mentioned and he confirmed they would as long as Mr. Darcy did
not delay it once again. She was surprised to find the Colonel
completely at the call of Mr. Darcy in his travels and tried to
politely make it known that she found Mr. Darcy too full of his own
opinions and power.

The Colonel agreed that his cousin did like to do what he wished but
he was quick to also point out that most people do and as his cousin
was rich he had more opportunity than most. Elizabeth heard only of
Mr. Darcy's use of his fortune and nothing more. She would never
concede to anything in herself that might coincide with something in
Mr. Darcy. The Colonel assured her that he found it frustrating not
being able to be as free with his time as Mr. Darcy, pointing out the
inadequacies of being a second son of an Earl. Elizabeth smiled to
herself and remarked to him that he probably had rarely done without
anything in his life. He agreed but thought this a good time to test
Elizabeth and told her that in one thing he did have hardship. He
could not marry whom he wished.

Elizabeth sighed, thinking he was telling her politely that any hope
she had would not be forthcoming. She had never really thought that
much of his intentions and it was no great loss to hear him express
that. She then suggested that it was easy to like a woman of fortune.
He next seemed to be making more excuses by telling her how dependent
such men as he were on income.

At this Elizabeth could only imagine again that he definitely meant
in reference to an offer to her and embarrassed that he would think
she expected such a thing, she made light of it all by asking him the
usual price for the son of an Earl. He laughed with her and they
continued walking in silence. After some minutes, Elizabeth began to
feel the silence and wondered if he thought her affected by his
statements. In an effort to change the subject she went back to her
previous topic, his cousin, and asked if he came with Mr. Darcy to
keep him company and wondered why Mr. Darcy did not marry instead.
She then felt that she had said too much and suggested that his
sister no doubt filled the gap.

The Colonel then informed her of an interesting fact. He was joint
guardian of Miss Darcy. Wishing for more information on the Darcy
family and not exactly knowing why, she then asked him if it was an
onerous task as girls of her age can be difficult at times. He looked
rather stern as she spoke and immediately asked why she would think
so. Elizabeth could not help but feel she had hit a sore point and
that indeed Miss Darcy was difficult. She then decided that she had
better not pursue such an issue and quickly told him that she had
heard no bad reports on Miss Darcy but was simply speculating and
that Miss Darcy was definitely in favour with Miss Bingley and Mrs.
Hurst.

He said that he barely knew them at all but was aware that their
brother was a fine gentleman and a great friend of his cousin.
Elizabeth could not resist a slight slur here by suggesting that Mr.
Darcy took great care of Mr. Bingley. The Colonel was more than
surprised at her words but felt this a good time to assist his cousin
in his pursuit of her by offering some good points in his cousin and
how caring he was. He thus told her of a recent incident when Mr.
Darcy rescued his friend from an unfortunate match.

Elizabeth's ears pricked at this and she had to know more. On
questioning, the Colonel said that he would not like to go further as
the lady's family would be upset. Of course Elizabeth was determined
to hear every detail and assured the Colonel that she would not
mention it to anyone and he decided that it was best to disclose it
all to her for the benefit of his cousin. He related Mr. Darcy's tale
of removing Mr. Bingley from the temptation of a hasty offer to a
lady not suitable for him. When he saw her reaction he felt his
imprudence slightly and tried to suggest that perhaps it was not Mr.
Bingley but another friend. However the circumstances remained the
same. Mr. Darcy had been pleased to secure his friend.

Elizabeth was finding it hard to maintain composure while she asked
him what Mr. Darcy's reasons were. The Colonel only offered a vague
comment as to inappropriateness of the lady and then Elizabeth asked
him what methods Mr. Darcy used to separate them. The Colonel seemed
to find this rather an odd question and simply replied that as far as
he knew only Mr. Darcy's opinion was required.

Elizabeth could hardly speak. She was incensed that Mr. Darcy could
actually do such a thing and then praise his actions to his cousin.
She had long suspected such a move on his part but to hear it from
such a source was extraordinary. Her silence worried the Colonel and
he asked her if the information had upset her. She only replied that
she felt Mr. Darcy should not interfere. He had never thought of it
that way as his cousin's actions were usually forthright and
determined. She went on to state clearly that she felt that Mr. Darcy
had no right to impede any relationship for any reason. As she said
this she realised her imprudence and softened it by adding that
perhaps Mr. Darcy had been unaware of the depth of the affection of
the parties.

The Colonel agreed but added that such a case would lessen his
cousin's virtue in separating them. He sounded as if he was trying to
make light of it all but she knew now that his words were exactly as
she had always suspected of Mr. Darcy. Elizabeth ended the walk with
a clear loathing for Mr. Darcy and her afternoon was spent in
thinking over the Colonel's words and her knowledge of what happened
resulting in further dislike of the gentleman. There was not a
critical adjective that did not come to mind when she thought of him
and the depth of despair he had subjected on Jane. He was the worst
kind of man, filled with vanity, pride, selfishness and disdain and
she knew that she would find it difficult to be in his company ever
again.

She developed an ever-increasing headache over the afternoon and had
no option but to excuse herself from dinner at Rosings. She felt only
the need to wallow in her own despair and pity for her sister now
that she had a person to blame for it all.

The Colonel thought of telling his cousin about his conversation with
Miss Bennet but thinking it over on his return he chose to be silent,
feeling that to say anything would bring down the wrath of Mr. Darcy
for interfering. Mr. Darcy heard the news of Elizabeth's headache
with great distress. This night was to be his last in her company and
he had spent the day shoring up his determination to secure her. This
blow at her absence was great indeed. He decided he must see her and
let the cards fall where they may.

As he had never trodden this path before he had no idea that it was
one from which he could never return but even a sensible man cannot
know everything. In fact a man who has spent so long priding himself
on his sagacity is even more prone to lapses of folly and silliness.
He had no direct evidence of Elizabeth's feelings yet he chose to
proceed with a mind blinded to anything other than that she must feel
what he felt. His bewitchment in her left him no alternative. And so
he made paltry excuses about forgetting to see the stable boy and
walked out, barely remembering his hat. He closed the door and began
striding to his future.



Behind the Scenes - 25

The determination in his departing stride belied the state of his
mind. His head swam with the round of words and phrases that he had
practised for many nights. He knew what he wanted to say but he knew
that nothing he said to Elizabeth was accepted without a contest of
some sort. She would bring up any objection she could before
capitulating. That was the beauty of her and the torment. He was
about to make the most difficult statement of his life and she was
about to make it even harder. If she could bait him with words over
whist, then who knows what she would do with this. A small smile
captured his eyes and held them for some minutes before his mind sent
him back to the declaration he was about to make.

He slowed his pace just a little, reducing his stride to enable more
time to shore up his arguments. She would mean to accept, of that he
was sure. However she had no doubt thought of all the aspects against
their union and she would want assurance that he had considered them.
She would first challenge him with his connections and family. He had
no counter to those other than his resolve to stand by his decision
in spite of their well-founded objections. She would then resort to
her family and their shortcomings. He had seen her blush so often
when they flaunted themselves in public. Yes that would be next.
However, he must assure her that he would always stand by her no
matter how badly they behaved. That should surely satisfy her. What
else? His depth of affection. He must ensure she knows that nothing
will lessen that. Yes, he will tell her that he has fought all the
battles within and still he must have her.

Elizabeth was in her own torment as she envisaged what Mr. Darcy
thought of her sister. She had never known such impertinence. He had
dared to take control of people's lives and affect them forever. She
could not conceive of a person taking so much on themselves. Once
again she felt the weakness of Mr. Bingley in allowing his friend to
influence his decision. However the fault must lie primarily with Mr.
Darcy who obviously played on that weakness to achieve his desired
result. His pride and conceit were without comparison. How could such
a man hold his head high? She then thought over the plight of Mr.
Wickham and everything fell into place. She had always believed it
but now she had proof of Mr. Darcy's complete selfishness and need to
control all of his world and other people's as well. She sat rubbing
her temples trying to rid herself of these thoughts. At least he was
to leave on Saturday. She was sorry to hear of his cousin's leaving
too but it could not be helped. She had no desire to have Mr. Darcy
in her sight again.

For Mr. Darcy, the moments were only slightly less tormented. The
parsonage was in view and his breathing was now so exaggerated that
it felt almost painful. He must relax. They would not be interrupted
as all the others were at Rosings. In this he was secure. It could be
settled between them without disturbance. They could both feel the
warmth of the initial union without intrusion. Once again a smile
spread over his face.

He opened the gate and slowly took the ten strides to the door. He
had no idea why he counted the strides. Perhaps he needed to keep
every fraction of the moment to remember always. Perhaps he just
wanted distraction before this momentous occasion. He raised his hand
to the knocker and let it drop twice. The sound seemed hollow but
quickly he heard the lock move and the door was open.

'I am here to see Miss Bennet.'

He did not pause but passed through, barely giving the servant time
to jump ahead of him and open the door to the sitting room. He walked
straight in not waiting for an introduction. And there she was, just
standing on his entrance. She was wearing her cream day dress. It
suited her so. Her face looked drawn, pale. He asked after her health
in a hurried manner, almost as if it was inconsequential and she
bristled at his tone. Her response was frosty. He sat quickly and
placed his hat on the side table. He looked intently at her as she
resumed her seat, but offered nothing. She looked back, restraining
her desire to tell him that she knew of his meddling. His eyes were
determined and forceful, almost causing her some disquiet. What was
he about?

He sat and looked across at her, so beautiful in the early evening
light. There were tiny wisps of curls floating in the pale sunlight.
With the light behind her, he could not see her eyes properly and he
stood, realising that he must face her before he began. But how to
begin. Suddenly at this most important moment of his life, he felt
cursed with his lifetime of reserve. He took the two steps towards
her. She looked up and the words he had so long felt came bursting
forth as he told her the depth of his passion.

For a short few seconds the world of Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth came to
a standstill. Neither could speak or move, let alone breathe. She
wrestled with his impossible words, so much more impossible because
of what she knew of him. She was simply stunned. He watched and
waited as those few seconds became eternity. As the colour in her
face began to return, he knew he must continue before she had a
chance to test him on this.

And so he began just as he had practised. He loved her to the depth
and breadth of his soul. He felt a passion for her that bridged any
gap in their situations. And it was not a new love but one that had
been nurtured and tended for many months. She must know that nothing
would drive this from him. His words were eloquent and beautiful and
as he watched her quietly listen, he felt it prudent to continue.

