In the small sitting room just off the main hall, quietly typing away at her laptop, Lisa Darcy heard rumblings outside the door. She stopped to listen and heard voices.

“Well, it’s just . . . we’re rather busy today.”

“Oh! Why didn’t you say something yesterday? I would have called first,” said an overly sweet voice, and Lisa rolled her eyes as she recognized it as Caroline Bingley’s.

“Where is your brother?” asked the other voice, which was Darcy’s. “And when did I see you yesterday?”

“Oh, Charles could not come . . . those little brats are just tying him down too much! And his wife . . . oh, Fitz, he never should have married, and especially not her! He will wind up miserable; I promised him that when he left England for their wedding.”

Narrowing her eyes, Lisa began a new story.

The Witch and the Troll

by Lisa Darcy

“Caroline, with the exception of myself, Charles is the happiest man I know,” stated Darcy with some amusement in his voice.

“Perhaps for now,” whispered Caroline, and thus Lisa began:

Once upon a time, there lived a wicked witch named Caroline.

“What are you talking about?” asked Darcy, now becoming irritated with his unwelcome guest.

“Fitz, you know as well as I do that he was only truly happy as a bachelor.”

She was the meanest witch that ever lived; spiteful and rude . . .

“Again, I ask you, what are you talking about?”

“And you, Fitz, you are going to tire of being tied down. You let that little child of yours roam so free; she will soon drive you mad, I’m sure.”

And she was ugly, too.

“My daughter is the most well-behaved child I know.”

“Hmm, well, you must not know many children! She should be raised with a strict nanny. Lisa can not possibly know how to raise a child properly.”

And she was fat and ugly, too.

“Caroline, must I remind you every time you come into my home that it is Lisa’s as well, and that she is my wife, and that I do not appreciate your insults?”

“Fitzwilliam Darcy, it is the truth! I’m sorry if you can’t handle it. Your Aunt Catherine was right when she said that American was no good for you.”

Caroline had not always been a witch. She had a loving brother, Prince Charles, who was married to the lovely Princess Jane. Caroline did not like Princess Jane, because she had come from a different kingdom, but Princess Jane was sweet and kind, and always was nice to the witch Caroline, even though Caroline was not nice to her. It was Caroline’s selfishness and greed that had turned her into a witch.

Caroline lived in the same village as the beautiful Princess Elizabeth. Elizabeth was married to the Prince Fitzwilliam, the most handsome and generous man in the kingdom of Pemberley.

She heard Darcy sigh. “Caroline, again I must assert that I do not appreciate these insults. You have accused Lisa, many times before, of being ungracious. I would like to know what is so gracious about coming into a man’s home and insulting his wife and child.”

“Yes, and speaking of coming into a man’s home, why have you not invited me in? Your aunt and I both agree that your manners have been a little lacking lately.”

One day, the witch Caroline was walking along a path in the garden, and she came upon a troll named Catherine. Catherine was even meaner and uglier than Caroline, with warts on her nose and crooked teeth.

“When have you been speaking with my aunt?”

Caroline ignored his query. “We found that it started when you returned from your honeymoon. Isn’t that a funny coincidence?”

Caroline was jealous of the beautiful Princess Elizabeth, for she had long admired Prince Fitzwilliam. Catherine was jealous of Princess Elizabeth, for she had wanted Prince Fitzwilliam to marry her daughter. The witch and the troll came up with a plan to dispose of the Princess Elizabeth.

“Yes, isn’t it.”

“Fitzwilliam, when are you going to send Anna off to boarding school?”

Caroline would mix up a potion to make Prince Fitzwilliam fall into a deep sleep. They would kidnap little Princess Anna, their daughter, and Princess Elizabeth would have to come looking for her. They would capture Princess Elizabeth and turn her and little Princess Anna into toads.

“We are not sending Anna to boarding school.” He chuckled. “Lord, she is barely one, and you’re shipping her off already!”

“Fitzwilliam, you must know how irrational a decision that is. I know you love the little thing, and she’s cute, in her own way, but she is going to enter a society which is far more . . . cultured than the one her mother comes from. You can not let Lisa keep her cooped up in this house until she is of age; it would be uncivil.”

They set the plan in motion. Caroline had managed to get an invitation to a dinner party with her brother, Prince Charles, and Princess Jane. She brought Catherine along with her. When the Prince and Princess weren’t looking, Catherine put the poison in their goblets.

“Caroline, thank you for your visit. Perhaps you could come back some day when you actually have a child, and something on which to base these declarations of the proper way to raise one.”

Caroline huffed. “I do not know what it is with you and Charles. Ever since you married those. . . those American . . . girls, you have been nothing but rude to me! Just the other day, Jane had the audacity to tell me to shut up in my own home! In my own home, Fitz!”

But their plan was fouled, for Princess Jane was too smart for them, and had seen Catherine put the poison in the goblets. Princess Jane switched the goblets, and the witch and the troll drank the poison instead.

“Look, Caroline, this is all very heart-wrenching, but as I said before, I have guests. Thank you for stopping by; perhaps we shall see you later.”

“Very well. If you, Darcy, will not listen to me, you shall soon see for yourself what a mess you--”

Lisa heard the door slam, and then footsteps as Will walked away.

When the Prince found out what the witch and the troll had done, he banished them from the kingdom, and they were never heard from again.

The End.

“Writing something new, love?” he asked, coming up behind her and placing his hands on her shoulders.

“Just a fairy tale,” she answered with a grin. “Just a fairy tale.”