His family would object, he knew that, but his love was greater than
their objections. As for her family, he knew of their lack of
decorum, their public exposure. But his love was strong enough to
accept that and he would never let her down. His words had now taken
on a life of their own and he went on, stating in terms that a less
passionate man might have thought better of, and he told her that her
low station in life was nothing to him and he had already fought
himself and won the battle to have her. He finished with a heartfelt
plea to accept his offer of marriage.

She had barely moved during his diatribe of justification for loving
her and now he studied her intently as she formulated her reply. And
what could a woman in her circumstances say? He was a man of such
outstanding rank and fortune yet he loved her and obviously with
intense passion. Elizabeth's initial feeling was flattery, which
could not be faulted in any woman. He was handsome as well and could
have had any woman in England but he had fallen in love with her. And
of that Elizabeth had no doubt. His words of devotion were moving and
heavy with fervour. He did indeed love her and flashes of their times
together passed before her and she recalled the softness in his eyes
that she had seen sometimes as he looked at her. However her mind was
satiated with the rest of his words, reverberating through her. Yes
he did love her, but in spite of everything abhorrent to him. It was
an offer made after calculation, and her anger began to return.

She took a deep breath which he mirrored, as his body tensed for the
resolution of his dreams. She spoke slowly and with no pause. She
told him what any woman of Elizabeth's temperate and mood would say.
She could not have him. She could not accept his offer. She offered
no appreciation for anything he had said but instead felt the
overwhelming need to make him feel as bad as he had made her feel
with his words about her inferiority. She told him that she had no
wish to hear of his affection or to receive it. She finished with a
modicum of guilt over any pain he might suffer but destroyed that
immediately with a surety that any hurt he might feel from her
refusal could easily be overcome by his reticence to offer for her in
the first place.

As he heard her first words of rejection he had moved unconsciously
to the mantel, hoping to find comfort in a familiar hiding place. He
was definitely not breathing and his chest took on the feel of stone.
His heart beat irregularly and he wanted to hide, to not hear another
word. Time slowed to a pace unfathomable. She was not fighting him;
she was simply refusing him on any grounds. Please stop Elizabeth.

However she continued, stinging his heart with words of resentment.
He could not fathom that she would react this way. His eyes did not
leave hers but hers were no longer eyes for him. He felt the blood
drain to his legs that became too heavy to move. He was suffering
more than at any time in his life and every part of him showed his
anguish.

Elizabeth watched his reaction and could not help but feel the
intensity of the moment and even some concern for him. He looked
ghastly. The quiet of the room took on immense proportions before he
could manage to speak again. His mood was now slightly brushed with
anger and he calmly asked her if she thought so little of him and his
proposal that her few words were all she was to offer. He felt that
he deserved more kindness than that. As he uttered those words his
immense vulnerability seeped through him and he began to feel the
familiar need to protect himself, so he feigned unimportance at what
she thought at all.

He shrugged his shoulders slightly as he spoke and that movement
alone brought Elizabeth's anger to the fore. She spat back with an
angry question to him about why he would expect anything else after
an offer filled with insults. Her temper was increasing as she spoke
and unable to stop herself she moved on to the things she knew of
him, of his interference in her sister's life and future.

He blanched as she mentioned Jane. She knew. How could she know? He
had no words to speak until he absorbed this and still she continued.
She accused him of being the main influence in Mr. Bingley's decision
to leave Netherfield and never contact her sister again. Her
accusations went on to include the implications to both parties that
his actions had caused.

He was still silent, unbelieving that this moment was so destroyed
and unable to reply sensibly to anything she had said. As she awaited
his reply, he shook his head slightly, still attempting to come to
grips with her refusal but she saw his look as nothing more than cold
contempt. She asked him if he was ready to deny his actions.

His breathing was still somewhat ragged and his colour varied as
different feelings flowed through him. However Mr. Darcy was a man of
honour and he could not lie to her. He quietly replied that he could
not deny his actions in any way and even remarked with realisation,
that if he had used such actions on himself it may have prevented the
position he was in now.

Elizabeth could not believe what she heard. There was no room in her
mind to understand him in any way. She had received an offer from one
of the most eligible men in the country and she was forced to reject
him. And for this he must pay. In her initial emotion of being put in
such a position, she only felt his arrogance and conceit and she was
compelled to finish her character assassination by telling him that
she had also known for months of his betrayal of Mr. Wickham and
asked what defence he had for those actions.

He flushed when she said Wickham's name. Would this man forever haunt
him? To have him brought into a moment such as this was more than he
could bear and his reply was meant as a comment on Wickham's
influence more than a taunt at her as he suggested that she had an
uncommon interest in him. However, he could not talk of him to
Elizabeth and must be silent on the subject of Wickham.

Elizabeth watched his cool demeanour and calm response and fumed,
asking him what else would a person feel who knew of his hardships.
Oh when she said that he almost laughed. Wickham had indeed been
working hard in his absence. No doubt the whole of Meryton thought
him despicable after Wickham's lies. He brushed off her comments with
another sarcastic retort which renewed her spirit and she accused him
of destroying Mr. Wickham by manipulation and neglect. In fact she
found him the very worst of men.

Mr. Darcy felt like he was within his own nightmare. Of all the
visions he had had of this occasion, none had one moment of what had
actually happened. She despised him; she had always despised him. He
thought of explanation but knew she was beyond reason in all this. He
had no remedy to console her and so he paced the room as he spoke,
unable to leave the situation as it was but unable to improve it. She
was unjust to him and in that he must have recourse.

He turned to her and looking closely, spoke of her injustice in
expecting him to simply flatter her with words of love and ignore the
obvious problems of the connection. It was unreasonable and without
merit and he could never make an offer to her without feeling that he
had done her the honour of telling the truth.

She half smiled in that way she did when she was about to batter him
with words and told him that she would still have refused him even if
his words had been full of feeling and even if they had been
gentlemanly.

He winced at her last words, pained beyond reason that she thought
that of him. His only claim on life was his behaviour, his manners.
And yet she was accusing him of the opposite, of being rude,
unfeeling and dishonest. She saw his pain but it was not enough. She
had to have more. She wanted him to feel every bit of her anguish and
contempt and so she continued by telling him that nothing he could
have said or done would have made her accept him.

For a second he felt his eyes sting as his mind battled with her
words and his heart battled with her hatred. And yet through it all
he saw her beauty and her strength and he hated himself for seeing
it. No pain was greater than this.

And then she began again, and again he faced her, willing to take
anything she had left, as he knew that it would be the last time he
would be with her. She went back further in their acquaintance,
seeking to ensure that he knew the depth of her derision. She had
disliked him from the very first assembly and his behaviour since had
only confirmed what she knew then. Within a few weeks she had decided
she could never marry him.

His mind suddenly flashed with those last words and the hint that she
had at one time considered it. Yet there was no time for
contemplation of any sort. He had to leave. He could stand no more
and he had no wish to resort to her anger. He simply told her that it
was enough. He knew what she thought of him and he told her of the
shame he felt in feeling the opposite. He bowed, offered her best
wishes for her future and left quietly and solemnly.

Elizabeth burst into tears the moment he had left. She no longer had
a sounding board for her months of anguish over Jane or her tales
from Mr. Wickham. She was left with the residual emotions of
expressed anger and a strange disbelief that Mr. Darcy had loved her.
He had put her in an impossible position, declaring his love with
words and emotions that left no doubt of his fervour and commitment
and yet at the same time telling her how difficult that love was for
him. She could not help but be astounded that his love was so
passionate as to overcome the difficulties of the connection. And she
knew in her heart there were difficulties and in fact, whether she
admitted it to herself or not, they had been uppermost in her mind
when she first met him, knowing nothing could come of it. Perhaps it
was those very things that began her mission to find him disagreeable
after his censure of her looks at the assembly. She was not, however,
in a mind to feel so rational and instead spent the next two hours
feeling the pain and frustration of her life. It would be some time
before she could consider his.

For Mr. Darcy there was even more agony. Suddenly every sound and
movement was exaggerated in his mind. The thud of the door closing
was like a blow to his brain. He took the two steps carefully and
retraced the ten strides to the gate. And as it closed, his mind
began to race. No longer was he caught up in the vacuum of lost love.
Now he was beginning to process her words and with it came the anger
of a man whose life had been irrevocably changed for the worse. He
had lost everything that he held dear not only within his passion for
her but within himself. She had single-handedly removed every part of
the wall he surrounded himself with. She had carefully removed each
stone leaving him with nothing to hide within. He clenched his fists
and set his jaw, his chin jutting out in determination and rage. He
had not done wrong. He had done everything a man in his position
should do. He had begun with a statement of passion and ended with a
plea of acceptance. Could she not just have seen it like that?

And slowly he allowed her words of loathing to permeate his being.
They came in a flood and he was unable to distinguish one from the
other. Each statement she made was accurate in every detail but she
had allowed no reasons, no sense of right in any of it. She had
simply taken his actions and thought nothing more. This part of her
surprised him. He had always surmised that her mind was rational and
would determine right from wrong and not simply judge on actions seen
or related to her. He had never felt the need to explain all things
to her as she seemed able to work out so much for herself. He was a
clever man and as he carefully examined their different
conversations, he was now able to see what she saw, or part of it.
What had made him suddenly blind to her feelings? Was he so in love
so quickly that he chose not to see her resentment, her sarcasm for
what it was. She had been censuring him for months yet he had been as
foolish as a callow youth and seen only what he wanted to see.

He was nearly at Rosings. He could hear his aunt through the open
window. He could not face anyone at this time. He must escape. He
spun around and retraced his steps to gain access to the rear of the
house, walking past the stables and then the kitchens. The pantry
staff was stunned to see the great Mr. Darcy push past and enter the
house that way. Within minutes, gossip was afoot of his appearance.
One servant was sure he had been fighting.

He took the servants' stairs to the first floor and attempted to hide
the clout of his boots on the timber floor as he entered his rooms.
He very quietly shut the door. And then it happened. His chest
emptied of feeling and became a hollow burned out shell leaving his
heart to beat irregularly in the cavity. His hands began to shake and
his fingers felt cold as he took on the feeling of abject grief. He
sank into a chair and folded his arms across the desk as his face
slowly dropped into them. And he cried.



Behind the Scenes - 26

When he managed to lift his head again, his arms were stiff and his
face ravaged. He had discarded his coat and waistcoat as he walked in
but he had no memory of it. Gradually the workings of the house
started to permeate his mind. He could hear the faint clatter of
dishes, distant conversation, a laugh. He sat as a man in grief,
feeling the futility of life as the world spun on with no recognition
of his pain. Suddenly the servant opened the door, ready to prepare
the room for the night. She started at seeing him and one glance had
her scurrying downstairs with more gossip for the household. She
would not be returning to Mr. Darcy's room that night.

He stood and stretched his body, attempting to alleviate his
heartache with bodily movements. And once again, as he had done again
and again, he relived those moments with her, those final moments. It
could not have been more than a quarter of an hour yet it contained
every facet of his future. And once again, he smiled at himself. A
man such as he is rarely a fool but that was exactly what he was at
this moment.

He checked his watch and found that nearly two hours had passed. Yes
indeed it was dark. What was she doing? Was she gloating in her
victory? Was she writing to her sister with news of his actions? He
still felt no guilt in his dealings on that matter. He had proceeded
as he saw was right for his friend just as she would proceed for her
sister. How could she fault him for honesty to his friend?

And then he went unwillingly to Wickham. The man had plagued and
haunted him all his life and now at the moment of his declaration, he
had once again foiled his success. He began to feel just as he had as
a young boy when this supposed friend had used manipulation and
cunning to win over him again and again. He recalled the hours he had
spent feeling his reluctance to participate in so much yet saw his
father praising Wickham instead of accepting his own son. He had
never doubted his father's love but as any child born with reserve
and timidity he had craved to be like Wickham. He realised as he grew
that his father wanted only to make him better but the moments of
comparison still invaded him almost daily. To have his Elizabeth so
influenced by a man who not only haunted his past but also had
blatantly sought to hurt his sister was something he could not let go.

As his mind flitted through her words and opinions, so his heart
moved through the processes of grief. For he was indeed grieving for
the loss of Elizabeth. He had spent so much of these past months
thinking of her and convinced of her affection that the sudden loss
of her brought sorrow, anger, guilt and confusion.

He lay on the bed and the agony of his mind and body caught up with
each other and he fell asleep. Some two hours later, he awoke with a
start. He sat up and instantly he was back in the misery of
rejection. And so over the hours remaining on this very special
night, his thinking wavered from injustice to hurt but always to
Elizabeth. He wished to feel less for her and to obliterate his love,
even lessen it somehow. But it was not to be. She was entrenched in
the fibre of his being. He could no more cast her from his heart than
he could cast away his sister.

Of course, he could also not rid himself of her words, her judgments.
She had laid allegations at him with no consideration. She allowed no
justification or reasons in any of it. She had simply accused. And in
this he must seek justice. His honour was in doubt in her eyes and
she was the one person in the world whom he could never allow to
doubt that of him. Suddenly he was hit by her words of his
discourtesy and incivility and he flushed with the agony of knowing
she thought him that low.

As he paced the room, his breathing once again became ragged and he
had an overwhelming urge to return and explain his actions. But that
was not possible. He was not ready to see the look in her eyes and
she would most certainly not admit him. But he must explain. He must
be able to defend himself. He thought of his cousin and asking him to
intervene but this was too raw for involvement by others. No he must
keep this between Elizabeth and himself. Thus he had no choice. He
had to write to her and as he thought of the impropriety of such an
action he smiled ironically to himself. Yes indeed Elizabeth, I am
about to prove you right in one thing. I am about to do a very
ungentlemanly thing.

He moved back to the desk and retrieved several sheets from the
drawer. He moved the candle closer and picked up the perfect pen
still left untouched since his arrival. He suddenly felt
determination that she should read it and thus knew he should begin
with an assurance to her that he would not be repeating his offer.
That part of his folly was indeed over.

He sat holding the pen for some time, unable to formulate an opening.
He threw it down in frustration and once again began pacing the room,
often peering through the window at just the angle to see the roof of
Hunsford cottage. He presented a pathetic figure to himself on
reflection. What man could hold his head high that still sought
desperate reference to his lost love? Once again his eyes filled and
he regressed to that part of his grief that left no room for anger.

Many hours he spent this way, wavering through the various aspects of
loss, postponing what he must do because it was without doubt his
last contact with her. He heard the household settle for the night.
He saw the moon begin to sink and still he paced and watched and
finally as he heard the first stirrings of the birds, he began.

First he ensured that she would not hear more words of affection from
him. In this he felt anger that she should have felt so appalled by
his words and that he needed to deny any repetition of them. But it
must be done if he was to guarantee that she read the remainder. That
done and finished, in words that held no hint of regret but with only
a determination to have it ended, he proceeded to demand that she
read the rest for no other reason than his honour.

The power of such writings made him move away from the desk once more
as he came to terms with the depth of his emotions once again. After
some minutes he was ready to address the two misdeeds of which she
had accused him. He knew that he must begin with her sister. He must
make her understand that his involvement was meant in the most
honourable way. He had no way to convey to her the depth of his
concern for his friend without brushing on subjects that would prove
hurtful to Elizabeth. But it must be done. These tales were of such
stature between them that both deserved the duty of honesty in their
telling.

He thus began with his first meeting of Jane and his observance of
her with Mr. Bingley. He told her that he had often seen his friend
so enamoured and thus thought nothing more of this venture in the
country. He then had to touch on something that brought joy to him
for a brief second, the Netherfield ball. It had been while he was
dancing with her that he had become aware of the expectations in
Meryton. His own naiveté made him smile. He of all people had failed
to see and hear the talk of the district. Oh yes, he was smitten so
early on that he had no time to think properly of his friend, to
protect him. He wondered if she would think of this as she read his
tale. He told her of his constant observation after that moment and
how he quickly realised that his friend's behaviour did indeed invite
expectations. However that had led him to examine Miss Bennet's
response and indeed he saw none. He had seen her only as she had
always been. He told her that he had spent the entire evening
observing her and his opinion had never changed. He expressed his
regret that it was so and that if her assertions as to Jane's
feelings were more accurate then indeed her accusations to him must
be correct.

Mr. Darcy then felt it necessary to address Miss Bennet's connections
as they had been a consideration in his offer to Elizabeth. He
explained that although he understood that their family situation was
not as relevant to his friend as to himself, he could not ignore
their lack of discretion, the appalling manners of her younger
sisters and especially her mother and he even felt the need to point
out Mr. Bennet's failure to maintain decorum at all times. He felt
great pain at having to redress this subject and hastened to point
out the very discreet and polite way in which she and her sister
conducted themselves.

He had reached that point of disclosure that demanded complete
honesty and he had no compunction about telling her that both he and
Miss Bingley had conspired to keep Mr. Bingley in town. He did not
apologise for his actions or his thoughts in any of this but he did
concede that he had heard that Miss Bennet was also in town and had
failed to disclose this to his friend. Once again he offered no
apology, simply a statement of mild regret, if indeed he had failed
to see Miss Bennet's affections.

All this left Mr. Darcy somewhat exhausted and he laid on the bed
covering his face with his arm. His body and his mind needed sleep
but to close his eyes was to open his heart and he was not ready for
that. He must finish this before he could allow himself the suffering
that he had yet to endure.

His mind drifted to her next offence, dishonour. She had not only
accused him of personal dishonour but also to his father and his
family. That could never stand unanswered and she must be made to
know every detail. She could not be allowed to destroy his character
even in her own eyes. As he thought over her case against him he
realised that he had no choice but to disclose to her facts that had
been his alone, and Wickham's. Only they knew the full story as he
had not even been able to tell it all, even to Georgiana. His cousin
had most of the knowledge but he too had been deprived of the detail
of his life with Wickham. Yet suddenly he felt no pause at all as he
thought of telling Elizabeth. His reluctance to answer her at
Hunsford was lost in the heat of defeat. However he had never doubted
her discretion or her trust. And once again he laughed at his
blindness. He had always trusted her with anything he spoke of and in
doing so, he had failed to doubt her in anything else. The disclosure
of his relationship with Mr. Wickham was such that he felt compelled
to detail its foundation and every facet thereafter.

And so he went back to the beginning, detailing his early life and
his family's relationship with Mr. Wickham. He really had no need to
begin there but perhaps he unconsciously wanted her to know the depth
of his being, the essence of himself that comes from childhood. He
thought of nothing more than telling her all of it, of relating in
one long tome, the core of his life.

The words he chose to describe the way his father treated Mr. Wickham
were tainted with the faintest hint of resentment but he did not see
that. He only saw his honesty to Elizabeth as he wrote of their
relationship and his early discontent with Mr. Wickham's behaviour
that he had kept from his father. His father! Such feeling surged
through him that he was forced to stop and gather his thoughts. To
speak of him was to open the wounds of loss once more. It pained him
especially to realise that his current grief was barely different to
his suffering on the death of his father. Each simply hurt a
different part of his heart.

He must proceed. He must state details and rid his mind of sorrow.
His father had exacted a promise from his son that Mr. Wickham would
be given a satisfactory living and that he would also receive one
thousand pounds in bequest. When he began writing details of Mr.
Wickham's decision to choose another occupation other than take
orders, he felt a rush of anxiety. This whole tale was something that
he hoped never to speak of again and yet here he was forced to relate
it all. He recounted the choice that Mr. Wickham made in taking his
offer of three thousand pounds instead of the living and the hope
that he had that it was all settled between them. However it took Mr.
Wickham a little less than three years to find himself without funds
again and he applied once more for the living that was promised him
by Mr. Darcy's father. He told her without hesitation that he felt no
qualms in ridding himself of Mr. Wickham and denying him another
chance at the living.

And now he had reached the part of the tale that was the most
difficult to disclose. He left the desk and moved to the window to
watch the sun cut through the last of the late spring mist and watch
the early grazing of livestock in the distance. He must hurry.
Elizabeth would be out walking soon and he must deliver the letter to
her in private. And so once again he repaired his pen and began with
the greatest treachery of all.

He commenced with a statement that conveyed the difficulty he felt at
what he was about to tell and an assurance that he had no doubt in
Elizabeth's secrecy. His sister who is now only approaching seventeen
was in the company of her companion in Ramsgate when she was coerced
by Mr. Wickham to find him favourable, no doubt achieved easily
because of his earlier family connections. He went as far as to
propose an elopement that she agreed to and only his own visit just
prior to their departure stopped the ruination of Miss Darcy. He then
told Elizabeth the extent of his sister's inheritance of thirty
thousand pounds which he had no doubt was the substance of Mr.
Wickham's scheme.

He had done. He had no more to tell but he did have to ensure that
she felt no guilt in believing Mr. Wickham. He must tell her that the
guilt is his alone in not disclosing to her earlier the scheming of
Mr. Wickham. She could not be blamed for what she did not know. He
felt another guilt in walking away from her the previous night but
she must know that his feelings were so extreme as to disallow any
rational thought.

As he was about to conclude his letter, he thought of her wariness
where he was concerned and felt it prudent to give her a source to
verify his account. She could ask his cousin if she doubted him. The
sadness of the occasion again flooded him as he realised that only
yesterday he felt no need to give Elizabeth proof of his honour. He
had always assumed she knew that of him. His eyes filled again at the
loss for both of them. He had never doubted the enjoyment and wonder
that he and Elizabeth could have made of their life together and he
felt as much pain for her as for himself, knowing that he had brought
this on both of them.

It was morning and he had nothing left to give her. This was truly
the last. He must escape the house before being accosted by his
cousin or his aunt. He must find a way of delivering this to
Elizabeth.

He went to his dressing room to shave and found only cold water but
chose that as a kind of self-torture for himself. He deserved no
better. He changed to a fresh shirt and managed somehow to tie his
cravat. His waistcoat and coat quickly followed and grabbing his hat
he made his way downstairs and outside before the household did
likewise.

Now he had to find her. Would she walk today? Yes, he knew her well
enough to know that she would need the peace and solitude of her
ramblings to rid her mind of him. Perhaps she already had or more
painfully, perhaps he had never been in her mind at all. Although she
did say that she had once considered him as a marriage partner. He
would remember those words forever. They somehow lessened the
intensity of the rest of her lexis.

At the parsonage, Elizabeth had spent a restless night, sleeping
intermittently between her thoughts of Mr. Darcy. She could not rid
her mind of his words. He loved her! It was totally astounding. And
she saw once again all those moments they had spent together and the
way he looked at her and listened to her and understood her. She did
not love him but she now understood him a lot better. And then she
moved to the other things he said and she began to cry. How could any
man say such things to her especially at the moment of proposal? At
least she could laugh at Mr. Collins attempts. For Mr. Darcy, she had
nothing but contempt. His guilt was such that he had simply stood
there allowing her to batter him with accusations while offering no
excuses.

She heard the early morning staff begin their chores and dressed
quickly wishing to have an early breakfast and avoid any discussion
with Charlotte until she had cleared her mind. For Elizabeth that
meant a walk but she was wary of meeting Mr. Darcy so she chose to
take her exercise outside Rosings park. She had only one thing on her
mind and with it came such confusion. First there must be the
question that she was loved. No woman could ever dismiss such a
declaration. However Elizabeth was even more astounded by the
intensity of his emotions and she could not help but castigate
herself for her lack of awareness. How could she have been so blind
to him? Her mind then flipped to his following words and she had no
hesitation in understanding how she was unaware of his feelings. If
he thought it prudent to state her inferiority at the moment of
declaration, then no doubt his previous actions were governed even
more so by that. And thus Elizabeth absolved herself of any lack of
intuition on the subject. She had been right all along.

She wandered for some half an hour up and down the same course until
she came once again to the Rosings gate. Surely Mr. Darcy would not
be out this morning. She looked through and was about to proceed when
she caught sight of the gentleman she was sure would never be
walking. She turned to escape but his voice permeated the stillness
as he pronounced her name. He had seen her. She would remain forever
polite but she knew not how to avoid the embarrassment. She turned
with her eyes lowered and he seemed upon her in no time.

Mr. Darcy had in fact been walking for longer than Elizabeth in the
hope of meeting her. He could find no other way to deliver his letter
and as he walked he knew that it must be delivered. He had about
decided to give up his quest when he heard the rustle of steps in the
lane. It must be her. He stepped towards the gate just as she looked
in and with that one glance he was back in the gloom and agony of
last night. He composed himself with a deep breath and called her
name. She turned back immediately which in some small way surprised
him. She had never been impolite but he still expected her to run
from him. He stepped towards her but could not catch her eyes.
Perhaps that was best as he was far from capable of seeing her hatred
of him. He paused, struggling for words. He sighed and simply told
her that he had indeed been waiting for her for some time. He held
out his letter with a request that she do him the honour of reading
it.

She saw the letter in his hand. It was just in her lowered view. He
was pressing it towards her and instinctively she took it. He quickly
lowered his hand away from her and she kept staring at the letter as
he asked her to read it. They both stood for mere seconds that would
forever be analysed in their minds. He recovered first and bowed then
turned quickly and walked away.

He had done it. His face flushed bright red as he turned from her. If
only he could have looked in her eyes that last time. But it was done
and now he could only hope that she would read his words of
explanation and perhaps see him in a better way than the villain she
had described last night. And again his mind betrayed him with her
words and again he was swept into despair as he quickly took the path
away from her, away from his life.

She stood looking at his letter. It was sealed. It was two sheets.
Her fingers shook a little. Was he renewing his offer, this time with
different words? He did not seem to be in the mood of a man renewing
an offer. What had he said? It would honour him if I would read it.
She was initially shocked that he would write to a single lady and
deliver the letter himself. However her inquisitiveness for this man
was uncontrollable and she opened it. He had written it this morning.
She began and his first words put her at ease. There was no second
offer. Here was a detail of his actions and the reasons behind them.
His writing was tight and neat. His opening was a little abrupt but
even she could not blame him for that. But soon she was absorbed by
his words and each one amazed her.

She read it quickly and with no thoroughness, eagerly looking for
reasons to find his thinking wrong about her sister and Mr. Bingley.
He had not listened to her opinion at all but had simply stood by his
original thoughts. He had simply stated what he saw and why he did
what he did. Elizabeth could not believe his arrogance would continue
after last night. It was not worth thinking of.

Then she reached his next account of his dealings with Mr. Wickham.
After reading his arrogant account of her sister, Elizabeth was so
prejudiced to his words that she could not believe anything he said
of Mr. Wickham. To be sure, his account was very close to the one Mr.
Wickham had told her but surely a man who was so unfeeling towards
her sister could not be truthful about Mr. Wickham. He was simply out
to prove how right he was and how wrong the rest of the world was.
She took no time to think what pain it must be to relate such things
about his sister whom in her heart she knew he loved above all others.

She folded the letter, resolved to never read it again. However no
woman with such intelligence in hand can be expected to stick to her
resolve. She quickly opened it again and began to attempt to read his
words more slowly looking for extra grounds to rid her mind of his
affection and offer to her. She could not sensibly read the part
relating to her sister so she went straight to his tale of Mr.
Wickham and his sister. At first she was only looking for ways to
find Mr. Darcy untruthful but each time her mind switched to her own
dealings with Mr. Wickham, she saw the shallowness of his behaviour
and the complete lack of propriety he engaged in by telling her of
his situation on their second meeting. She then recalled how easily
he had been accepted in their society simply by his charm and
manners. It was then that Elizabeth began to see the irony of their
treatment of Mr. Wickham as opposed to their treatment of Mr. Darcy.
She was embarrassed to see that simple charm could overcome anything
else. When she re-read the tale of Miss Darcy, her heart lurched, as
it exactly related to the feeling she had seen from Colonel
Fitzwilliam only yesterday morning.

And then she perused all of Mr. Wickham's actions while he was in
Meryton and each one began to take on the feel of cunning and
scheming. He said he could not attend the ball at Netherfield because
he did not want to be in Mr. Darcy's presence. How duplicitous. He
could not maintain his stature in town if faced with Mr. Darcy. She
then recalled how quickly he was enamoured with Miss King once she
had secured her inheritance. And slowly as she read and read again,
her colour began to rise and the words Jane had told her of Mr.
Bingley's opinion of Mr. Wickham came to mind. How could she have
believed a man of no background like Mr. Wickham and ignored the
opinion of a man of such kindness as Mr. Bingley. And how could she
have so easily allowed Mr. Wickham to sully the character of Mr.
Darcy when he himself had no background of worth. And naturally she
began her own reassessment of Mr. Darcy and everything that she had
seen and heard of him over the past months and especially over the
past weeks. And nothing was there that could be faulted. His manner
was indeed aloof but his honour, his character and his reputation
were above reproach, yet she had chosen to see none of it. And yet he
loved her. She could never rid her mind of that. However hard she
tried, she was unable to clear her mind of some degree of pride in
being loved by such a man. It was indeed such flattery that a young
woman could never ignore.

She wandered on in which direction she neither knew nor cared. Only
her letter was of consequence. After punishing herself with
mortification over Mr. Wickham, she carefully scrutinized the first
half of Mr. Darcy's letter regarding her sister. And this time
instead of seeing his coldness and heartlessness, she began to recall
others comments regarding Jane's behaviour, in particular Charlotte's
and she could not help but feel that a man who knew her sister less
would have seen what Mr. Darcy saw. And slowly she began to realise
that Jane was indeed circumspect in her actions and very seldom
showed the extremes of emotion that she herself was prone to.
Elizabeth began to sink in her own estimation and was so very glad to
be alone with her thoughts. This lead her to his statement about her
family and his words brought a clarity to her thinking that she had
never had before. He was absolutely right. They did lack decorum and
did expose themselves. And she read his words regarding she and Jane
and she blushed slightly at their kindness. Indeed she was left with
very few harsh feelings for Mr. Darcy. Those were turned completely
on herself.

Mr. Darcy had walked from her with no thought as to where he was
heading. All he knew was where he was leaving. He wandered through
parts of the park he usually rode and it was some two hours later
that he found himself entering the house. He was almost safely in his
rooms when his cousin intercepted him.

'Darcy, where have you been? Were you ill last night? Our aunt is
quite put out, man. Are you still ready to depart because if so we
must take our leave of Hunsford.'

'Hunsford! There is no time,' replied Mr. Darcy, anxious to find any
excuse not to visit there.

'But we must. We cannot leave without a farewell to Miss Bennet. She
deserves nothing less. What is wrong, Darcy?'

'Then let us go now.'

He hurried downstairs with his cousin in tow, eager to get to
Hunsford and be done with it. She had probably walked for some time,
if she read his letter. His mind hoped she was still wandering and
his heart hoped that she had returned. He was incapable of deciding
which was the best. They walked quickly without words and were there
within ten minutes. As he entered the sitting room, he sighed as
Elizabeth was not present and then his heart lurched in the sadness
that he had already seen her for the last time. He bid a hasty
farewell to Mrs. Collins and the others and departed unwilling to
stay with his cousin in the hope of Elizabeth's return.

He walked just as quickly back to Rosings, escaping to his room where
the servants were removing his luggage. He sat by the window after
they had left, searching the park for a glimpse of her. All he asked
was one sight of her to finish it. But as hard as he looked there was
nothing. This time there was to be no more of her.

He allowed himself to fill with an overwhelming sadness even more
extreme than last night. Elizabeth had assumed a part of his soul and
a man such as he could never allow that to happen randomly. He loved
for life and he could never change that. His damaged heart was
forever scarred with the essence of Elizabeth.


Behind the Scenes - 27

Elizabeth continued to wander until she felt the sun well above her.
She knew she must return or Charlotte would begin to worry. She was
not far from Hunsford as her meanderings had been repetitive and so
within five minutes she was back. Immediately her friend informed her
that she had missed the two gentlemen from Rosings. Elizabeth had
been determined to show nothing but normality to her hosts but this
news took her back, He had been there. He had come. She paused before
responding in an attempt to understand him. He had said he was not
ashamed of his feelings for her and he was proving it. He was not
afraid to face her. She suddenly felt the effect of her own words to
him and the harshness in them. Charlotte took the chance to impress
upon her friend how long the Colonel had stayed in the hope of seeing
her. Elizabeth took no respite from his staying. He was nothing to
her and it was with some joy that she felt that. Her thoughts were
only with the letter in her hand and the man who wrote it to her.

Mr. Darcy managed to remain isolated from his family until lunch when
it was necessary to dine with his aunt. The luggage had already been
sent and he and his cousin were to leave early the next morning. He
had to show some courtesy to his aunt despite his need for solitude.
He entered the dining room a little late with a glare from Lady
Catherine. She took her seat followed by Anne and then both gentlemen
sat.

'I want an explanation, Darcy. You did not appear for dinner last
night. You were absent from breakfast and you offered no reason for
either. What have you to say?'

'I was not in the mood for company last night, aunt.'

'And so you thought it appropriate to simply abstain with no apology to me.'

'My sincerest apologies, aunt.'

'Hmmph! I feel you are casting me off with words. I will not stand
for insubordination, sir.'

'Madam, I have apologised. As much fondness as I have for you as my
mother's sister, I do not feel it necessary to be subordinate to you.'

'I think you are still not in the mood for company, Fitzwilliam!
Anymore such talk and I will ask you to leave.'

'That is quite unnecessary madam, as we are both leaving tomorrow.'

'Have you enjoyed yourself?'

'Yes, indeed,' said the Colonel. 'However London calls.'

'And you Darcy?' asked Lady Catherine.

'I always enjoy myself at Rosings and I believe that I will be most
sorry to leave.'

'Then stay,' said Lady Catherine.

'I am afraid that is impossible, aunt. I have no choice but to depart
very early on the morrow.' His voice trailed off slightly as he spoke.

'Darcy, I believe you are becoming attached to Rosings.'

'I believe it will always hold a special place in my heart, aunt. If
you will excuse me, I really am still in no mood to eat.'

He stood and with a slight bow left the room. Its occupants all
looked at each other, wondering what had taken over Mr. Darcy. The
man himself walked straight to the stables. He could no longer sit in
his rooms thinking over her words. He needed to feel the air on his
face and he knew that she would not be walking anymore today. He set
off to her favourite grove wishing only to remind himself of those
places he had been with her. He cantered down it once and then walked
slowly back, absorbing the sights and sounds. As he reached the peak
of the small rise, he noticed the few dandelions she had picked and
discarded. They lay dead near the path, symbolising himself. For
indeed he felt that nothing would ever be the same again. His life
was discarded; his point of living seemed lost. And he wallowed in
the misery that he saw ahead.

Elizabeth escaped from the sitting room at Hunsford as soon as she
could and spent the afternoon hidden in her room. She had begun the
slow realisation that this encounter, this letter had become a symbol
of change in her life. She knew she did not love him but Mr. Darcy
had altered her view on all things she held precious and she needed
some time to understand it all. She leaned on the window with her
distant view of Rosings and there he was, riding proud. It was only a
fleeting glimpse but it was enough to bring on renewed regret at her
choice of words in refusing him. Suddenly she blushed with remorse at
her harshness.

After some two hours riding, Mr. Darcy was tired beyond feeling. He
had enjoyed little sleep for weeks and over the last two days had
barely managed more than a few hours. His body ached with the need to
rest yet he was so afraid to allow it to stop because then he was
left with only his mind to deal with. He left the stables and went
immediately to his rooms knowing he was no company. He did manage to
shut his eyes for almost an hour before he heard a knock at the door
from his man, announcing it was time to dress for dinner. He had no
choice. He must attend as they were to be off very early the next
morning. And so he bathed and dressed without words or thought. Such
routines had become symbols of nothing more than the process of
living and he had little desire to think of his life. He entered the
drawing room just in time to escort Lady Catherine to the table.

'I hope we are to see you both before the year is out. I cannot abide
a visit only once a year. Perhaps you could bring Georgiana here
later this summer. Kent is perfect in summer.'

'I think my sister has other engagements, madam. And the Colonel and
I have been here longer than expected. I must attend to business in
town.'

The first course was served and as everyone else ate, he pushed the
small tart about his plate, delving his fork into its interior and
tasting the morsels that clung to it. The cheese crust stuck to his
mouth and tongue and accentuated the dryness already there. His
stomach felt empty and his whole body was slightly tingling and
buzzing in the way of exhaustion. Yet he could not feed it because to
do so would perhaps cause him to forget for a few minutes and he
could not allow that, not yet.

'Darcy, I have never seen you in such a mood. I instructed the cook
to prepare your favourites and yet you are not eating. Are you ill? I
shall call the apothecary.'

'You will do no such thing, aunt. I am perfectly capable of looking
after my own health. I am quite well, I assure you. My mood is simply
not for food.'

'And what brings this on cousin? Surely you do not regret our
departure that much,' said the Colonel.

Mr. Darcy looked across at his cousin, judging the tone of his words
by his expression.

'Why should it be necessary for a man to be forever joyous? I am not
of that kind and never will be. I leave frivolity to you cousin.'

'Then perhaps there is another reason for subjecting us to your dour
expressions.'

Mr. Darcy glared back at his cousin who took no heed of the warning.

'It seems I have struck a chord, Darcy. Would you care to elaborate?'

'I would not.'

'Then allow me to speculate. Perhaps it is the company at Rosings
that you are already regretting.'

'Really this is so childish, Richard.'

'You never call me Richard unless something grand is afoot! I am sure
now that I have hit a nerve.'

'Frankly Richard, I am in no mood to even reply to your comments. May
we finish our dinner in peace?'

'Certainly, but be sure that you will not escape my interrogations, cousin.'

'And be sure that you will not escape my wrath, cousin!' replied Mr. Darcy.

Lady Catherine then took over the dialogue for dinner, allowing
neither of her nephews to comment on a single thing. By the time she
had finished her dessert, Mr. Darcy had managed to distribute his
food rather than consume it. He had tasted everything but nothing
tempted him and after almost one and a half hours of listening to his
aunt's lecture on nutrition, he was extremely thankful to bid her
good evening and good-bye as their journey was to commence prior to
her appearance in the morning.

Mr. Darcy went through the processes of retiring. He changed to his
nightclothes, he lay on the bed, he pulled up the covers. And there
he continued until the hint of dawn, not knowing if he slept a little
or a lot but only knowing that he was to leave her forever. There can
be no worse a man than he who feels he has lost everything. And so
Mr. Darcy entered the coach that was to take him to his new destiny.

Mr. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam boarded their coach early that
morning with a very different set of considerations. The Colonel had
had enough of his aunt, her park and the distinct lack of company. To
be sure he enjoyed being with Elizabeth but with his cousin so
enamoured it had no future and the Colonel was not one to spend time
on lost causes. If the lady was anywhere near as involved as his
cousin then she would prove to be no diversion for him at all. Mr.
Darcy was lost in himself. He had no time for niceties or society. He
wanted the world to cry out to him, to realise his pain, his anguish.
But no matter how deep it became the world continued on its path,
neither caring nor needing to pause for him. The journey would only
take the morning in such a coach but it was enough for the Colonel to
question Mr. Darcy about his mood.

'We are underway so please tell me what happened.'

'Happened?'

'Darcy, you admitted you love her but now we are leaving and by the
look on your face over the last day, you will not be visiting her
father.'

'I will not.'

'So you did make her an offer?'

'My dealings with Miss Bennet are not up for discussion.'

'Darcy, I am not being flippant. I think you would make an excellent
pairing. I hoped you would overcome your reticence regarding her
connections. You really should not be so arrogant.'

'Arrogant! You think my arrogance prevented me making her an offer?'

'What else is there?'

'Indeed. Perhaps you and Miss Bennet have already discussed my manner.'

'Darcy, what are you saying?'

'I am saying that I made her an offer but she refused me, citing
amongst other things, my arrogance, as a reason.'

The Colonel ran his hands through his hair. He was slowly beginning
to understand his cousin.

'Miss Bennet refused your offer? It cannot be so.'

'I believe her words were very clear on the matter. In fact she even
took the time to elaborate on every part of me ensuring that I was
left with nothing on which to build.'

'I cannot believe that of her. What did you say? How did you approach her?'

'So the fault must be mine. She has no cause to regret?'

'I think you both have cause to regret. Tell me Darcy, get it off
your chest. I can be discreet you know. I am not all without tact and
discretion.'

Mr. Darcy's eyes filled suddenly. He truly felt the concern of his
cousin and he craved any caring that could be found.

'I told her of my feelings for her. Contrary to your opinion of my
reserve, I did not hold back. She knew exactly the depth of my
affection.'

'And she replied with malice? I cannot think that of her.'

'She offered no regret at refusing me but chose instead to lambaste
me with her pent up resentment of my very presence on this earth.'

'There must have been cause for her to respond so harshly.'

'She had opinions which differed from mine and to add to my moment of
glory, she had the influence of Wickham to land at my feet.'

'Wickham! What has he done this time? He has not harmed Miss Bennet?'

'No, if that were the case I would not be here with you now. I would
finish it for good. No, his influence was of gossip, mistales,
misdeeds, exaggerations. After my departure from Netherfield, it
seems he chose to ensure that I could never return.'

'Surely you will not stand for this. You know too much of him to
think it will end there.'

'But we both know that to reveal his character to the world means to
bring my sister's case to notice. It cannot be done.'

'He is despicable. He said that it would not end.'

'And indeed he was correct. I have no choice but to ignore his lies.'

'And in doing so you have lost Miss Bennet.'

'There was more to her case than Wickham's tales. Perhaps in that I
could have made my defence. There were other things which I cannot
refute.'

'Of what nature? You are not a dishonourable man, Darcy.'

'There was a time I would have agreed with you but her words have
caused me to reconsider my actions. I would however have been saved
some of her wrath had you not chosen to inform her of a discussion we
had some time back.'

'What discussion?' queried the Colonel.

'I remember telling you of my actions in securing Bingley from an
unfortunate match.'

'So you did. I remember Miss Bennet and I did discuss your friendship
with Bingley.'

'And you chose to inform her of how strongly I feel about him.'

'I only assured her that when it comes to friendship you cannot be
faulted and would do anything to secure the happiness of a friend.'

'Such as remove him from the company of a lady I felt unsuitable.'

'Exactly. There is no dishonour in that.'

'Did it occur to you that Miss Bennet might have different feelings
on the subject? That the lady in question could be her friend, or
more pointedly, her sister!'

'Are you saying that Bingley was in love with Miss Bennet's sister?'

'I am indeed. Her older sister, Miss Jane Bennet. Her dearly beloved
older sister. Have you no thoughts before you speak, Fitzwilliam?'

'Darcy, IŠI had no idea. I would never have mentioned it if I had
known the identity of the lady. Darcy, I can take some blame but not
all in this. Your reserve was the beginning of this.'

'And your openness the end. I could not speak of Miss Bennet to you,
knowing how I felt for her sister.'

'Then neither of us are at fault. It happened and fate took it to conclusion.'

'If only I could believe that fate alone prevented her accepting me.
However I have no qualms about admitting that she had other reasons.'

'I am astounded. She seemed quite ready to provoke you.'

'Which is exactly what she wished. This was no method of girlish
flirtation. Her words and her wit were solely to bring me down. She
has never had regard for me.'

'Then this must have begun before your dealings with Bingley and even
before Wickham.'

'Indeed it must. It seems my friendly manner and gentlemanly conduct
were beyond her comprehension. She saw nothing but censure.'

'You can be formidable, Darcy. Your mind is always wound with the
threads of business and family. You do not give of yourself. I have
seen many strangers shrink from your acquaintance simply by your
look.'

'I see that my life has now become the property of all. I have not
only to endure the castigation of rejection but my own cousin chooses
to spend his time in a similar tone. I deserve no better.'

'Darcy, I did not mean to enhance your pain. But we have always been
honest with each other. I wish she had seen you as your family does.
I dearly wish she could have loved you.'

'But she does not. And now I must deal with the consequences.'

His cousin watched as Mr. Darcy's eyes filled with tears. He had not
seen him so since the death of his father and he moved to place a
hand on his knee. Mr. Darcy looked up and then immediately switched
his view to the passing landscape as the first public tears ran down
his face. The Colonel had no words to soothe him. His cousin was a
man of deep emotion and intense passion and anything he took to heart
was buried within. It would be some months or longer before he again
saw the man he knew his cousin to be. Perhaps Miss Darcy would be of
help.

Mr. Collins was of course on duty to report on their departure and
after informing his wife and guests of such, he himself departed for
Rosings as he was sure that his benefactor would be in need of his
company. He managed to secure a dinner invitation for the Hunsford
residents and that was sufficient to have him praising Lady Catherine
all afternoon.

For Elizabeth the walk to Rosings that evening took on a new
direction and brought on many thoughts. She listened to the fawning
of her cousin and could not help but consider the change that would
have taken place if she had accepted Mr. Darcy. By now, she would be
the subject of Lady Catherine's righteous anger at her new place in
her family and no doubt, she would also be subjected to her cousin's
tirade at her overstepping her place in society. She was somewhat
surprised to hear Lady Catherine enquire whether she could stay
longer at Hunsford and it was some time before Elizabeth concluded
that she was simply needed as a relief from boredom. Actually she
found the continual interrogation distracting and Elizabeth did need
distraction as her mind rarely left the contents of her letter and
the many reflections it brought to mind.

Mr. Darcy and his cousin arrived safely in town to be greeted by Miss
Darcy who lit up the reception room with her smile and her hugs. The
Colonel was subdued in his greeting but her brother was morose. He
hugged her very tightly but said nothing and his face was drawn and
pale. They both took their leave to change and when only Colonel
Fitzwilliam returned for refreshments Miss Darcy's concern increased.

'Richard, what has happened to you both? I have never seen you so
upset at leaving our aunt.'

'I think you should talk to your brother. I have spent too much time
talking when it was imprudent.'

'Did you quarrel?'

'No, we did not quarrel. In fact I would be happy if I saw enough
passion in your brother to provoke a quarrel. But he is without
feeling for anything at this time. Please speak to him.'

Miss Darcy hurried from the room without apology and rushed up the
stairs to see her brother. Mr. Darcy heard her knock and knew the
time had come to disclose what he could to her. Upon first seeing
her, he knew that he would be unable to hide his agony. He called
softly for her to enter and not even rising from the chair by the
desk, he indicated she take a seat.'

'And so you want to know it all,' he began.

'If that is what you wish. I want only to understand you.'

'Impossible! You should know that by now. I will only say this. I
have experienced a disappointment greater than any in my life. I will
tell you what I can but only when I can. At this time, I need
solitude and I ask that you give me that.'

'As you wish. I will leave then. But be assured that I will know it all.'

'Tones of Lady Catherine. Leave me, Georgiana. Leave me. I will be in
my library not to be disturbed.'

'Very well, Fitzwilliam. Please allow your man to take care of you.'

'Geoffrey will do as he is told. Good afternoon, Georgiana.'

She left quietly and within a few minutes Mr. Darcy retreated to his
library. It had always been an conclave for him and now it took on
the mask of retreat. He had need to shut out the world and let the
trivialities of life slip past him. He needed time to recover. He
chose the best decanter and the best brandy and he began to drink.
Not with enjoyment but simply to get drunk. He was rich, he was
handsome according to some, and he was well connected. Yet the woman
he loved would have none of him, of it.

As her words of loathing seeped through him again, so he allowed the
liquor to flow, sipping slowly but intensely until the decanter was
empty. And still he was too alert, too alive, too much in pain. So he
moved to the second decanter and the whisky. Not his favourite but
with the same effect. He slowly found he could smile at the irony of
his position and he knew that something was working. His man found
him at nearly six still sitting, still imbibing and with no intention
of moving. He had almost consumed the second vessel of alcohol and he
was beginning to feel a lessening of his agony. And so he spent the
afternoon, evening and night, endeavouring to temporarily remove his
mind and his heart from circumstances too painful to live with.

It was in the early hours of the morning, after a short sleep in his
chair, that he arose and the process of grief began its natural
course from dejection to anger. He listened to her words in his head
and he began to feel the position she had put him in. It was
unreasonable to blame Elizabeth of course but he had no reason. He
was simply a man moving from one aspect of grief to the next. He had
cried enough tears this night and it was time to take out his mood on
the person he saw responsible for his present state.

And just as he moved to anger, she moved to regret and tears for what
she had said to him. Her return from dinner at Rosings meant time to
read her letter againŠ.and again. She knew each word by heart but
seeing it in his pen was what she needed. So she spent a long and
sleepless night analysing and understanding each word he had written.
Slowly her mood became more and more depressed as she saw what had
been between them and what could have been between them. She had
never allowed it to happen and that made her feel worse than at any
time in her life. And she cried.

And as she began to let tears flow for what was lost, he took over
her mood of that evening and began to spit out words of resentment
and bitterness. Words that he felt he should have said that night in
response to hers. As his anger grew to its peak he stood and threw
the fine crystal glass into the fireplace. How dare she!



Behind the Scenes - 28

The early light of dawn in London was full of the haze of a city. The
residue of fires not yet stocked for morning fare, clouded the sky.
Not that Mr. Darcy noticed that. His mind, his eyes and his heart
were clouded themselves and it would have given him pleasure to
notice that it was not a beautiful morning. He wanted nothing to be
beautiful anymore. He had slept fitfully in his library, switching
between slouching in his favourite armchair and lying along the dark
leather upholstered bench. And in between locations his mood varied.
Sitting was for anger. Anger directed at the person causing him this
agony, just as any bereaved person at some time feels anger towards
the person lost. How dare Miss Elizabeth Bennet stand there and
accuse him of wrong doing when she had no proof. How dare Miss
Elizabeth Bennet call him dishonourable, disdainful and even
ungentlemanly? What did she know of his life, of him? If she thought
him despicable and derisive then what was she? She had shown him no
appreciation or respect yet what he had offered her was his lifeŠhis
love.

And as the powerful emotion of loving her overwhelmed him again, he
moved to the bench and lay there quietly in the dark feeling nothing
but regret. Anger simply slipped by. He could never be really angry
with Elizabeth. All fault must be his. He had simply misread her. And
so he remained, sliding through the different aspects of rejection
and grief, allowing the anger at her to overtake when the remorse of
his actions became too much to bear.

In Kent the dawn was much clearer with the mist of spring gone and
the hint of summer showing in every shiny leaf. And it was this very
gloss of the day that Elizabeth noticed and regretted. She had no
desire to feel herself part of a fine and beautiful world when her
actions showed her not to deserve it. She rose early and began her
walk early. He was gone now, she was safe. There would be no more
encounters, no more looks, no more challenges to her opinions. She
had only his letter to her but it was sufficient to fill any gaps she
felt in her life at this moment. It was the definitive turning point
in her opinion of herself but it would take her some time to
acknowledge that. So far she was still wavering between her wrongful
actions and words and his stated reaction. And she too was angry with
him for making her an offer that she had to refuse. How dare he put
her in that position by offering reasons why he should not offer for
her. How dare he make her lose her temper so quickly and cause her to
use words she would regret forever? And then the look of love in his
eyes and his first words of passion for her took over and she could
not hate him for that. No woman can hate a man for loving her.

And so they spent their separate days feeling the loss of the moment,
She at least did not feel the loss of love for him because she had
never had it. In that she was able to think sensibly of their
situation long before he would.

Mr. Darcy's man entered the library just after half past six in the
morning, ostensibly to straighten the room for the morning business.
However he knew that business would not be conducted that day. He
said nothing as he discreetly cleared the glass from the hearth. The
room was surprisingly tidy but Mr. Darcy was an excellent gentleman
and never prone to mess even at his more dejected moments. Geoffrey
had never seen his employer this way, even after the death of his
father. He had seen him imbibe, and to excess at times, as any
gentleman of passion is inclined to do but this was deeper.

Mr. Darcy said nothing as his man fussed about the room, staying just
long enough to show care but short enough to show respect. Half an
hour later he brought in a tray containing some essentials to a
morning following a night deprived of food and sufficient fluids. Mr.
Darcy glanced at the muffins spread liberally with freshly churned
butter. There was a pot of coffee and a fresh jug of clear water. He
reached for the water and poured himself a glass just as the door
swung open again to admit his sister.

'Good morning, Fitzwilliam.'

'I suppose somewhere it is,' replied Mr. Darcy.

She leaned over him touching his brow.

'Are you very ill?'

'Ill! Oh if it were only that simple. No I am not ill in nature, just
in temperament. Georgiana, am I often discourteous to guests?'

'What are you talking of? You are not discourteous to anyone.'

'I beg to disagree.'

'Good morning, Darcy,' sounded the Colonel as he marched in. 'And how
is the head?'

'The flock gathers,' said Mr. Darcy drolly.

'We do indeed, brother. Richard refuses to tell me what happened and
that it must come from you. Can you tell me?'

'I do not think it suitable for your young ears, my dear.'

'I am not so young. This past year has beenŠdo not make me tell you
how it has made me. But I am no longer naďve to theŠworld.'

Mr. Darcy reached up and touched her arm gently. His head buzzed a
little but more from lack of sleep than alcohol. He had indeed drunk
nearly three pints of spirits but it seemed that his body had chosen
to treat him kindly, no doubt as a result of spending many hours
consuming it.

'Indeed you are not but I so wish you were. But you know it is all my
doing. I neglected you.'

'You did not. I know that I have been withdrawnŠshy all my life. I
chose not to be out enough. You treated me so well that I thought all
persons would do the same. I did not suspect such scheming. I am
trying hard to come out of myself and helping you through your
troubles might help me.'

'You are indeed quite a young lady,' said the Colonel.

'She is,' replied Mr. Darcy. 'However I do not think you need the
additional burden of me. So if you will both leave, I will set about
ridding myself of this fog that is my head. Or perhaps I might
endeavour to completely cloud it.'

'I expected to see you in a worse state this morning, cousin.'

'It seems not even alcohol can relieve me these days. Is there no way
a man can find escape! Now be off. I really do not want to discuss
myself, my mood, my behaviour, my life or even my manners.'

'Why would we discuss your manners, Fitzwilliam? They are faultless,'
said Miss Darcy.

He smiled to himself but both his sister and his cousin saw the irony
pass his eyes.

'Georgiana, I am about to prove to you that my manners are far from
faultless as it seems you are one of the few who have failed to see
it before. Leave!'

'Darcy, I think you should explain, now! It does no good to keep this
to yourself and leave your sister to speculate on the reasons for
your mood.'

He had had enough!

'This is my private hell! There is no easy way to overcome this. I do
not feel lightly and I have lived with this for too long to simply
walk away. That is for you! I will take this as I see fit. I will
take her words and her opinions and I will listen to them till the
day I die because she will be with me till the day I die. There is no
escape, no resolution until I deal with this my way!'

Georgiana stood with her mouth slightly open as he ranted. She had
heard him shout before but never with such bitterness in front of her.

'I am sorry, Fitzwilliam. I know our aunt can be difficult. I wish
your journey had been more pleasant.'

'What are you talking about Georgiana? This has nothing to do with
Lady Catherine. Richard, please take her out of here before I have
the household in uproar.'

'Georgiana, it might be best to leave your brother. I assure you he
will deal with this.'

'Please allow me to help you. If it is not to do with our aunt then
it must be Anne.'

'Georgiana, you must excuse me. I must deal with this alone. I have
found myself in this situation solely through my own actions.'

'Georgiana, please leave him to me,' said the Colonel.

She kissed her brother softly on the forehead and left quietly.

'She is determined. I hope you have not created a second Lady Catherine!'

'I should hope not. She has always been strong. I just wish that she
could overcome her timidity outside of close family. I have spent a
great deal of time helping her to express herself to me but that is
where it ends. Go, cousin, make use of yourself with your ward. Allow
her to tell you what an ogre I am. Shut the door!'

'How long to you intend to spend in here, closeted up like a beaver?'

'A beaver? What on earth are you talking of? Beavers block rivers or
something. A beaver! You should leave metaphors to the better read
amongst us.'

'A mole, then. You can be so arrogant, Darcy!'

'That is an attribute of which I have been well informed.'

'She called you arrogant?'

'She called me a number of things. I think arrogance came into it
somewhere amongst disdainful, presumptuous, proud andŠ.oh yes,
derisive.'

'She did manage to cover most of the territory, didn't she?'

'I will not stand for your gloat, Richard!'

'My apologies. I know this is very raw.'

'Extremely so. Now will you leave me?'

'No. You have not answered my question? How long to you intend to
stay holed up in here? It is quite undignified.'

'Oh I forgot that one. I am sure that was in her list.'

'Darcy, you keep telling me of all the things she stated but you have
yet to tell me what brought her to this point. I hardly see that an
offer of marriage from a gentleman of your connections and society
would cause a lady of Miss Bennet's background to lambaste you with
her anger and might I add, her insults. In fact I fail to see how any
offer of marriage could invoke such anger as you are relating.'

'Even an offer of surprise?'

'Surprise, what do you mean?'

'I mean she was not expecting it.'

'That does not mean its occurrence would bring out her anger.'

'She hadŠhas no feelings for me.'

'Still that would not cause anger. Tell me it all, Darcy.'

'Cover to cover, as they say. I am not sure that I can do that, Richard.'

'Try. I will even join you in a brandyŠfor breakfast. I think neither
of us will be attending church this morning.'

'A brandy it is then.'

'I will pour, Darcy, you begin. I think you need to say it all.'

'It is really not a long tale,' he said as he sipped his first draft
for the morning. 'In fact, it is pure fantasy, it seems.'

'Please stop wallowing in self pity and get on with it, Darcy. It is
beneath you to allow yourself to remain so.'

'And nothing should be beneath me in my position of condescension.'

The Colonel glared at him and he began his tale.

'As you know I loveŠI love her. I did not want to love her. I tried
not to love her. I have spent so long wondering how it came about.
SheŠdo you know that I have never been in love before? Never! Perhaps
if I had thenŠI fell in love with her and despite every concern I had
about her suitability, I had to have her.'

'You mean her lack of fortune?'

'That and other things. Her family is nothing.'

'You told me that her father was a gentleman. She seemed well
educated and apart from a lapse or two, her manners were well-bred.'

'What do you mean a lapse or two? Her manners are faultless.'

'I was not criticising her, my dear chap. It is just that she tends
to say what she thinks and that is not always the wisest choice.'

'But refreshing. She is guileless.'

'No one is completely guileless. However I did not see that she was
attempting to ensnare you.'

'Indeed she was not.'

'But what brought on her ire?'

'I have always known that I am a man of deep emotions, passionate
some would say. I might suggest that the lady is similar. IŠI began
as any man would begin. Perhaps I expressed myself too passionately
but I only said what I was feeling. A man cannot be faulted for that.'

'Did she object to your language?'

'I do not think she objected to myŠmy wordsŠthis is very personal
Richard. I told her how deeply I felt for her. I can say no more.'

'And she resorted immediately to anger?'

'No, notŠI did not give her time to reply immediately. I had to
ensure that she knew that all problems had been considered.'

'Problems? You mean her background, family?'

'Yes. Richard, you know how she is. You have seen the way her mind
works. I knew that she would bring up the normal objections to such a
union. I wanted to make sure she knew that I had not dismissed them
without serious thought.'

'And that angered her.'

'Exactly. I could not be less than truthful, yet she found my words
objectionable. I am not prone to exaggeration yet she was almost
hostile when I expressed the reservations I had felt before deciding
to make her an offer. I see now that it was wrong of me but anything
less would have rendered me dishonest.'

'And so she lashed out with her own reservations.'

'I did attempt to apologise. I suggested that sheer flattery might
have changed her opinion but it was to no avail. She would not have
me under any circumstances.'

'You have lost me cousin. Are you saying that you attempted a second
offer within the same meeting?'

'No, I remain a gentleman of some honour, Fitzwilliam.'

'Then how came you to suggest that flattery would have been successful?'

'We were by then in some disagreement. Miss Bennet had offered two
very distinct reasons for objecting to my proposal and I felt it
necessary to counter them with a suggestion of my own. It was very
awkward and I must say that neither of us were performing at our
best.'

'Unless one's best encompasses the bad and the good. I think you both
possess the qualities necessary for an excellent disagreement.'

'I find your attempts at humour paltry at any time, cousin. On this
occasion they could be considered wretched.'

'So suited to your mood then.'

'Indeed. Suffice to say that the meeting did not go well. We both
resorted to methods that left each of us much less than we could be.'

'And this is how it will end? There is nothing further to be done, no hope?'

'Hope? Such a small word with such expectations. No there is no
hopeŠno expectation. Perhaps if I had said things differently she
perhaps would not have been so enraged. She had various causes at her
disposal. However the more I think over her words, the more I realise
the futility of my cause. She had never desired me in any way.
Nothing I could have said would have changed that. In fact, she
eradicated any meagre hope I may have had by telling me that I was
the last man on earth that she would ever consider marrying.'

'My god man, I am surprised you can talk of it. I think I need another brandy.'

'Perhaps now you see the reason for my state. I am twenty-eight years
of age and I have never felt so wretched.'

'And I can see that you need to be alone. However she is wrong Darcy.
You know that somewhere in your mind. You cannot allow her words to
change you.'

The Colonel left with no further words and as the door shut Mr. Darcy
whispered.

'But she already has, cousin.'

Mr. Darcy took a fresh nip of brandy. As yet, he had no desire to
remain totally sober. Instead he let the slight stupor of alcohol
soften the edges of his feelings just enough to allow him to function.

He did appear at dinner and as he took his place at the head of the
table he found four eyes piercing his reserve. He looked at both of
his dinner companions and said nothing. The Colonel looked across at
Miss Darcy and shrugged his shoulders. She had retreated into a stony
silence refusing to allow her brother any more sympathy until he had
told her of his troubles. He smiled to himself when he saw her look.
She was indeed abjectly shy to the world but lurking beneath that
surface was a Darcy through and through. Eventually he chose to speak.

'I will tell you, Georgiana. However I need to think through my
actions before I can talk of it to you.'

'You have always told me that the best solution to my problems is to
talk to you and I have really tried to do that. Why can you not
afford me the same? Allow me to help you.'

'Because this is not about how to issue a dinner invitation or who to
ask to tea. This is my life.'

'You asked me this morning if you were repugnant sometimes. I
disagreed then but now I must say that you just proved me wrong.'

'I think the word I used was discourteous.'

'That too!'

'Georgiana, please forgive me. I did not intend to treat you as a
child or to indicate that your problems are not worthy. I am simply
not ready for company of any sort.'

'Fitzwilliam, just tell me what has made you so. I ask for no more
than that at this time. I am extremely worried for you.'

'Tomorrow. I promise tomorrow. Although I cannot be sure how much I
can speak of.'

'Just beginning will help you. You have always told me that. Tomorrow.'

Mr. Darcy managed to consume a little of the first course but the
sight and smell of the roast drove him back to his library where he
spent part of the night repeating the previous one. He retired to his
rooms after midnight and managed almost three hours of uninterrupted
sleep before the presence of Elizabeth overcame his stupor and he
found himself alert and craving her. After bathing early and
declining breakfast he went to his library once more and at precisely
ten o'clock he sent for his sister.

'I made you a promise and I must keep it. Please sit, dear.'

She sat quietly on the bench, her back straight but her face tilted
slightly ready to hear every utterance he made.

'That frock is new. It suits you.'

'Thank you, brother dear, but we are not here to talk of my wardrobe.
Please tell me what causes you such terrible pain.'

He walked to the mantel and leaned over the blackened ash still lying
there from the previous night. He poked at it but there was nothing
left to rekindle the heat. He looked to her then strode to a chair
opposite the bench sitting as straight as her. She leaned towards him
and he moved away to his favourite chair and slouched down in it as
he began.

'IŠI made an offer to a young woman and she rejected me.'

Her face shrank up in puzzlement.

'Who would reject you, brother? I am completely shocked. I had no
idea that you had decided to marry. Tell me and I will never speak to
her again.'

He laughed quietly. 'Georgiana, always the loving sister. If only it
were that simple. You do not know her, dear. You will never know her
now.'

'Did you meet her in Kent?'

'No, I met her last year while staying with Bingley.'

'Is she a friend of his sisters?'

'No indeed, I think I can safely say that is not the case. She
resided in the neighbourhood.'

'I had no idea that we knew society in that part of Hertfordshire.'

'We did not, do not. She isŠshe is the daughter of a gentleman but
has no connections, no fortune. She was attending an assembly.'

Georgiana began to feel uncomfortable. Her brother's account of his
proposed attachment sounded very close to hers for Mr. Wickham.

'I must ask what made you offer to her? You have never associated
with people outside our society, Fitzwilliam. What drew her to your
attention at an assembly? You have always stated your intense dislike
of such occasions.'

'And this was no different.'

'Then howŠ'

She paused as she watched him look up and the whole expression on his
face changed. The harshness of his mood slipped away and he became
the brother who cared more passionately than anyone she had ever
known. He continued to look up as he spoke.

'How? A question asked by all lovers.'

'Did you love her a great deal?'

'My dear, my offer was only made last Thursday. I hardly expect my
affections to have dissipated so quickly.'

'I only meantŠ'

'I know what you meant. Yes I loved her a great deal. I love her a
great deal. Now I have only to forsake that affection forŠ'

His voice trailed off as his heart tried to come to terms with losing
his affection for Elizabeth. It hardly seemed possible. It was not
possible.

'Fitzwilliam, I will help you anyway I can. Perhaps if we go back to
Pemberley you will forget her. It was enough to get me past Mr.
WiŠMr. Wickham'

'You, my darling, had the fortune of his duplicity to assist you. I
have no such factors. I have only regret that I saw only what I
wished.'

'I do not understand.'

'In time, my dear, in time. Leave me now. I have spoken enough.'

'Fitzwilliam, it might help to speak of her.'

'But not yet. Perhaps never. I must have my library. Be off!'

She leaned up to him and gently kissed his cheek.

'I love you, you know.'

At this he managed a faint smile.

'Be off, my girl, before you have me crying in your arms, a state not
appropriate for any older brother.'

'For you brother. I have plenty more.'

She tucked her handkerchief in his breast pocket and skipped from the room.

He sank back into his chair and took up the brandy. It was no time to
allow the clarity of life to resurface.

And so he spent almost a week, the week he knew she was still at
Kent. He drank just enough, he ate rarely and he left business aside.
He whispered to her and shouted at her in the light of day and he
yearned for her in the dark of night. And the day she was to leave
Kent he drank more than his daily dose simply because it meant she
was coming closer to him. She was coming to town and he knew exactly
to where.

Elizabeth spent the final week of her stay at Rosings in silent
contemplation of everything she knew of Mr. Darcy. She had no regret
of refusal but she did harbour abject grief at the way she had
addressed him. His tone and words had begun with eagerness and real
emotion but she had allowed his analysis of their different positions
in life to cloud her words. She could not help but mull over the
various times they had together and the way she had treated him. He
had always been honourable and upstanding. He had not dismissed her
when her family misbehaved yet she had been ready to dismiss him for
his supposed behaviour of which she had only Wickham's account. The
thought of her family was now a constant source of embarrassment.
They were just as he stated and she knew now that their public
performances were no doubt viewed in a bad light by all.

She was particularly sad for her father whom she had always looked up
to until this moment. Now as an adult she saw the indolence he
pursued in his duty as father and husband and how he had allowed his
children to virtually bring themselves up. It is always difficult for
a child to see her parents as imperfect but when that parent is a
favourite it is even harder.

There were constant invitations to Rosings during this last week no
doubt as a result of the loss of the gentlemen. For Elizabeth they
became rather poignant reminders of Mr. Darcy. She could hear his
voice in the music room. Picking up the sauceboat caused her to pause
and she did not enter her grove again as he would be present with her
if she did. Not that he was ever out of her thoughts. No woman with
such an experience could forget that quickly. He had never been a
major source of her thinking before but she began to realise that he
had always been there somewhere. Certain things had always reminded
her of him and she gradually understood that despite her not loving
him, he had been a most important force in her life for some months.

And as normal in a young woman who knows she is loved, she reflected
on what might have been. And she particularly began to analyse why
she had disliked him so and very slowly she came to realise that she
had always clung to his first impression of her. Tolerable. Such a
word that can cut deeply into an intellect accustomed to superiority
in her society. How false she now began to see her own pride in her
opinions. How shallow.

After a final dinner at Rosings with another verbal onslaught from
Lady Catherine regarding their mode of travel, Elizabeth bade
good-bye to her dear friend and her less than endearing husband. Miss
Lucas spent hours on the journey reliving the time in Kent and
anticipating the retelling of their many invitations. Elizabeth sat
silent as she spoke, unable to think of anything to recall or relate.
It was a trip that would live forever in the privacy of her own
thinking.

It was barely four hours later that they arrived in London. As the
streets became busier and the crowds increased, Elizabeth could only
think of him. Mr. Darcy was here and once again she felt the need to
read his letter and contemplate his words.

He had spent that Saturday morning sitting in his rooms. He was still
not dressed and had slept fitfully. It was over a week yet sound
sleep was as far away as ever. He went over her trip in his head. He
saw the milestones she passed, the bridges she crossed, the roads she
travelled and as the hours passed, his excitement grew. Was there a
man more pathetic than one whose joy was derived from knowing his
rejected love was nearby? She was in town and he clung to that
thought like a man in sight of a long lost home. She was his lynch
pin, his pivot. He had no existence without thoughts of her. He
laughed and slowly began to doubt his sanity.
 
 
Behind the Scenes - 29

Elizabeth arrived at lunchtime with a subdued Jane to greet her. She
appeared well but Elizabeth soon realised that it was not the time or
place to discuss with her any part of his letter. It was ever in
Elizabeth's mind but upon hearing of the many engagements organised
for them while in town she understood that their time would be
limited and despite wishing so much to tell Jane if for nothing other
than her own vanity at being made such an offer, she chose the more
discretionary path and kept silent. Her story or what she could say
of it would have to wait until they returned to Longbourn.

They had planned to stay for a few days but Mrs. Gardiner had so much
in store that it seemed immediately upon arrival that they would not
be home for over a week or more. Elizabeth retreated to the room she
would share with Jane but was soon followed by the nieces and nephews
who were sure that their aunt had brought treats from the country.
She had little to give them as her time and thoughts had been
elsewhere in Kent but she promised that the following week's shopping
would bring rewards. As soon as the room was clear of children, she
asked Jane how she really was and was happy to hear her sister had
some restoration of spirits. Elizabeth spent the afternoon catching
up on letters from home, hearing the latest news about town and
securing further plans for her trip to the Lakes with her aunt and
uncle.

Mr. Darcy managed to eat a little fruit for lunch that Saturday which
pleased his sister and his cousin. They had barely spoken to him over
this last week as they concluded it best to leave him that much time
to improve his mood. On the Saturday afternoon he appeared at tea,
unshaven but otherwise looking slightly improved. They both stared at
his steadiness and desire for a lit